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Showing content with the highest reputation on 04/21/2015 in all areas

  1. I decided to start crafting a coming out letter. It has been a long time coming. I've read a lot about coming out to friends, family, children, coworkers, etc. Each is a unique audience. I wrote this first letter primarily to read to my pastor. If you could review and provide comments I would appreciate it. The one thing that I did not do in the letter, that so many other letters attempt to do is explain gender dysphoria or what transgender is or means. I consciously decided not to do that. First, if anyone has any questions I want them to approach me and ask. Second, what I've noticed in coming out letters, particularly ones that try to explain gender issues in a way that justifies transition, it is a slippery slope. In many letters, it is almost like the writer is giving the reader authority to weigh in or to disagree. So, I've tried to intentionally limit discussions of "Why" and "What I am". They can ask if they have questions and they can accept me. There is not a lot of middle ground here. Thank you for your help! "There is something that only very few friends and family know about me. Something that I have struggled with since I was a very young child. I have gender dysphoria. I have had therapy and attended support groups off and on for over the last 28 years or so to seek understanding and to cope with this. Over the last six months I have started attending therapy and support groups on a regular basis to gain support, knowledge and acceptance. Over the past month I have started to be treated medically based on the recommendation of my therapist and doctor. What does this mean? Over the next two to three years I will transition to living as a female. This will be an adjustment for everyone, particularly friends and loved ones who have always known me as Scott. There have been and will continue to be people who accept me unconditionally without any understanding. But I know there will be those who struggle with this, seeking some sort of logical argument or explanation prior to acceptance. I do not have a logical explanation for why I am this way or why I now feel that it is critical for me to live as a female after living as the gender that I was assigned at birth for 42 years. Why now? I have prayed about this since I was a child. I have asked for many things and made many promises to the Lord. I have asked the Lord to change me, to help me cope and to accept me. Each time I've prayed I have felt a love that is strong and accepting. I am female in mind and in spirit, but male biologically. There a many people in this world who face serious challenges. It just so happens that this is the life challenge that I was meant to face. I was made this way for a reason. I don't completely understand why yet or fully appreciate or comprehend. But I do know and have known for years that the Lord made me and he accepts me for who I am. What has been the most difficult for me is that even though I am accepted by Jesus, I have never fully accepted myself. Though I still do not fully accept myself, transitioning to living as female is a step towards this self acceptance. It is a very painful step for many involved, yet it is a necessary step for me to emerge from the shadows and to live an open, healthy life. I fully expect some anger, rejection directed towards me. No matter, I will always love those who have known me and supported me as Scott. However, for sanity sake I will step away and out of the lives of those who act out in destructive ways or are abusive. I will hope and pray that anyone who rejects me based on this will find the peace and joy that comes with acceptance. And my door will always be open to anyone who genuinely loves me and seeks understanding. One more thing, many transgender individuals who have gender dysphoria transition to their perceived gender or they commit suicide. My hope is that I can help others avoid this pain, isolation and rejection by setting a positive example and helping create an environment of acceptance and understanding. For people who are transgender, there is a lot of confusion mostly due to lack of support, misinformation and / or rejection by friends, family or society in general. In some way, I hope that I can help and "pay forward" much of the love and support that I have received over the years to others in need. In closing, if you have any questions about issues related to gender identity or gender dysphoria, please approach me and ask me those questions. I am looking forward to discussing as well as providing resources to those who genuinely seek understanding. Thank you for your love and support."
    4 points
  2. I believe you have a good letter but do consider that some people want less information rather than volumes of information in the form of a letter. With that said some want to hear you speak the words and I have found it best to give them less information then in closing tell them "I am the same person inside" along with telling them you are open to questions. You know these people best so try and figure out if they will be content with volumes of information or want to ask you questions. Consider where you intend to come out and the current mood of that person or persons. With me a few stood on their religion beliefs which can be touchy if not conveyed well back to them your beliefs on transitioning. Even if you stay with the original letter get out some paper, write down questions that might be asked of you then answer them out loud in front of a mirror, work on your hand gestures and facial expressions so that you are comfortable with responses as this could be awkward. Best of luck with this endeavor!!!
