UsernameOptional

It's always good to have someone who loves you...and continues to love you, and support you even after they find out... -Michael

I tried to post earlier, but lost internet connection. I'm glad it worked out that way, though, because I had nothing to suggest to deal with the constant barrage of female terms of endearment, and female pronouns/references - Emma has offered some good ideas. I too hope all goes well with the boss, and that you don't get fired. -Mike

I've washed mine by hand only a few times - I've never been into washing things by hand. On the few occasions I have washed my binder by hand, I did so only because I had no choice. I just toss mine in the washer. I did call Underworks one time to find out if it was safe to use OxiClean on the binder to remove stains, but they had never tested the product on the binders, so couldn't answer my question. I went ahead and tried it on an old binder, and it worked well. But I've not made it a habit. I've been using Axe body spray for about seven or eight years, but I use it more like a cologne than a deoderant spray. I just spray a quick shot on my upper arm right about at the shoulder after I put my binder on. That way, I'm not dragging my binder over the spray. I too wondered if the spray might damage the binder, and is why I began applying the spray after putting the binder on. -Mike

I'm not sure what the "Torso Compression Tank" is, but I am familiar with Underworks (Manshape retailer?). It is my understanding that some compression tops have more to do with working out, or are designed for posture or back trouble. What many of us began using as "binders" were actually gynocomastic or post-surgical compression tops for men. Sports compression tanks are not meant for, and will not, suppress and/or conceal excess breast tissue. It appears that Underworks has overhauled their website, as now, there is not just a page to items they discovered many transmen were using, there is actually like a website now, f2mbinders.com - it is still Underworks. I have always ordered #997 Double Panel Compression Shirt, however, it appears that Underworks (f2mbinders) has changed some model numbers, as this number returns an item that I have never had before. You can find more information about Underworks and other sites and binders in the thread As for putting your binder in the dryer, unless something has changed in the last year or two, Underworks advises that the compression shirts not be put in the dryer, and you should also not use bleach or fabric softeners during washing. I do not know the reasons for these care instructions, but I have adhered to them religiously. I have one binder that is almost 10 years old - and I wear mine 365 days of the year. If your binder is too tight, you could possibly cause issues with circulation and breathing. It's best to order your shirts according to Underworks' sizing charts. You might also have to try different models. -Michael

Nature is good... still gets you out more. I don't think you have to have all that great of a camera. If you have a cell phone...use the camera feature on that. Then later...if you begin to discover that you really like photography, you could buy an inexpensive camera. You'd be surprised that you don't need a high dollar camera to take good pix. All you really need is a steady hand, and a good eye for spotting a good subject. -Michael

I also draw. My g/f thinks I do it to escape the real world - no doubt the reason you've gotten into RP. She can tell by how much drawing I'm doing when things are bothering me. I go on "benders," much like an alcoholic, drawing like a mad hatter - sometimes for days, sometimes for weeks. Drawing never hurt anyone though. Continue working on your outlets. It appears the drawing and writing are doing a good job of keeping you from self-harming. I also write, but very seldom. I am only just beginning to get into a little bloggin (not gender related). I did quite a bit of writing poetry between 2005 and 2006, but I haven't really done much since except for a few silly "quotes" which I add to my profile when they hit me... Perhaps you could consider adding photography to your outlets. It could help you with anxiety around people. -Michael

I understand about the distance thing - I'm in a similar situation. I believe I recall now you mentioning once before you were not close to anything.

Warren - If you haven't already, you might want to check some of the links for various resources in the Mental Health and Crisis Intervention forum. Also, have you googled for support groups in your area? In the pinned thread, there is a link to a list of groups by state. Great tatt idea, by the way. -Mike

Don't believe I'd worry much about their feelings... they obviously didn't care about yours.

Sometimes the devil crawls up on my shoulder - Monica's advice is probably the advice you should consider going with. I think it sort chapped my rear reading this in light of the fact that you asked management if you would be able to use your chosen name...and he went to find an answer. Didn't you even ask if your name tag could reflect your chosen name? I think I pictured some almighty self-righteous gender cop taking it upon him-/herself to inform everyone of your "true" gender and "real" name, because, after all... that's who you are. It was probably one of those days I rolled outta bed the wrong way... -Michael

I wonder... if you turn the tables on them, if they will change their tune. Seems like someone brought this up in the forums one time...but I doubt I would ever find the thread. Maybe in the future, when someone says (for example), "have you seen that box cutter?" If it was a woman that asked, you could answer (nicely), "no,sir, I haven't" If it was a man that asked, you could answer (nicely), "no, ma'am... sorry, I haven't." Perhaps after you respond enough to them with the "wrong" pronouns, they might get the picture.

