MonicaPz

Warren,

Really enjoyed your video and love your new haircut!

Monica

Dear Warren,

About the job . . . if they do not call you by the end of the week, you call THEM and ask about the status of your application.  If they have hired someone else, you let them know you wish the other person well, but if they can, to keep your application, and if they have a future opening, to please consider you. 

Now that I understand you are paying rent, then she is your LANDLADY, and she is being very unprofessional.  

Please don't give up looking for a job . . . commit to yourself that you will look for work and a place to live EVERY DAY.  Why look for an apartment when you do not yet have a job?  So that when you get a job, you will have a short list of acceptable apartments that you can consider, especially one near the job.  Long commuting distances have been proven to deter job retention.  

May I ask, does your boyfriend consider himself a Straight or Gay man?  Do you consider yourself a Straight or Gay man?  From my interaction with you and looking at your pictures (I have very sensitive "Gaydar"), you come across as a Straight man.  Of course, I could be wrong.

Don't give up!  Looking forward to hearing about your housing and job searches!  May I suggest you hold yourself accountable to your friends here at TGGuide.  We are all rooting for you!

Your friend,

Monica

Dear Warren,

You are in a VERY toxic environment.  It seems she sees you as the most vulnerable person in her life, so she dumps on you.

Am concerned that, as a man, you are establishing a history of allowing a woman to boss you about.  Fear you may become a milque toast, and I have seen such men, not having respect for themselves.

Am praying you get the job in security, as I think you would be very good at it.  

May I ask, does this happen in front of your boyfriend?  Does he give you support in this, at least in private?

She may be angry because if you identify as a man, she will see her son as a Gaymale.  Sounds like she is extremely homophobic.

First things first.  Do everything you can to get a good job and KEEP IT.  Never leave a job until you have another one waiting, as you want to avoid gaps in your resume.

Challenge you to write a Pro/Con sheet . . . one for "If I Stay," and another for "If I Leave."

Example of a Pro/Con sheet:

                                                                          IF I STAY

                                                            PRO                                                                   CON

I live here rent free                                                                               I am abused regularly

The location is near my work                                                               I don't like her cooking

She does my laundry                                                                           She humiliates me in front of others

If the "con" list is twice, three times or four times longer than the "pro" list, then I think your gut is speaking to you loud and clear.

About living "rent free."  First, you always want to pay rent of some kind for your self-respect (even if "rent-free" is offered to you). Second, YOU ALWAYS PAY RENT, IN ONE FORM OR ANOTHER, even as being someone's emotional punching bag.

In my opinion, your job is to become employed and STAY employed.  A job is more than a paycheck . . . it is a source of self-esteem!

Warren, you are in my prayers.  YOU DESERVE GOOD THINGS IN YOUR LIFE!

Your friend,

Monica

Karen,

Would love to see a picture of you with your new hair cut!  Am a fan of Stevie Nicks!

Am getting my hair cut first week of July, in an "angle cut" (think of Barbara Streisand!  LOL!)

Monica

Karen,

What saddens me is that this discourages my inviting any of my TLGB friends here.  Also, when I am dating, I can't give a "positive spin" on where I live, as I would not invite a dog here.

Have to retract my offer for you (and everybody else!) to visit, because of the obvious.  It seems to get better in my building and in downtown Beacon, and get worse in Wappingers Falls.  Thank God I no longer live there.  The dormitory has been closed and, God forbid, the landlord rented the dormitory quarters to ANOTHER Mexican family!  LOL!  Not enough for the landlord to bring queers into town!  LOL!!

Public transit outside of major cities is seen as "for losers."  Many passengers are angry because their license was suspended (probably this lady's problem), "DUI Bicycle Club members," and the disabled.  Public transit passengers are seen as "second class citizens."  

This is THEIR problem, and they are welcome to take their lousy attitudes, walk PAST my bus stop,  and wait at another bus stop. 

