I'm sorry you were feeling down but I'm sending kudos to you for your self-care. I like getting dressed, even today when it will be hiking boots, shorts, and an athletic top to go on a long-ish hike about 100 miles east of here. I well remember the fantastic feelings I had getting dressed long before transition.

I love your photos, especially the one on the right! She's so pretty, isn't she? I'd also lose the nose-ring but it does give her some edginess. 

I wonder what I'd look like with such a filter. Probably lots better than normal. But also, like you, I love it when I happen to glance at myself in the bathroom mirror where I'll do a double-take as I see myself as a woman. Feels good!

1 hour ago, Emma said:

long-ish hike about 100 miles east of here

I would say a 100 miles is a long hike! I guess your starting location is 100 miles away and the hike is there! I hope you enjoy it.

Snapchat and the filter are free to use Emma, as long as it is just for giggles I do not see why not. People used to pay good money for glamour shoots which were the older equivalent.

1 hour ago, Emma said:

I love your photos, especially the one on the right! She's so pretty, isn't she? I'd also lose the nose-ring but it does give her some edginess.

Thank you, that's sweet of you to say. 🤭 She has certainly made me feel beautiful for a while and that is what counts today.  One day I will decide if she is going to become a permanent fixture on the outside or just a part of me on the inside.

Dear DeeDee,

Absolutely love your feminine pictures and I hope they inspire you.

Think you are a beautiful woman without the filters, too!

Your friend,

Monica

Loved the looks, too!  You'll know when it's definitely right or definitely not;  I can't remember what turned the point for me, but maybe something to think of!  Time is on your side.

Thank you ladies, I needed cheering up today and it did the trick. I have had a lovely and properly relaxing day. 💛

12 minutes ago, Christy said:

I think the photos are great. You look so cute. I’m glad it lifted your spirits Dee😊. Also when I started laser & electrolysis I ask her to do my chest, back, bum and halfway down my thighs once I felt comfortable. The main focus of treatment is my face and neck. The rest of the body hair doesn’t grow back really and only requires a touch up once and a while when needed.

🤗 Thank you Christa. I am considering getting a sweep of my upper torso done but it is costing me £150-£180 per visit just for my face (either 1 hr of laser or 3 hrs  of electrolysis) How much growth/stubble do you allow for laser - I find it incredibly painful although my facial hair has thinned substantially.

16 minutes ago, Christy said:

The true me just kind of shines through. Some days I think I look terrible but I guess everyone will feel like that. But! I find myself catching a glimpse as I walk passed a mirror and saying “wow you look great”. The boy is disappearing. This will happen to me unexpectedly as I go through out my day and really lifts my spirits. It’s almost the same feeling as when I would dress female in the beginning. It’s something for you to look forward to I guess. If you decide to keep moving towards Dee. Having my dysphoria lessened has helped my brain calm down and allowed me to see more clearly.

I am still searching for the true me. Some days it seems obvious that Dee is who I should be and other days it seems that Dee is just a part of who I should be. I was asked recently if Dee is simply a way to allow myself the freedom of expression that I do not allow my male self, and the honest answer is I simply do not know. Do we become trans as a result of trauma we receive or do we receive trauma because we are trans and more vulnerable before we transition? x

Dee,

I’m as sure as I can be that we don’t become trans because of trauma. It’s the other way around.

We are born with our authentic gender pre-programmed. It’s like one’s sexuality, handedness, or other characteristics. 

Some very fortunate people do not experience such trauma and shame, especially young children if they are accepted and supported by their parents and community. 

For those like us it’s a struggle to not only find where we need to be on the trans spectrum but also to find self-acceptance and love. As Dara wrote in their book accomplishing this is truly a Hero’s Journey. 

Thanks Emma, I have been thinking of going back and trying again with Dara's book now that I am at a different point of my own journey. Though I am pretty sure I would be the annoying sidekick constantly needing rescued rather than the hero... 💛

Dee, please gently allow yourself to experience the normal ups and downs. Although I'm about as transitioned as one could be my journey certainly continues!

I agree fully about returning to Dara's book and to adding to your recording of the work they recommend. There's so much wisdom in their book which inspires such powerful awareness in ourselves. 😍

Dear DeeDee,

One thing I do through the years is to speak into an audio recorder as if I was talking to a good friend. Then I play it back, and think how I would counsel her.

Hope this helps.

Yours truly,

Monica

That's a terrific idea Monica! I suppose we've all heard that we should talk to ourselves as if we're speaking with a good friend. I've tried that in my mind and I've not been successful. But I can well imagine how speaking and recording my words and sincerity would help me speak more nicely to myself. 

Dear Friends,

Have written articles, journals, letters, etc., and come upon them 6 months, 1 year, 2 years later, etc., and said, "did I write that?!!"

You should expect that. It's called growth!

Your friend,

Monica

On 7/14/2019 at 8:18 AM, ScottishDeeDee said:

Do we become trans as a result of trauma we receive or do we receive trauma because we are trans and more vulnerable before we transition? x

I can't really say I've experienced "trauma" either as a cause or effect of transitioning, and know I'm fortunate in that respect.  But then again, life was not nearly  it as fulfilling as it has become once I resolved to accept "my own authenticity".  Yes, all of us are different yet the same.

11 hours ago, Christy said:

You are loved and you are not alone.

Well put.  This is the most common and significant message to me that came out of this year's pride.  No one should forget it. 😍

Thank you all for your responses, as folks who are confident of who you are even though you have had different life journeys, you each possess a perspective that I do not. I find it helpful that I can ask these questions as sometimes I cannot see the woods for the trees.  

This morning I was watching someone do a cosplay tutorial for Nebula from Guardians Of The Galaxy and she had a really hard job gluing and hiding her hair to put on a bald cap to then paint over  - I would totally have an advantage if I ever chose to cosplay her and my friends would be blown away if I got it right. (hope comes in the strangest of places sometimes).

I use my blogs as a journal Monica, I do not write them for others, but mostly as letters to myself, I just know that sometimes other people read and interact with them. It gives me something to go back and read and I can quickly remember how I felt and what was on my mind. It is why I try to keep up with weekly posts even when I am not necessarily blogging about trans issues. I have never been one for keeping a diary but have found that kind of journalling useful and therapeutic.✍️

21 hours ago, Christy said:

I think the key for me was to slowly allow myself to accept that I am trans and then to understand that I will have ups and downs. What will all of this really mean? Do I really need to move forward and if so how far do I need to go? I like to think about it in this way, if all of the other factors in my life didn’t exist (ie. family, work, friends, health concerns, cost etc.) what would I do? What do I truly want and need? I have found that when presented with this I always see my true self. A female. These questions take time to reflect on and then experience the true female me.

Thanks Christa - I guess that I do still struggle with whether or not this is going to improve my quality of life. Being Dee at a Pride event was one small moment, it was a weekend full of fun and without all the normal day to day mundane moments of life so I am trying to work out if I feel more complete facing these as Dee and if so why. I am still working out what do I truly want and need and why?