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Good morning everyone, I've now finished just over a week on HRT, and a full business week with my "Real Life Test." There's nothing really to report on the HRT front, which isn't surprising. I did start a "chart" that I put on my bulletin board so that each week I can write down what, if any, changes I noticed. This week the only possible change was reduced libido - though I can't say that with 100% certainty yet. The "real life test" is another story. I broke through and wore my wig, along with breast inserts, to work and pretty much everywhere this week. This morning I had an appointment with a surgeon (about my shoulder) and for a moment I considered not wearing it there, but then decided that this is either full-time or it's not, I can't pick and choose. So I did it, and it went well. I did have to use my old name for insurance reasons, but they picked up on my transition quickly and added "Christie" to their records (the doctor needs a second to catch up - when he took me to his assistant to schedule surgery he alternated between "Miss Cunningham" and "he" - but that's fine :-) The only time I can see being out and not wearing the wig is to the gym - that may come as well, but for now I won't just because I don't know how wearing a wig on a treadmill would go :-) One pleasant discovery was a different type of band for holding the wig on. It's a band that goes around your hairline and fastens with velcro, and the wig holds on to that. Far more comfortable than pins, and so far it seems quite secure. Otherwise to make sure I keep moving forward I just remind myself to "do what I do" - meaning, don't deviate from what I would have otherwise done in order to avoid anyone seeing me with the wig on. I also went by the LGBT Center this week and got signed-up for their Transgender Resources "system." I have an intake scheduled in a few weeks so that I can hopefully join a closed support group (the drop-in one that happens the 1st Wednesday of each month has been a disappointment to me so far). They're also looking into places where I can donate clothing :-) xoxo Christie

Dear Eve, Just also wanted to let you know that many transwomen, once they transitioned, consider themselves WOMEN, and are ready to assimilate into the community at large. Have noticed this also with LGB's once they have won the right to marry (but many don't know the fight for their rights have just begun . . . employers in many states can still fire, landlords can still evict, and adoption agencies can still refuse adoption, over sexual orientation. Agree with you that some of the foreigners were being given the cold shoulder, but feel there has been recent improvements. Also agree with you, especially in Great Britain, that transgender people get more government support, especially medical, and the U.S. needs to catch up! TLGB rights in the U.S. is amazingly very uneven from state to state! Please allow me to sincerely thank you for your contributions to TGGuide, and I want you to know new comers will be grateful for what you have to say, because information, even over time, often remains valid. Your friend, Monica

Dear Eve, Lately, I have found many new members from overseas who are "sticking." Perhaps give it a little more time? Your friend, Monica

Everyone will ask why you asking about chocolates, right. Actually wrong. I've never been bound by race or religion, when it came and still comes to men intriguing me. But I've always had a thing for someone taller and bigger body structured then my 1.74m (5ft8) structure and around 140Lbs. The top criterion above all else, is he needs to have respect, love and adoration for me. Okay, I grew up in a time when interracial relationships were a no no, but I am grateful my dad crossed all boundaries of interracial friendships. Say something inappropriate in front of me, and I'll put you on your place. That's probably why, all I need a man to be, is himself and respectful towards others. If I like you, it's because of qualities you have, and loving you means our qualities are strengthened by our relationship with each other and I wNt to around you every second I can, with me time for friends. So leave me alone if the guy I choose is darker then me, because he might have been lighter, then you'd be worried over me dating him.

For a while now I have been wanting to get involved in the LGBT community teaching practical self-defense and if there is an audience to teach advance self-defense. With that said if anyone is aware of groups or events for 2016 that I can contact or they can contact me please let me know be in East or West Coast. I have a strong background teaching practical empty-hand and impact tactics along with firearms if the need is there I can even combine class and get into walking cane and baton tactics also.

Eve, That is the big drawback with voluntary systems, when you're in your 20s you assume you'll never have any problems, so people don't want to contribute. Beyond that it's a matter of rationing - I recall when Bill Clinton was President and he and Hillary were working on their failed health care plan so many people I know would argue that we don't want health care rationed, as if it wasn't already! Obamacare at least improved on that by adding penalties for people who don't join, but I'd still much rather have a single-payer system. Then again I strongly believe that capitalism itself it a complete failure and want to see it scrapped - so I don't see my wish list coming along anytime soon. xoxo Christie

Ok, I'm thinking about it, after having painted myself into a corner.................!........I'm not so sure that we get much more support from Government than you do, remember we have a Tory Government, usually that means paying lip service to any laws or services that they don't like or really approve of. NHS, yes well, we all have to pay automatcally in taxes and National Insurance contributions automatically deducted from our pay packets for whatever medical treatments that are required by anyone. Deductions at source amount to aproximately a third of our gross pay, so treatment is not free. Perhaps a voluntary insurance scheme which includes Gender Identity issues done on a mutual non-profit making basis would be a good answer for countries without an NHS, except that many folk don't realise that they have these issues until later in life, and so likely wouldn't have made any contributions. But isn't this the case for heart attack, stroke, appendicitis or any other illness? If you have equality laws how do the medical insurance companies dodge them? Does someone need to start a campaign? Cheers, Eve

We all know that people should be over two people with different skin pigmentation being together but sadly it's still an issue to many, best to ignore those who think that way altogether.