Unfortunately, I am seen as a second class person in the dating scene because I am in public housing (although very high quality . . . you can't tell it is public housing by looking at it), low income (I have always paid my own bills) and disabled.  Am discouraged because I feel I can't bring much "to the table" except that I am a kind and supportive person, which is of little value in today's society.  This is why if I stay, I hope to find a long distance relationship (I would get together with her physically every three or four months, but maintain contact every day or couple of days).  

Monica

Eve,

Nothing like ladies having a good time!

Monica

Dear Karen,

Some in the Lesbian community and here at TGGuide have shared with me that I need to move to a more cosmopolitan area.

Am taking two courses in "Conscious Girlfriend," to gain more insight into myself.

For some reason, the incident on the bus is "sticking to me," and I can't seem to shake it off.  Have talked to several people and can't find closure.

Like where I live for PHYSICAL reasons but somehow my spirit is dying.  Don't know how to say that politely.  Think small towns are oppressive.  

Your friend,

Monica

Karen,

Understand your fear of being bullied, as I have been there.  But to be armed to the hilt . . . makes it too easy to answer words with a bullet . . . that you can't call back.

A lot of adult bullying occurs in the recreation rooms of senior apartment complexes.  Thankfully, we have finally gotten an assistant social worker that attends ALL gatherings there, and puts a stop to it before it starts.

Also find a lot of senior on senior and adult bullying at bus stops, on the bus, subway platforms and subways, due to the lack of policing.  In this case, if I am a witness or a victim, I get off at the next stop and start calling the authorities.  If there is a physical altercation, I call the police.

Have lived in big cities and small towns, and find it is worse in small towns, especially if they are deteriorating, because people who live in deteriorating small towns/neighborhoods feel the "newcomers" (usually from the big cities) are "destroying" their small town, which is really deteriorating because of neglect.  

Despite the advances in TLGBT rights, for every advance, there is a backlash.  Feel my recent experience on the bus (from a former neighbor) is because of the passage of the law for TLGBTs right to marry on the federal level.  She was upset that people of color and a Lesbian moved into "her" neighborhood.  That is the problem when you buy property . . . neighborhoods change whether you like it or not, and our society is become more transitory than ever, making it more likely there will be significant change earlier than later.  

Karen, have you thought about law enforcement?  Wish you were there is these situations!

Have you considered teaching a class about empty-hand self-defense from bullies?

Your friend,

Monica

Michele,

We are all in transition, in many different ways, during our lifetime.  It is called GROWTH.

Also, we mature faster in some areas than in other areas.  It is like a freshman high school student taking not only freshman classes, but also some sophomore, some junior and some senior classes.

We are, indeed, a work in progress . . .

Monica

Dear Karen,

In my opinion you are BOTH his father (or WERE his father) AND his co-mother (along with your ex-wife).  He needs your help to deal with the PAST (his father) and his PRESENT (his co-mother).  

Your friend,

Monica

Karen,

Wish I lived on the west coast.  If you are ever on the east coast, I would love to show you Beacon, New York!

Monica

Dear Karen,

Just my two cents . . .

Women mostly have orgasms by the clitoris, "G" spot and cervix being stimulated.  One or any of these areas will bring a woman to orgasm.

In the case of transwoman, the head of the penis is made of the same tissue as the cervix.  Honestly, I do not know from what tissue does the surgeon use to create the clitoris, but that is the most sensitive (sometime too sensitive!) part of my sexual organs. Had sensitivity in the cervix, G spot and clitoris, but have had heard of women with sensitivity in only one place, a few places, all the places in the sexual organs, and sometimes in places that had nothing to do with the sexual organs, such as the nipples.

Of course, the most important sex organ is between the ears (the brain).  

Your friend,

Monica

Dear Warren,

Would like to add to Karen and Christie, one more thing.  Think we ALL sometimes feel uncomfortable when things are going right, that we don't deserve it.  When we find true love, often we do something to sabotage it.

Also, I think we ALL sometimes feel like frauds, and thus do not deserve the good things in our lives.

