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Sometimes, I feel it's more like a hole I'm in... not just a dip, as a dip in a road. But a deep a** hole. Deep. Really deep. And no one knows I'm there. They don't even know I'm missing. Because they don't know I exist....

I've been feeling a little blue today. Like yesterday I'm questioning myself and have a lot of fearful thoughts in my head that are hard to fight. I subscribe to emails from Leo Babauta, who writes on his site Zen Habits. He's a neat guy, with a lot of good suggestions. Just now I saw this email from him, which I copied directly below. I hope/assume he'd be okay with my doing this since I'm attributing it all to him. He didn't write this with people dealing with TG issues like me in mind. But the wisdom and insights apply, I think. I hope it helps me and you. Be well, Emma Pushing Past the Terrifying Dip in Motivation http://zenhabits.net/dip/ My son, who is officially an adult in a matter of days, is facing a small crisis: the project he’s working on is not going well, and he’s ready to give up not only on the project but the career he was excited about not too long ago. I can feel the horrible mixture of discouragement, disappointment, difficulty, despair he must be feeling, because I’ve felt it too. I’ve felt this punch in the gut whenever projects or new ventures didn’t go well. I’ve given up, and felt the disappointment in myself. And I’ve pushed through this discouragement, and felt so much better. Pushing through was always better. So I’m here to talk about how I push past what Seth Godin calls The Dip — that slump that we all hit when things get hard, which is (sometimes) before the place where things get great. How do we know if we’re in a slump or if we should just quit? We don’t. There’s no way to know the future. There are times when there are a bunch of good indicators that you should quit — customers aren’t responding, the market doesn’t support your work, there are better opportunities. But the feeling you have when you’re in a dip is not a good indicator that it’s time to quit. The feeling wants you to quit, but often you shouldn’t. Because if you do, you’ll never get great at anything. How to Push Through What do you do if you’re demotivated and disappointed? If things aren’t going well and you want to give up because they’re so hard? When you’re confused and overwhelmed? Push through. This is the time when you can show yourself what you’re made of: you can brace yourself for a heavy load, put your head down, and push, like you’re trying to lift the barbell at the bottom of a heavy squat. How do you push through when you don’t feel motivated? You start moving. Take just one step, any step, a tiny step. Movement begets movement. Once you start moving, even a little, you feel better, you see that you’re capable, you want to move more. You embrace the uncertainty and discomfort. Lots of people avoid these two things, but without them, you never get good at anything. You never learn anything worthwhile. Embrace these things and grow. You do it not for success or some end goal, but for the sake of learning. You do it because you’re tired of being in the pain of disappointment and regret. You want to get out of this dark hole, because staying in it sucks. You start moving because you don’t want to let your life be ruled by fear. You don’t want to give up every time you face resistance. You let yourself be moved by curiosity: wanting to know what it’s like to get past this, to push through discomfort. You want to find out how this chapter ends. You want to learn more about yourself. You do it because you want to build trust in yourself, and you realize that there’s nothing more important right now than that. You pause and remind yourself of the reason you started in the first place: it’s not for personal success but to help people, to strengthen yourself, to inspire others, to make someone’s life a little better, to put a smile on your face. And then you ask yourself: which is more important, this reason for doing this project, or your personal comfort? And you realize that your personal comfort matters little in this case. You push through because every time you face uncertainty and discomfort in the future, you want to know you’re good enough to push through. Take the first step right now, without thought, without hesitation. You have it in you. Photo: a foggy morning in Kirkenes, Finland, which is near the northernmost area, well above the Arctic Circle.

