freebree

​I can imagine Emma. Even if you don't believe in the Bible it does have some really good lessons on life and Global LOVE is the main message that Jesus talked about. Also, John Lennon knew: "All we need is love" and "Imagine" I think that Michael Jackson even knew it "Man in the mirror" and "Black or White" I'm sure there's others. Maybe that dream will come true someday. ...hope

Who doesn't love a hand full of skittles every now and then? No, I'm not going to go into any commentary on candy at this time, though. My subject is actually about love in diversity, namely the LGBT community and more specifically the pride flag. Although this site is geared more toward Trans...(fill in the blank) and our flag is a flag of different colors my intention isn't really about colors. The rainbow has been used as a significant symbol throughout our world's history. In the 16th century, during the German Peasant's War the rainbow flag was used to symbolize a new era, hope and social change. The rainbow flag represent the city of Cusco in Peru. It represents Buddhism, In the 1920's it represented the International cooperative Movement, which stood Unity in diversity and in 2001 it became a logo for the I.C.M., placed in the middle of white background. Each color representing different meanings: Red - CourageOrange- visions of PossibilitiesYellow - The challenge that Green has kindled..Green - A challenge to strive for growthSky Blue - A goal to achieve global unity Dark blue - Helping those less fortunateViolet - Warmth, beauty and friendship In 1961 the rainbow flag stood for Peace. Then in 1978 Gay Pride! Yup the good ol' rainbow flag in unity and love. The colors have traveled around the world to arrive in this day and time as a symbol of hope and an expression of courage . It has been told that in various countries that gay men signaled others by the wearing of a specific color. In England they wore green carnation, in Australia the color was yellow, usually in the form of socks. At one time, somewhere, the color was purple, as in "Purple Power". During the holocaust a pink (gay) or black (lesbian) triangle was used for the prisoners. Now brought together in the form of a flag that not only represents rights but also pride. As the story goes that the original rainbow was created by the Hebrew/Christian God as symbol of a promise with love. Now please don't take me as a hater when I say that it should be returned to be just that, a promise with love or in love. I don't mean in love with your partner, but in love with each other as a whole. This world needs to learn to love one another. Across the oceans and across the land. The rainbow flag needs to be spread over the globe not only in the homosexual community, but in all community, all cultures,(or sub cultures) in all society. Remove all labels and just as the colors of the flag came from around the world let it now fly around the world in love and unity in diversity.

Emma: I am really glad to hear that you have found a medicine that works for you. I have a lot of problems finding medicines that work for me too. some time ago I was diagnosed with narcolepsy, but all the stimulants that they tried for me would work for a short few weeks and then loose effectiveness, but a couple of months ago she finally prescribed one that works pretty well. At first it caused my mind and body to go super fast. I would just keep busy, busy,busy and wouldn't stop to eat or drink. Finally it leveled out and I'm on a ,somewhat, normal schedule. A lot of medicines don't work the same way for me as for others. Now they just recently started using some sort of genetic coding to help them find medicines that work better with my body. I hope it goes well. Also I hope that your retirement goes well. Just be sure to keep busy. I heard that some people that retire go down hill fast. Bree

Briannah: I used the title as an attention grabber just to pull in readers.A tactic that is used in the media trade, (I've read a couple of books). I never meant for it to scare any one. I know that I am listed as Female and that is because that is what I truly identify as and as a whole consider myself to be. However I haven't begun to transition yet. No, not even H.H.T., and I am quiet the stout girl at 6'3", 300+ lb and (at the moment) still looking like a man, I don't think that anyone is going to mess with me even when I come out to the world as the real me unveiled. BTW my avatar is a representative of what I intend on transitioning into as I also love the goth style and always have although I always dress as the all american country boy. Please forgive me of any deception, to you or anyone whom might be reading this or any of my other Blogs. Thanks xxxx Bree

​LOL Hey girl don't try to steal my style! he he he No, use purple if you want, or any other color, on this board, that's fine honey.

