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Everything posted by Chrissy

  1. Chrissy added a comment on a blog entry Two Steps Forward, One Step Back   


    I'm so sorry you had to go through that! It's horrible to be confronted like that in any situation, but especially in a group therapy session that should be supportive. I hope Susan can do something to resolve it in a fully satisfactory way.

    Personally, I can certainly understand the desire to understand why Pamela did what she did, but it might just lead to greater frustration since you can never be sure unless she tells you. If she's already prone to be like that it might have been made worse by something going on in her life. I don't mean to suggest that as an excuse, it's not, but a possible explanation.

    I think the most important thing to remember is that whatever it was, it was on her and you shouldn't internalize it (and believe me, I know that's easier said than done, i'be let myself feel hurt over far less incidemts).

    At least you have this space as an alternate venue, certainly not a substitute for in person meetings, but it's somewhere to turn.


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  2. Chrissy added a post in a topic Transwoman "Crossdressing"?   

    I'm actually leaning more towards the use of trans* as an umbrella term. The way I learned it (and granted if you look at different sources you'll see different definitions), transgender was the umbrella term and transsexual was the term specifically for people who were born anatomically the opposite gender of what they know they are.

    The problem then with using "transgender" as an umbrella term is that it doesn't leave a term specifically for those who identify as the opposite gender from what they were born, but don't believe that they were born the wrong gender (so, for example, someone who is born a man, and feels that he is a man, but identifies as female in terms of gender).

    Wow this gets confusing.
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  3. Chrissy added a blog entry in On Being...Me   

    cloudy day
    Hi all,

    After a very affirmative weekend I'm feeling a little "overcast." It's certainly fueled in part by other things going on in my life (i'm sure I mentioned in another entry that I have a job that I often hate), but it's drifting over here.

    I know there are some people on here who are around my age (i'm 48, 49 in july), so i'm hoping somebody might have some words of encouragement if they'very felt this way.

    I'very been thinking back about my childhood a lot recently, thinking about early indicators of being transgender, and while it's been useful in that sense, I also can't help but wonder who I could have been - and who I never will be - because I couldn't be free to be myself back then.

    I know that living with regret is useless, but sometimes I feel completely powerless against it.

    I hope that when this passes (and I do know that it will), I can channel the feeling sonehow, maybe do something to help the next generation more so that they can live the fullest lives that they can. But for now I just wonder why I couldn't.

    That's all I have on this for now - thank you for listening


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  4. Chrissy added a comment on a blog entry cloudy day   

    Emma and Veronica,

    Thank you both so much for your kind feedback

    The clouds seemed to have passed right now. I wasn't that sure this morning, but I got up and went to the gym and now feel ok (it helped that I got my latest Kohl's order yesterday, which included some cute new gym clothes).

    So ironically my cloudy day has passed just as an actual cloudy day has descended.


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  5. Chrissy added a post in a topic Transwoman "Crossdressing"?   


    You should never question what you're writing! (Ok, "never" might be strong, but you know what I mean.) Though I've done it myself, I usually push through and decide to throw it out there and see what happens

    And yes, the CD event lost it's appeal - in part because I know that several of the people who attend regularly are straight men who are not transgender, they just occasionally enjoy cross-dressing (I'm not criticizing that, that's just to show the lack of things we have in common - and they've been doing it for quite awhile, so it's more likely they aren't just transitioning).


    P.S. I love your quotes - especially Eleanor Roosevelt, that has always been an inspiring quote for me.
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  6. Chrissy added a post in a topic Transwoman "Crossdressing"?   

    Hi all,

    Now that I have a few minutes I wanted to write a more extended take on the "cross-dressing" topic. As I mentioned earlier, I started my own journey through cross-dressing (I think I went on in more detail about that in another thread), but I now think that I've moved beyond that. Last week when I "merged" my wardrobe, I did have one section that I still initially thought of as cross-dressing, as it included articles of clothing that I wouldn't yet wear out in public unless I was fully cross-dressed (skirts and dresses primarily).