As some of you might know, I had my sixteen year old sister down at my place for about a week. The reason I did this was simple. She needed out. I look at my little sister and see a perfect replica of me at her age. Shy, outcasted, punk, stylish, misunderstood, and above all...depressed. She'd decided that eating is not something she HAS to do, and has resorted to eating about once a day, or even less on occasion. She hides in her room, away from the world. Not that I can blame her....my mother is...well...my mother. She doesnt understand these things, is rather demanding and controlling, and does not understand people like me or my sister AT ALL. So, for a week with me she went. I spoiled her ROTTEN. She deserved it! Though she fought it at first, telling me to stop buying things for her, I knew she liked it. Shirts and necklaces of her favorite band, a poster, new jewelry, new clothes, etc. I took her out to dinner a few times, we (including my bf who adores her) went out to the movies together...We had fun! By the time it was time to bring her home, she had emerged from her shell, been eating regular meals, and was getting a full night's sleep. But as we climbed into the truck to make the three hour drive to bring her home...she switched back again. She became reserved, fearful, shy...depressed. I literally cried as we drove away, and she cried in my arms because she didnt want me to leave her. We've never had that sort of relationship before, where she were comfortable enough to do that with me. I promised her to be back in a few weeks...I'm taking her for a whole MONTH. I did NOT give my mother an option on this. But in this situation, other situations arose. First of all....my support from my family..is false. It had been revealed to me that though, to my face, my mother and siblings are supportive of my transgender lifestyle and seem happy that I'm happy....theyre talking bad behind my back. Apparently, they have been saying rude comments about me to people, saying I'm doing this "just for the attention" and that it's not a phase indeed...but a desperate cry for mental help and attention. The news hurt...a lot. The support I thought I had, the understanding I were sure they possessed....was all false. None of it were sincere. They're laughing at me.... During the visit while bringing my sister home...I noticed their behaviour towards it. The little comments here and there, the mentions and giggles about my changes in appearance...my older sister is now dressing up even more and hanging all over my boyfriend. As if to say "Your girlfriend turned into a guy, but I'm still a girl so look at me instead". It hurts...so bad... On top of that, not once did they ask my little sister "did you have fun?" or "what did you do down there?" or even an innocent "hey, we missed you!" It broke my heart to see her cast in the shadows. Just like I was. But again, another situation has been a plague in my mind. Sisterhood vs. Brotherly love. My little sister knows that I am transgendered, and she is TOTALLY cool with it. She supports it 150%, and even got excited for me when someone called me Sir at the store. But the things I used to do that were deemed "Sisterly love" might no longer be appropriate? For instance, the hugs all the time I assume are alright. But now people think we're a couple... We've always smacked eachother and pinched and fooled around..but now that I look like a teen guy, it just looks like a dude hitting on her or being a bully. And people look at us funny instead of the classic eyeroll of "oh theyre sisters being sisters, no biggy" And now one of the bigger ones. Laying together. When we were younger, we used to share a bed. Which was no problem, and we still occasionally will share a bed (both clothed of course) while shes on the computer or we're looking stuff up or something. Well in this instance, I'd fallen asleep, and cuddled up behind her, and my arm draped over her waist. I didnt think anything of it, she didnt seem to mind, etc. But it were mentioned to me later by someone else that me being male, that might no longer be appropriate. I'd love some advice on this, if anyone has any. I love reading the comments and such! What things might a sister be okay to do, that is no longer "okay" for a brother? I'd look to my brother for this advice but he's less than enjoyable to talk to, and doesnt fully approve of my gender transition. Love to hear your thoughts, Warren P.S. I now have the date to see my therapist for the first time ever. The 18th o.o I'm nervous! (Photo is on top of one of the Twin Mountains near where my old hometown is)

Agreed. Like you're staring up at the opening of a biga** hole in the ground and everyone's just walking by like "Meh, look at that. Pity." and walk on by. One thing I've learned about my dark, solemn, murky little hole in the world is that no, they dont hear you scream. No, they dont shine a light in here to see what it is. People fear the darkness of caverns. They dont want to know what's lurking inside. The only way to get them to stop tiptoeing away from you, is to climb out on your own. Shove your hands in the dirt and claw your way to the surface, even if it's just for a moment to get a bit of light, let them see your face and realize you're not that bad, before dropping back down into your solitary confinement. Because they've gotten that glimpse. They've seen your face, and they know what's lurking in the darkness of that hole. It gives them more of a reason to poke their heads in and wonder what's going on. Just my two cents, you can take it and ask for change, or leave the pennies on the sidewalk. -Warren