​I'm sorry Monica I'm getting tired, but I know about Aspenger's Syndrome my 17 y.o. had been diagnosed with it and after living all these years I can say with much certainty that I don't have it. Now to tell you where I think my depression is rooted I'm going to quote myself; ​ ​

​Oh wow, Veronica, that's it "Simply, your emotionally closed off." The weird thing about that is that; when I was about 5 I wanted to turn my feelings off because I thought that they were too feminine. Then for whatever reason all the other kids at school shunned and ignored me so I began to collapse emotionally and, I guess that I never learned to interrelate socially. Although there are those very rare times that I meet someone that causes me to come out of my comfort zone for a time. BTW I never had to..." playing pond hockey too long and you have to thaw your skates before you can get them off! OWIE! " ​I'm sorry. but as long as I'm trans she will never allow herself to stay with me, (it's her land, I'd leave). she is hard core disciple, (as she prefers) of Christ and very set in her convictions. Only God would be able to convince her otherwise. T_T. I am never going to be able to turn away from this Dysphoria its too hard T_T T_T T_T​

​That is right Veronicabeta. and it's hard to convince others of what we know in our hearts to be true. especially here in the "Bible belt" Where nearly everyone throws bible verses at you and even then they misunderstand the actual context and take it to literal. Uhhh I guess that bible verses is better than rocks or maybe even bibles,.No I don't think that I'm a Pinata I really kinda just happened onto that reference and felt that it made an interesting metaphor and wanted to share.

​Thanks for your concern Briannah. Yes I am quiet ok in the sense of the word that you mean. We all have problems in this life, but being beat up isn't one of mine.

Although the origins of the Piñata can be traced back to China it still largely represents Mexico. Just a little tidbit that I thought I would include. The issue that brought me back here to my blog is one that has occurred to me from time to, but today it hit me a little harder than usual. It's really not like me to rush into my local department store and rush right out. However, here I was zooming to the checkout line without making any diversions, as is normal for me. I was in the grocery section, so there weren't any items of my fascination near. My mother lives across the road so I took a stroll. Half way there I remembered passing by the Piñatas and suddenly I actually felt like one. A container holding a fine bounty of treasure that everyone rushes in to take. I'm really the treasure inside and although I really don't want to be beat up with a bat, I do wish it were so simple. Please let me use a mid 20th century slang phrase, "The Man" is trying to beat me down into some idealistic world of fictional truth! It is the world that I have lived in for almost 45 years, until one night I went to dream land and a little girl showed me who I really am. Well, I'm next up to bat and evaluating the strategy of those that have gone before me, reviewing the weakness that I've noticed, choosing my best bat and waiting for my opportunity to knock this paper mache to the ground. Oh, how much do I, (we?) wish that it really could be that simple? xoxoxo The Purple Woman.

and rant I will I thought that I read somewhere that ranting is allowed. I hope so because I’m a ranter and here I go. First I want to get one thing out of the way. Can I have a female moderator or administrator PM me because I am having a personal issue with the forum, nothing bad, but I have to say it and I can’t say it in here. OMG, I can’t believe it! EEEEEE! My (very unsupportive) wife likes to go to a local thrift store to buy clothing, (nothing personal), real cheap and quite often new items, (still tagged). I went in for a shower and grabbed a pair of pants, that she recently bought there. It wasn’t until after that I realized that she gave me women’s pants by mistake. I hesitated to put them on and wasn’t sure that they would even fit. Although the butt drooped the hips were a little baggy, but, at the same time made mine look a little bigger, but in a good way, (for me). They were more comfortable than man’s and felt more right. OMG I love it! On a depressing note, I feel whipped! Around my house, everyday someone slams Transgenderism. It seems like the pressure is being increased more and more. Several times a day now, my wife speaks up against one or more issues either in the news, on Facebook or out of the bible.One day my son came in and started quoting from a site that seemed to be saing everything that my wife says about TG. He also said that cutting your ……….. off don’t make you a woman. No son this is not a mental disease, it’s who I am inside and, without arguing about procedure, reconfiguring my hardware is just a means to an end. I do not wish to insult or embarrass anyone, but this is not a road to homosexuality. If I were to be homosexual, bisexual… then it would be with or without transitioning. One does not make the other! I am a little excited though. I’ve been noticing a lot of different changes going on even without HTR and at the time that I wrote this I didn’t know why these was going on, but after a little bit that I stumbled upon today I discovered that soy beans offers a large amount of estrogen and so does a lot of other beans and I've Been eating a lot recently he he. One area is in libido, he he that is such a funny word to mean what it does. LOL. Seriously for a long time I have had trouble with it being on extended vacation, but it is beginning to come back just a little, but now it is a little different. Now I rather than being stroked, (I never really liked that anyway) I actually long to be rubbed and gently massaged at the top. I have also noticed that some of my facial expressions seem to be a little more feminine, if there is such a thing. There might be some others that I’m not thinking of right now, but I have a certain item that is both interesting and exciting. Due to a medical condition that I have mentioned in another post, but I’m not going into now. To put it as mildly as I can think of let me just say that I lost a lot of air from my balloon, he he. Although it can be a bad medical condition, (I am working with my HCP on it), it feels real nice and saves money on duct tape or other items that might come in handy to a girl like me. And last but definitely not, in the least, least is that I have noticed that my life seems to go so much better when i place my mind into girl mode, which is what I hope to accomplish on a full time basis. I am more comfortable writing these on Google Docs then pasting them onto my blog here, but my point is just a little bit of interest that the font that I used on this one is called Bree Serif. I hope everyone is comfortable with it and with me writing in purple. Someone on an earlier post commented that the cursive font that I chose was too hard to read, so like a good girl I listened and gave a little respect. Please feel confident to criticize on anything that is disagreeable, offencive or just plain rude. whether it is from the top, like an administrator or at the bottom, like the newbie I’ll take anything into consideration or comply with our leaders. I love this place and feel good here just like home.