The above feelings have to be addressed in therapy, as often this comes from abuse in EARLY CHILDHOOD, where we are not conscious of the dynamics.

Had to struggle with the above myself, as I was abused in early childhood and beyond. Therapy and other therapeutic measures helped me.

My thoughts and prayers are with you.  

Warren, you DESERVE TO FEEL GOOD and HAVE GOOD THINGS HAPPEN TO YOU!

Your friend,

Monica

Dear Christie,

Please remember that one out of three cisgender women wear a wig or hair piece, so I wouldn't call that a prop!  Both my mother and I have worn wigs, with absolutely no shame.

Your friend,

Monica

Mikah,

Love the necklaces you and your brother are wearing.  Are they handmade?  Did you make them?

You are a beautiful lady and your brother is a handsome man.

Monica

Dear Karen,

My mother never talked to me about sex, but about some of her experiences in dating.  

What your mother described might have been "premature ejaculation," often caused by a man having been with prostitutes in the past.  The prostitute would rush the man, thus unintentionally teaching him bad sexual habits.  

Would like to warn the ladies here that men that had sex with prostitutes or were into pornography, especially video or computer pornography, have unrealistic expectations about sex and relationships.  

Your friend,

Monica

Dear Sara,

Suspect the Canadian Blood Service confuses transwomen with Gaymales.  

Bottom line, transwomen ARE women, and there are Gaymales who are in happy, monogamous relationships, and everyone is an INDIVIDUAL, and should be evaluated as such!

Your friend,

Monica

Dear Mikah and Karen,

When I get pre-operative testing done, I always request a copy for myself, AND, for the report to be faxed to the surgeon's office.  Also, I CALL BOTH the provider that provided the tests (to confirm they SENT the faxes) and the surgeon's office, to confirm that they RECEIVED the test results.

This also applies to general blood tests, as well as specialty tests, usually ordered by my Internal Medicine doctor (they will send the results to her), and I bring my copy (requested at my Internal Medicine doctor's office), before seeing the specialist.  If the Internal Medicine doctor's staff say they will fax it, I always call the Internal Medicine doctor's office to confirm that they faxed it, and the specialist doctor's staff to be sure they received the fax.

Of course, to keep all my bases covered, I BRING my copies with me to the specialist.

Too many times the fax was failed to be sent, or the equipment at the specialist's office was not working.  Also, staff gets busy, and either fail to send the fax or to put the received fax in your medical record.

This seems redundant, but sure pays off!

Your friend,

Monica

Dear Karen and Mikah,

Could not help but recall that the Red Cross used to refuse the blood of people of color.

Should I get struck by a car and am bleeding out in the street, I would not care if the Good Samaritans, EMTs, nurses and doctors gender identity was.  

A friend of mine told me he would never let a doctor that was a person of color treat him. Couldn't help but ask, "would you feel the same way if it was an emergency, and no other doctor was available?"

Feel honesty is about what is true NOW, and you are a woman NOW.  My suggestion would be to donate blood elsewhere!

Your friend,

Monica

Dear Christie and Eve,

There are two groups of women who get "looked at twice," and they are women who are gorgeous (the men and butches are making a fool of themselves rubbernecking!) and those that look "different," due to disability or having an unusual body, such as being a woman of size or having a disfigurement (they have to compensate by having a gracious and forgiving personality).

The women that are "in the middle of the road," or seen as, "attractive," (a polite term for not being ugly but also are not beautiful), are the ones that do not draw a second glance. Some women want to be "invisible," and let their talent speak for them, and others like to celebrate their beauty and/or physical uniqueness.  

Personally, I think transwomen should strive to be the "middle of the road" woman FIRST, as women, in general, feel most comfortable with this kind of woman, and learning directly from cisgender women is most paramount, especially at the beginning.

Your friend,

Monica

Dear Eve,

Had ten years experience in the transgender community that ended fifteen years ago, when I seriously dated a transwoman who identified as Lesbian.