    After my chat with my friend this weekend (when I "came out" to her as transgender) I was thinking about the division again and realized that I thought about it in my head as "drag" clothes and not cross-dressing clothes. That might reflect the fact that I agree with the original point in this thread that if you're transgender it's no longer cross-dressing. (And I actually occasionally do drag, so it wasn't a matter of using a different term, they are currently for that purpose.) There may come a time when I'll wear even these items in public, without fully cross-dressing, but for now...I also think that for now I'm going to give up on the cross-dressing group that I used to attend - it was fun, but I'd rather focus on merging more (and I can still go full out when i'm doing drag, which I'm doing again next week).

    I did take some "bolder" steps this weekend - when I went to meet with my friend I was totally dressed in women's clothing and when I went to the gym on Saturday I was fully in women's workout clothing. The gym outfit was more obvious, at first I thought my other outfit was still technically "passing" for male - but then I saw myself in a monitor at a restaurant and for a split second thought I was looking at a girl - so I was happy with that

    Love and hugs to all!

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  7. Chrissy added a blog entry in On Being...Me   

    coming out - getting ready
    So, I asked a friend (cis-woman) if we could do lunch on Saturday - just said for now there was something I wanted to talk about. I plan to "come out" to her as transgender.

    It feels a little anti-climactic, after all she already knows I cross-dress and not for fetish reasons. But, outside of my therapist she will be the first person to whom (yes, i'm trying to keep "whom" alive!) I will have self-identified as trans.

    To me I think the big thing, besides actually saying it out loud, is thinking about how to explain what it means in my life. She won't be judgmental at all, she's awesome and totally supportive of pretty much everything, but it is a conversation and I'm sure she'll ask follow-up questions.

    Luckily i'm off work tomorrow, so I have time to think

    On another front, I fully merged my wardrobe tonight - I no longer own "mens" clothes and "womens" clothes, I just own "my" clothes.

    Hope all of the Christians out there have a lovely Good Friday, and happy Passover to all Jewish members! And a belated Blessed Ostara to any other Wiccans in the room!
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  8. Chrissy added a comment on a blog entry coming out - getting ready   

    Thank you everyone for the comments! It did go very well on Saturday, in fact we probably only talked about it a few minutes since it really didn't come as a surprise to her (we talked longer about "Star Trek," having not previously known of each other's love of the franchise).

    The more interesting part of the conversation to me ended up being about dating. I haven't dated anyone in quite awhile, but feel more motivated and more confident to pursue that area of my life now that I'm starting to be more honest with myself about who I am. Since I was trying to be something else, obviously the people I tried to date weren't really right for me - hopefully now I can do a better job of it

    Eve, I agree with your prediction about my wardrobe - the only things I've purchased recently are women's clothing, the only thing that currently keeps me from scrapping everything else is money. But I'll be replacing everything over time!
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  9. Chrissy added a post in a topic Transwoman "Crossdressing"?   


    I agree with you about cross-dressing being a very broad term, I personally (now) think of it more as a verb than a noun, so it's something I do (or did) rather than what or who I am.

    I also now don't say that I'm wearing women's clothing, I'm wearing my clothing

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  10. Chrissy added a blog entry in On Being...Me   

    A beginning...of sorts
    Hi everyone,

    So I just recently discovered this site, and since my transition is still relatively new I thought a blog would be a good idea - to keep track of things for myself and see what others might have to offer

    I guess I'll use this entry for a little background. My transition began in earnest about a year and a half ago (it was sometime in the summer of 2013). I started with cross-dressing and discovered quickly that every time I took a step thinking it was for reason "A" it turned out it was really for reason "B." With cross-dressing, I thought I was doing it for sexual/fetish reasons, but very quickly realized that wasn't my reason at all. The first bit of evidence that I recall is that the first time I shopped for clothes (on I went in thinking I was looking for "hook-up" clothing - when my order arrived a few days later I found that I hadn't ordered anything like that at all - what I got was arguably cute and flirty, but not hook-up. So that called into question my reason for cross-dressing.