Lie Monster Being that most things in my life have gone wrong, I have hated my life for a long time now and I have even more reason to hate it. I live my life in a lie. It is no lie that I love my wife and no lie that I really care. She can never see it nor can I ever show it. It has always been difficult to connect with anyone. I can connect with kids and dogs, but not people. I showed love before, why can’t I do it now”? I feel so distraught in my relationships. Not even I understand, but I think that I’m starting to. I frequently feel depressed, my Dr. claims that I have the worst case of depression that she has even seen, but I don’t see it. I also seem to be oppressed as if something or someone is holding me back. It is imperative to be friendly to have friends, but friends also need to be fed to remain being a friend. Sometimes I can be friendly and on occasion I do make friends but just don’t maintain the relationship. On several occasions I have been told that I have an addictive personality. Sometimes, when I reflect on that statement I realize that it might actually be true. and that I get too wrapped up in myself. I can spend hours on things that I like, frequently think about other people, but rarely follow through with what I’m thinking.. Maybe I am being selfish, but addictive? Not to everything though. My dad is an alcoholic and because of that and out of fear of becoming one too, as a kid, I swore never to pick up that first drink. Many kids say one thing then when they grow up do another, then tell our kids to do as I say not as I do as our elders told us :-) No matter how drunk or how often that I was I never did get addicted to booze. It has been several years since I was drunk. I might accept a drink if offered or I might not. However, with the first cigarette I was addicted for twenty years I wasted money on that worthless… And now it’s the internet and I’ll admit that I postpone things that should be done before I settle in for the night. I don’t practice my religion as much, (my bible is online :-} ). In addition, ( just like I used to believe that TG was a sin) I didn't like poetry, but now here I am just recently discovering that I am a MtF poet and have been neglecting my poetry. As I sit writing this and reflecting on what I have told so far I’m beginning to see that maybe that I am more addictive than I once believed.. I feel so helpless to find myself here day in and day out living in this lie too. It is just too hard. I can’t leave my wife in the state that she is in. I can never bring myself to hurt her, leave her with so much more responsibility. She can barely handle what she does now and her condition is getting worse. I can’t leave her knowing that she can’t hold up financially alone. I can’t leave until I know that she knows how much that I really love her and know that she is taken care of. As much as my body craves and aches to transition. This really hurts, To make her live her life as a lie or to devastate her world with my truth. I am a monster.

oops!!! This is so crazy I don't know... when I deleted the comment of EmmaSweet I was trying to clear this page and start over. I'll just come out and say that I'm not even thinking of hurting myself and if I don't use the cursive font can I still use the purple? I want my blog as friendly as possible. ​ ​

I feel so bad for you and your family. I know what it's like to loose such a dear friend. A few years ago I had a miniature horse named peanut. We had been though a lot together.One day I found him with some really serious flesh wounds, some dogs had tore him up really bad. My neighbor gave me some medicine and told me what to do. Eventually he healed and grew his hair back. Well then a couple of years after that some stray horses came by and he found a hole in the fence and started running with them. I noticed him to be missing and went looking for him. It was so devastating to find his body and around my home I'm the undertaker if any pet dies. It hurt so much and I miss him a lot.