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This morning I had a very difficult/painful dilation session. It was painful enough to contact Marci which resulted in sending her a snapshot. I noticed a blood blister, she asked me to pop it. So I serialized a needle and popped it, no pain, fair amount of blood. She then said, I see you still have some stitches, please pull them out. I had tried several days ago but did not put much effort into it. Today I did and got them (four) out. The hard part is working tweezers with a flashlight and mirror, not easy but I got them out thank goodness. Yet another thing to look forward to after surgery. In regards to pain, I am retreating to the mid-size dilator for the morning tomorrow then the next day try it again. Just finished my afternoon dilation with the larger dilator, zero pain. So I am not sure why and neither is Marci why this morning was so painful but she has no concerns.

So true in regards to how things happen in the technical field. I think that there are many aspects that can sway things your way. I had a boss for about five years who pulled me aside one day and said "we need to document how important you are here". The reasoning was there was a huge layoff, 200 out of 1000 and much of what I do is sight unseen but critical to daily operations. He wrote up a new job description that I could backup and that also nobody within reason could match the description in a 60 day trial period. We have a process called Bumping where someone being laid off could challenge someone else for their job (yes you can bet it gets ugly). Anyways my point is I worked even harder so that I was visible and known for my work which I believe truly helped with me transitioning. So I agree with many things you mention and by all means read into your post a very intelligent person.

Dear Lisa, Welcome back! We've missed you. I like what you wrote here but I am always on edge when someone says they need to be "perfect." I can tell from how you write that you know this but please be careful... Perfect is aiming for something that is not only unattainable it's also undefined, and leads to list of stress and worry and fretting. Just be careful, be Lisa (at least inside) and I'm confident you'll be fine. Better than fine, in fact. Hugs, Emma