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I have been using them for the past year. mostly public restrooms such as malls, restaurants and the likes. What is was surprised about was hearing women siting in the stall next too me and would say that 95% of them use the paper on the toilet to protect themselves while on contrast I would say it's almost the reverse for the men's restroom. Not that I am sitting there listening for that but for whatever reason this is the case. Anyways I always when available use the paper cover as one never knows who or what resided on the seat before me. Even I noticed I missed a few drops once or twice unlike (and this is a very distant memory) shaking the you know what at the urinal. So that got me think about a video on the web, a plastic device so women can stand and pee, they had a handful try it out and I think they were not impressed, neither would I be either. Now in the restrooms in my company there are these containers hanging in each stall which I have been using to hang my purse on for months now. Finally was curious enough to open the lid, yes, that was a bad idea and will leave it at that. Overall I am finding the women's restroom much cleaner than the men's restrooms but there have been a few times when I went into a stall and backed out as fast as my feet would move. One final note, in the ladies restroom in my area someone leaves three bottles of hand lotion, strawberry, lavender and vanilla. Two bottles are taped together, not sure why but love the idea of the lotions there.

I have my therapy appointment tomorrow. I am also traveling out of town to visit my mom in Ohio from DC. I may stop by the Keystone Conference on Thursday and stay the night. I don't know. I would kind of like to see what it is all about. I may register to go for the entire thing next year. Not much has happened in the last two weeks since I have posted, I am still in crisis mode, prone to cry or being depressed. I feel like I am not being me or presenting as I feel I am. It is getting to the point that I think that I need to surrender and start transition, because I can't take it anyone. I so much appreciate being a guy and all of the privileges it brings. But it is also not me. I feel like I am trapped inside. I did buy two books on transition from amazon, one based on a recommendation from Karen (thank you, Karen!). I will let you know how good they are.True Selves: Understanding Transsexualism--For Families, Friends, Coworkers, and Helping Professionals, The Transgender Guidebook: Keys to a Successful Transition. I hope that everyone is hanging in there and having a good week! I have a feeling that there will be some changes for me in the not so distant future. Thank you all for your support. Love, --Lisa

I'm bored out of my mind (on vacation from work because of spring vacation) so I've taken to Sims 4, exercise, writing and being lazy. But while I sit here, something has come to mind. Sexuality. Someone mentioned it to me and asked what my sexuality is, and I said I "think" I'm bisexual. Well for someone like me who hasnt been fully educated on what certain sexualities are, I cant help but wonder if I'm not fitting that catagory. I mean, men? Hell yes. Girls? Totally. But I really dont have any judgement against ANY gender, really. Now that I've been thrust deep into the world of Transitioning Transgenders, I've come to realize that there is much more than male and female. And the more I realize that, the less I seem to care about what they are. Everyone's fair game and gorgeous to me, really. So that brought up the subject of Pansexuality. I'm not fully aware of what that is, but it seems maybe the best bet? From what I understand, pansexuals are open to male, female, transgenders, crossdressers, etc. I think, from what I was told anyway. Which sort of fits for me, since I really dont care what you identify as. I'm not after your gender. I'm after your personality. Just a random thought I felt like sharing while I half die on this darn exercise stepper thingie that is literally destroying my calves >.< There was a big Hooha about me coming out as Bisexual on facebook, and with all the hype about me being transgender, I think I'll wait a while before mentioning the possibility of pansexuality. Basically its just Bisexuals with wider horizons LOL Forever Curious and Learning, Warren

today I'm actually trying to focus on what I have that I dont want or need anymore, and figuring out how to sell them for $ for my surgery. I've reached over 1k$ saved for my surgery, but thats a long way away from 8k lol so I'm working on that jewelry I talked about and sorting old figurines, and finally....THROWING AWAY ALL THAT MAKEUP!!!!

Pansexual P.S. If people on farcebook are gonna go all broke-brain at the possibility that a person might be bisexual... the heck with them. Why do they even need to know that you are, or might be, pansexual. Or for that matter... any sexuality. If none of them are attracted to you, and you are attracted to none of them, and there's no chance of any intimate relationships... it's none of their business.

