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That's so nice! It really does just take some people time, but I guess the silver lining in that is that you get additional moments like this.

There is a person in my company who always talked to me prior to GRS then stopped afterwards. Finally she stopped me outside and said I have a question, "where do you get those cure outfits" So after replying we had a long discussion about my surgery and she said "you are very courageous" in how you came back to work and that you seem like you had always been female which I simply smiled. Having success with most co-workers did kind of bother me that she had not talked to me but now we are. So that leave just one co-worker who has not spoken to me since surgery.

First, if any of you haven't heard the Junior Vaquez remix of Whitney Houston's "Step by Step" - you should check it out This has been a productive week in terms of coming out for me. I've now told all of my closest friends (in person or in writing) that I am transgender. In most cases it wasn't a surprise to them, and the support has been universal. My favorite light-hearted response was from my friend Chris (who is my closest friend among the group) who said "Woo hoo! Does that mean I'm hip?" (he does magic, so I leave it to each of you to decide if it's possible for him to be "hip"). The most substantive positive response was "This is celebratory news. Please let me know how I can be a friend/supporter/ally/whatever you need. I know there's lots swirling around, and if you need to chat/bounce things off anyone, you've got an ear and a hug in me;) Truly. Thanks for sharing, and as you continue, please let me know how best to support. There are lots of feelings around pronouns/language. I'm adaptable to whatever works for you. I love you as the person you are and am grateful we are friends." Followed by an offer to start calling me "Christie" if I wanted (I don't do that in my day-to-day life yet, I don't feel like my external presentation matches that - but the fact that it's now come up probably means it will happen soon, at least in my personal life). I've also told both of my supervisors at work, and a co-worker with whom I'm fairly close (and found out from her that another person was picking up some hints already - and was positive about it, which was very good considering she is over my 2 direct supervisors). On the personal side, productivity came in the form of not trying to figure out "an answer" - my initial reaction (to many things) is to think that if I just think about it for awhile, and ask the right questions, I can come up with an answer right away. Well that's not going to happen here, the only way I'm giong to find an "answer" is to keep taking steps until I reach whatever destination is out there for me (or not, there might not really be a destination - as I write this I realize there probably isn't!). So my approach now is to just look for steps that I can take - take them - see if they feel comfortable - then take another step - repeat... There was a negative event at work, but one that lead to positive. I overheard several students (overheard is an overstatement, they were talking loud enough that one could think they were trying to talk to me from a distance), they were joking about the idea of a male (I couldn't tell who they were talking about beyond that) wearing a dress to a student event that night. It wasn't something I could directly address (I'm staff at the school), but I did mention it to my boss, who apparently brought it up with her boss (the one I mentioned earlier), who suggested that they should probably incorporate sensitivity training into student orientation (and I believe she's sincere, she's not the type to just talk about it). So that was good - but the really good part is that it inspired me to try to take more steps to be out at work. It would be inappropriate for me to address the students directly about the issue, but if they ultimately get the point that I am TG it might make them think more about what they're saying. Well, that's all for now - oh, tonight I'm telling my sister, first family member... xoxo Christie

Great to hear : )

Monica and Emma, Thank you both for your comments and ongoing support! I'm sure there will be difficult periods ahead, but so far it's been mostly a fun "process." The conversation with my sister didn't go that well, but it was about what I expected (not horrible, she's just a bit thoughtless at times - in this case it wasn't even comments specifically about me being TG, it was more general). Further reason that my friends are more important to me than family :-) I got my latest order from Kohl's today, including several items of women's "business" clothing - so next week promises to be another week of pushing it! xoxo Christie

Dear Christie, I agree fully with Monica. Look at you. You're a beautiful butterfly emerging and taking wing. Hugs, Emma

