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The advice my mom gave me is, 'unless they need to know do not tell them and no one needs to know". It is your choice.

Yesterday morning I was thinking about covering up one tat for another and got lucky, the artist told me she is backed up until mid September but had a cancelation so about one hour later I had a dolphin covered up and a butterfly in it's place. Since the new tat is on my back need to get a friend to take a picture which I will post when that happens. Went for coffee this morning and the girl there took a picture for me. Any ways now have butterflies and flowers on left and right side on my upper shoulders. On the right side I have a combo of butterflies, flowers and a happy and flowery skull, The artist last saw me as a male and yesterday did not recognize me but said after I told her she worked on me before that she said that she thought she knew me somehow but was not sure. Once I told her my story we got on very well, had a great conversation while she worked on me. The best topic was on being female from the perspective of both of us being cisgender even thou I am not cisgender as she treated me that way. What I took away from us chatting is that if a trans person, me or another acts the part them conversation does not revolve around one's journey but instead day to day life. This is important for others to realize following the path I took to not focus on your journey when coming out to others but only give them the minimum facts and move on to day to day chit-chat. I will admit she did ask a few questions like was my surgery in Oregon and how did I select a surgeon.

Dear Karen, You are wise to get the tooth removed and the one behind it, as it seems like there was an infection (abscess) under the tooth, and it usually affects nearby teeth. Having them removed prevented further problems. May I suggest the Sonicare electric toothbrush http://www.philips.com http://www.sonicare.com as I feel that Sonicare electric toothbrushes are the best brand available, and are an excellent investment in you dental health. Get well soon. Yours truly, Monica

I was responding to a post titled Courage of Being Transgender in Public and decided not to respond there as my response seemed better off as a blog entry, more visibility. I have no issues passing and if I was not passable I would still had gone through my journey. Sure it's nice to pass and not be mis-gendered but focus should be on what makes you feel proper. For some Vaginoplasty is the only option, others might go with Orchiectomy and in rare cases Penectomy. Vaginoplasty needs two therapist approval and RLT (real life test) so going this route one commits to a gender change while the latter don't and one could very well live their lives in between two genders. Then still on the last two, one might want to fully transition but for health reasons is not an option. These options are good to know going down this path especially if age and health might prohibit one of the options. One must be absolutely positive before any of these options are performed as they of course are irreversible. I was asked to sign a waiver indicating I understood that at me pre-surgery appointment and it took longer to open the pen then to write my signature yet I have heard of some who did the RLT and obtained letters from therapist for GRS (Gender Reassignment Surgery) that have hesitated. There are options for those who look at surgery as they only way to be happy and get surgery regardless of them having the ability to pass. For those who may not pass they need to consider will I be able to still support myself, how many family members and friends will be lost or if I rent will I be kicked out, yes any and all may happen. If you read enough of my blog and post here I tend to paint a picture that is sometimes may sound like doom and gloom that hopefully gets those considering surgery to take real deep thoughts to the outcome of GRS and all that is entailed before and after surgery. Surgery is but a small part of the process yet so huge in the overall scheme of life that one must comprehend the end game and how about if one elects not to have surgery and that leads to a down fall of the person? It's a slippery slop. Bottom line is take the time and make the right decision where you end up in a happy place, leave this world not by frustration of being in the wrong body but leave this world after you have fully embraced a happy you. Personally I am on a mission to destroy all federal and local records of me once being a man which at this moment in time is changing my birth certification.

Hi Monica, I have been using OralB purchased in 2005. The lady who cleans my teeth and the dentist told me I should not use toothpaste when cleaning but use a small amount as I have been so use to toothpaste. As to investment in dental health, have one dentist and a specialist for around the past 15 years.

Well Nicky I can't "like this" on what happened to you as that is tragic, hopefully the VA will come through for you and don't have to fight too much for them.

I hated to have my removed .. but something over seas killed all my teeth and they all had to be pulled... fighting to get dentures from the VA

For about 12 months I've been dealing with a problem tooth where the dentist recommended a bridge at the cost of $4,000. I was able to deal with the pain for all this time and the motivation was using that money for all my surgeries. Last month my secondary dentist said that I would suggest just having it extracted and I ask if the one behind it could be removed, no issues but felt right. So yesterday I had them removed. They spent about one hour with all sorts of preparations and about ten minutes to pull them and stitch them up. It's been about just under 24 hours and there is only minor pain with (as always) limited usage of pain meds. The hardest part is not being able to eat very many solid foods until Monday. Interesting thing, I went to a all night restaurant for breakfast, got a Denver omelet where I told the cook ahead of time my condition and the waitress stepped in and gave suggestions to the cook. The waitress is currently in dental school and is very well educated as we chatted while waiting for my meal. One of the tech's working at the dental office said if she was in my shoes she would of had both teeth removed. Oh, they did ask if I had any major surgery in the past 12 months, I only told them about my breast implants as I could tell they had no clue I was once a male and wanted to keep it that way. That is my new thing recently, if someone doesn't ask if I was male before I don't offer to tell them. Over the past year I have not been mis-gendered to my knowledge. I love the one incident at Macy's (or was it JC Penny's) where I was paying for a purchase, gave them my credit card, sale's lady stares at it for a few seconds and says "why would a mother name her daugher Kevin?" She then stares at me and said, no, this is your husbands card right? I rolled me eye's and said, I could not figure out my mother. We both laughed and I was on my way.

