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Sometimes I wonder if the life I live is actually just some sick and twisted nightmare, then other times I just assume I’m in limbo somewhere for some unspeakable crime against humanity. Then other times I cant help but wonder if any of the “reality” is reality at all. Or if maybe the whole universe is just split up into atoms within an alien computer somewhere and they’re fooling around with the system like some weird outer space version of The Sims. But maybe that’s just my creative writer coming out and saying “Yo, dummy, get back to your books you weirdo” But that’s beside the point I guess. Either I’m real flesh and blood with some issues, or I’m some alien Sims with my body switched with some dude with an attitude. Either way I guess I can live with it ANYWHO, I suppose you all would like an update on the comings, goings, and interesting phenomenon that is involved with this freakishly creative individual we call Ren-Ren-Rawr (apparently what my bf calls me instead of “girlfriend” or “boyfriend” because hes not comfy with bf, and I’m not comfy with gf) So yesterday, I had a rather productive day and got my butt in gear and drove the (almost) hour long drive to the larger hospital in my area, Dartmouth Hitchcock (the name still cracks me up!) and went up to the financial aid help center about my 5,000+$ bill with them. Last time I went (cant remember if I told ya’ll) was NOT an enjoyable experience in the least. The woman (unnamed) were rude, ruthless, unhelpful and discriminative. She made it abundantly clear that she were NOT going to use my preferred pronouns, my now-legal name, etc etc. And made a point to tell me that she is in basic control of all the financial aid paperwork, emails, etc so I would still have to deal with her no matter what I do, PLUS her telling me that I am NOT allowed to set up payments for my overdue account until they go to collections, which to me sounded like absolute manure. I left heartbroken and ridiculously annoyed. ON THE CONTRARY, this time, I went up to the front desk and asked to be seen for applying for financial aid now that I’m basically jobless. I also mentioned that whoever was on my file the last time I were there, I would like to NOT see because she were rude and disrespectful. The secretary seemed surprised but nodded in acceptance. So I waited about half an hour and finally were seen, by a woman named April who were AMAZING. Super understanding, patient, and fun to talk to. I explained the situation that happened last time I were there, and she were reasonably furious. Immediately she wrote down whatever I told her about the last woman I saw, and said she would immediately speak to her manager about the situation once our meeting was over, and assured me that she would keep my name off the report. Which made me feel much better, I’ll admit. She were very understanding and when I let her know that I preferred MALE pronouns, she promptly agreed and not once did she faulter! She walked me through the state insurance application, helped me with it and printed out a copy for me to keep on hand before emailing it out. Then she went through the paper application with me and assured me she would send it to both THAT hospital and to another that I also owe money to. I explained my situation with the needs for transgender therapy and my hopefulness for surgery in the future, and she then went to her manager to make sure that the insurance she were helping me sign up for would cover most, if not all, of those things that I were looking for. She was, in the best description, a life saver. I left (after two hours lol) feeling relieved and hopeful, and saved her business card so that I can give her a stunning review on their appointment outcome papers. (Found this and thought it was awesome :P) Right after, I stopped in at my regular doctor’s office and let her know that I would like a paper from her stating that she DOES agree that I have gender dysphoria, and that she is aware of my issues with the dysphoria and is in support of me starting treatment for it. I also asked for a copy of my file from my ex-therapist Joan, along with a letter from her as well about my dysphoria. My plan (helped from another friend) is to take these papers, and the files, to the Gender Therapist when I get insurance to talk to him. That way there is evidence that I have had this diagnosis for a while, and have been publicly living as a male for some time, and hopefully be able to skip over the year’s worth of gender therapy and get closer to surgery. I’m very hopeful on this, but I’m not fool enough to assume it WILL work. But it’s worth a try! Otherwise, things are going alright I’m getting an update on my nightmare medication as those issues have returned, unfortunately. But nothing I cant handle, I assure you. I tried a “Root Beer” beer as well, and although I am NOT a fan of beer, I actually really liked this one! It does have that hint of beer to it, but is mostly overridden by the root beer flavor It was delightful, and I cannot wait to try it in a rootbeer float!! It’s called “Not your Father’s Rootbeer” in case you’re wondering My youtube channel is getting closer to being started, and I will film my first “episode” this coming Wednesday. When it is fully posted, I will certainly share the link with everyone This one will be my introduction, and also about some quick ‘fashion tips for transgenders’. Feel free to hit me up with ideas or subscribe! The channel is “DubstepHeartbeat” in case you’re wondering. (a giggle for you) Well, I think that’s it for this blog post. I’ll let you know if I have anything else to yammer on about Your Buddy, Warren

Warren, wow! That was an epic post! I am so sorry that you've had such a struggle. Hang in there. It sounds like you are persevering!

