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Everything posted by stephani

  1. stephani added a blog entry in stephani's Blog   

    Life is never what you think
    So, you see after Forever I am adding a new blob giggles.
    Yeah a big pile of blob, why eh I suppose because here is a place just to dribble out some thoughts without disturbing the flow of a thread, or a means to vent without disturbing the flow of the forum.
    I know that not everyone appreciates my opinions or views on life, wether or not if it has anything to do with transition or not, not everyone will, I respect that, I do.
    That being said, some times you just want to reach thru the screen and grab the other person and give em a bit of a shaking lol.
    Ahhhh you twat giggle
    Smile everyday even when some self absorbed thumb sucking twat struggles through life and wishes to drag you along for the shitty ride. Oops PG nah you know better coming here, yup you do don't you, that's why you read my posts because in the end of it all I will never lie to you why should I I don't expect you to lie to me, if you think I am a blow hard big mouthed deisel dyke who prattles on tell me that because I will tell you your a twat. Smiles and laughs.
    Thanks Mom and Aunts for my understanding no one wants needs or deserves to be Molly coddled. 
    You know it's been a hell of a trip but in general transition is fine, yeah I wish I had done a few things differently but for the most part, it's exactly what I knew it would be, life in a different pair of pants.
    Just go live your lives free from the delusion transition will change everything, because it won't, you will change what you see needs to be changed, you will feel it's over when you feel it, no one can control you unless you allow them to. Grow up be an adult and live the last bit of this life you have to it's fullest.
    And yeah life can beat the hell out of you just drag your butt up and say is that the best you can do well here you go I can take it.
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  2. stephani added a comment on a blog entry Is There A Place For Short-Term Relationships?   

    Oh hun, it's becoming ever evident to me that relationships are over rated , for 23 years now I have been a truck driving diesel dyke and at this point of my like I can say proud to be, I have always felt I needed to have " that someone waiting at home " and so I did just that convenient relationships ones that understand I come home seldom and am in no way interested in going out after getting home. Is this fare no I suppose not yet I pay all the bills, do all the household work when I get home and don't want, need sexual interactions, I have gone without for so long I am no longer interested.
    Is it a bad thing this being alone, set in our ways, I think He'll No, your lists of why you live alone gave me a bit of a chuckle because a lot of the list was my thoughts for me. Connection is a wonderful thing but so is a bit of are you kidding me what the hell adds a lot to ones life, I can get that from co workers, or friends and some times from my beagle Skipper trust me he is a joy, a pain, a wonderful addition, no not everyone wants or needs a pet/fur baby but for some of us just what we need.
    I am glad to know a bit more about you I love having you just a tap on the screen away, your opinions matter and the site Bennifits from your being here.
    Hugs hun
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  3. stephani added a post in a topic Hello....   

    As said no, they are there as a merely interactery part of social media, indicates a notice to or indication of understanding to nothing more, just ignore them if they are of concern to you. They basically are just hey I read that or I agree with that or yeah I suppose that's one way to look at things sort of interaction others can have without adding dialogue to the stream.
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  4. stephani added a post in a topic NYT: My Gay Agenda   

    No matter who or what one represents your agenda will always enter into whatever you are interacting in, it's inherant . My inherant beliefs as a lesbian holds it's own agenda's for my purposes so do everyone else's no matter how much we try to remain "non bias" never happens, we all slip. 
    So the term Gay Agenda has always makes me cringe so does anything agenda, lbgtqasn get my point ever point on that star has it's own agenda's, even if you try to separate them the muddle into the discussion or debate how ever one might deem the situation, see agenda right there is it a discussion or debate. Smiles
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  5. stephani added a post in a topic Shoes   

    Yeah, I have purchased a number of shoes there.
    Now, not so much.
    No pumps 
    Flats yup.
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  6. stephani added a post in a topic Woman Harassed in Bathroom   

    Three broke phones, two broke computer's and couldn't remember my log in stuff. Finally got to the remember password email to fix. All better now, I could read the new postings all this time just couldn't reply.
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  7. stephani added a post in a topic Welcome EmmaSweet - Our Newest Moderator   

    Another great addition .
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  8. stephani added a post in a topic Woman Harassed in Bathroom   