    4 points
  3. Lisa, I think your letter is excellent, really. My only suggestion is to add a short paragraph between paragraphs one and two where you explain what gender dysphoria is. I think that is something we here all understand intuitively but for most others it's new language. Other than that, it's perfect. Best wishes, Emma
    4 points
  4. Monica, thank you for the feedback. My mind is starting to emerge from the confused fog that it has been these last few months. I am now starting to have moments or periods of clarity. Thank God. Because I thought I was going crazy there for awhile. It just took me some time to find those marbles that I lost and pop them back into my head again! Lol! I am so thankful for this forum and opportunity to blog. This was something that did not exist just a few years ago. And thank you for shepherding us. You have been a wonderful moderator! Love, Lisa
    4 points
  5. Lisa, Can't improve on it! Please, everyone, weigh in on this! Monica
    4 points
  6. Hi Lisa, I couldn't stay asleep and was looking around the web and found this informative post by a therapist that may help you. It's also an excellent blog on transgender mental health issues: http://tgmentalhealth.com/2009/12/26/thoughts-on-coming-out-as-transgender-to-family/ Emma
    3 points
  7. I think Karen's suggestion bears repeating. Also, note new questions as they come out to add to your database, and refine your answers. I also agree that for some, perhaps those who are very emotionally attached to you, it's all too easy to overwhelm them with information. "Transgender" and "transitioning" are very unfamiliar to most. Perhaps as Karen advised, it's better to be prepared with answers and allow them to ask whatever comes to mind. Emma
    3 points
  8. Monica, Thank you for your response - it is very helpful! I'm not sure I'm entirely there yet as far as accepting that I'm a heterosexual woman, but I am starting to believe that that's where this journey is going to end up. I just have 40 or so years of clutter to push out of the way. Or I guess it would be better just to leave the clutter and find a new home :-) I just created a profile on the website you recommended, I'll take a look around there too and see what comes up. xoxo Christie
    2 points
  9. This past week was interesting. I just started an upped dosage of Spiro today. It seems to be agreeing well with me. No side affects and it seemed to calm me. I went to a service on Saturday. On my way home, much like I usually do, I'll stop in Target, etc. to get food, wine, whatever. I was a bit overdressed but looked presentable and classy. Anyways I had someone say to me, "hey beautiful" and I, being a bit flustered said "Thank you". I am always polite, but I was a little mad at myself. If he had told me that I looked nice or beautiful, I would have been okay. But "hey beautiful" just seemed derogatory towards women. I've had guys say so many things to me before, I am surprised I was surprised. I think that my mind was in a different place due to the service. It was beautiful, but I felt bad after the service. This week at work, I found out three people are leaving. One was fired after he gave his two weeks. So, I am picking up the pieces. I thought that my head would explode on Monday. I have a touch up laser and electrolysis this Thursday. Nothing next week, but then a baseline blood test the week after that. Hopefully I can get on estrogen sooner than later. We'll see. It won't happen for at least another 4 weeks though. But I've been waiting for 38 years to live as myself. What's a couple more months or years. Oh and there is one more thing. Anxiety is creeping back. My ability to cope was gone after all of the repression was stripped away. I though that may be that was in my past but I will need something. Hopefully, everyone's week is going well so far. Tomorrow is humpday!! Love, Lisa