I think it's so wonderful that TGGuide supports both FTM and MTF people; it's fun for me to compare my journey and feelings. For example, I have to tell you, I hate boxers! I think I had one pair way way back. I didn't like the way you have to somehow smooth them down your legs inside pants or otherwise they're all scrunched up and uncomfortable. Worse, they don't hold anything in place if you get my drift. All flopping around which feels weird to me. So I always wore "tightie whities" growing up, and now Polo briefs by Jockey, which are cotton and very comfortable. And for my feminine expression we all know that I'm not allowed by society (or at least my own inhibitions) to wear feminine clothing articles unless I'm fully expressing myself as a woman. Anyway, I just wanted to thank you both for your postings and hope you continue. Emma

"JUST GENDER tackles the all too often misunderstood world of transgender. The film explores the common myths and misunderstandings about transgendered people, as well as the confusion between sexual orientation and gender identity as reflected in the rigid binary view of the world generally held by society. JUST GENDER also touches on the discrimination, hardships and brutality resulting from those misconceptions and prejudices, including the numerous deaths caused by hate each year. Through the stories of transgender individuals and their spouses, friends, and allies, the film explores the confusion, the isolation, and the fear felt by many transgender persons. It also reveals their growing awareness and acceptance, and ultimately their joy in blossoming comfort as transgendered persons." I learned about this movie/documentary recently in the Transgender section of the Huffington Post. (Which, by the way, is excellent.) And I watched it last night. About 90 minutes long, they address many issues and questions, with transmen and transwomen and other professionals as spokespeople, that I have, my wife has, and have been raised here and elsewhere. It was very well done and in my opinion valuable for anyone, TG or not, to watch. It does cost $9.95 but it's great that you can download it to your computer so you'll have it forever. http://alivemindcinema.com/justgender/

Warren, I think it's great that you had a sit down and talk with your BF. I'm afraid there is no other way if you and he hope to grow in your relationship. And from your experience with a trial separation it seems that you both do want to stay together. So keep talking! I know what you mean about being self-conscious. I think that comes from the doubts we have about our partners true acceptance. In a perfect world we'd be so self confident that it wouldn't matter what he thinks or says, but that's not the world we live in. You are already displaying a lot of courage to be yourself and now, understandably, you're looking for support. Perhaps in one of your talks with him, ask him more about what's going on for him. What support and affirmation does he need? Maybe by supporting him some of his urges to comment on your longer hair or old clothes will diminish. I hope so for your sake. Be well, Emma

My wife’s been out house-sitting for a couple of weeks, and will do so for another two weeks, so that’s provided me some space to explore myself. Most mornings I walk a couple of blocks to our local coffee shop before breakfast, buy a large cup, and return home to catch up on emails while enjoying the coffee. Now, though, I can add something feminine to my clothing which I like to do. But I must not present anything girly on the outside. I know many of the people I run into and as we know, males simply do not even show a hint of lace, feminine color, or fabric not typically found in masculine clothing. I can consider, therefore, only wearing feminine clothing underneath my shirt and jeans. But it doesn’t end there. I must not wear a bra. Even the slightest padding under a shirt and sweatshirt may very well show something unusual and remarkable that I’d have to answer for. And we know how bra straps show through outer clothing by tugging in around the back and sides. I could just wear a pair of panties, sure. But darn it, it’s not enough! Even though no one will know I will know and I want to express myself even in a hidden yet sort of public way. It’s getting chillier here these days, about 40-45 degrees in the morning, so it’s natural and comfortable to wear a sweatshirt or jacket over my T-shirt. And it’s cold enough for me to wear something under my jeans. I thus don a long-sleeved leotard and tights, and then everything goes on top. And yes, I wear socks as well since I can’t risk my pants leg riding up and showing (horrors!) what is obviously feminine fabric. It feels good to do this. When I run into people I can’t help but imagine that they see something odd about me but they really do not. I’m warm and safe and I know that deep inside I’m expressing a part of myself that I always want to. It’s not erotic in the least. Just feels like I’m being hugged all over. And as I walk and encounter people I know that deep down I am me. This posting was hard for me to write because I worry that some here will think it’s silly to wear dance clothing underneath. I guess so but I can tell you that back in the 60s and 70s I envied girls who wore leotards as tops. I guess that fell out of style but not for me. Isn’t it kind of interesting that even wearing something as simple as this under so many layers can make one feel so good? Sincerely, Emma Photo: I took this some months back on my iPhone. A pretty sunset in Cayucos, California.