    The instances that happen only shadow the ones that don't get light shed upon them, the one's where the individuals are beaten, arrested, have been forced by the judiciary system to be placed on Predatory watch, to live the rest of their lives as criminals, this all because of High profile s hats who deem them selves the voice of all those who are Trans whatever. 
    I have, dealt with this in the mid west, the bible belt thumpers up in arms claiming untruths and being believed over the real truth. I cansay my situation worked its self out only because I kept my head and had my documents supporting me, no so for many.
    Just be careful out there, carry anything that supports you, and keep your head about you, you never know who is filming your reaction.
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  9. stephani added a post in a topic Restoration planned for home of female Civil War soldier   

    All throughout history it has been discovered that both mtf and ftm persons have served in their prospective roles and secretive gender roles. Many times in valor. Often times descrased after being found out. 
    Just wish history will show, no matter what those who sacrificed in honor of their countries their countries could do the same for them.
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  10. stephani added a post in a topic Questions From Spouses/Significant Others Of A Person Who Identifies As A Transgender Person Or Is A Transitioning Transsexual   

    Like any other, including the initial coming out questions are not easy, not to answer s not to know but only the thought of how best to answer this is what comes to mind. No one knows how far or short their journey will lead them, what we do know is that it must start, and by including the SO in this journey is one of the greatest questions we all ask our selves, as the SO its how you react to and follow through on your answers that dictate alot of how we continue down the many paths that are ahead of us.

    Questions like, will we remain together are as much on our minds as it is on yours. So will you stay if..... is the next question followed by the same only adding an alternative notation after the IF, your not alone we to struggle we these same million dollar questions. It's the answers we don't always have, why, well because we have yet to journey to that point and found out what the reaction is, was, or ended up being.

    Many jump deap into the journey and find out it's far more then they dreamed or imagined the new life was going to be, and many pull back slow down and reassess the parameters of their jouney, it's in no way a reflection of you nor them it's what humans do we adjust,compromise,reassess,redefine who, what, where, when the rest of our journey is leading.

    With love and respect being needed on both sides of the relationship. Remember not only is your life in the balance but so are those SO's that stick it out with you.

    All the best
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  11. stephani added a post in a topic TG m2f partners support on here is there one?   

    I believe You Are correct, now in the end J is a true Transsexual now isn't she. after all the discovery between the two of you are through the toughest of the waters its never smooth sailing is it. Though many SO's cant stand the troubled waters that lye ahead of them I am so happy to hear those that decide to ride it out with their SO, we all need some one to walk along in this life and when so many are starting down this journey the loss of That one special person makes the journey a little more tolerable, this is true for both sides but is seldom seen at that moment when the SO comes out. I am Happy you are here and I meant no disrespect or did I aim to derail the topic , I just like to add to any discussion, many times my views are a bit harsh in some opinions and right on by others, I just try to inject a side that many hesitate to look.
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  12. stephani added a post in a topic Is There a Link Between Autism and Gender Dysphoria?   

    Gennee, I have taken great notice in the research and the statistics of the " So Called Necessary Vaccinations of our population " and one thing keeps popping out that is disturbing to me, they are said to help reduce and aid in the fight against outbreaks and diseases but when it come rite down to it they are only creating worse problems within the population, me myself if have been given the choice would have never opted to receive any vaccination what happens when man messes with mother nature yeah she fights back and with a vengeance, we are poisoning our children and our selves with these things and no one even thinks twice about the reverberations from the environment that we live in, the world has a balance and we try to interrupt its natural vibration it tips, and generally not for the better. Stop Killing us with your cures and start letting our own bodies once again learn how to fight off any lurking virus or what have you call it. that is what we were designed to do, not just take a shot and move forward it all ends badly trust me. the vaccine that caused Aids/HIV was suppose to be the cure for the common cold and look what that got us. just my thoughts, If there is a tie betwixt the two it would not surprise me one bit.
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  13. stephani added a post in a topic One thing therapists don't teach   

    Stephaniie, Hawkman does not take Hormones if memory serves me, so The notion of Hormones causing euphoric feelings for him doesn't play into the statement, he has gone through a lot in the last what five or so years and if my memory isn't as far gone as I think for a great many more prior to that. So when he has a great or good day, it is because he deserves it on a daily basis. As do we all, So when they come accept them embrace them and take joy in them, because as stated the feeling of sadness and annex will soon be back within our minds soon enough, take heart knowing your special in your own ways and when some one stands up and offers you a kind word in acknowledgement accept it graciously and with dignity and offer one in return because that person deserves one as much as you do. Though it is not easy to take or understand why your receiving such praises know that they thought well enough of you to say what you may seldom hear.
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  14. stephani added a post in a topic Bible study   

    interesting, I am sure this will help some with the questions they have in their lives.
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  15. stephani added a post in a topic Bible study   

    What in the hell is wrong with this thing, awe maybe I can find the answer in your link... giggles not likely I don't think god considered computer issues when he told his story.
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  16. stephani added a post in a topic TG m2f partners support on here is there one?   

