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Happy Monday everyone! I'm continuing to watch and enjoy "I am Cait," both for watching her personal journey but also because it has managed to be a pretty informative show. Yesterday featured a particularly strange mix - Kate Bornstein and Kim Kardashian appearing in the same TV show (not at the same time, not sure how that would have worked out). Kate's appearance, to me, built on the good feeling I get about the show from the fact that Jenny Boylan has appeared on it (and I think will again?) One of the more poignant moments was Kate B. asking Cait J. how she was handling the "freak factor." The fact that so many people in the world see us as freaks. Caitlyn seemed a bit at a loss, responding that what she hoped they were doing there was trying to make it more normal - to which Kate replied that that was because she didn't like the idea of being a freak. This was juxtaposed with a later scene in which parents of trans kids compared it to living with a unicorn (I can't give more detail, but it was a very positive statement). In my own experience both positions exist in the world, over time the "unicorn" view should win out! I did wonder later if Caitlyn actually understands the "freak factor" at all. After all she is in her bubble - she doesn't really have to be exposed to anyone she doesn't want to be (vs. others who have to live lives out in the world). That's not a criticism, but I hope she takes what Kate B. said and works with it over the course of the show. I was a little distressed by people on twitter bemoaning the fact that there are occasionally Kardashians on the show - it would be pretty sad if Caitlyn excluded them, seeing as they are her family! And I think Kim and Chloe both played good roles last night in terms of bringing some valid issues to Caitlyn's attention (we're not the only ones who have to deal with our transition - even if it is our journey). The only thing I'd like to say to Caitlyn with respect to her family communication is to stop telling them "not to go there"! Communication has to be open (in my limited conversations with my sister, I may have thought those kinds of things, but I keep them to myself for now, giving her some time). *** It's shoulder surgery for me tomorrow morning :-( Hopefully that will get me back to the tennis courts soon! (won't be too soon, at least a couple of months of rehab most likely). I'm also going to a friend's birthday gathering this Thursday night (depending on how I'm doing after surgery). If so, this will be the first time going to a "straight" bar in full woman presentation! On the work front, this is "First Week" at school, so incoming students start classes today, which means the school will be much busier than it has been. The students I work directly with are 2nd and 3rd year, so they won't be around until next week. So now I get to see how it feels to be at a busy school :-) (they did create a gender neutral restroom last week - though I'm now comfortable enough using the women's room - the idea behind the gender neutral restroom is more about a place for anyone who might be uncomfortable sharing a restroom with a trans person). xoxo Christie

Then it was good you missed this episode! There were 2 of them - it didn't bother me, I really haven't been exposed to them much (at all), and at least in the small dose of this episode they were both tolerable

Dear Veronica, Really resonate with you as I have a bad back, also. Try to stay active as I can. Sadly, in my senior apartment complex, most of them, who are healthier than me, stay in their apartments weeks and months at a time, waiting to die. Your friend, Monica

Thank you all for your feedback Today I even ventured to my local grocery store, got a nice compliment from my favorite cashier! (She was my favorite before that) Eve, here's a pic of the band

You're showing true determination Christie! Well-done girl. Please, provide a link to the head band that you mention, it seems worthwhile investigating. Cheers, Eve

Everyone will ask why you asking about chocolates, right. Actually wrong. I've never been bound by race or religion, when it came and still comes to men intriguing me. But I've always had a thing for someone taller and bigger body structured then my 1.74m (5ft8) structure and around 140Lbs. The top criterion above all else, is he needs to have respect, love and adoration for me. Okay, I grew up in a time when interracial relationships were a no no, but I am grateful my dad crossed all boundaries of interracial friendships. Say something inappropriate in front of me, and I'll put you on your place. That's probably why, all I need a man to be, is himself and respectful towards others. If I like you, it's because of qualities you have, and loving you means our qualities are strengthened by our relationship with each other and I wNt to around you every second I can, with me time for friends. So leave me alone if the guy I choose is darker then me, because he might have been lighter, then you'd be worried over me dating him.

