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Everything posted by Chrissy

  1. Chrissy

    Just another Rambling Jam

    That sounds like a great idea for a tattoo! I have 4 tattoos already, I want another but i'm waiting until i'm done with laser hair removal. Mine are all wolf themed
  2. Chrissy

    Just another Rambling Jam

    The circle of life, you move away from the name and I move towards it! It was actually my middle name by birth, so it seemed a natural choice (it was my mother's maiden name) that is a great quote - it would make for a big tattoo :)
  3. Chrissy

    Just another Rambling Jam

    RenRen, I'm pretty new here and don't really know you, but I read your post and i'm really sorry that your going through such difficulties that seems totally useless to say, but I doubt there's anything I could say that would help much. It is encouraging to see that you have help and are trying things - and that you're able to maintain some humor through it! If the "thoughts you aren't proud of" are what i'm thinking, then I do know a little about that, i'be had them too, a couple of times just in the last few weeks. I do manage to remember when they happen that as long as i'm here I still have a chance to be happy. If i'm wrong about what you meant then disregard what I just said Xoxo Christie
  4. Chrissy

    Good bye for a while

    Karen, Best of luck in your other ventures! I've enjoyed reading your posts and have learned a lot from you (and I plan to keep working backwards and reading more). xoxo Christie
  5. Chrissy

    Mountains and valleys

    Hello all! I just looked back to see when I did my first blog posting, for some reason I thought it was just earlier this week but it was actually early last week. It simultaneously seems shorter and longer than that. Anyway, I'll get to the point of the subject line of this entry - "mountains and valleys." It's a reference to a line from a Debbie Gibson song that I love ("Over the Wall") - "mountains and valleys are better than nothing at all." It might not have been her original thought, but I really do love the song (it also contains the line "What do you think about when every day is over and done?" which I wrote on a note that I keep by my bed so that I see it at the start of each day). This week was a good example of mountains and valleys for me - the valley would be what I wrote about in "A Cloudy Day," and the mountain was obviously the incredibly sweet gesture by a random stranger that I wrote about yesterday. Collectively it drives home the point that this journey will have a lot of mountains, and a lot of valleys, and I'm sure they'll be far more extreme on both ends than anything that's happened so far. I really wanted to write today to thank everyone on this site who has written to me or commented to my blog entries! I'm so happy, and very lucky that I came across this website, it won't cover every need that will come up, but it's such an incredibly great resource to have, especially the connection to all of you! My other big, personal take-away from the past couple of weeks is about my place on the transsexual spectrum. When I first told people that I am transgender (and even before that when I told them about my cross-dressing), some would ask if I was transsexual (they actually asked if I was going to get "the surgery") and at that time I would tell them that I was 99% sure that I wouldn't. Since then my journey has taken me where I didn't necessarily expect I was going to to. As I take each new step and it feels right, and it feels good, I take another step. The bottom line for me (sorry, I know I already used "take-away") is that my answer to their question now will be "possibly," and "I'll need some time to ask questions and explore." I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend! I'm going to try to go as tech-free as possible (I'm getting a little too addicted to my phone). XOXO Christie
  6. Chrissy

    Two Steps Forward, One Step Back

    Oh Emma, you definitely need to find and watch Futurama! It's one of the greatest all-time animated series, and (in my opinion) Bender was the best part of it!
  7. Chrissy

    Oh my God. I'm not alone.

    That's wonderful! Finding a good support group is a great thing, and to connect with someone from your past through it must be especially nice. So much of this can feel (and I say this as a "newbie," but I'm already getting the impression) like you're leaving so much behind, that to actually connect with someone from the past through it has to feel a little stabilizing (maybe a different adjective?). Like you I have a number of friends who know what I'm starting here, but none are transgender and I think that would be a great presence in my life right now. Best of luck! I look forward to hearing more about your journey :-) xoxo Christie
  8. Chrissy

    Appointment to start HRT

    Dear Lisa, I can only imagine what you're going through, but it's so great and inspiring that you're carrying through! I've gone on the PATH train (a "subway" that links Jersey City and NYC) as a woman, so I do have some idea of how that is, but obviously in those cases I was just cross-dressing for the evening, it wasn't at all what you were doing, so congrats on taking that big step! Hopefully you'll find that each time you do it the anxiety level drops a little, or that through therapy and medication you can successfully address it. Christie
  9. Chrissy