    I would Love to Inject and clarify a bit Please, you said " made a decision to become transsexual ", to clarify this is not an easy thing nor is it a decision to Become Transsexual, " we grow up in two ways Knowing early on that we don't match mind and body, or in time as we grow up we notice these senses within our minds that what we have grown to know and understand about our selves has been incorrect, you can no more Become transsexual then you can become Homosexual you Are or you are Not, end of story. now that being said because I know the community is going to start spouting about instances and offer up cases of how they or some one they knew had Became Transsexual, this is not needed because I know all to well the truths of the matter, Yes, they may be Gender Variant and find more comfort within them selves to transition, this does not mean they are Transsexuals, this means that they understood all along that there was something missing from their lives and being allowed to transition filled the void that was there inside them, A Transsexual has No Void, We are complete, the Problem lies in the incongruences between our Minds and our Bodies not a feeling of something is missing, the parts are there they are just in the wrong positions, now your going to say ok well why do they feel a void and you don't, I can no more answer that then they can, all I know is to believe we choose to be Transsexual is in this sort of statement a view that one has a choice, there is no choice, we either rectify the issue between Mind and Body or We Die, why do you think that the statistics of Transsexual Suicide are so high, versus the rates of Gender Variant individual suicide, they have choices, we however have two Those being 1. Change the Mind Body Dysphoria by any means necessary or 2. Commit Suicide. and the attempt rates show eventually we do succeed with the attempts. I fortunately have not succeeded in the last 23 attempts to take my life, maybe I am just meant to be here or maybe I am really bad at killing myself but either way I am thankful my attempts have failed because I have now a life that is on track too make all this Hell I have undergone worth sticking around. This next Quote, I wish to add to as well " that we can find ourselves "going inside of ourselves" ... we get boxed in with fear, anger, lack of understanding and the big question looms: "What will mean to our relationship?" We are scared to death." Well, We to live a life as you put it as " going inside ourselves " , we do this as a life preservation tactic, because we have or are growing up in an unaccepting world and life, trust me you no more want to be trapped in your own mind as we don't and it is a dark place filled with the very things you continue to write, anger of why we were born this way, fear of what does this make me, or fear of what this means my life will be like, or doubt of who we are, and what we are, and why we are, what will this do to my family, my friends, or if its a late term Transition, My future stability in Work, finances, my relationship with my spouse and children " if any are had during the marriage " We as well are scared to death, and not just about telling some one but about just being this way in the first place, the darkness that you feel is real and is at times almost more then one person can take or be asked to undergo, but remember Those who are coming out to you in confidence have undergone these feelings for years this is not something we take lightly, your our worlds and our lives and to be subjecting you to what we have been going through and not knowing how you will react is more terrifying then any thing you can imagine, to lay our very future on the floor to have you either help pick it up and continue forward or have you trample on it and crush a life time of hope into oblivion, the fact they came out to you should be a relief and reason to step back and take a deep breath and say we can now move forward openly and honestly and not have this hidden creating tension between you two. this is often not the case and things Don't work out but times have shown that many a future can be filled with brighter and happier times then if things had remained in the darkness as they had been to the point of telling you.
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  17. stephani added a post in a topic Reporter Refuses to Properly Identify Murdered Woman   

    No, one in the media could care less about reality, reality doesn't sell papers now does it because we all have to deal with reality every moment of the day why would anyone want to pay for the chance to read Real information on Real events about Real People and who they Really are, no one could give two bits about that now if I want to sell papers or push some sort of agenda then twist the words sensationalize the information and make it appear to be no more real then the man in the moon. then people will buy your fotter the use of Her Birth name Had Nothing to do with the Reality of the story, Her Gender played Little in the article other then stirring the pot about the blurred line today about who and what Gender anyone is or was, does it matter if I am killed whether or not I was born with a Penis, No the fact is I was killed, why only I and the assailant knows that for certain, but the fact of Real life is I would have been Killed by some one, my birth name only matters if I have not had it changed once that is done you have No option to call me by any other name then My new Court Ordered Name, period. Sew them and see how fast that apology shows up. write letters all day long and they will toss them in file 13 along with any other truth that comes across their desks.
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  18. stephani added a post in a topic Fox News readers agree: based on Fox’s lie, trans kid should die   