Sounds as though the restrooms are pretty much the same as in the UK, mens are a lot worse than the ladies. But it reminds me of my very first shopping trip 3-4 years ago in a mall, I had to go to the loo for more than a pee, and largely due to my almost non-existant self confidence at that time, I darted into the first trap I came across. Anyway after doing what was needed, I found that there wasn't any toilet paper, my voice still isn't femme in my opinion, but it was a lot more male at that time, so I was petrified at the thought of there's a man in the ladies being shouted out and being accosted by security guards and police!, so no, I couldn't ask the trap next door for some toilet roll. Luckily I remembered that my wife had put 2 packs of paper honkeys in my handbag.........thank god for a womans experienced help! Cheers, Eve

Several years ago, I was watching one of those investigative-type news programs (20/20, for example). They had done a piece on bathrooms. Turns out, the most germ/bacteria-riddled area of the bathroom was the doorhandle/-knob on entry/exit door of the bathroom.

Dear Warren, Hearing from you often, as today, brings a smile to my face. I like your voice and your ideas. Like you, I accept and love all. I don't care about anyone's sexuality of gender. Recently, both of my therapists (yeah, I have two!) told me that they don't care for the term "transgender." I don't really know why and need to understand this better. I think we all want labels, as long as they are respectful, so we can communicate and understand each other. I'm told that younger people are coming up with all sorts of terms and word combinations for their gender feeling and expression. I wonder if the same thing is true for sexuality. I suspect that there is no perfect word for ones sexuality especially if it includes more than the opposite sex. Keep trying I say but then again don't stress over it. There are too many other things to worry about! Enjoy your vacation. Go have a tea or coffee, read a book, take a nap. You deserve it. Hugs, Emma

Well hopefully when I get my STP, I wont have to deal with those nasty toilets again XD which will be awesome lol Anything the STP cant handle, I'll just wait until I get home ROFL

Good question; they're often awful. I really wonder why so many men seem to take pleasure in making a mess. But I've heard that women's restrooms can be very gross as well.

I love it when there are discussions like this :-)

Veronica, I'm I may step in here... hopefully not barging in! I had some of this discussion with my gender therapist just last week. Here are her answers: 1. Absolutely, it's quite possible that a TG person will be perfectly content staying "in" their birth sex. She didn't have exact figures/percentages, but it's at least 50/50 that are happy without hormones or SRS. And some are happy only taking hormones, even if they could otherwise afford and medically handle SRS. 2. I suppose it depends if your breasts are the result of hormones (perhaps assisted with breast implants) or are only due to implants. The therapist reminded me of a transwoman in our support group who is only on hormones, lives full time as a woman, and that's where she's perfectly happy. My 2c, Emma

Karen "Now here is something I found interesting, she believes that transitioning is one of the most difficult paths a human take embark on. As we know many want to but do not because of monetary issues or physiological issues. Then there are some who manage to have GRS (Gender Reassignment Surgery) but in one way or another end up a failure which in some cases leads to death. I am fortunate to have many people help me along the way and it help that I had the mindset and the motivation to take the right path on my journey of life." Thank you for that very concise point. It begs I ask the question. maybe two First, are there or can there be people who are just "girly" between the ears, and can they muddle through the maelstrom of life and pass behind the veil with a smile on they're face? Second, and I beg pardon if my terminology is a little primitive. If I had a nice rack installed, what if that was the only thing that I FELT I needed to get me where I want to be? (I am working on my fitness. My waist matches what it was in my Junior year of High School and I weigh less ! Just got to condition my junk ! ) Does that make any sense? Again, thanks for helping me pick that out of the background of transition stuff that is churning around my brain. Your blog is fascinating. Veronica.

You go, Karen, but we knew that!