    Even then, it seemed like cross-dressing was just it's own thing - I started doing it at home, and then eventually got up the guts to get dressed at home and actually go out! But still, at that point when I was a boy I was a boy, when I was a girl, I was a girl. The first break in that was my JLo bag from Kohl's (my favorite brand/store combo!). I bought it for cross-dressing as I needed a bigger bag so that I could carry a change of shoes. But almost immediately I started using it every day, boy or girl. Not the boldest, most obvious "statement," but it was a start, it was the first item of clothing/accessory that I used either way.

    Now I'm at point where I'm "feminizing" as much as possible - but it's really my thought process that's become more important. I'm hung up a bit on the question of what this - what being transgender - means to me?

    More later - thanks for reading!!!!
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  11. Chrissy added a comment on a blog entry coming out - getting ready   


    Thank you for the feedback! With this particular friend I expected it to go fairly easily, and it did. We have a long history of being very open and supportive of each other.

    Fortunately I have several friends in that category, it's if and when I get to family that things might get trickier. Both of my parents passed away, so it's mainly my brother and sister, neither of whom is terribly enlightened. i'm sure i'll go much further on my own journey before I discuss it with them.


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  12. Chrissy added a comment on a blog entry Transitioning ...   


    That's great that you're taking steps, and that your mom is supportive. Good luck on your journey, I look forward to reading more updates!

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  13. Chrissy added a comment on a blog entry coming out - getting ready   


    Your timing was perfect, I read this right before I met with my friend

    It went very well, it was nice to hear myself say the words!

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  14. Chrissy added a post in a topic Why Bother With "Passing"?   

    I think much of it is "simply" about projecting outwardly who you are inside. So if your goal is to be seen, accepted, and treated as a woman or man, it's more important to pass. If the goal is to be seen, accepted and treated as more feminine (me) or masculine than you would otherwise, then passing isn't so important (or might be cointerproductive).

    That and I think women's clothes are so much nicer than men's (the jeans could use deeper pockets though, just sayin)
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  15. Chrissy added a post in a topic Transwoman "Crossdressing"?   

    In my experience, and i'm sure i'm not alone, cross-dressing was how I first explored as transgender. It was only after doing that for awhile that I recognized that I am transgender. The point of all this is to say that have the separately identified concept was helpful in terms of my journey - if the only option seemed to be transgender, i'm not sure when I would have taken that step.

    Having said all that, it will be nice when we, reach a time when everyone just feels free to express as they want and need. And I agree that under those circumstances it would be redundant or incorrect to say that a transgender person is cross-dressing.
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  16. Chrissy added a comment on a blog entry Sexuality has too many loopholes   

    I agree with Emma's comment on labels, they're helpful in communicating with each other and otherwise harmless until people start making broad and incorrect assumptions based on them.

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  17. Chrissy added a post in a topic FYI Blog settings   

    Thanks for that! I haven't posted anything that i'd worry about guests seeing, but I think i'll feel freer to write knowing they can't.
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  18. Chrissy added a blog entry in On Being...Me   

    I've been wanting to do this for my own purposes anyway, but since I have a blog now I should use it!

    In exploring my gender I've thought a lot about the past and anything that might have been an indicator of what I really was (am!).

    The earliest item is my very first best friend (only friend for awhile) - Missy (totally ironic that I now use that name for my drag name). I'm not even sure when we became friends, we were both younger than 5 years old though. She lived down the street from me, so to some extent it was convenience, we were the only people close to each other in age - she had a brother and sister who were both substantially older, I have a brother and sister who are older, but they lined up with other kids in the area who were around their age. Convenience wasn't everything though, we were very close and stayed close friends well into elementary school, even after both of us had met other people and could "travel" to play if we wanted. Our usual play routine involved things that I think would be typically seen as "girls" - basically "playing house" with various Fisher Price toys. I had a G.I. Joe, but it wasn't my choice, I would have preferred a Barbie (she had much better accessories!), and in my hands Joe didn't do the things that he would normally have done (he never went to war). Sadly we did drift apart - it was around the age when it was "wrong" to have friends of the other sex/gender (girls had cooties after all).