Dear Warren, You're a great brother to your sister there's no doubt of that. And I can imagine (I don't have siblings) how you might worry that as a brother some of what you used to do as sisters may not be appropriate. Honestly, I think it's all okay, what you did before and what you're doing now. You are FAMILY and it's okay to show it, with hugs, naps, and pinch and giggles. We all hear how men are supposed to suppress their feelings, and most do. I know that for me, suppressing everything just leads to sadness and heartache. So don't suppress yours. And good for you on your therapist appointment! The first few visits can be a little awkward as you each learn about each other and build safety and trust. So give it time. It's a wonderful feeling to have a place you can go to that is safe and you can talk about anything and everything without judgement and with full support. I love your photo! Best, Emma

The documentary Just Gender has a short clip from a Barbara Walters 20/20 episode titled "My Secret Self: A Story of Transgender Children." You can (and I believe should) watch it here: One scene shows an 11-year old transgirl, Riley, with Barbara Walters. Riley is fully a girl on the outside and attends school as a girl although she must use the nurse's restroom. The school and students know she is biologically male and she is the brunt of childish teasing. When Barbara asks her how she feels when she's teased, her face crumples into such profound sadness and she starts crying. That touched me so deeply, from within my core. I just started crying too as I am starting to do now as I remember it. Elsewhere in the program, Barbara interviews the parents and their trans daughter, Jazz. Jazz's mother said "all of the younger male-to-female younger transgender children are obsessed with mermaids." Geez, I was too. I studied them in the movies, books, and cartoons so thoroughly. I really wanted to be a mermaid. While I found Just Gender to be extraordinary in its scope and depth, and I recommend it highly, this 20/20 program brought it all home for me. I really am transgender and always have been. It's not a phase, it's not sexual, it just is what it is, which is me. It helps me to talk about these topics here and I hope it will help others, too. I considered sharing some of my other pre-pubescent fantasies here to underscore this but I think you get the point. I really wanted to be a girl. Emma Photo: Just outside Cape Town, South Africa is a marvelous bird sanctuary called World of Birds. It spans acres and has thousands of birds. It's fenced in with mesh (the height is maybe forty or fifty feet above the ground) so visitors just wander through. I don't know what this bird is called but it's very pretty, isn't it?

Dearest Emma, Loved this! And your lovely photo is actually a female Scarlet Ibis, I believe -Warren

Unfortunatly we've had a sit down and talked about this together. We even attempted to break up and go seperate ways, but that only lasted a few days and we were together again. He insists that he's fine with it, that he's willing to cope and adapt, and that he's not going anywhere. He tells me all the time that it's fine if I want to change and that he's not going anywhere because of it. Yet...he does that. And that's not the first time. Saying I looked better with long hair, looking at my liscence with my long hair and saying that picture is better, saying he misses my old clothes, etc. I've become self concious around him and wear my boxers to bed, and he's even caught me wearing my compression shirts to bed. Love him to pieces, but I'm not sure what to do. -Warren