Hey guys, what's up? My name is ARTistiColor but you can call me Art. So basically before I talk about anything crazy I just want to tell you why I named my blog 'My Mask' incase you are wondering why. I basically named it 'My Mask' is because even though I am talking freely about how I am transsexual, I am just a person hiding my true self behind my 'mask'. I have not come out to my family because I am scared of losing everyone I ever loved, having a deep dark hole that can not be filled ever again in my heart. But I guess that's everyone's fear, to feel alone and unwanted. So in this blog I will be talking about my experiences as a pre FTM, my goals, my views on things and transgender news! I found out I was transgender only a couple of months ago so I am still learning. One thing that really bothers me is that I haven't found a name that really pops out. I read that transgenders look in front of the mirror and say possible name choices and that they know when they found the right name for them. None of the names I listed really pop out at me. But don't worry! I won't give up! I have been thinking of calling myself Ash or Archer. I think their both really good names, but I don't know for sure if I want that to stick with me for the rest of my life... Anyways thanks for reading, hope you have a great day, and stay colorful! -Art

Every twelve months I am required to check in to my doctor for blood work in regards to me continuing on estradiol and spironolactone (anti-androgen). She indicated that there is no need to continue taking spironolactone since this is for blocking testosterone which I don’t have anymore. Had a discussion on dilation, she transitioned 20 years ago so once a day for her. She sits in a warm bath tub and uses baby shampoo for liberation, think I will need to try this for the middle dilation of the day. Also talked about breast implants which I told her I have an appointment with a surgeon in several days. She asked, do you spray when urinating? I did for about three weeks and now everything comes out as it should. On a side note I am very happy about this as it felt strange peeing and having pee on my legs. Now here is something I found interesting, she believes that transitioning is one of the most difficult paths a human take embark on. As we know many want to but do not because of monetary issues or physiological issues. Then there are some who manage to have GRS (Gender Reassignment Surgery) but in one way or another end up a failure which in some cases leads to death. I am fortunate to have many people help me along the way and it help that I had the mindset and the motivation to take the right path on my journey of life. Thinking of "difficult path", I think nobody can deny that at one time or another we entertain our worst nightmares. I will be the first to admit to this were I would go to bed with horrible thoughts that I would never become the female on the outside that needed to happen. I can not even imagine some peoples nightmares were getting to the point they need to be will never happen, not the right support, lacking in funds and no real support from family, friends and co-workers. Then on the other side of the coin we have physical transformation which provides a huge step in "the" journey but also have many downsides. Downsides (my fav) like dilation, w/o hormones your body does not naturally produce them. How about finding a partner to love, that can be a path filled with happiness or depression, a true roller-caster. Neither path is peaches and crème but for me I am truly happy (except for dilation) and welcome what lies ahead and prey that those travelling this path never, ever give up finding their true selves. In closing this in many ways has been an (in a good way)emotional day, this is what hormones do and I welcome them (except when my mascara runs).

I'd add that I have said many times to my friends thaty being Trans is a hell of a lot more difficult than than being Lesbian, Bi or Gay, even if you don't take hormones or have breasts or don't want GRS, you have to live with two different identities. I found this to be ever increasingly difficult, you also look completely different from your CIS self, and others can notice it and make nasty comments etc. OK after a while on hormones your features do change to be more femme (or male as the case might be), but then you have to do something about beard growth (electrolysis in my case, and it hurts), also your voice needs to be different to your cis voice. You also need to acquire the confidence to be able to present in your Trans gender everyday, not just now and again, but every day and still be capable of doing nearly all of the things that you did in your cis gender, the list goes on and on. Some of us have a head start over others of us, when their cis gender and build is closely matched to their trans gender, (I had to really work at it, and it's still ongoing).......... So yes I agree with Karens doctor, it is in my opinion one of the hardest things that I could have done. Cheers Eve