In my elementary school days there was a bully who would tease me, "hey sissy" or "hey little girl" to no end. When one day a new boy came to class and while walking home the bully started on me and the new boy intervened by knocking the bully on his butt. I remained really good friends with the new kid until several years after high school then reconnected with him on Facebook several years ago. I started counting down the days to GRS but would only post on Facebook that I was heading to California for surgery. He asked (on Facebook) what I was going in for? I said (get this) nothing major and left it at that. I forget when but I changed my name and gender on Facebook say in February. Did not hear a peep from him in regards to direct communications. Yesterday he posted a video about a senior citizen shooting at a criminal and I responded. He then said, "How is Kevin doing?" I said he is decease then he asked when. So I told him Kevin died and Karen was born. He could not believe it and thought I may have hijacked Kevin's account so he asked me three questions that I should know from 40 years ago, answered them and he was then convinced. He said I should call sometime to caught up on things and I told him I will be there in the Spring. So while this is going on another friend of mine (and his) must had missed out on my transition because he went through my photos and "liked" one of them. Any ways I find it interesting that these two friends did not caught on and I even wrote a post on my gender change, In regards to the picture, this is how he sees me and is me at a local shooting range I believe back in 2007 doing my Clint type of look, bad ass. For the record there is a full size 1911 pistol on my hip and a revolver in my left front pocket in a pocket holster and a pistol on my right ankle. Okay, I hear your wheels churning in your heads so a little explanation is in order for newcomers. I did executive protection for 10 years, was on call for this, worked with local PD and taught self-defense for 13 years. Have been at both ends of the muzzle of a firearm and survived but can not say that for the bad guys. I tend not to discuss this too much as this is one thing I lost when I transitioned and hope someday to regain at least the teaching part. This was a hot day, had body armour under my shirt.

Dear Eve., Thanks to you, I have learned the commonalities and differences between the U.S. and Great Britain and Europe, in general and when it comes to TLGB issues. If it is any comfort to you, lately I have seen few or none comments to my blog posts, as well as that of others, both U.S.-based and from overseas. The moderators here are working hard to make TGGuide a kinder, gentler and more supportive website. Please check back occasionally to see if we make progress, hopefully we will make it worthwhile for you to return. Your friend, Monica

Hey Eve. Will be sad to see you go. Pop by often to say hello though Love Charl <3

Eve, Im also sorry to hear you're leaving but I fully understand. I've also been much less active lately. For me, I never felt any difference about you being in the UK, nor for that matter, anything other than another sweet regular member and contributor. I know what you mean, though, that it's nice to receive feedback and exchange with others. I also wish you the very best. But also know that you're always welcome back, anytime, for as much or as little as you wish. Warm hugs, Emma

I am sure UK are somewhat different then the US counter-parts and can see this point. I wish you have a very happy life and take care,

Eve, I'm sorry to see you go! I've enjoyed reading your entries, though I know I don't always comment (I'm rather hot and cold about that in general, I often feel like I'm so early in my own transition that I wouldn't have anything useful to add). I wish you the best! xoxo Christie

My best female friend planned this morning to visit Macy's and Nordstrom's for me having a bra fitting. The first stop ended up at Nordstrom's where she knew one of the people there which has been fitting bras for almost ten year. As luck was on our side she was just finishing up with another customer so I was introduced to her and told her what I was looking for, an everyday bra with no underwire. She brought me back into a fitting room, had me take off my top and then measured me up. She then says I will be right back which was about five minutes. She came back with two nude color bras, tried the first one on which she had highly recommended made by Wacoal and it fit like a glove. I said no need to try the other one as they both look very similar. It was a very pleasant experience having this bra fitting and was grateful that total time spent from walking in to walking about was roughly thirty minutes. We then had lunch at Nordstrom's restaurant, excellent food and great service. We when spent another two hours shopping at Macy's and a few other stores then we hit my kryptonite, Victoria's Secrets where I just had to got in and ended up with five new thongs. Before we went shopping I hung out at her house with her two teenage children too. Her daughter was at odds with me transitioning for about a month and now even closer with her. Her son never had any issues so no problem there.

