LovelyLisa

The book basically confirmed for me that I needed to transition. Those sections that you mentioned were the deciding factor for me.

I am glad it helped you as well. Always remember that this is your life and your journey. The decision to start transition, for me, really was and has been a "last option". If you do decide to do anything, think about what you want and need and don't let others pressure you in anything. This is about you and your needs. Not some standard or strict definition of gender.

I guess I'll really need to get better at walking in heels ....

Thank you, ladies!

I've come out to my wife, my mom, my sister and a few friends. Everyone has been extremely supportive. But after the initial shock, I have gotten a lot of questions. Some are really hard to answer, because it's hard to explain a feeling or an inherent need that is totally foreign to someone else. Anyways, after the initial meeting, don't be surprised if you get a lot of questions that you cannot answer or are not prepared to answer. But that's okay. Just take it in stride.

My father passed away almost a year ago. About four months later is when I stopped being able to cope with my male side. My wife and my mom asked if me transitioning had anything to do with my father passing. Honestly, it is hard to say. I don't know. I really don't. There are other things that happened in my life that I think had a more direct impact on my decision.

Karen,

It sounds like you work at a great place. I am happy for you!!

--Lisa

Karen, that is a really wonderful story!

Thank you everyone for the kind words. I am feeling much better now, even though I feel totally wrong about my body. I did update my privacy settings on FB again.

I am going to need to get moving on seeing the endocrinologist and hormones. I am also going to need to update my wife. I am sure that this is going to really upset her, even though I told her in January that I was most likely going to need to do this.

Wish me blessings (or luck!)

Thank you all so very much,

Love, Lisa

Emma,

Great post. Very helpful. One thing that someone told me is that it is not just our transition is our spouse's. They may see themselves as now being with someone who is a woman, and thus a lesbian.

The other point your therapist made about gender concerns being identical between men and women, really makes sense.

Thank you so much for sharing so much detail. That is such deeply personal information, I know that everyone here appreciates it. And I hope that anyone thinking of going to therapy with someone who specializes in gender issues, reads this post and does it. I've only been going since November, approximately once a month. But it has helped me tremendously.

--Lisa

Emma,

I'm so happy for you! At some point, I hope to get my wife to go to therapy with me or one on one as well. It's good to hear that it helped you and your relationship with your wife.

--Lisa

Unfortunately, there is no logical argument or scientific fact that can be used to substantiate how someone is trans* or goes through this. Thus, there must be acceptance without this. That is hard for a lot of people to do. Yet, if they do not accept us, and do not seek to understand us, we cannot dwell on that.

Karen,

I have been reading your posts. And they are wonderful!! They scare me tremendously, but are wonderful!

Thank you so much for sharing such personal information.

-LIsa

Karen, thank you so much for the suggestion. I will do that!!!

--Lisa

Karen, that is good news! Especially the living nearby part!

Karen,

I am seeing a therapist and talked with her about hormones. She said that she would recommend me for them. I'm thinking that I may need to do it soon. I am not happy, feel like my life is on hold. Plus, I know that it will take time for the hormones and electrolysis / laser so I'd be better off starting now.

I don't feel panic'd to transition though. It's more about progress. Am I nearing a goal.

Anyways, there are four endocrinologists that I need to research / contact to get the initial blood work. Plus, I still need to talk with my wife. I haven't talked with her about anything tg related in a week and I'm thinking that this just needs to happen.

---Lisa

Veronica, thank you for your comment. I don't know what to think. But I know how I feel. I love him very much! He is my baby.

He had a problem talking as well. We prayed that he would talk and now he won't stop. It's so funny. My wife sometimes wants him to shut the hell up and I remind her that her prayers were answered! Lol!

--Lisa

I'm so excited for you!

That is really a great story which gives the rest of us hope. It looks like you are emerging from the other side of transition. I'm having a hard time seeing the other side of transition. But I keep having to remind myself that I need to look 5 years down the road from now. It's a hard thing to do! But I'm sure that you know that!

Emma, thank you and I am sorry to hear about your loss. Yes, I've looked at Lynn Conway's website. Not recently. I've looked at a lot of transition related websites over the years..I guess that should have been clue.

Anyways, thank you again. You are a good friend!

Love,

Lisa

For me it's not about having to do this before I die. It is more about how I want to live. If I found out that I only had 2 weeks to live and hadn't transitioned, that would be the least of my worries and honestly, I would have no regrets. No matter what I do, I do know that I will regret not transitioning now and later in life looking back on it. Because my feelings won't subside. There is always the possibility that they will, kind of like they did for a number of years until lately. But I doubt it. I'm in a different stage in my life, where it's not about advancing my career. So once those took a back seat to my life, everything has changed for me. I wouldn't call it a mid-life crisis. I would call it a re-prioritization of my life.

Emma,

Thank you for your support. This journey most likely be a marathon. That's okay. As long as it happens by the time I am 45 years old.

Love,

--Lisa

Your comment about being an "imposter in the TG House", I used to feel as well. Especially if you go to a group where several have transitioned or are in the process of transitioning. I felt like if I was not in the process of transition that somehow I was a fraud. Someone said they felt like a fraud and someone else felt like they did not have courage as well and I said that I felt the same way to the group. But, we can't feel that way. We all have our own individual journeys and should not feel like we have to transition, have SRS, etc. For example, I may never transition. If I did transition, I may have FFS, but will most likely not have SRS or at least have it for a while. Yet I feel the need to present and express myself as female. And look good. It's true that gender is between the ears. But we all have a need to express our gender in some way. For me, it has to do with how I am perceived and what I've learned that society finds acceptable. For others, it may be different.

Emma, Thank you. I am just taking one step at a time. Taking it slow. Though I just talked with my therapist about reallly transitioning yesterday. She was really surprised that I was so direct with her about it. She said that she would recommend me for transition, just based on what I've told her.

Sweetie, this is your journey and what it means to you may will be different from others. You don't need to be taking hormones or have surgery to be transgender or feel female. You also don't have to transition full-time, unless you feel you need to.

I'm so glad that you do feel welcome here and can share. Hang in there!

Lisa

When I say I feel like a girl, I don't always feel that I am female or that I am going to go crazy if I am not female. When I feel like a girl, it is a feeling I have that if I were transitioned fully, I would be content. And that deep down I feel female or the need to be female.

I know that it is different for everyone at different points in time. For example, when I was much younger I definitely felt like there was something wrong all of the time. It is not like that as much, though lately I've been in crisis-mode most of the time.