My thoughts on this topic have not been popular with quite a few, and has even drawn a bit of restrained ire from those who claim to be crossdressers only. But I've been hanging around TGG for quite some time as anyone can tell by my profile. I spent time on another transgender website/chat/forum before I came to TGG. To date, those I've chatted with, and discussed various issues with, who said they were not transgender, but crossdresser only, and were very adamant about it, have one-by-one eventually "come out" as trans. While I do believe there are those who crossdress purely for fetishistic reasons, and perhaps the drag queens who dress strictly for entertainment, I believe all the rest are really transgender and they just haven't come to terms with it yet. Just my opinion. -Michael _______________________________________________ I have never considered myself a crossdresser, although the definition for cross dressing is the wearing of clothing intended for the opposite sex - the term does not automatically apply only to male-bodied individuals wearing women's clothing. I have always felt that I was wearing the clothing appropriate to my identity - so how can I be cross dressing.

I never thought of the clothing as an addiction....but I guess both of you are right. One thing leads to another, and you find yourself needing more and feeling like you can't get enough. But now...I've been doing it for so long, that I have come to a point where IF something comes up and it may mean that I will not be able to wear men's clothing, it causes great stress, and that in turn triggers anxiety attacks. I find myself coming up with any reason, excuse or lie (yes, straight up LIE) as to why I cannot participate in the event that would have demanded I dress contrary to my true identity. -Michael

"At first it were overwhelming, and I started out small. Something trivial at first, something that wont make a huge impact on the way I dressed. Yet. Boxers." Actually.. underwear was the about the last article of men's clothing that I bought. I had been wearing boy's/men's desert boots starting in junior high... though I'm wondering if cost might have had anything to do with it as back then it was very common for boys items to be much less expensive than those for girls. After high school, I started buying men's jeans when I discovered that not only did they fit me better, they didn't have to be cut off and hemmed - ALL women's jeans and slacks are apparently made for 6' tall customers. Except for one pair which I wore only 3 or 4 times and then ended up giving to my Mother, I haven't worn a pair of women's jeans since. I ended up in a job where dress was jeans (or work slacks), steel-toed boots and uniform shirts, ballcaps and jackets or coats. This just made things even easier for me, giving me an excuse to buy socks and t-shirts out of the men's department. Eventually, I started buying men's shirts, jackets, sweats, sneakers - you name it. I was pretty well dressed head-to-toe in men's outer wear before I finally bought any underwear. LOL... no one can see your skivvies, yet I was more scared to be caught in a pair of jockey shorts than to be seen fully outfitted in men's wear. I wished I had bought them sooner though, as I discovered that they were cooler, a million times more absorbent, and not itchy. They don't creep up places you don't want them, and of course - no flowers and butterflies and bows and crap.

It may be too soon to be sure but at least it feels that way. For the last 50 years I feel like I’ve had a fever that ranged from slightly above normal to scarlet, along with raging shame, depression, and self-loathing. I can’t fully express how weird it is to be writing this now with my head clear. I’m transgender, I know it, I love it, and I’m happy. (Postscript edit: I heard from Monica that she thought I was actually recovering from a fever. No, I thought it was a handy metaphor for the feeling we all get when we know we're starting to get "better" if you know what I mean. Sorry if I caused any confusion!) I found this video last night, where Laura Jane Grace (whom I admit I’d never heard of before) and others tell about their gender dysphoria: http://www.huffingto..._n_6000588.html It’s not like I’ve never heard this stuff before, those feelings of wanting to play with the girls, share in the expression of their girlhood. I know it about myself, remembering from about four or five that, like Laura said, “I was too young to know what it is, so it turns to shame. And if you were to express those feelings to someone else, you’d be shamed for it.” But hearing her say it in the video really spoke to me so that I feel like I really did hear it internally. It’s not BS, it’s not at all bad. It’s me. Wow, what a beautiful day. Love, Emma Photo: I found this little hole-in-the-wall restaurant in Osaka, Japan, that features Kobe beef cooked right in front of you, along with sake and other goodies. The name of the restaurant really caught my attention: "CowCow". I ate there a couple of times and the owner introduced me to sake that has tiny flakes of gold. But to see them you have to swish it around in the glass to stir them up.