Thinking in line with my last post on "use it or lose it" I thought it was appropriate to tell you about a viberator that in my honest opinion is a must have. I know several woman that is a viberator and most have the larger ones for penetration while one woman I know uses one that is for clitorial stimulation. I have been using a medium size penis shaped viberator that is average length of a penis and decent girth. It does the job but takes a while to climax. It can be used with or without lubricant but two months ago I needed lube. So with me being constantly aroused last night and today I needed something better. When I say constantly aroused I mean in the car driving to the store, in the store also. The cause was how my underwear was rubbing up against my sensitive area. So I am looking at the various mini-viberators, they start out at $29, then to $39 then finally $59. The sales lady asked if I wanted any of them opened so I could inspect them which I did. Then I was just about ready to purchase the $39 one she said there is one more and it's very popular, the Tango. She said it is rechargeable via a USB cable, has eight settings and if you hold the on/off button to turn it off it will remember the last setting used so one does not have to cycle through the settings. I went and did some grocery shopping, came home and setup the Tango to charge which in the manual says 90 minutes but was finished in 30 minutes. So now I get undressed thinking this could be great or a let down. Played with a few settings and hit on one that does heavy vibrating, stops for a split second, does a different vibrate then back to the start again. Didn't know it at the time but when I found the "right spot" guessing in five minutes my toes were curling, spasming to the point I was going to pull it off but decide I am hooked and this is so much better than it's big brother, the penis shaped dildo. Let me say this, I can easily do without being penetrated by a penis with this lovely and incredible viberator. Yes skin touching skin is best but there are times when I am alone and horny and not wanting to get dressed, depend on the other person in the mood etc. The viberator is well constructed, just the right size and oh my God, the tip is flat on one side and goes to a point and I can not describe in words what the shape does for me but gives me a extraordinary orgasm bar none. Only down side is the price is $89 but it's worth every single penny. Check it out even if you are not interested in purchasing one to see what it looks like. I will say the site is boring yet that's fine when the product is fan-f**king great. http://we-vibe.com/tango

One slap coming up once on my road trip In regards to a "go bag" or "bug out bag", I keep one at work with focus on CERT where I am part of the core team in Salem Oregon and also an instructor. Off in left field, when I went for instructor training most had more expertise then me and had been EMT professionals. At first I was surprised that 90 percent of them smoked then figured it out. Back on track, have another "go bag" in my car trunk. The first one indeed has a firearm while the second does not. The last one at home has an AR and 22 rifle sitting there next to the bag. Okay, this might be a slap on the back of the head thingie, some might wonder, why two rifles at opposite ends of the caliber spectrum. If I was being attacked by intruders during civil unrest more likely than not it will be a pack of scumbags. If you shot with the AR they split apart but if yeah shot one or two with the 22 they are more likely to come to the rescue of the one's shot. While doing so I change up to the AR (or my bear rifle) and that is all she wrote. I don't advocate ever senselessly shooting another human unless my life was dependent on it. Lastly, I am in a group that we all meet in the country and are well prepared to fend off intruders and live comfortably as one can in the woods for extended periods of time. We have two brothers who are Marine sharpshooters for the outer borders

Good morning everyone, I've now finished just over a week on HRT, and a full business week with my "Real Life Test." There's nothing really to report on the HRT front, which isn't surprising. I did start a "chart" that I put on my bulletin board so that each week I can write down what, if any, changes I noticed. This week the only possible change was reduced libido - though I can't say that with 100% certainty yet. The "real life test" is another story. I broke through and wore my wig, along with breast inserts, to work and pretty much everywhere this week. This morning I had an appointment with a surgeon (about my shoulder) and for a moment I considered not wearing it there, but then decided that this is either full-time or it's not, I can't pick and choose. So I did it, and it went well. I did have to use my old name for insurance reasons, but they picked up on my transition quickly and added "Christie" to their records (the doctor needs a second to catch up - when he took me to his assistant to schedule surgery he alternated between "Miss Cunningham" and "he" - but that's fine :-) The only time I can see being out and not wearing the wig is to the gym - that may come as well, but for now I won't just because I don't know how wearing a wig on a treadmill would go :-) One pleasant discovery was a different type of band for holding the wig on. It's a band that goes around your hairline and fastens with velcro, and the wig holds on to that. Far more comfortable than pins, and so far it seems quite secure. Otherwise to make sure I keep moving forward I just remind myself to "do what I do" - meaning, don't deviate from what I would have otherwise done in order to avoid anyone seeing me with the wig on. I also went by the LGBT Center this week and got signed-up for their Transgender Resources "system." I have an intake scheduled in a few weeks so that I can hopefully join a closed support group (the drop-in one that happens the 1st Wednesday of each month has been a disappointment to me so far). They're also looking into places where I can donate clothing :-) xoxo Christie

Thanks Christie.

