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I am going to be short here and write more later. Arrived at hospital for check-in at 6AM then taken back to undress and have a few test and various people coming in to explain things to me. Marci arrived around 7:30AM and drew on my throat. About 8:15 was wheeled into the operating room and put under. As I suspected I remember nothing, awake at around 3:30PM. Taken to my room and left there for about 10 minutes which time a nurse came in indicating she was on shift for one hour and another nurse would take her place. The second nurse explained to me that all nurses attending to me are well versed in the taking care of people who have gone thru the same as me and it shows :-) Pain level range 0-10 where 10 is high, I am hovering between 1 and 2 and should note, I am inherently not good with pain but over many years learned how to control pain thus level 1 to 2 might be for others 4-6. Trachea shave from running my fingers over it feels like it is completely gone. Vagina, will see when my packing is removed down the road.

My best friend arrived tonight with a flower bouquet with a balloon "it's a girl". What happened at one point after she took several pictures of me and then broke down crying saying "I have never seen you this happy" to me and pretty much seconds later I had tears o joy. This will be a memorable moment in time for me which really there are no words to tell people how I felt at that very moment.

This week has been really tough focusing at work really busy with no outlet for me. I feel trapped and terrible. I've been drinking too much and not dealing with things well. Something has to change. Anyways. That has been my week in a nutshell. 100% doing things I don't want to do, yet I feel like I have no choice. I am planning on having a talk with my wife. But I have a feeling that it will not go particularly well. Usually she asks how I am doing and we talk about it. But not in the past week. So, I may need to approach her and talk about what I am thinking. The thing that stinks is we have tons of events this week and weekend that we have to go to. I am thinking that it would be better to talk about it next week. But maybe not. I don't know. I started to do more research on transition and the costs. The endo appointment - not bad, hormones, electrolysis ... not bad budget wise. However FFS is a different story. I am thinking that I need something, even if it is only a facelift and a brow shave. The other thing too is that I need to get my weight down to where it was about a year and a half ago around 160 lbs or maybe even 150. But being depressed has not helped. It's weird. Usually I am super motivated to look good in a dress and I do it. Not so over the last year or so. That will need to change as I transition. I am still in good shape and exercise regularly. I just need to address the eating. Anyways, I think that I will get there. Another girl told me that there are times that I will just need to "bulldoze my way ahead". I think that is where I am at. Need to get the bulldozer ready to roll! --Lisa

I have not been keeping count on visits from nurses but enough that is not conducive too sleeping. Just a little bit ago my pads/packing was changed then a follow up to make sure there was no leakage. I have to say the nurses here are top notch, well versed with taking care of me after GRS. All in all I am feeling great except for sleep which I am sure will get caught up on.

Doctor Bowers did a peek in, said no need for sutures which is good news. Marci and the two nurses said my vagina came out very good.

Karen, I am seeing a therapist and talked with her about hormones. She said that she would recommend me for them. I'm thinking that I may need to do it soon. I am not happy, feel like my life is on hold. Plus, I know that it will take time for the hormones and electrolysis / laser so I'd be better off starting now. I don't feel panic'd to transition though. It's more about progress. Am I nearing a goal. Anyways, there are four endocrinologists that I need to research / contact to get the initial blood work. Plus, I still need to talk with my wife. I haven't talked with her about anything tg related in a week and I'm thinking that this just needs to happen. ---Lisa

I agree with Karen completely. I would you think it would be very helpful to review your roadmap with him/her, too. Perhaps post your roadmap here too? I would think that Karen and others would have some very helpful suggestions for you.

Have you talked to a therapist at all? That should be the first step when considering hormones.

Especially early in life, it is difficult to tell tomboys, butch Lesbians and transmen apart. This demands that parents and other caring individuals develop strong observational skills and to learn all they can about parenting. Parents and other caring adults, such as aunts, uncles, great aunts and uncles, grandparents, teachers, and coaches help the child build a foundation that will serve the child for the rest of his or her life. The tomboy cycles rapidly between male and female energies and behaviors. She does not feel acute stress when an occasion calls for feminine attire/behavior, such as wearing an Easter dress on Easter,etc. The tomboy is often heterosexual and grows out of it, sometimes as late as high school or college. She may have a boy's nickname, sometimes only at playtime, or when playing sports. Often a tomboy does this in an effort to gain male privilege. Occasionally the tomboy grows up to be a butch Lesbian. The butch Lesbian may have been a tomboy earlier and acknowledges feeling "different," or a romantic attraction to girls (crushes) at an early age (often age four or even earlier), but these feelings become stronger during puberty and often she becomes more masculine as she ages. However, she never hates being a woman, even though she may dress and act very masculine, and does not seek gender reassignment. The butch Lesbian may be able to stop homosexual BEHAVIOR, but the desire is always there. They have been known to marry and have children, due to family and societal pressure.Often she seeks the company of heterosexual men as friends and work mates, but dislike other butch Lesbians, with whom she sees as competition for the attention of feminine Lesbians. Obviously, she seeks romantic relationships with feminine Lesbians. Butch Lesbians are NOT about gender but about SEXUAL ORIENTATION. The transman, like the butch Lesbian, and the tomboy, feels "different" at an early age, age four, and sometimes earlier. The transman adamantly demands to dress in boy's clothing, have a boy's name (not a nickname!) and questions why his body does not look like a boy's. A transman is ALL ABOUT gender, BUT can be ANY sexual orientation in relation to his TRUE GENDER, the gender he identifies as being (internal gender). A heterosexual transman may have mistook himself as a butch Lesbian prior to learning about the concept of transgender. During this time he may have had trouble "connecting" with the Lesbian community. A note to parents: On the surface, the behaviors of a future tomboy, butch Lesbian and transman are remarkably similar. One must become familiar with your children and develop excellent observational skills, especially at playtime, when a child feels most free to be themselves. One wants to support your child into becoming an healthy adult, regardless of gender or sexual orientation, without inadvertently encouraging a child to become something they are not. Being a parent is the hardest and most important job you will ever do, but will also be the most satisfying.