Christie, You go, girl! Monica

That's an interesting discussion point you raise. If I may chime in- I don't feel like a 'woman' either. I feel like me. I am a transgender woman. I don’t really think anyone actually feels like a ‘woman’, they just feel like them. In honesty, if I had the choice to be born female I don't know that I would: I actually quite like me the way that I am. Weird, right? It took a little while, but I'm a lot happier with my body and appearance now. I've not had surgery, but (lucky genetics?) I had quite soft facial features to start with. Basically the only things I've done are hormones, eaten lots to put on weight and had electrolysis. There is no gold standard. There's no minimum bar that you must be able to limbo under. I'm actually quite jealous of people who have had reassignment surgery... but not enough to really do it myself. I'd like larger breasts, but mine are presentable. It's about being comfortable being you, and being you takes time and exploration. Sincerely I apologise for talking about 'me' when I'm trying to make a more general point, I'm just my only point of reference : ( It seems that partly we spend huge amounts of time in our own heads. It's totally understandable, we have a lot to think about and naturally we fret about what the people around us will think. The bizarre reality seems to be, at least in the UK, that nobody honestly gives a flying flip. Genuinely. I've had occasional looks, but in honesty not for months. The only difference is that I'm better practiced dressing for my style and more confident. Nobody outside really gives a tinker's cuss one way or the other- they're wrapped up in their own heads, with their own problems. The same is true at work. I transitioned in my last job and everyone was nothing but supportive. Most people are pretty good natured. Now the caveat to that is those close to us. That's the real kick in the teeth. The ones who should support us most are (in my opinion) the most likely to do the most damage. They're more invested in us, you see. They have put much more of themselves into 'us' as they believe us to be, so when we turn around and show them who we really were all along they can't see the butterfly, they just miss the caterpillar and may be resentful of all the personal energy they put into knowing it. In order to be you, you need time and space. No, not like that. I know you're thinking about Sci Fi. You need the room to see how you want to evolve and you need the time to experiment with those evolutions. I went though a heavy goth phase as part of my transition, then dressing like a tramp, and now I'm just 'normal'. Those phases were very important, because it helped me learn what I liked, what I didn't like, what suited me, what made me happy. When I started, I was desperate for surgery. I wanted it yesterday. If my soul had been he asking price then you wouldn't have seen it but for the blur as I handed it over. Room and time. Now I'm not so fussed. I might actually prefer to use that money for a house deposit, or a car, or a monkey (and a hat for the monkey), or a beagle that I can name Smeagol. There are only two constraints to room and time. One is us, and our concern about upsetting people, going beyond the pale etc. and the other is those close to us. They're smallest reactions make much greater ripples than the overreactions of acquaintances. So, Emma. To be Emma you must know what it means to be Emma. To do that you need to try the stuff you want to try, and don't worry about protecting others by limiting yourself. You need to try, fail, learn and try some more. Maybe skirts won’t suit you, maybe they will. Maybe crossdressing in private will be enough, maybe it won’t. Maybe you will end up making it happen and doing the whole damned lot of facial surgery, reassignment surgery, breast augmentation, hormones, hair removal. Maybe your beloved will be sincerely happy that she now knows the real you. Maybe she’ll love you more. Maybe she won’t. Maybe, maybe, maybe. Ultimately whatever you do, it’s likely be the same as what everyone else does. We muddle along. We don’t know the outcomes and can’t see the future: we just sort of burble through it and try for the best. See if you can find a muddle-y way to experiment with your identity (clothes and makeup are only a part of it but they do help, given our society’s deeply ingrained gender roles). Muddling is all we can do. But trust me on the beagle, I will make that mofo happen. Sorry for the patronising garbage. I drew a picture to make it better:

Below is an email I sent to my therapist this morning in preparation for our couples meeting with my wife tomorrow evening. Names have been redacted or changed to protect the innocent. I imagine and hope we will have a great meeting tomorrow. Our therapist is remarkable how he helps us learn how to communicate better and, together, my wife and I are working through the scary assumptions and worries about what it means for me to realize I am transgender. As of this post it's been about seven months since coming out to my wife. It's been tough sledding especially early on but maybe we've progressed to a point where both of us will get our needs met and we'll remain happily together. I sure hope so. Hi Andrew, I have gender dysphoria. It's been hard for me to admit and accept but really, there's no denying it. There is no “cure,” no “fix.” Last night I read the WPATH Standards of Care (SoC). Didn't really learn much except that it's good to see, in one place, a comprehensive and professional look at what it is and recommendations on treatments for both MtF and FtM people. The dysphoria may be mitigated via a range of treatments/strategies such as: • Therapy • Occasional dressing, either in public or private • Living part- or full-time as the other gender • “Transition” o Hormones o Surgery Let’s start from the transition end of the spectrum. In my heart I know I wish I had been born and raised female. And maybe if I was in my teens or twenties now I would avail myself of the increased public acceptance of transgender people, perhaps living more openly and even considering transition. But at this stage of my life it doesn’t feel right – if it ever would have. Now, even with full hormones, surgeries (there would be several, for sure), and complete “passing” as a woman, I would still at heart be me. I can imagine myself on this treadmill of trying to achieve one more step toward being female but never achieving the unknowable, while also likely losing the one person who is most important to me in my life, Marie. Marie and I have been very close these last few days. Although we haven’t broached the “transgender subjects” at all my sense is that we’re coming to some level of acceptance. A couple of days ago she suggested that perhaps this Sunday I could return to living/sleeping in the master bedroom with her. I imagine that will be a topic for our couples meeting with you tomorrow evening. She and I have also talked about what we might do as early as a year from now, when the lease on her shop expires. Perhaps then we will pack up our house, rent it out, and move to Europe for a year or more. This has been a dream of ours for years. Thus, my returning to the master bedroom is a microcosm for our working out how we will live together as we move forward, traveling or even just at home when both of us are together all the time under the same roof. As I said at the start of this I do have gender concerns and I need to deal with them on some level (which is sill being determined). I think we need to bring this out in the open with Marie. I think a place to begin is with the term “crossdressing.” On previous occasions she has expressed her dismay and disapproval. And there’s no doubt in my mind that I would appear pretty odd to her when dressed in anything feminine. But given my gender dysphoria, why is it appropriate to label my dressing, either in bed, under my clothing, or even at some level of completeness (e.g., a dress with stockings, shoes, etc.), “crossdressing” at all? Am I not being (more) true to myself and that that is valid in its own right? For example, these days I am always wearing a nightgown and panties to sleep in. It feels good, right, comfortable. It eases my dysphoria, makes me feel better. It’s not erotic at all. I imagine all this will take some getting used to for both of us. But I think it’s an important bridge to cross for both Marie and me. But it's definitely a scary one. Hard for me to put myself out there in this way. I'm afraid of vulnerability, of being re-shunned, of Marie's being hurt, of being presented with still more unanswerable questions. Emma Photo: We were on a boat in South Africa, on a river in a place called Viljoensdrift. Just a pastoral setting, having a glass of local wine, watching the river bank drift by. Heavenly.