I'm so excited I can barely think! Oh my good lawd of doritoz, I've done it! My name has LEGALLY and FULLY been changed to Warren Renexius Ornan G__!!! Kristy Susan is a thing of the past, I have been approved for my name change, and my new photo I.D. is in the mail!! The judge was unbelievably awesome about it! I expected 150 Questions and tried to think of the best answers, but as soon as I walked into her office, she simply smiled. "Now that I see that you're serious about your transgender lifestyle, I have no problem in signing this right here and right now, no questions asked" she said. Signed it, gave me the best of luck, and it was done! I couldnt believe it! I walked out of that building the happiest I've felt in years, knowing that I can honestly tell people my name is Warren instead of saying "legally its actually kristy, but...." I feel so liberated! So accomplished and excited! On top of that, my savings for my surgery (i need 8k) is now up to about 1,500$ It's not there, but it's growing! I'm so excited, I'm not even sure what to blog, but I just wanted to let you guys know OFFICIALLY YOURS, WARREN

I went back to work on Monday and had a pretty good idea how it would be as in acceptance with other co-workers. After four days no surprises, everyone I worked with or came in contact with where fine with me. One women whom I use to work with many years ago, still works there but in another section came over this morning and chatted with me. She was happy for me and said I looked great. Another woman who is in my area but I do not have contact with came over this afternoon and started off with that she was fine with me using the ladies restroom as were everyone she had talked too. She was talking to one female employee who asked her “Who is the new employee” talking about me. Then she said that Kevin Gallagher (me) and Karen Payne (me) could easily be related. That was just too funny. Then she goes on to say that she (me) looks great in skinny jeans, I laughed then before I could say anything the woman talking to me says “I agree” and that you have a great butt and look even better in leggings (which I wore today). There were other conversations that we “glad to see you back Karen”, small chit-chat and that was it. There were a handful who walked right by me and thought they did not approve of what I did but four out of five later came over to my desk and said they did not recognize me while the other I only saw once so unsure of them. So the week has ended on a good note as tomorrow I work at home. I am feeling great now.

This post has nothing to do with transgender so you can tune out if you wish; It's about my almost-27 year old son. Since he was five or six he's been very independent, stubborn, and willful, making lots of challenges for me and his mother (we're divorced). He's also bright, attractive, and has a wonderful personality... when he's not depressed and sour. A couple of days ago he told me that his mother is going to stop paying the rent on his cheap apartment. He wasn't asking me to pick it up, as he knew I would not. Essentially what happened is that for at least the past year or two she's been paying the rent each month, saying "Okay, I'll do it again this time, but this is really the last time. You must get a job, you know you can. Just do it and hold on to it." Instead he played video games, watched TV, surfed the Web, smoked marijuana, hung out, or stayed in bed, depressed. So now, finally, he's really going to be cut loose. To sink or swim. He and I don't yell or fight. We enjoy each other's company, I pay for a burger and a beer, and we talk. He easily acknowledges his part in all this. And now he feels that despite the fact that he has a couple of weeks to get a job he's planning to be homeless. He told me that he thinks this will finally teach him the value of money, his things, and so forth. Oh sure, we talked about all the downsides of being homeless. He did it once before about ten years ago for a couple of weeks. But after a lot of talk and his (to me) rather strange confidence in this plan, I told him it's his decision. I told him how much I worry about him, getting robbed/beat-up/murdered, sick, thrown in jail, etc. Also, I worry about me: that I just know that within a month or two he will call and say that he just has to have $50. Or that he's in jail and needs bail. And I will have to say no. My mother (yes, the one who committed suicide) is the one who taught me, "Sometimes the most loving thing to say is No" and I think she was quite right. I told my son this, too, and he agreed that I should tell him no. And he also said that he's pretty sure that in fact he will still probably call to ask for the cash. And he knows I'll say no. Jeez, it's taken so long for us to get to this juncture. I started saying no to him and his mom after the 3rd or 4th attempt at college: "This time really, I'm committed, I'll do it!" A couple of years ago I offered him this: if he pays for his classes and books, I will reimburse him as follows: for an A he would receive 100%; a B gets 75%, and a C is worth 50%. Anything less is zero. He's tried to do that a couple of times; I paid 100% for a pottery class once. I don't care what classes he takes. Just learn something. He also assured me yesterday that no matter what he has no plans or thoughts about suicide. He will figure something out. I sure hope so. Tough love. It is tough to love. By the way, this has all been reviewed with a variety of therapists and counselors over the years. I'm sure I could have done a better job back when he was a child. My wife says no, but I am sure of it. But I really did do the best I could. Emma

I go NUTS in a dirty restroom!