Karen and Eve, Strongly suggest women to be PROFESSIONALLY fitted for their bras at least once a year. It is worth every penny. Many women don't know this, but a professional bra fitter showed me that the proper way to PUT ON a bra is to bend at the waist and to drop your breasts into the cups. Large breasted women such as myself should be careful NOT to wear an under wire bra because the weight of the breasts pushes the wire against the rib cage and can cause bruising. Your friend, Monica

My best friend and I took a taxi to the hospital, signed a few papers the off to a room to prepare me for surgery. About thirty minutes later the surgeon arrived, drew on my body to mark up for my implants. About ten minutes later, off to the OR. I am so use to the OR it felt like a second home I woke up in a recovery room, a bit groggy as one might expect. Pain level I mark at between 3 and 4. I was given some pain medication which greater reduced the pain. Terry had them bring me a Starbucks coffee which I drank till nothing was left. So how do they look? I believe my worries about being too large was unfounded, they are simple perfect size wise and look fantasic. After about (not sure) one hour a taxi drove us back to my place. Yep, another cup of coffee and then started watching "The blacklist" but stopped as Terry was tired thus giving me time to write this entry. Going back to pain level, if you read my blog entry on gender reassignment surgery I did great pain-wise. I did well this time also but would say this actually was more painful but again, manageable. At my place right before surgery At the hospital, I want coffee!!!

In six hours I have my last meal until who knows when since I will be still under the affects of anesthesia and was informed that it will be best to stick with things like soup, crackers and clear drinks for the day after surgery. After GRS I ate two light meals each day for the first two days so my guess is this will be no different. Just took a five hour energy drink so I stay awake to around mid-night which will help me with several extra hours that if awake would be hungry. My friend is due at around 9AM with her son. Her son is driving us to the hospital around 10AM which is one hour early because he needs to be some place else. My friend gave me a grocery list to get food for her as she does not drive and I can not drive for two days (oh, we will see about cutting that done to one day). So after 9 AM tomorrow morning I will be off the air here until I am guessing Thursday. On purpose I recorded about 60 shows on television so I don't get bored (well I may very well get bored from watching television) the first several days after surgery. I am hoping by Friday to get out at least to my favorite coffee place which is just five minutes or less down the road. Some might wonder how I feel inside? No different than right before gender reassignment surgery, kind of like going to the grocery store to pick up a few things. I expect joyful emotions to kick in by the weekend. In closing out, I asked the surgeon to give me copies of images of me after surgery and will post them on my comcast ftp site sometime next week with before pictures too,

Update: Just received a text from one another female friend, she will be in town on Sunday and visit me along with hitting my fav coffee shop woohoo!!!

These are some of the cost to consider when ready to transition. I am sure there is enough to do an educated guess what it will cost you. Therapist, each month for one hour was $150 plus time off work and gas to travel 35 miles each way. Now that I have transitioned I have therapist appointments every three months which I think is a wise idea at least as in my case for one year post op. My first therapist worked on a sliding scale so I paid under $100 per session. A in between therapist I did not like charges $200 so it will vary.Doctor appointments and cost of lab work. It's hard to say as 99% of these fees where covered by my health plan. I do remember some were two-hundred plus every six months. Usually I paid a ten dollar co-pay to the doctor and around five to seven dollars for the lab work. Now if your insurance does not cover these fees then consider every six months you will dish out several hundred dollars for this.HRT medication, here it cost me four dollars for this and have not looked at what it would cost w/o health insurance.Electrolysis, prices vary from city to city, for example where I live it's $60 per hour while in Portland Oregon it's between $80 and $120. I recently replied to a post that I think provides good information on electrolysis. Electrolysis is one of the most tedious processes you will go through for transitioning and the most painful to many.Name change, in Oregon it's $110.00, Legal Zoom does it for $139, noticed California is about $600 so it can vary from state to state, Be prepared to spend a fair amount of time working with your employer who most likely will want you social security card done first. Then there is card cards (hope you don't have a lot), Macy's was horrible in that there process is not done well. How about Paypal, they are extremely easy to deal with.Clothing, if you are like me then out with all the old make clothing which means "shopping" which of course means $$$'s. It will be tempting to go overseas for any surgery such as GRS, tracheal shave, breast augmentation but I would strongly discourage this since things can go wrong and you are left out fending for yourself. So expect to pay around $30,000 for GRS along with around $2.000 for accommodations, food tack on several hundred plus transportation which will vary dependent on rentals or cabs. I was lucky to have the hotel drive me anyplace and would even grocery shop for me.Marci Bowers includes the cost for your hotel room while in the hospital for surgery. This was something I was concerned about until they told me they do this. Heck the hotel room cost $252 per night.Airfare must be considered in the cost and getting to and from the airport. Marci Bowers supplies a limo for going to and from the airport.Even the little things add up such as paper towels and lubricant for dilation. Have you seen the price for KY Jelly?