Oh goodness, such wonderful feedback. I'm afraid this is going to be a rather long post so grab a cup of tea or coffee, turn on some tunes, and fasten your seat belts, please! Yes, she definitely had, and has, some misconceptions about crossdressers in general as well as about me. Last night in the therapist's office I learned about some of her own demons that she's endured since childhood. She doesn't know exactly what ties them to me but at least we're talking about it. In an ideal world, definitely, we'd just overwrite the bad sectors and move on! At our age it's hard to jettison those old preconceptions that we've lived with for so long. But it's definitely something to shoot for, and is what I need and want. Here again, Mike, that's exactly what I dream of. If I can be satisfied with dressing in private (or rarely, say, to support group meetings and the like) I am afraid that I must insist on being allowed and accepted to dress as I wish in the privacy of our home. That said, I don't want to simply be "tolerated." I don't know if that's a realistic goal but it's what I'm aiming for. She says that she has complete support of me so maybe as you have experienced with your brother I will find that my wife will also learn to accept me no matter what. Kaylee: thanks so much for your comment too! Yes, but... for me, I think if I had the choice I'd choose female. I agree that it's not a simple decision, but I'd like to have been able to have that option! I love and envy your photo. You're beautiful, really pretty. Yeah, that's what I'm doing. I was talking privately with my therapist this morning and told him that a few months ago I was so daunted by the enormity of assembling a "complete" feminine persona, the clothes, accessories, make-up, wig, and on and on. I didn't do it. Instead, I've added a little bit at each support group meeting. I wore ballet flats and stockings to one meeting. At the last meeting I wore those along with a women's cotton top. And for the next meeting on May 7? I have a new skirt that I just received from Amazon. And I plan on adding a wig and breast forms. One small step for Emma, a giant leap too! Update from the last couple of days I'll try to be brief. It didn't work out as well as I'd hoped but I think we're still making positive progress: As mentioned above, we're learning more about some automatic concerns my wife has. This is so important to understand. Without this we will always have this gap between us, preventing her from achieving any "satisfactory" level of acceptance. Our therapist is teaching us a way of opening up those dark recesses in our minds that ensures that we each feel we've been heard and the other one has internalized what is going on. I think this is incredibly important to build trust and love. I'm planning on a new blog post on this pretty soon. I've decided to tell my wife that now's not the right time for me to return to our master bedroom. I know I will one day (probably within a month or two) but we have some more important ground to cover (such as those feelings I mentioned above). It's a wild ride of an emotional roller coaster. I'm really blessed to have such a wonderful wife, fantastic therapist(s), and to be part of our community here. It's all coming together perfectly. Tomorrow we're heading to Napa to join another couple for wine tasting at a couple of wineries and dinner at someplace fun. Take care everyone. I love you all, Emma

"...these days I am always wearing a nightgown and panties to sleep in. It feels good, right, comfortable. It eases my dysphoria, makes me feel better. It’s not erotic at all." Is it at all possible that somewhere in the back of "Marie's" mind, festers implanted misconceptions she's learned, picked up, heard, or been told in the past about crossdressers? And if so, if she was to learn and be able to allow reality to over-write all the bad she's heard, maybe she could be more supportive? "On previous occasions she has expressed her dismay and disapproval. And there’s no doubt in my mind that I would appear pretty odd to her when dressed in anything feminine." I've found that those who are in total support, and accept me as I am, have no issue with how I present myself. A good example would be my brother. He knows I wear a binder, he knows I pack, and he knows my packer doubles as a "stand-to-pee," but he treats me no different than he ever has. My Mum, on the other hand, does not particularly care for the way I dress, she has issue with my hair, and I think she has wondered what's up with my chest. She's not really one to bite her tongue, so I'm not quite sure why she's not asked me what up, except that perhaps she doesn't want to hear what she doesn't wanna hear. __________________________________________________ LOL... you worked that word 'redacted' in there. You go, girl!! -Mikey

Best wishes, Karen, and good luck with the new language! :)