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One of the worst things about dilation is setting up. Currently I place two pillows in front of a chair, in front of this a pad design to ease the pain of sitting down then two pillows in front of that which I fold in half and place under my calves to position properly. Get out the KY and butter knife plus the dilator. Lastly turn on the timer on my cell phone. Do the dilation, clean up. Takes about 5-10 minutes to setup, 15 minutes to dilate then another five minutes to clean up. All this is when nothing goes wrong. So I just purchased but have not received yet a ramp/wedge designed for making love that in the picture looks perfect for setting me up for dilation. http://www.adameve.com/sexy-extras/sex-furniture-and-props/sp-liberator-ramp-wedge-combo-7401.aspx My guess is setup will be down to say no more than five minutes, positioning is the same everytime and believe more comfortable as the current setup sometimes takes a toll on my back and at times makes dilation simply unpleasant. My main thought is, after GRS you must dilate the rest of your life. If we just move forward to after 12 months it's once a day. For me I much rather keep things simple so the price of the ramp/wedge will pay for itself down the road. Should have it next week and will report back then.

Hey Ren, Yeah, I like that name too. It's less formal than Warren, but thats a cool name if you prefer. It's your choice, like I know guys that go by David or Robert, instead of Dave or Rob or Bob. Anyway, you've always been Warren for me... I'd like to start on the positive. How about work, huh? Look what you have done! I hope you have some pride in that. You deserve it. I hope also that you feel as special as you are when you hear your masculine name called. And, total kudos to your BF and you. It says a hell of a lot about he feels for you. He's a good guy or at least is trying to be. I hope you and him can hunker down and cheer each other on, be partners and best friends. It's so important to have a relationship like this. I love hearing about you and him. Okay, now the more difficult: family. Let's face it, we all bring a heck of a lot of emotional baggage and history, and our families want us to be a certain way, mostly so they can feel good about themselves. It's your life, Ren. I know it hurts a lot to not feel their love and support, and I am sorry about that. But: you be Warren. By being Warren, showing them that you're a kind, caring, and strong man, they will either come around... or they won't. You cannot control them. Consider the serenity prayer: change what you can and work on the wisdom to identify and let go of what you can't. It is hard, I am not kidding. But it is the path, maybe the only path. Also, try to enjoy the moment. Screw what went wrong in the past and worries about the future. What matters is what is in front of you now. Go give your BF a big hug and a kiss. I'll bet he needs it too. Hugs, Emma

I have been research who to select for doing my breast augmentation in the latter part of this year. I would really like to do this here in Oregon but not sure who to trust as I have heard some not so pleasant stories. For instance one of the woman who cuts my hair told me her left breast was royally messed up and been battling with the surgeon for months now. I am not taking this lightly by any means. Very shortly hope to have my new countdown and be done with this before the end of this year.

I told of coming out to my wife in My Journey so far , it was my first blog on 30th Jan. I'll send you a direct message tomorrow morning GMT with more detail, in the meantime goodnight, time for zzz's Eve

Hi Eve, I tried to find your blog entry regarding your telling your wife but didn't find it. I looked through a couple but not all so maybe I missed it. I agree with taking it slowly. A couple of months ago I was in a frenzy as I assumed that I had to come to some serious conclusions soon or else my wife might split up from me. Even though she told me that she'd give it a year or so I didn't trust her. I also felt that it would help her if I was able to quickly report "progress." Not really! My quick reports caused a lot of grief, or at least they triggered them. Since then I've taken it a day at a time. And last weekend even though we drove about three hours in each direction to a friends house, we didn't talk about anything related to transgender or what's going on with me. I think that was good as we both needed a breather. At the gender therapists meeting I mentioned that I'd once had a desire to go to a service in Seattle that offers a complete Crossdressing experience for 2-3 days but that my interest had waned. She seemed to encourage me to rethink this but didn't press the point. Last night I was thinking that yes, I may very well go later this year but right now is not the right time especially for my wife. I'm so happy for you that you are able to make your transition and to stay with your wife. The best of both worlds, I'm sure. Hugs to you too, Emma

Strange how support never comes from where you expect it, and springs up from places you never would have imagined. I don't mean to talk bad about your family, but I think your older sister is quite like many older sisters - they can be real b*#$%^s. That's why I was glad I never had one. Well, I do - a half-sister. But we did not grow up in the same household. And I'm glad. So, maybe it will just be her that will be a problem. If the rest of your family come around, her issue with you won't be so bad. I wonder if she's just stalling or blowing you off though (on behalf of your mum) considering she said she didn't want you around her kids until your "changes are made and final." Maybe she too, will be okay with you once you are transitioned. And yeah, like Emma said - you are Warren. Heck, even I cringe when I read your birth name. Not that it's a bad name. It's a fine name. For a girl. But I know how much I hate having to write my birth name. And to me...it just seems that all guys would be the same.

Especially early in life, it is difficult to tell tomboys, butch Lesbians and transmen apart. This demands that parents and other caring individuals develop strong observational skills and to learn all they can about parenting. Parents and other caring adults, such as aunts, uncles, great aunts and uncles, grandparents, teachers, and coaches help the child build a foundation that will serve the child for the rest of his or her life. The tomboy cycles rapidly between male and female energies and behaviors. She does not feel acute stress when an occasion calls for feminine attire/behavior, such as wearing an Easter dress on Easter,etc. The tomboy is often heterosexual and grows out of it, sometimes as late as high school or college. She may have a boy's nickname, sometimes only at playtime, or when playing sports. Often a tomboy does this in an effort to gain male privilege. Occasionally the tomboy grows up to be a butch Lesbian. The butch Lesbian may have been a tomboy earlier and acknowledges feeling "different," or a romantic attraction to girls (crushes) at an early age (often age four or even earlier), but these feelings become stronger during puberty and often she becomes more masculine as she ages. However, she never hates being a woman, even though she may dress and act very masculine, and does not seek gender reassignment. The butch Lesbian may be able to stop homosexual BEHAVIOR, but the desire is always there. They have been known to marry and have children, due to family and societal pressure.Often she seeks the company of heterosexual men as friends and work mates, but dislike other butch Lesbians, with whom she sees as competition for the attention of feminine Lesbians. Obviously, she seeks romantic relationships with feminine Lesbians. Butch Lesbians are NOT about gender but about SEXUAL ORIENTATION. The transman, like the butch Lesbian, and the tomboy, feels "different" at an early age, age four, and sometimes earlier. The transman adamantly demands to dress in boy's clothing, have a boy's name (not a nickname!) and questions why his body does not look like a boy's. A transman is ALL ABOUT gender, BUT can be ANY sexual orientation in relation to his TRUE GENDER, the gender he identifies as being (internal gender). A heterosexual transman may have mistook himself as a butch Lesbian prior to learning about the concept of transgender. During this time he may have had trouble "connecting" with the Lesbian community. A note to parents: On the surface, the behaviors of a future tomboy, butch Lesbian and transman are remarkably similar. One must become familiar with your children and develop excellent observational skills, especially at playtime, when a child feels most free to be themselves. One wants to support your child into becoming an healthy adult, regardless of gender or sexual orientation, without inadvertently encouraging a child to become something they are not. Being a parent is the hardest and most important job you will ever do, but will also be the most satisfying.

Very well written - no reason someone on the outside looking in couldn't understand these delineations. Goes to show that many who don't see it, or claim not to understand, don't because they choose not to.

Dear Monica, Always there for us with your wisdom and insight. Thank you! Emma