    1 point
  10. Thank you all for your help! It will take me a little time to absorb.
    1 point
  11. Friends, PLEASE click on Emma's link . . . and the link of links, as well as videos! Be patient, a few of the links are broken, but, I promise you, the effort is well worth it! MUST READING/VIEWING FOR EVERYONE! Monica
    1 point
  12. Good morning everyone! We're having a nice breezy, rainy day in NYC today (which is fine for Monday). I've been thinking about my gender and sexual orientation a lot recently, specifically as they relate to each other, and wanted to put my thoughts out here to see if anyone has some ideas on the topic First, I do realize that gender and sexual orientation are different things, and they we do all have both of them. What I've been thinking about lately though is that for quite awhile I've identified and "lived" as a gay man. Given my recent acknowledgment that I am transgender, it's made me wonder if i am a gay man or a straight woman, and what that means in day-to-day terms. But even before that, I wonder now if the reason I was "came out" as a gay man was because I was misreading the reality that I am transgender. When I was growing up, in particular around the age of puberty, I didn't really have any idea of the existence of transgender people. At best there were stories about people who had sex change operations, but those stories were usually portrayed as freakish, and they certainly didn't explain why the person had done it (at least not anywhere that I saw). Mind you this was the early to mid 70s. So my theory/hypothesis is that I interpreted my feelings as being gay because I knew what that was, and it seemed like the best fit for them. Even that I covered up for a long time, it wasn't like being gay was accepted at that time either, but at least I knew what it was. It would also fit with my dating history, which is very, very limited. It makes me wonder if one of the reasons I don't date much is that I don't want to date gay men, I want to date straight men (I hesitated saying that - seems like it could come across as homophobia?). There have also been several straight men who work at the gay bar that I go to and I find myself especially drawn to them - there is the cliche about gay men who want to turn straight guys, but I don't want that, I want them to stay as they are and love me! I'm going to leave this here for now, in part because I should start working, and in part because I just put something out there that I haven't even mentioned in therapy yet - need to hit "Publish" before this feeling of vulnerability stops me xoxo Christie
    1 point
  13. Dear Christie, In my opinion, you are a heterosexual woman, and should be with either a cisgender or transman heterosexual man. Easier said than done. Just because you are a woman with a penis does not make you a Gaymale. May I suggest you take your time and find an understanding heterosexual man or transman. Feel an excellent resource is http://www.TGPersonals.com In your ad, mention that you are pre-op but identify as a heterosexual female. Read the other ads to get an idea what you want to put in or not put in your ad. Hope this helps. Yours truly, Monica
    1 point
  14. I am indeed going through the mind mill! It's something I do way too often :-) I agree with you as far as the present goes - I think perhaps for me the bigger question (which possibly can't be answered, but I was hoping it could) is whether the entire idea of being gay was something my teenage mind came up with in response to the feeling of being trans.
    1 point
  15. Emma, I know the feeling about shopping in the stores, I did at some point make it a personal challenge though and now it feels perfectly natural! The first few times I just bought, but then I started trying things on too. I love Kohl's, and started suspecting that their employees might be trained to not comment on what people are buying (which would be an excellent business practice). I'm probably going to pause at this point for a little bit - I need to let my post-taxes finances settle down a bit before I start spending again - and I work at a school which is about to enter final exams and summer break, so my wardrobe will go more casual anyway, which means I can incorporate some clothes that I already have and then get my "business wardrobe" together over the summer. xoxo Christie
    1 point
  16. Hi Christie, I really hope things turn out well for you, a good dress sense is invaluable for workplace acceptance, I went for the classic business woman look such as protrayed in 1960's films, perhaps I could have played alongside C Grant etc..............LoL :-). Anyway it works really well. Yes, one step at a time is a good way to continue your journey, after a while you'll likely see your destination................. Cheers, Eve
    1 point