Hey Warren, I'm not sixty yet, dude. :-) And yeah, if my wife's cool, who cares? She's still a bit on the fence and I can't tell which way she's leaning. From past experience I have some worries. But shoot, why worry? Just enjoy each moment as it comes. You take care, Warren. You rock. Emma

No problem hun I'm only 22 (I know I know, I'm just a baby ) but I can totally agree that it's like an addiction. Mine started out with boxers, went to compression shirts, then to jeans, then to tops. I've spanned into coats and boots too I always keep in mind that no matter how much I HATE not being able to do what I want with my outter appearance, I have to be grateful for it. Because not everyone can do it and have people assume they're "Tomboy". But here's the thing. If your wife is cool with it, then why hide it? I mean I understand keeping it quiet, I REALLY REALLY do!! But, like you said, you're sixty. Time to let it shine, girl! -Warren

Hi Warren, You know what, it was your post that spawned this idea of mine to write mine. I'll tell you, man, I don't like boxers at all! Never have. But heck, good on you, dude, for wearing what makes you feel good and alright with yourself. And I agree it's like an addiction at times. Which makes me wonder if I need to simply stand up to that addiction. But at my age, approaching sixty (OMG!) I think it's fair to say that it's more than an addiction for me. I don't know how much more and that's part of what I'm trying to figure out. Anyway, thank you for your comment. I value you and your words more than you will ever know. Sincerely, Emma

My opinion: Rock that leotard! Hell, sounds kind of comfortable actually lol But I know how you feel. When I started wearing boxers instead of girls underwear, it felt much more natural. More secure, safe, comfortable,.....just....right. But it didnt feel like enough. It was like an addiction, and I'd gotten my first taste. The tiny lick off the frosting mixer, but I wanted a whole scoop AND the cake.

“We’ve begun to raise daughters more like sons… but few have the courage to raise our sons more like our daughters.” ― Gloria Steinem Life sometimes passes you by without any notice being taken. You can go for days and days in a blur, your ingrained ‘social training’ will hold you in good stead for as long as you need if you simply want to blend in without any consequence. After reading several blogs on here the last few days about names, pronouns and ID, I realised I had not given that much thought about how others perceive the new me or how to address me when we meet. After having my breakthrough moment and working through the initial changes to mannerisms and my thought process that will allow me to start transitioning, one thing that has become very evident is how my friends now greet me and the gesture they naturally begin with. This seems a silly notion at first, but when you actually think about how society engraves our brains, from a very young age, how to greet others correctly, some very interesting points come to the fore when gender identity is thrown into the mix. I want to put my new found experiences on this subject into perspective, as it really came to light on a night out recently. I have frequented a club in London every month for a while now and my clothing will vary from a male suit to skirts and dresses, depending if I have time to ‘create the girl’ before I get there. Now normally most would greet me as a male and shake my hand if they were male and a quick kiss on the cheek if they were a woman, regardless of my attire. This is standard meet and greet tactics that have reigned true since the dawn of time and it is fine. Since coming out to the world greeting people has been a mixed bad, and on my night out, some male friends, who have not been phased in the slightest and simply treated me as if I was really a lady and kissed my cheek with an embrace. This was fantastic and feels right and natural. No more having to make the perfect handshake, no need to worry about squeezing or shaking a hand to hard or softly. I no longer need to worry about a man making initial judgments about me through how confidently I shake their hand. Others have taken the usual approach to shake my hand with a smile and do not seem to even notice what has just happened. Another person actually asked whether they should treat me as a female person from now on, and their honesty about not really knowing the best way to treat me was encouraging as they had at least had a little think before engaging. All in all everyone was fine with it and there were no awkward silences or questions. I did explain that for the time being I was not concerned about being referred to as ‘he’ because I have not started any form of hormones or treatments and I do still see a man in the mirror at the present time. Now I want to make this very clear, that either way of greeting me is fine and I am not discussing this to stamp some sort of correct procedure in place. However it is something that going forward I may have to ‘correct’ people on and this may be unfair to them as it is my choice to change who I am. It would be terrible if people I meet were worried about approaching me to say hello only to be unsure how to start. I am not easily offended, that is for sure, and I would rather have friends that greeted me how they feel comfortable, at least for the time being. In the future I hope the change is quite natural because my appearance over time should become more and more feminine. And the further the we go through the process the better we become at getting over the hurdles and helping others to deal with the changes as well.

