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Congratulations, Karen! :D

There has been an argument in the Lesbian community for decades about whether transwomen are the same as cisgender (born female) women. The argument goes, "the transwoman has not suffered GROWING UP in a misogynist (woman hating) society." My answer is that it takes courage to transition from a man with male privilege to a woman in a misogynist society. So, BOTH are to be commended. In both the cisgender woman and the transwoman, I sense the female energy, that they BOTH had from birth suffered, but in different ways. They are both women, and as such, they should give each other support as women. A corollary to this would be a person with epilepsy and another person who is a paraplegic in a wheelchair, very different disabilities, one may have been born disabled and another became disabled as an adult, are also both disabled and should give one another support rather than nit-picking who is more disabled, or even if one is disabled at all. The upshot is that we are part of the human family and we should celebrate our differences rather than let them drive us apart!

I attended my first therapist-led support group last night. In short, it was a very good experience for me and I'm grateful to have found it and their warm welcomes. There were six of us in all, including the therapist and myself. Three are transitioned transwomen and the fourth is taking hormones, thinks she would like to transition but isn't sure. Three are married and one's wife passed away some years ago. All are well known to each other; some have attended this meeting for more than a decade! We went around the room introducing ourselves with me allowed to wait until last. They described their journeys, home situation, children/family, and a summary of their transition - especially as it related to acceptance and feedback they received at work. I appreciated their openness and heartfelt support and although all are either transexual or in transition no one challenged my telling them that I may be remain at the crossdresser end of the transgender umbrella. My main take-aways: If one wishes to remain happy and married to their significant other we need to recognize that they are going through their own unasked-for transition. Be sensitive to that, don't push or pressure, communicate and allow her to come to terms with the "new you." It's all too easy to be self-centered especially as we're experiencing and enjoying our new freedoms. Try to keep that in check or at least be sensitive to your wife's needs. The therapist provided her metaphor for the transgender journey: a train chugging along the track, unaware of its final destination or distance to travel. We may get off at early or intermediate stations and stay there or get back on the train and continue. I expressed some of my reluctance and ambivalence to ride the train and was advised that I need to swim with the fish to uncover where I'm meant to reside under the umbrella. (Sorry for the incredibly mixed metaphor!) After the meeting we went to a local restaurant that they always go to - which happens to be one that my wife and I have also gone to often enough in the past that, you got it, the manager recognized me with the group. Full smile as always, warm greeting, and as a bonus, a little extra pour of the cabernet. This morning it occurs to me that the only regret I have for the meeting is that I'm joining a group and making friends that will likely never include my wife. Still, it was good times and I'm looking forward to the next meeting in early February.

Emma, so glad for you that the first meeting was such a positive experience! It's great that you were able to find such a welcoming group of people! Only one thing I'm not entirely sure of... Why are there fish on a train? ;)

Just returned from obtaining my new driver license that has gender as Female with my new name then went to my bank, changed my debt card over to Karen Payne. Do I feel different, no but happy it's done Do I feel one step closer, heck yes. The two people at DMV were so nice too me Ended up not able to sleep very well last night and had a bad dream that from start to finish of the name change process I had spelled my last name wrong. Woke up and had to check my license to confirm I did not make the mistake. Update, just ordered return labels and business cards with my new name

I think I tend to agree with Emma and Michael on this one.

I have seen that same argument made on general feminism sites, too. Of course, if we had been given the choice, many (most?) of us would have chosen to grow up as female. Unfortunately, that's not how it works, though. That last sentence is wonderful... if only more people in the world would take that sentiment to heart!

nowhere to buy a bra except online here so bought LOTS of stuff that didn't fit... but now I know my size is cool yu gt served in hat store when you shopped for a bra! that sounded very excitng Swan

Wonderful news!!! It's so much better and important to have a professional fit you for a bra.

:) have an awesome weekend KAREN ! Veronica.