  17. Hi Christie, I really like on-line shopping at Amazon, especially with Amazon Prime. They ship for free to a local 7-11 store so I don't have to worry or be at home when the package arrives, and returns are super easy to do, also with free shipping. I know what you mean about the sizes. Last week I ordered a skirt from REI, and after very seriously studying the size guide, I selected XL. Well, it arrived and it was way too big! It's a tent! So then, I ordered three skirts from Amazon, two of them L and one L/XL. The two L's were still too big, but the L/XL fits perfectly, so that's the one I'm keeping of course. I'm s chicken when it comes to going into the stores to shop, so I bought a belt for the big REI skirt. I think and hope it will look okay with that. Take care, Emma
    1 point
  18. Brilliant blog Mikha, Being with someone else who you've known previously and then found out about each other is amazing, it happened to me. I think I told the story in my first blog.......... Cheers, Eve
    1 point
  19. Hey Ladies and Gents and Robotics of the future who are posing as the usual nerds who actually know the key to the universe but are keeping it secret to watch us make fools of ourselves. You know, because they're absolute asses. And face it, we can be rather amusing to watch trip over our own feet sometimes. Come on people, admit it. You laugh when others run into glass doors. We're hilarious. ANYWAY, enough about the stupidity of the human race (which would be solved by removing warning labels, by the way. The universe would sort itself out eventually, to be honest. Removes the morons from the people who actually gained common sense at birth. You know, because that’s what normal people have. Common sense… Though sadly I have a feeling that the general population of today’s youth would perish. Sad, but nessesary. But, once again, I’ve trailed off my train of thought because as some of you know, the rails to my train of thought are as twisted and mangled up as old spegetti you found in your fridge from last Sunday’s dinner. SO, back on topic. Where was I? Oh yeah. Life. Well, life still sorta sucks a little bit. But, what else is new, right? I went to the doctors office for my usual “lets see if you’re still functioning” visit, and I’ll admit, it could have gone better. I unfortunately have fallen back into a full swing of my “self harm” issues, and I dare say they’re a little more consistant and addictive as the last phases of it. So I admitted to my doctor about whats going on, and yes, I had had a few thoughts that I’m not so proud of. I felt it only beneficial to let her know what were going on through an honest standpoint, and that my antidepressants were as effective to me as water is to a heart attack. Naturally, she were concerned, and we discussed weening me off from my Lexapro and onto another medication, Zoloft. We’ll see how that goes, but my hopes are….well, hopeful. Another topic we discussed is my back pain. She had been aware of it for some time, and had previously suggested pain killers such as ibuprofen or Tylenol, which I advised her that was unhelpful, and she was nice enough to not question it. She asked me where it hurt (which is right between my shoulders most days) and as I moved my arm up to point to the area, low and behold, my shoulder popped. Not uncommon for me, it’s been an issue since I were a very young teen. Alarmed, she investigated, and her theory is that the weight that my bra straps had put on my shoulders as a young adult has damaged the way my shoulders matured, which makes them pop a lot. Possible, and completely believable. When I broke down into tears about not being able to afford my top surgery and how bad my back was killing me, she decided that she would do even further investigating and be more aggressive with trying to find a way to turn my top surgery into a medical nessesity. Thank Frogging Gerd. (I was asked by a catholic coworker to try and avoid saying the f-bomb or ‘God’, and I’m up for a challenge. Does that One time of saying God count? Crap, is that two? Damn it.) So in one aspect, I MIGHT be closer to top surgery. No promises, and I’m not fool enough to think that my problems are solved, but I’m not hopeless enough to assume it wont work. I have previous damage to my spine for falling off a cliff, damage to my ribs and previous damage to my shoulders from them popping out of place from lack of cartilage. Getting rid of some of my top-heavy problems will be beneficial not just to my mental state, but certainly from a medical standpoint to my health. I don’t want to be eighty years old and unable to stand upright because of years of back problems. On another note, I received a package today. EmmaSweet, this shoutout is for you, babydoll Love, Love, LOVE the book you sent me! Wonderful pictures, wonderful stories, very inspiring!! For those who are curious, it was the book called “Transfigurations” by Jana Marcus, and it is phenomenal! Thank you a million times over Well, I think that just about wraps up this session of rambling and bologna. Impressed that I spelled that right? Yeah, me too. LATER LADIES AND GENTS, And a special wink to the nerds. Just cuz’ we fam, yo! Warren AKA “RenRen”