    A sweet gesture by a stranger

    Good morning everyone, I've many times heard the suggestion about doing a random act of kindness for a stranger and this morning I learned from the recipient end what a wonderful suggestion it really is! I was on the PATH train coming in to work (I had amazingly gotten a seat!) and I was reading "True Selves: Understanding Transsexualism." A few minutes in, the woman sitting next to me handed me a note, it read: "I saw title of your book. I think your courage to be who you want to be is amazing!!" I don't think I need to add anything to the story, needless to say my mood just soared. I thanked her (right then and then again as we were getting off the train), but it felt in sufficient. XOXO Christie (as a side note - I haven't experienced this particular opinion on this website at all, but this seems like an appropriate moment to again challenge the notion of New Yorkers being nasty - we're not, and we are even capable of incredible sweetness, even to strangers!)
  10. Chrissy

    Two Steps Forward, One Step Back

    Bender does indeed rock! Benders always do ;-)
  11. I had a brief email exchange with one of my bosses yesterday, it started off with me distinguishing between "shopping" and "buying" (I won't go into the boring details of how that came up), and I said - "If only the people in the mailroom knew what was in the many packages I get delivered hereā€¦" Her response (she knows about my cross-dressing, but not that I'm TG) - "Ha ha. They'd think you were surprising your girlfriend I bet. You really don't tip off the layperson." I honestly found that her comment bothered me - I wasn't upset at her at all, it just made me wish that I "really DID" tip off the layperson more. This isn't a big deal at all, she only sees me at work and I know I'll have to further along in my journey before I push the envelope too much at work. The point of this is that it did give me the little extra motivation I needed this morning to go to the gym in the new cute pair of shorts that I got recently. Those, along with the t-shirt and running shoes I wore, created a pretty decidedly female look :)
  12. Chrissy

    Motivation...and another (small?) step forward

    How did I miss those!
  13. Chrissy

    A sweet gesture by a stranger

    Emma, That's wonderful! And I really enjoy the fact that our stories both involve people from places that are usually characterized as nasty (New York and Paris). I spent 6 weeks in Paris while I was in school and really found that Parisians were generally very nice (had an experience a bit like yours, I was at the train station at the airport, clearly looking confused, and a random person came up and asked if he could help).
  14. Chrissy

    Motivation...and another (small?) step forward

    Veronica, I recently bought this pair from Kohl's (hoping the link works) http://www.kohls.com/product/prd-1873288/nike-classic-cortez-womens-tennis-shoes.jsp?ci_mcc=ci&utm_campaign=WOMENS%20ATHLETIC%20SHOE&utm_medium=CSE&utm_source=bing&CID=shopping20&srccode=cii_328768002&cpncode=42-47636223-2
  15. Chrissy

    Motivation...and another (small?) step forward

    Thank you! And thank you for being such a positive presence here The only downside to wearing the shorts this morning was that it was rather cold out, I should factor the weather into my decisions to be bold! Fortunately it's not a long walk from home to the gym.
  16. Chrissy

    blaaa blaaa blaaa

    I use the Flash-n-go myself. I have been using it everywhere except my face, but started doing that as well in the past month. It's too soon to know how effective it is on my face, but everywhere else it's been pretty effective. (I had started electrolysis previously, but that was too expensive after a few sessions)
  17. Chrissy

    "True Selves"

    "True Selves" by Mildred L. Brown and Chloe Ann Rounsley
  18. Chrissy

    Two Steps Forward, One Step Back

    You go girl! :)
  19. Chrissy

    Two Steps Forward, One Step Back

    Emma, I'm so sorry you had to go through that! It's horrible to be confronted like that in any situation, but especially in a group therapy session that should be supportive. I hope Susan can do something to resolve it in a fully satisfactory way. Personally, I can certainly understand the desire to understand why Pamela did what she did, but it might just lead to greater frustration since you can never be sure unless she tells you. If she's already prone to be like that it might have been made worse by something going on in her life. I don't mean to suggest that as an excuse, it's not, but a possible explanation. I think the most important thing to remember is that whatever it was, it was on her and you shouldn't internalize it (and believe me, I know that's easier said than done, i'be let myself feel hurt over far less incidemts). At least you have this space as an alternate venue, certainly not a substitute for in person meetings, but it's somewhere to turn. XOXO Christie
  20. Chrissy