Thanks Karen, I agree. Some say yes because it's easy, and allows them to shift their attention back to whatever they really want to focus on or do. Also, let's face it, it's very hard to say no, especially when the individual is in the midst of a crisis. But I believe that saying no teaches important life lessons.

I totally agree with you on this, too many people just say yes because it is easy to do so.

Hi Karen, Horrible thoughts, yes I had those, still get them at times but not about completion, more about oh my "God what am I doing" or "oh my God what have I done, I'll be an outcast / freak for the rest of my life, this is not reversible....." Strangely enough they occur whilst lying awake in bed. But I never give in to those thoughts, I have not appeared as male for over 3 months now, and I really do enjoy being "full-time" trans female. Thanks for the warnings about dilation, I have of course heard them from my friends over here, and I still can't wait to rid myself of my 'junk'. Please keep your blogs coming. Kind Regards, Eve

The last couple of months have been very difficult as I've further embarked on my transgender journey and suffered along with my wife who has been very upset by my revelations. I'm happy to say that for the last week or so things have been so much better. What do I attribute this to? They say "A happy wife is a happy life," and although I'll bet she'd deny it (hopefully not too emphatically) I can tell that she's feeling a bit better. Not 100% but in the right direction. I believe it's due to: a) Time: as time progresses she sees that I am still the same person that she fell in love with. Yes, with a new wrinkle but it's me nonetheless. I don't know exactly what the gender therapist and she discussed, but I know the therapist pretty well now and I think she provided some much needed expert assurance. It was so helpful to have a couple's therapy session where we were able to talk without the baggage of negative emotions. She asked questions and I did my best to answer, and we were okay with that, and even went out for a glass of wine afterward. There are more questions no doubt but we'll cross those bridges later. I am very fortunate to have the therapist whom I see 1:1 and for couple's meetings. He provides such wisdom and support, objectively and kindly. Thank goodness for him. I'm also very fortunate to have found the gender therapist, having met with her privately and in her group. I think I'm starting to "get it" and it's okay. And last but not least, it's TG Guide and the community I'm proud to be a part of. I know that we will still hit rough spots and that there will be challenges, some that may seem unbearable when reached. I hope that by writing this I'll have something to look back on to remind me of the good times. Hugs, Emma

I think it's so nice that you and your wife are working so hard on your relationship and that she is working to understand and accept your gender identity. She must be an amazing woman:) Happy for you:)))

I kind of thought the same as Veronica. It's kind of cute pic, but nothing very sexy. I hope you are able to reassure her fears about it:)

Not sure whether this is the right thing for me to do, to start a Blog. Firstly, I feel that my grasp of the english language is not really very good, and secondly, I tend to lose enthusiasm pretty quickly. I probably could also bore the pants of anyone who decides to read it! Well, If any of you have read my profile, I do reside in the UK. Those of you whom may not of noticed will see that I am of asian origin. In fact my parents are originally from Hong Kong. This is where I am for the next 16 days aswell. I've taken the oportunity to experiment with makeup which is easily available here, but not so readily available in the UK. In my thinking, I've decided to buy Japanese makeup here, as it should suit my asian skin better?? Well thats my excuse for just buying makeup here I guess. I'm really not enjoying myself as much as I should be. I came here with a sore throat, and I'm struggling with it. I've also found out the best way of dispersing people who maybe overcrowding you on the buses or underground. Just have a coughing fit, and watch everyone cover their mouths and walk away from you. They seem to think I have bird flu! Anyway.. enough of my ramblings! A shopping trip awaits me tomorrow morning! Goodnight xx

Emma, I'm so happy for you! At some point, I hope to get my wife to go to therapy with me or one on one as well. It's good to hear that it helped you and your relationship with your wife. --Lisa