There were different support groups for transsexuals and cross dressers/transvestites, but another SOCIAL group where both were welcome.

As a cisgender Lesbian, I saw this in the Lesbian community, where the professional Lesbians had their own community (they were more likely to be closeted) and the blue collar Lesbians had their own community (they were more likely to be out).

Personally, I objected, because the professional Lesbians acted like they were "better" than the blue collar Lesbians.

It seems that when subcultures grow, they develop "subcultures within subcultures," and this tends to divide the subculture, and the society at large sometimes exploit this.  

Yours truly,

Monica

Dear Wpwyle,

You will find transgender people among the kindest and friendliest people that you will every meet.

May I suggest you go to our home page, and click on "resources" on the top bar, which will produce a drop down, and then click on "support groups."  There are support groups in almost every state of the Union, and many overseas.  You do not have to attend these groups dressed.  A support group often is no more than a few hours' drive from where you live.

If you seek counseling with a transgender counselor, many of whom are transgender themselves, they often sponsor transgender support groups.

Also, there are gender conferences all over the U.S.  Just Google, "Gender Conferences 2015," and all the gender conferences for the year 2015 will come up.  

In my opinion, TGGuide is one of the most friendly transgender blogs on the Internet, and I have seen most of them.

Looking forward to hear from you soon.

Yours truly,

Monica

Dear Karen,

It is easy to have misunderstandings on the Internet.  There have been occasions when I have liked someone on the Internet, only to realize later on the telephone or in person, that there was no chemistry.  Also, there were people I met in person, had I not met them in person, but on the Internet, I might not have given them a chance, frankly, because of their looks.  

Have known a few women (usually very young) who THOUGHT they were Lesbian, only to realize that they were heterosexual.  Often they thought they were Lesbian while in high school and/or college, and realize near graduation, that they were heterosexual. They were called "Lesbian Until Graduation," or LUG's.  

Have seen people confuse deep friendship for romantic love.  Examples, in my opinion, are Bill and Hillary Clinton, and Franklin and Eleanor Roosevelt.

If you keep it only on the Internet, you will never know.  Personally, if a person wants to correspond on the Internet more than a month, I consider the person as not really interested in me or playing games.  You may want to bring it on to the telephone, after being on the Internet for about a month.  If I were you, I would ask him if he was ever interested in a transwoman before.  Perhaps consider sending him the pictures you sent your mother and brother, as well as others.

My mother, may God rest her soul, explained that the six layers of a wedding cake, started with respect on the bottom, then the next layer was friendship, then the next, non-romantic love, the next, romantic love, the next, marriage, and the top, which is eaten on the first anniversary, represented family, because in the old days, a bride was usually pregnant by her first anniversary.  

The worst thing that can happen, is that you will make a friend, and it does not go any further than that, and the best thing that could happen, is that you will meet a wonderful guy who RESPECTS and LOVES women for all the right reasons.

Please be careful, in meeting him in a public place, and take your time in getting to know him.

You are an attractive woman, and the Internet will work well for you as another resource for meeting people, while a woman like me, would do best meeting people in person.  By the way, I have had many wonderful friendships with men, while I had romantic relationships with women.  My masculine energy resonated with men as friendship, and it also resonated with women as love.

Karen, please remember, it starts as FRIENDSHIP FIRST, and having sex on a casual basis does not really give a person the insight they need to know if they are Lesbian or Straight.  Don't rush it.

Your friend,

Monica

What a thoughtful young man . . . wish he lived near me!

Eve,

Cisgender women use "props" to minimize their weak characteristics or bring attention to their positive characteristics.  One in three cisgender women use wigs and hair pieces.  In my case, I choose my eye wear carefully to bring attention to my hazel eyes, and because I am a women of size, I choose my accessories carefully.  Also, I have large feet (size 11 to 11 1/2) and choose simply designed shoes as well as floor length pants instead of 3/4 length pants.

Ladies, these concerns show that you are WOMEN, not transwomen fearing not passing!

Your friend,

Monica