    Female talk

    I'm with Emma, I can't imagine ever talking with either of my parents about sex, but then I grew up in a VERY waspy family, nothing emotional or physical was ever discussed.
  21. I'm actually leaning more towards the use of trans* as an umbrella term. The way I learned it (and granted if you look at different sources you'll see different definitions), transgender was the umbrella term and transsexual was the term specifically for people who were born anatomically the opposite gender of what they know they are. The problem then with using "transgender" as an umbrella term is that it doesn't leave a term specifically for those who identify as the opposite gender from what they were born, but don't believe that they were born the wrong gender (so, for example, someone who is born a man, and feels that he is a man, but identifies as female in terms of gender). Wow this gets confusing.
  22. Chrissy

    cloudy day

    Hi all, After a very affirmative weekend I'm feeling a little "overcast." It's certainly fueled in part by other things going on in my life (i'm sure I mentioned in another entry that I have a job that I often hate), but it's drifting over here. I know there are some people on here who are around my age (i'm 48, 49 in july), so i'm hoping somebody might have some words of encouragement if they'very felt this way. I'very been thinking back about my childhood a lot recently, thinking about early indicators of being transgender, and while it's been useful in that sense, I also can't help but wonder who I could have been - and who I never will be - because I couldn't be free to be myself back then. I know that living with regret is useless, but sometimes I feel completely powerless against it. I hope that when this passes (and I do know that it will), I can channel the feeling sonehow, maybe do something to help the next generation more so that they can live the fullest lives that they can. But for now I just wonder why I couldn't. That's all I have on this for now - thank you for listening Xoxo Christie
  23. Chrissy

    cloudy day

    Emma and Veronica, Thank you both so much for your kind feedback The clouds seemed to have passed right now. I wasn't that sure this morning, but I got up and went to the gym and now feel ok (it helped that I got my latest Kohl's order yesterday, which included some cute new gym clothes). So ironically my cloudy day has passed just as an actual cloudy day has descended. xoxo Christie
  24. Emma, You should never question what you're writing! (Ok, "never" might be strong, but you know what I mean.) Though I've done it myself, I usually push through and decide to throw it out there and see what happens And yes, the CD event lost it's appeal - in part because I know that several of the people who attend regularly are straight men who are not transgender, they just occasionally enjoy cross-dressing (I'm not criticizing that, that's just to show the lack of things we have in common - and they've been doing it for quite awhile, so it's more likely they aren't just transitioning). Christie P.S. I love your quotes - especially Eleanor Roosevelt, that has always been an inspiring quote for me.
  25. Hi all, Now that I have a few minutes I wanted to write a more extended take on the "cross-dressing" topic. As I mentioned earlier, I started my own journey through cross-dressing (I think I went on in more detail about that in another thread), but I now think that I've moved beyond that. Last week when I "merged" my wardrobe, I did have one section that I still initially thought of as cross-dressing, as it included articles of clothing that I wouldn't yet wear out in public unless I was fully cross-dressed (skirts and dresses primarily). After my chat with my friend this weekend (when I "came out" to her as transgender) I was thinking about the division again and realized that I thought about it in my head as "drag" clothes and not cross-dressing clothes. That might reflect the fact that I agree with the original point in this thread that if you're transgender it's no longer cross-dressing. (And I actually occasionally do drag, so it wasn't a matter of using a different term, they are currently for that purpose.) There may come a time when I'll wear even these items in public, without fully cross-dressing, but for now...I also think that for now I'm going to give up on the cross-dressing group that I used to attend - it was fun, but I'd rather focus on merging more (and I can still go full out when i'm doing drag, which I'm doing again next week). I did take some "bolder" steps this weekend - when I went to meet with my friend I was totally dressed in women's clothing and when I went to the gym on Saturday I was fully in women's workout clothing. The gym outfit was more obvious, at first I thought my other outfit was still technically "passing" for male - but then I saw myself in a monitor at a restaurant and for a split second thought I was looking at a girl - so I was happy with that Love and hugs to all! Christie