I agree with you both- communication is paramount to the success of a loving relationship." While a valid and valuable argument to the positive, there is much to be said about a promise made should be a promise kept and when one of the marital parties throws in something that the other was not expecting (I am assuming, not knowing) then the blindsided party is naturally more likely to have some very distinct feelings of violation, or hurt, and maybe even fel like it is a direct assault on their own cisgen femininity. Marriage is a gift that people give to each other. I mean lets face it, someone trusts you enough to get naked in frnt of you, to strip down to their deepest darkest secrets.. not just once like an emotional hit and run but every day. If they trust you to be there for them and trust that you will love them unconditionally, then you must be willing to tust as eqully that right from the start, you are acceptable to them as well, in all your secrets and nakedness. (general speak-you=all and anyone) And before one springs a surprise like someting they never new about or bargained for like cross dressing, you should be willing to unveil your secrets as well. Communication has to start from the start. If I was married, and what I presumed to be our life together was suddnely disrupted by something like "Happy fifth anniversary, and Oh by the way, I have a fourteen year old that I never told you about" or "Hi honey, I got the groceries, milk was on sale, two for one.. I got your favorite ice cream, and by the way, I had an addadicktome in my late thirties and thats why you can't get prenant now, which shelf did you say you want me to put the butter on?" yeah that just doesn't work. Comunication is key but for a marriage to thrive and be healthy, both parties have to communicate from the start.

I was concerned about my name change getting done on time as it has been 24 days since I started part two of the process and was suppose to be done in seven to ten days. Looked in the mail, nothing so I decided to head on down to the courthouse and see what was going on expecting to get a reply I was not looking for. Well I was surprised to learn it was slated to go out in the mail today. The two people work the desk pretty much got it done today and walked out as Karen Payne. Tomorrow my plan is to visit DMV to get a new drivers license so that I can now book my airfare for my trip in two weeks for GRS. Also had a meeting with my immediate team at work about my plans for GRS, all went extremely well. Tomorrow I come out to the section I work in then take the afternoon off for DMV.

Truthfully, I've never understood this business of "reclaiming" something. It was never "ours" to begin with. In order to reclaim something, it had to have been yours from the start, then it was taken away. Instead, it (and all other slurs) belonged to the people who intended to hurt with such terms. For all those who prefer to use derrogatory terms and slurs in an effort to take the air out of the sails of those who mean them in a hurtful way... more power to ya's. I really don't think the people who mean it in a hurtful way give a good flip about any group allegedly "reclaiming" a word. The people who don't like any person belonging to any particular group are going to continue to use those terms whenever they want or feel they can get away with it. Personally, I don't believe any person belonging to any group should sink to using the very terms that others intend as demeaning, devaluing, discrediting and dehumanizing. But that's just my opinion. -Michael

Dani, I think I see your point. An example might be use of the "n-word" for blacks. I occasionally hear one black using it to another as if they have a common bond, like "Hey bro, mind if I ask a favor of you?" (Replace 'bro' with the n-word.) But, notice that even in this message I'm not spelling out the n-word. Why? Because I know how much weight and hurt that word carries. "Tranny" has similar baggage. As does "she-male" and others. Oh sure, I can imagine that in the right setting, I might joke with Veronica that way if we were both dressed en femme. But for me I'd prefer not to hear it. What about changing public perception? I think we have enough to contend with regarding acceptance and support for trans people. Trying to also "change the meaning" of what is used as a derogatory slur seems too much. I recall the days in the 60s when my grandfather used the n-word when talking about blacks. And I remember when "black" and "gay" words emerged as friendly terms for blacks and homosexual men. I think we need to follow in their footsteps. Last, I'd like to express my appreciation for your bringing this up for discussion here. That's a good thing to do. You go, Girl! Emma

and i thought coming out in a small city population over 20k was going to be tough nothing of it was accepted 99% of people i met did not care nor mind and even though i have since moved to very small village (hamlet) every body just accepted me i prey that some day that can be the same all around the world