    Well, Now aint this just one more stab to try and coheres the media driven population to hate any one that is Different, it doesn't matter if it is all BS it never does what matters is what Media can spout out and get the public to believe in a matter of hours, if you have enough Balls to spread lies about children then your not to concerned whether or not the facts line up to what your agenda is, and apparently the agenda is once again to spred lie's and miss conceptions about "Trans" or "Gender Variant" individuals. I try and stay out of these sort of lie mongering ploys set forth by the" Right Wingers" ( crap can't believe I just said that ), but I and everyone who is open minded can see that these tactics work Very Well and the Lemmings will follow this Crap with bated breath anticipating what comes next. Grow up World, we are not out to coheres you innocents into our seedy underworld, we could give less then two bits about them we are just trying to stay alive and live a happy fulfilling life without being beaten or killed or even forced to take our own lives. I dislike the news so much I go to the other room when it is on, lies on an hourly basis is not my idea of News. News for me would be that I won the lottery and can now help my self and others out of this life of torment and torcher, now that would be News.
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  19. stephani added a post in a topic Todd Kincannon, Former Executive Director of South Carolina GOP, Believes Transgender People Should Be 'Put in a Camp'   

    I am often just dumbfounded when individuals use outlets like twitter or any such place to bash anyone, I could care less the statement was directed toward a "Trans" person, the fact any such idiocy is being thrown out into public view simply shows the truths of humanity, if you are out of the norm or in some way opinionated in an unconventional manner you are going to be subject to idiots and their slow witted remarks. I am less concerned over Twit remarks then I am about the day to day business that I have to deal with, if you are so worried about others business then yours is less likely to be resolved. just how I see it, watch your day go by with a lot less stress if you stop worrying about what others say about others they don't even know on a personal basis. In other words Mind your day to day business and you'll have a lot less stress and anxiety looming tomorrow. I don't care if your "Trans", "Straight", "Bi', "Gay", or of Non White Ethnicity just live your life on your terms and stop worrying about everyone else's business, isn't your life hard enough as it Is, then stressing and carrying if some Twit post has some narrow minded words posted on it.
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  20. stephani added a comment on a blog entry WHAT THEY ACTUALLY MEANT IS...   

    Interesting, I have the same feelings about those who criticize or mock or ridicule any one that does not fit into the generally accepted gender binary they are afraid of receiving the same treatment so they often times will not pursue their true want and desire to pursue that in which they desire most, the unknown factor the other gender what ever you or they wish to call it, I myself could care less about their sexual desires ( as far as the male species is concerned ), and since I am in a relationship nor am I seeking the affections of another. It is at times flattering to hear one thing from their mouths then see their true feelings in body and facial expressions, it is really quite comical in my opinion.

    So to say they who torment those within the nonconforming gender binary are truly seeking affections and responses to increase their self worth and attain some sort of dominant stance over yet another conquest within their lives. Yes I believe this is true enough.

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  21. CharityLynnCaswell added a topic in Transgender News & Happenings   

    Social Security to ease requirements for transgender people
    The Social Security Administration announced Friday a policy change long sought by advocates that will protect the privacy of transgender people and make it easier for transgender people to update their gender designation on necessary Social Security documents.
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  22. stephani added a post in a topic How Obamacare Protects Same-Sex Families And Transgender Patients   

    Yeah and as of what last week or so they blew off the obamacare for another year..... lets see what they slash by then.
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  23. stephani added a comment on a blog entry My Introduction   

    Welcome, and thank you for sharing your life and plans with us all.

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  24. stephani added a comment on a blog entry True Life Experiences From Couples Where One of Them is Transsexual and has Transitioned/is Transitioning   

    (1) give me the basic (without names or using fictitious names) description of the type of relationship you are/were involved in,

    OK, The relationship Prior to transition for me was one of a woman playing a heterosexual Males Role, unfortunately in doing so for the first 9 Years of our relationship/Marriage I was allowing myself to be physically Raped in the name of Matrimony, after years of self torment I learned to hide the pain away I no longer had to run to the shower within 15 minutes of fulfilling my duties as a man just to try and wash the pain and disgust off of my body ( even though this males body served a purpose I still felt dirty and unclean ) then for the next 8 years I just shut down and went through the motions, fulfilling her needs over mine. But now isn't that what we do prior to transition, fulfill every ones needs, wants, and desires over and before our own needs. Next for The following Two years after coming out to my then partner we had Homosexual relations this being one woman with another woman, Lesbian as it were, the first year I finally felt now this is so much better she stated the same reaction, No more BS, just pure Love for the other not expecting something as a result of the act just enjoying the companionship and the feelings that comes from a true open relationship, then it turned to her pulling away and no longer wanting to participate in such a relationship she wanted a man not a woman yeah it was fun and exciting for a while but as she said she was not a lesbian, easily understandable and I accepted the fact, then towards the end of the second year after the Hormones had really started doing their job she forced me out of the house and thus making me homeless and shortly after out of employment .