Hello, Warren...and welcome. First, despite indicating that for sane reasons you would never take up that sharp knife and take care of problem areas yourself...imagining taking care of problem areas combined with depression and anxiety seems a little concerning to me. Just so you know, there is a forum on Mental Health and Crisis Intervention here at TGG. Some of the info and threads there may be helpful. Second, you don't say if your doctor gave a reason as to why it could be the end of the before you hear anything. Personally, I don't understand why she would not be able to provide you with information on where or how you could begin the path to transition sooner. You mentioned she's been kind. Perhaps I'm wrong, but I read that as she is simply tolerating your situation because she's a medical professional, and she'll get back to you when it's convenient. You should be able to google transgender support for your location. You could also check for transgender support groups on the home site as Monica mentioned above. You could also learn of therapist in your area experienced with gender issues at such gatherings. Additionally...you could check The Transitional Male for an extensive list of therapists. Might be time that you have to begin the process without waiting on your doctor. -Michael

Some people just should not be allowed around animals of any kind. I hope Duke's doc can be of help. -Michael

This is a step towards a positive experience. I've come to the conclusion that no matter what kind of rules a company has, sometimes it all boils down to which location you find yourself at. Another store might not have bothered to look into the matter, and simply shoved their own biases down your throat. Good luck. -Michael

Now that the great MichFest has seen another year come and gone, it's femi-nazi leader has come forward to make a few demands of her own. Vogel has repeatedly played word games with people as if everyone is so stupid as to not be able to read between her lines, insisting that she/the festival does not bar transwomen from MichFest, it's just that the MichFest is intended only for "womyn born womyn." Now, unless I really am just as stupid as she thinks many of us are, I fail to see the difference between 'this space is for only those born female,' and 'sorry, Charlie, we don't let your kind in.' Yeah, the pun was intended. Vogel has now turned to arguing that transwomen did not grow up under the oppression of a patriarchal and misogynist society as females. What she apparently prefers not to realize is that transwomen are treated the same as cisgender women...and in many (if not all) cases - WORSE. Right here in these forums are posts by women relating their experiences with having lost male priveledge (whether they enjoyed it or not), and became "just another oppressed female," so-to-speak, in this society. So it's not like transwomen are competely ignorant of the experience of being female - doesn't matter if they learned it at 7 or if they learned it at 37. Experience can be gained at any point in one's life. Learning is a lifelong process. You stop learning, you stop living. However, personally, I couldn't give a good flip who the MichFest allows or doesn't allow through their almighty gates. The only heartburn I've ever had with that festival is that, while they wouldn't allow transwomen, they did* allow transmen, though I fail to understand why any transman would have wanted to attend. In my mind, this drove home the point that people like Vogel just don't believe in transpeople. MichFest is just a festival. It's not an employer. It's not a hospital or insurance company. It's not a business that caters to the public. No one needs MichFest for their living, so it's not like anyone will get turned down for employment because s/he is trans, or get fired when it's disclosed or discovered. It's not a hospital where a transperson might or might not get treated, or his/her treatment might not be covered by insurance. It's not a restaurant or store, where a transperson has to worry about whether or not someone will be monitoring which restroom s/he goes in, and then worry if they'll get the mud stomped out of them once in the restroom. Attending that festival is not a right nor a right denied. There are private clubs and organizations everywhere that require certain criteria for one to become a member or in order to participate. Therefore, I don't quite understand why transwomen should want to get into the festival so badly, knowing they are no longer wanted by so many. I think it's a waste of time for the various organization who've jumped on the bandwagon this year, to try to convince Vogel and her bunch to change their attitudes. Don't get me totally wrong however, I think it's funnier than a giggling drunk on a merry-go-round that these entities are taking on the festival's policy (that "policy" that Vogel insists doesn't exist), and causing the public in general to see the bigotry and hatred harboured by Vogel and those who stand by her and her views. Perhaps some women should get together and create a National WOMEN'S Festival... welcoming of ALL women, regardless of cis-/trans status, sexual orientation, political affiliation, religious beliefs, race, colour, national origin, social status, etc., etc., etc. *I recently read a comment below an article or op-ed that MichFest no longer allows transmen in the festival, but I have found nothing yet to corroborate this. Maybe it's another one of those "non-existent policies." Michfest Has a Few Demands Of Its Own