It is possible for a therapist to sign-off on gender surgery in less than one year, just depends on if the therapist. So happy to hear you found the woman who is helping you out.

You amazing for being so strong keep ur head up in clouds and smile all the way

Thanks Monica for the complement.

Karen, You are a beautiful daughter and sister inside and out. Your mother and brother should be proud to have a daughter/sister like you. You pass perfectly in all three photos, even the one that is a close-up of your face. Hope your mother and brother display them with pride. What a wonderful gift! Monica

I have my complaints but none are bugging me atm XD I'll post a blog soon, updating everyone. Thanks but seriously, loving the pics, you got that bright and cheeriness shining through!

Thanks for the compliment Warren and hope all is as well as it can be (I believe you know what I mean in a good way) in your world

Gorgous photos!

This was so touching I know how u feel keep your head up hun

Thanks Christie, the photographer made me feel right at home.

I had to do some banking in the actual bank, at the teller desk today. I have to deal with a physical person only a few times a year, but I get nervous every single time. My name is still my birth, and extremely female name. I have never had issues in the past, but today was a different story. The lady who called upon me was new, and still didn't know the major procedures so she asked "Tony" to come over to help. He looked at me, at the computer at me again, and announced my name in a loud-ish and questioning manner. I replied with my deep male voice, "yes, that's right." After "Tony" answered the teller's questions and left, I confirmed his name then asked to see the manager. She said sure and asked if everything is ok. I said, it wasn't, but not because of her. The manager seemed genuine with her disgust, and has said to talk to the other manager in the branch as well as "Tony" and to provide a memo to staff that transgender people are not to have personal information disclosed. Honestly, I am not shocked that this happened, I am shocked that it has taken this long for it to happen.

Hey Warren, I also liked the cartoon and assumed you'd drawn it. What a bummer about the beach. We don't get as crowded out here in Northern California but indeed the traffic can get thick. I'm always pushing to get started a little earlier to beat the rush. I would also be seriously bummed to have talked to K. We can assume (hope) that she was just having a bad day and you were unfortunate to be on the receiving end of her crap. Or she's always like this. Either way it has nothing to do with you. You're cool, we know that, and you don't deserve that kind of tone or treatment from anyone. No way, no how. Dammit. I also don't blame you for being reduced to tears. Why not? You're bravely putting yourself on the firing line, stepping in front, leading the way. Yes, it absolutely sucks to keep getting this kind of response. We're all pulling for YOU, Warren. Many warm hugs, Emma

Simple said it sounds like this woman has a chip on her shoulder and more likely than not is acting this way to others too. In regards to the cartoon, I can relate, had similar dreams in my younger days and were vivid. No matter how hard these times are do your best to ride through this as you have so many years ahead of you to make your changes. Bottom line is the world is not being nice to you now but like me you need to be strong (and I can say that because I was you at one time and for many decades). Sure there will be many downs but with persistence you can achieve a chest void of breast and more.

Yeah...try not to let that woman's attitude get ya down. If she's like that to everyone... she needs to find another job somewhere else. Trans people don't need that kind of treatment. Way too many of us already have esteem issues That kinda crap certainly doesn't help things. And that business about being on HRT a year before you can get surgery has got to be bull... perhaps a requirement by the particular surgeon. I know of guys who have gotten top surgery within 6 months of being on HRT. And what about a person who can't do HRT for medical reasons? That mean a guy can't get top surgery at all? The way I look at it if a guy wants top surgery, he should be able to have it. If women can get boob jobs without having their heads shrunk, we should be able to get un-boob jobs! And like you... I want them gone BEFORE starting hormones, or before the hormones start making any changes. Besides... from what I understand, they make you go off HRT for surgery. Anyway... sorry to hear that the plan for the beach went down the drain. But hey... ya have the rest of the summer to make other trips to the beach. -Michael