I agree with Monica on the reply about sex drive. Three years ago compare to today my sex drive has totally changed. For years an erect penis was validation and now it's an entire body "event". Thinking of BAD SELF (hey Veronica), oh if I could describe my bad-self since say two months after GRS what stories I might tell, perhaps nasty girl is a more suitable description for me. There are times when I don;t think about sex for days on end then there are days that the train stop for my body event with a man or woman that usually last much, much longer than in my old physical self, a man (yuk). Christie, I believe going in to this will bring much joy and revelations. Some one notable once said (not the exact words) something like, each day we are born again, make the most of it. I do so, especially that I missed out on so much as a female I embrace it all and hope you will too, take nothing for granted.

Dear Christie, Would like to comment on how women experience their sex drive as opposed to how men experiences theirs (am friends with both Straight and Gay men), and as my dear mother said, may God rest her soul, she was amazed how I can talk about anything with anyone . . . In my opinion, because of testosterone, men have a much stronger drive, in that it is very external, and he can literally see if, and how much, he is aroused. A woman, obvious, can not see anything to validate her feelings, beyond moisture, but she feels an excitement. A woman is driven by a romantic perception of her beloved. Of course, there are exceptions, and NO TWO women or men experiences their sex drive exactly the same way. Please do remember every woman has a little testosterone, and every man has a little estrogen/progesterone. Testosterone is important not just for sex drive, but for material ambition. This is why a woman has a little, in order to insure that she has enough ambition to get things done, around the house and at work. Estrogen/progesterone is there in both men and women to encourage sensitivity and emotional receptivity. Most transwomen report a lowering OR changing of her sexual drive when on HRT. If you or your partner is not satisfied with the level of your sex drive, please bring it up with your doctor, but first give your body a chance to get used to HRT. Your friend, Monica

Congratulations on the true start of your journey, the real life test and not so much the hormones. Hormones are easy, pop a few pills, an injection or a shot that if one forgets one day is not a big deal. But with the real life test we don’t forget but make a conscious decision to not dress for an event or a day. One when makes the decision not to dress in the opposite gender that says “I am hesitant”, “is this really what I want”. When I first started my real life test I had to deal with many things that would had been easier to not dress as female and very true when teaching self-defense classes but I persevered and this is what you and others need to do, be the female you are inside, outside, no excuses. I do wish you the very best in your journey to bringing the internal female to the physical world.

Christie, Hiya Darling. Congratulations, on the First Week, of Your "Real Life Test" ! I Have Now Been Basically Living Full-Time, As A Female, For 15 Week's Now. It Is Such A Wonderful, Exhillerating, Experience ! A Young Lady Friend Of Mine, Who Works In Our Local Supermarket, Said To Me, In The Last Couple Of Hour's, That I Look So Happly, And Contented, Which She Said, Is, So Lovely. She Said That She Had Never Seen Me This Happy, Before I Came-Out as Transsexual. I Told Her, That I Have Not Ever Been This Happy Before. Christie, If I Am as Happy and Contented as You are, or Visa Versa, then We Will Both Be Doing Well ! Christie Love, Be Proud Of This Week ! It Is A Wonderful Life-Changing Achievement, Going-Out In Public, Fully, Full-Time, Female-Dressed. I Love Female Undies And Clothes ! Christie, Speak Soon Love. Take Care, Best Wishes. Stephanie. xoxo

We all know that people should be over two people with different skin pigmentation being together but sadly it's still an issue to many, best to ignore those who think that way altogether.

Charli, I love the photograph of the "I Heart NYC" T-Shirts. Only in NYC have I seen the RESIDENTS wear such shirts and accessories, where in OTHER cities, only TOURISTS wear such items! LOL!!

Monica, Thanks for that info - though since I live here I probably won't have need for AirBNB xoxo Christie