    (2) the gender of each partner (trans-partner has pre transition and post transition/gender identified as listed),

    I have always Identified as Female, pre and post transition, my partners have always been Female, pre and post transition, my current partner is also MtF yet I see her as Female, she as well has always been Female Pre and Post Transition, I see her only as a woman.

    (3) sexual orientation of both partners (pre and post transition listed if different),

    Pre Transition I was forcing myself to be the typical Heterosexual Male, Post Transition I am Lesbian. My partners pre transition were all heterosexual females, post transition my partner has been a Lesbian.

    (4) years together (pre marriage/civil union and years married/in union),

    The number of years I was with my Ex was for 20 years, 2 years later I am still trying to save up for a divorce, life ain't no ballroom nor glass slippers, so total 22 years.

    (5) whether or not you and your partner survived the transition as a couple,

    To answer that Yes I survived Transition but my Marriage did not, My Ex survived my transition and the ending of our marriage.

    and (6) any types of aiding devices used by you and/or your partner (please specifically list what type of aid you used and can include but does not have to be limited to therapy with a counselor, peer support groups, social networking, reading books or journal articles).

    Aiding well giggles No aiding Sexually, Mentally now I sought out a Gender Psychologist and did what every good girl does when she is told she has to follow rules, yeah I followed the rules and in doing so I was claimed and deemed fit to live my life as a woman, yeah to be allowed to live my life only through the rules set forth by Men.

    What a joke, if your going to start living your life just do it don't wait to be allowed to by another who holds some sort of mystical gift the gift is you giving yourself the right to live your life no one can give that to you but yourself.

    I hope this aided you in your search for information, I hope to answer many more if for nothing more then comic relief , every thing I attest to is true and in no way should be considered false, I may add a quip now and again but this ol bag of hammers is blunt.


    Stephani Paige Ryan
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  25. stephani added a comment on a blog entry Questions From Spouses/Significant Others Of A Person Who Identifies As A Transgender Person Or Is A Transitioning Transsexual   

    Well the first quest was " ARE YOU GAY?" , my response was well yes I am a Lesbian, her response was " I Ain't!", well then I see problems a bruin is what struck my mind at that moment, but onward and upward we went Two hours of tears and questions.... then months of tears and questions, and then years of tears, and no more questions..... just unanswered sorrows.

    So your question leads me to believe you have many answers to questions yet asked, Do you? lol, of course you do we all do, will those answers play out to the questions of the answers you should be looking for. I know that the years that I remained with my now Ex has many questions that the answers never matched up to, but what I have learned is that those questions are irrelevant now and need not be asked nor answered.

    I tried for a long time after my final separation to figure out what I had done wrong in the whole scheme of things the answer I found within my own heart was I had done everything I could have she was gone the moment I openly told her, well not quite that moment because that talk would come seven years after the first time I told her who and what I truly was, ain't that a bite in the tail, seven more years before she would finally listen to me and hear what I had been telling her for years.

    Question.... What does that Make You
    Question.... What does that Make Me
    Question.... Where does this Leave Us
    Question... What am I suppose to Do Now
    Question... What are You going to Do Now
    Question... Are We Staying Together
    Question... What will You do after You start " Transitioning "
    Question... What am I suppose To do about the rest of the family
    Question... What about Your Job
    Question... Where am I suppose to Live
    Question... Are You going To Leave Me for a Man(Woman)
    Question.... Is This Your Way Out Of Our Marriage
    Question... How Long Have You Been Planing This
    Question... Why Did You Marry Me
    Question... You Don'T Think Your Staying Here Do You

    Ok here's just a start to the list that seems to never end but it will trust me it will end.

    the next thing you'll see is your partner is no longer walking beside you and more to the side and behind you and your going to ask " why aren't you walking with me " " are you embarrassed to be seen with me ", the usual response, No I am just watching the peoples reactions to how womanly you are .... Yeah watch how twitchy she gets you'll know she's pushing a load your way.

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