“For the things we have to learn before we can do them, we learn by doing them.” Aristotle, When great people say or do great things, people take notice, they listen, watch and learn. In our own lives, we want others to think great things about us. I used to enjoy scoring the winning goal in a dogged match, gaining a promotion at work, helping a friend in need. A simple idea in principle but one that has now taken on a new meaning in my own life. Once it was enough to accept a pat on the back for a job well done or the smile of a friend who was in anguish only to be healed by your kind words or actions. I have a new challenge and one that I have little, if any, experience in. I have to act like a woman, and I need others to think of me as feminine in the future. There is so much that has changed within my mind over the last months and years but now the real hard work begins. Practicing my walking had a most unwelcome outcome the other day, never before has putting ones foot before the other been so much hard work. Small steps at first, noticing my hips swinging a little and my arms doing a ridiculous flowing motion, like a hippy portraying a roller-coaster in charades. I felt it though, the smile was back, I felt free from societies shackles. I probably looked like a complete fool, but none the wiser I trotted my way into a faster pace, always over confident and ambitious…splat! Over I went in a spectacular fall from grace. Luckily for me a well placed railing came to my rescue and after having a little look around at who may have seen my stumble, there was only two elderly ladies waiting at a near by bus stop. Not sure they saw but was glad to not be more embarrassed. As I grow and learn the techniques needed to convince others of my feminine charms a better person should be more evident, friendlier, less aggressive and hopefully more appealing. One aspect that has become apparent right from the outset is I do not feel the need to push my views on others as I normally do. I allow others to speak first, listen more closely before judging their stance and generally have a better conversation. This is all positive in not only my journey to womanhood but in social situations as a whole. I feel people are more drawn to me, gone is this arrogant, controlling and obnoxious man. Liberty and self awareness now fuels me instead of a sticky mud that kept me back from the truth.

So as I mentioned in the Introductions area, I wrote a letter for my teachers to have and/or hang in their classrooms. Here it is:"Hi there! If you're reading this, then you're my teacher. Good for you! I will warn you though, I can be a bit of a handful.Allow me to tell you a bit about myself.The school "knows" (has me listed as) -------------------, and my gender listed as Female.I will tell you now, this is wrong.I identify as Male and prefer the name Andrew ------------HOWEVER.My family has yet to call me Andrew, so if you'd be so kind, use the name -------- and Female pronouns around them.What the term for this is Transgender, or gender dysphoria.Also, I'd like you to know that I am open for any questions you may have, any concerns, and anything else you'd like to know. I'd also like you to know that I am not Google, so up your knowledge a bit before you dump questions on me.Lastly, if you would like to, you can hang this letter in your classroom for other students to read. If you do, please black out my names.These are some points of reference you may use to better understand your Transgender student.Transgender 101: A Simple Guide To A Complex Issue ---- $9.99 on the App Store, may or may not be available in the Public LibraryThe Transgender Child: A Handbook For Families & Professionals ---- $9.99 on the App Store, may or may not be available in the Public LibraryBe Yourself: Questions & Answers for LGBTQ Teens ---- Free on the App Storewww.tgguide.com ---- A forum where trans* people share their stories and offer advice to trans* and cis people alikewww.transstudent.org/teachertips ---- an advice page for teachers of transgendered studentswww.gendertalk.com ---- A page about the Gender Spectrum"

Andrew....I like what you had to say in your rant to teachers. I am also FTM. 8th grade. Read what you said about ACE wraps. They are dangerous. My Mom just got me a binder. Kurt