    I didn't have any close female friends through the rest of elementary school or high school - but I was friendly with more girls than boys (in hindsight I can see that they no doubt saw me as non-threatening, so it was easier to get closer). These weren't good years (for multiple reasons that probably had nothing to do with gender).

    After that I started having more female friends, and a wife. We ostensibly divorced when I came out as gay, but I can see things from the time of being married that suggested otherwise. One fairly substantial thing is that when it came to decorating the more "female" touches were generally my suggestion! I like pink, I like it anywhere that it looks good, which is pretty much anywhere (for example, I was very excited when I found that I could make this all pink! Hopefully it doesn't make it hard to read). To put an even finer point on it, we didn't paint our living room pink, we painted it "dusty rose." My choice. I'm sure I tried to keep some check on it, but not with complete success. Later on I would ascribe that to being gay, but now...

    Since then I've pretty much always had at least one very close female friend. Again I would have typically said that it was because I'm gay - but I honestly don't know many of my gay friends who routinely have female friends, they tend to stay more to themselves (I'm also not denying the possibility that both sexuality and gender play a role in this).

    I'll save the more recent indicators for later


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  19. Chrissy added a post in a topic How Does Your State Rank On The Civil Rights Issue Of Our Time?   

    Not surprised about New York, if it was just NYC it would be dark green, but the rest of the state isn't so progressive.

    NJ as a state is much more so, notwithstanding the current, unfortunate governor.
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  20. Chrissy added a comment on a blog entry Background....   

    Big fan of purple as well :)
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  21. Chrissy added a post in a topic Thought I was shopping for tops but nay, my affection for boots got me   

    I usually go for mini skirts and short shorts - like to show some leg ;)
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  22. Chrissy added a comment on a blog entry It's all becoming so normal!!!   

    That's awesome! My only experience like that was when cross-dressed and having a man on the train say to his daughter, who was going to take my seat when we got to my stop, "wait til the lady gets up." Great feeling.

    (And my birth name was also Steve...parents made it easier for me to transition by making my middle name Christie)

    have a great weekend!
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  23. Chrissy added a post in a topic Thought I was shopping for tops but nay, my affection for boots got me   

    Joining this late, but can't resist a shopping discussion! One of my favorite fringe benefits of being TG is shopping for women's clothing, so much more fun than men's. Tops and bags are my favorite, especially the JLo collection at Kohl's!
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  24. Chrissy added a comment on a blog entry A beginning...of sorts   

    Oops, I meant to include a specific example of a question that gave me something to think about - it was recent, a quiz about Gender Reassignment Surgery - I won't try to quote the question exactly, but the thought process that it prompted for me was basically "if there were absolutely no downsides or difficulties in doing it, would you?" Of course there are downsides and difficulties, but I think it's a good starting point (it really works in many areas of life - "if there was nothing to fear, would you do it?").

    But I agree, for me they're mostly just fun - and an occasional diversion from a job that I often hate. Adding to their deficiencies is that I'm pretty good at "putting my thumb on the scale" to get the answer I want (though again, that can be telling in itself).

    I do currently see a therapist, and put much more stock in him :-)
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  25. Chrissy added a comment on a blog entry A beginning...of sorts   

    I agree, it's helpful but I know it won't resolve everything for me (as much as I love spreadsheets!). A quick reading of it suggests that I'm somewhere between Types III and IV - but a year ago I probably would have said I and II - so the evolution continues!

    I find something similar with the various on-line quizzes - none can or should be taken too seriously, but occasionally they'll throw in a question which in itself gives me something to think about.
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