"It came as a shock to me the amount of things people don’t realize about someone else’s lifestyle. My mom assumed that since I’m now a man I don’t care what I look like as long as I look like a man. She’s wrong. She thought because I’m a man I’d want to go out and ride dirt bikes instead of decorate cakes. She’s wrong." This reminded me of shortly after coming out to my mum, she lamented that now she had no one to whom to pass down her things, because men wouldn't want those things. I guess it never occurred to her that most any child will treasure nearly anything a parent leaves to them simply because it was something that belonged to their parent - male or female quite often doesn't matter. Of course I don't want her favourite big floppy Red Hat Society hat, or her entire collection of stuffed bears...but a figurine that she treasured, or some special dish, maybe one tiny bear... why wouldn't a guy wanna keep something like that just to say, "this was my momma's?" I didn't say anything. I just left it at that. I think way too many people are under the mistaken impression that most men do not hold dear the belongings of loved ones.

I was reading the comments under an article that indicated [trans]men were no longer welcome at the Michigan Womyn's Music Festival (MichFest) - that is the first time I've ever heard of this. Many are well aware of the fact that [trans]men were welcome at the Fest (though I fail to understand why any guy would wanna go) because, bluntly, we aren't considered men by too many of the women who attend that festival. Pretty much like [trans]women aren't considered women by that same bunch. So I went a-googlin', trying to find out when [trans]men became undesirable guests of the almighty cisgender (keep that term in mind ) femi-nazi Fest. I ran across a blog by a [trans?]woman who pointed out why no guy should ever wanna be a part of/attend the MichFest. Then I read a wiki article about the Fest, but there was nothing in it about [trans]men no longer being welcome. In continuing to try to find something that clearly indicated the MichFest now bars [trans]men too, I was sidetracked when I ran across an article (about the Fest) that indicated how many gay people dislike the non-word, "cisgender," in part because it "bears an uncomfortable resemblance to the anti-gay slur "sissy."1 I couldn't help but snort out an unsympathetic grunt-like chuckle. I try to give the benefit of the doubt. I try not to lump people all in one big pot. But if this is true, I wondered, are some [cisgender] gay/lesbian people really worse than what I thought? They dislike the word "cisgender," a term that was simply coined to distinguish trans from non-trans and never intended to be demeaning, yet there are those like Ru Paul who will sling around the word "tranny," and others who use the term "shemale," all under their entitled attitudes that it is their right to use those terms whether they hurt us or not? REALLY? Are some gay/lesbian people incapable of looking at how "cisgender" was derived, and why? When is the last time you've heard someone call a non-trans person (gay or straight), a "cissy?" Understandable why gays wouldn't like that word, but, it's not intended for just gays. And when it is abreviated, it's always as "cis," not "cissy." Sounds to me like they are trying to drum up the use of "cissy" so they can have something to throw in our faces. It seems to me, that if gays/lesbians dislike the term "cisgender" so much, they would stop and think how a real/realized and true* slur feels to us. Slurs that people use with intention...intention that is rarely, if ever, good. *"Tranny" is in the dictionary. Unfortunately, the definition does not speak to the desparaging connotation that is intended when one is referring to another's gender identity2. "Cisgender" is not in the dictionary (yet), but it's creation was born simply as a way to distinguish - not demean - coined by science.3 "Shemale" is also not in the dictionary, but has historically been used to degrade, demean, and to shame. Seems to me that CISgender gays/lesbians, like their straight counter-parts, need to get over themselves, their entitement, their whining and their hating. The combo... Is. Not. Pretty. -David Michael 1 John Aravosis (NOTE: link removed - discovered suspicious re-direct 01.19.2020) 2 Merriam-Webster online 3 Wikipedia