My mother and I were chatting on the phone yesterday and the topic went to her had calling my ex-wife. They talked about me now as a female and my ex-wife said she remembered the two of us going out for Halloween to a bar that was promoting Halloween and I went as a female. She told my mother that she virtually got no attention (and she is a looker) while I drew a crowd of men who had no clue I was not female. I will admit that I was not prepared for this at all in regards to men offering to buy me drinks. I did enjoy the attention no matter the case. After going home I vaguely remember my ex-wife not happy about the events of the night and that I was not allowed to do this again. For me that was a moment in time that I cherish to this day and wish I had started my journey back then but then again it was simply the wrong time as thinking back I was in a battle with myself to my true identity. Being married to a good looking female in part satisfied part of my identity conflict as it allowed me in a strange (not so strange to someone needing to transition) to some that I had that female body (my ex-wife) with me. That brings to mind one of the last women I dated before starting my journey, in my eyes she was very beautiful and had the body of a twenty year old. Same thing applied in that I had this perfect female body to be with which would partly satisfy my desire to be female. The picture below is from our first date back in 2007 and at first glance pretty much fell in love with each other. She was here from Mexico to visit her family and found me on Yahoo dating which was when I was still battling with my identity. She contacted me, asked if I would come to dinner at her sister's house which I did. She had to go back to Mexico but said she would be back in two months. In the mean time we chatted on the phone several times a week. Once back in Oregon we spent a weekend together then before leaving asked if when she came back again next month if she could stay at my house with me which I said but of course, let's see how we get along together. She came back and we had a fantastic week but near the end of the week the female inside of me began to resist going any farther with the relationship and that's when the decline happened on the last two days. I needed to be Karen and realized that I was fooling myself into thinking that this relationship would solve my identity issues. She caught on that something was wrong and no sure how it happened but it never went to my identity but instead something else which was at one point she asked me to move to Mexico and live with her. She actually wanted to support me and she could as she is a doctor and lives very comfortably in Mexico. Any ways it would had failed and both of us would had been in a bad ways. That was all in 2007 and was the real turning point for Kevin becoming Karen. Before posting this entry I was only going to mention that parts about my mother and ex-wife but somehow got into the last part about Kevin and Guadalupe. Sure wish she was a lesbian.

Several of the things I am certified to teach require recertification like tactical batons its every three years, firearms every year, hand-to-hand combat and edge weapons every year. The Hand-to-hand and edge weapons lapsed last year because of my transition. I informed the Grand Master about this about six months ago and was very supportive of my transition and said make sure you come to training (which was today). He lives in Florida and does certifications at various locations around the world. In the past when first starting out I would attend a grueling six day instructor course in Florida and also Washington State. For five and a half days we would learn new methods and techniques for teaching students rather than us learning completely new techniques. The last day as just mentioned was grueling in that you had to test in a realistic environment which usually each person taking the test was rather battered up. Even though today was a one day class I expected no less in regards to the test but was told I did not need to take the test as I have proven my abilities and was handed not a one year recertification but a three year certification. When I arrived at the school one of the people who helps runs the school greeted me and told me his name then asked mine. Since nobody else was in listening range I told him I was male until recently and that my name is Karen Payne. The significances is he knew me as Kevin Gallagher. It took him a few seconds of him staring at me and then realized who I was before. We chatted then other students came in so we stopped. At the end of class the instructor said, in your photo on Facebook your eyes look extremely happy and no different in person. He had shown my photo to an assistant instructor in Florida whom I met once back I 2010 and said &ldquo;she looks great doesn&rsquo;t she&rdquo;. Seems she must had as she made a friend request today. During the class I interacted with pretty much all the students at one point on another and nobody acted oddly to me and at the same time had no clue I was once a male. All was not peaches and cr&egrave;me, I realized that when people talked about family I needed to be short on that discussion as I was not going to say something like &ldquo;my wife and I&hellip;&rdquo;, that would give things away and was not wanting that so during some breaks I kept quite. Overall it was an excellent day working with other instructors who do this for six days a week and kept up with them.

I have noticed that there are not a lot of images for GRS so I slapped three together that I thought might provide a bit of perspective. The image has three, one immediately after surgery which looks rather raw, second (must have a strong stomach for this one), third is three weeks post surgery and can still see some stiches. I do photos once a week and will post another one in a couple of months. NOTE: Please do not share this image as I am only sharing here for those who are curious to what to expect if they go down this path and not for public view. The site is a private Comcast FTP site that does not get hit with crawlers. So this photo is for educational purposes only.

One of my goals as mentioned in prior post and blog entries is to share my journey which hopefully contains decent information for others travelling down the same path. Thought it would be great to attend local group sessions to share my journey too but have not as most groups in the area are 30 to 50 miles away and are on week nights so that does not cut it for my schedule. Today I get an email from my therapist writing to ask if I would sit down with one of her clients who lives in my area living full time as a female. Seems she is at a loss for people to talk to and thought I would be perfect for talking to her as she is in a state which would be helpful for someone like me to talk with, listen and give advice too.