    1 point
  20. I agree...it would be cool if you could get those suckers classified as medically detrimental. I just hope that if so, they will shave 'em all the way down. Too often, the most they will do is a "reduction." A shame the patient can't dictate how far to reduce. I guess if they reduce them enough though... then a good binder will work wonders. As far as that goes, a neoprene waist trimmer would work, and be a heck of a lot cooler. -Michael
    1 point
  21. Congratulations, and best wishes on your new journey! :)
    1 point
  22. Hey Warren, Best of luck getting your top surgery classified as a medical necessity... I really hope it works out for you! (And good luck with getting your medication issues worked out too.) But, um, "falling off a cliff"? Whoa. That's... intense. I'm glad you're still here to tell the tale. And hey, we already know the answer to the Ultimate Question of Life, the Universe and Everything. It's just the *question* that's giving us a spot of trouble. Best wishes to you... and watch out for those robots from the future. Especially if they look like 1980s Schwarzenegger. 1990s Schwarzenegger should be OK though. Just don't confuse the two! :lol:
    1 point
  23. Hey Ren! Great to hear from you and I'm delighted that you like the book. I hope it helps you, maybe something to look at and read when life throws crap at you. (I think crap is a fine and permissible word to use.) About the Ladies and Gents and Robotics of the Future... Sounds to me like you're talking about the Darwin Awards. These are awarded to people posthumously for their stupidity and success at removing themselves from the gene pool. Like the guy who figured he could electrocute fish in the lake as a much faster way to do it than with a pole and lures. Yep, he turned on the juice and was delighted to see dead fish floating to the surface. So, he waded out to collect them. Oops! He'd forgotten to first turn off the electricity... He joined the dead fish. I sure hope you will be able to get your top surgery. If it's prescribed as a medical necessity that would be fantastic and paid for by your insurance, right? I'll be thinking of you and sending whatever good vibes I can to help. It's always nice to hear from you. Don't be a stranger! Hugs, Emma
    1 point
  24. Sounds epic, Veronica And thanks! Christie, thanks it was a rather sudden and tragic start to my teen years but we all got through it alright In fact, the other night I had a very comforting dream about him and we talked about the transgender situation. It certainly made me feel much better, even if it was only a dream ^_^
    1 point
  25. Interesting - one of my wolf tattoos, on my leg, is a wolf drawn around the Cherokee word for wolf (My friend dre it). Sorry to hear about losing your father at such a young age, that has to be really difficult
    1 point
  26. I have a crow and wolf on my back, with a triqua in the center with "Abaachii k'eh" and "Eire go braugh" (apache way and ireland forever, i believe) and a wolf on my leg with wings that says "mathair m'aingael coimhdeachla" in gaelic. Meaning "my father, my guardian angel" for my father who passed away when I was 12
    1 point
  27. That sounds like a great idea for a tattoo! I have 4 tattoos already, I want another but i'm waiting until i'm done with laser hair removal. Mine are all wolf themed
    1 point
  28. My intentions were to get a hawthorne tree over my bicep, with just the end of the quote as wording beneath it. "Never regret anything that makes you smile"
    1 point
  29. The circle of life, you move away from the name and I move towards it! It was actually my middle name by birth, so it seemed a natural choice (it was my mother's maiden name) that is a great quote - it would make for a big tattoo :)
    1 point
  30. First off, what cracks me up was my birth name was Kristy G. Just a tidbit that I found humorous On another note, you were correct. And I've recently found a quote from Mark Twain that I'd like to one day get tattooed upon my scarred bicep from self harm, that you might also enjoy. "Life is short. Break the rules, forgive quickly, kiss slowly, love truly, laugh uncontrollably; and NEVER regret anything that makes you SMILE" Mark Twain
    1 point
  31. RenRen, I'm pretty new here and don't really know you, but I read your post and i'm really sorry that your going through such difficulties that seems totally useless to say, but I doubt there's anything I could say that would help much. It is encouraging to see that you have help and are trying things - and that you're able to maintain some humor through it! If the "thoughts you aren't proud of" are what i'm thinking, then I do know a little about that, i'be had them too, a couple of times just in the last few weeks. I do manage to remember when they happen that as long as i'm here I still have a chance to be happy. If i'm wrong about what you meant then disregard what I just said Xoxo Christie
    1 point
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