Hi everyone, I've now been on HRT for 3 weeks - I know the dosage started low, so my expectations of seeing "drastic" changes was set accordingly. Having said that, these are the things I've observed (or think I've observed) so far: (1) Sex drive - this has definitely flat-lined at this point, and it's been the case for over a week now. Attractions are still there, but desire to act on them is non-existent. Masturbation has also gone away entirely (which frees up a good amount of time on the weekends!) I'm sure this is just an adjustment and will come back, but it's the one impact I can say has definitely happened. (2) Skin - I'm less positive about this, but I think my skin may be smoothing out. I first noticed this last weekend, I was sitting watching TV and randomly put my hand on my leg and it felt different, softer and smoother. Now I also think it's happening on my arms (3) Voice - this one i'm almost positive isn't real, but I want to track everything - one of my supervisors said that she thinks my voice is sounding more feminine. I did explain that as far as I know HRT shouldn't have any impact on my voice, but who knows. (4) Appetite - hard to be specific about this one, but I've noticed subtle changes in my appetite, both in terms of how much I eat (less) and what I eat (better) (5) Emotional state - this is subtle, but I think present. I feel like I have now left behind the nagging (and depression inducing) question of "who am I?" or "who am I supposed to be?", and now my focus is on "what do I want to do?" and "how do I want to spend my time?" - questions that have always been present, but harder to address back when I was spending so much time and effort faking who I was. It almost seems silly now to think that I could have known what I wanted from my life when I was trying to convince everyone (including me) that I was a gay man. xoxo Christie

Yes, I had a relatively bumpy stretch of path when I got all my doc's changed, but I just persevered............hope yours is smoothr than mine was..........

SPeaking of 2 identities (from your first comment Eve), I really can't wait until my legal name change goes through, it will remove the last bits of confusion over which name I need to or should use. Obviously with doctors I still need to use my old name, although most of them put Christie in the file. Today I bought a futon and realized it was easier to just use my old name, as that's the name on the credit card and this was a one-time interaction (though after the fact I realized that it might have seemed odd to him that I look like I do and have a very male name). It'll be nice when I'm legally Christie and have all my documents in order :-)

Well, seeing as there are only two types of men, those who masturbate and those who lie, I have to admit to having been an honest man, when I was such a being! Now seeing that in my case m to f transistion wasn't instantaneous (who's is?) my former honest habits stayed with me for quite a while! But my orgasms got less and less fluid as transition progressed, this during the period when I was solely taking oestrogen. As soon as Decapeptyl injections started they soon became dryer and dryer within a few weeks they were totally dry and have been ever since. Yes I needed some sort of stimulation otherwise I wasn't at all interested. However, I do have an overwhelming desire to find out if chocolate is indeed better than sex, as so many females have often claimed................! or are they being dishonest? LoL Eve oxo...........

It's interesting, I was thinking before that I should try to see if I can climax - the interest has been so non-existent I haven't even tried, but I do want to see if the functioning is there or not.

I think it's wise to track changes. For me I never noticed small changes as I was (and didn't realize it) pretty much female hormonally even before hormones. My first test for HRT indicated I was just above the low side for a cisgender female. In regards to sex drive, I learned that it did not go away and did a test each week to see if I could still climax. I would pleasure myself fully tucked which meant I could not wrap my hand around that unwanted thing between my legs. For the entire year prior to surgery I still would climax and would add that I needed erotic thoughts else nothing would transpire. That is an important element, one must have thoughts for arousal to take place. Same is true after GRS, something arouses me and within seconds after seeing or hearing something that spawns arousal everything is pinpointed to my clit and radiates outwards. If there is nothing to arouse than I could go a week or so and nothing happens. It's all in the mind and what it conjures up for the physical to be triggered into that fun state. Anyways keep up your updates, love to hear them.

Yes it's hard work presenting as something that you're not, and life gets so very complicated when you then have 2 identities to try to compensate for not being who you really are and want so much to be............... I'm so glad that things are starting smooth out in your life. However beware of a few bumps in the road that you have chosen to travel, but don't let them knock you off your chosen path. Cheers, Eve

Hello Monica. Somebody's Size, Does Not Matter, Especially When It Comes To Friends. Monica, I Would Be Proud To Be Seen With You, At Any Time. You Are My Friend, And You Also Have A Heart Of Gold. I Take People As Individuals, Regardless Of Their Race; Creed; Colour; Religion; Gender; Sexuality; Or Size ! It Is The Whole Person That Matters, And By That, I Mean What Somebody Is Like Inside, As Well As Outside. Monica, Have A Great Day, Speak Soon. Take Care My Friend, And Very Best Wishes, Stephanie. xoxo

Dear Ben, Learn all you can about "adrenal fatigue," by googling and YouTubing it. Notice with myself I gain pounds and then inches (or vice versa) alternately, and it is the same when I lose weight. Also noticed recently I am dealing with bloating, which can be caused by glucose intolerance (even by eating too much sweet fruit) and lactose intolerance (eating too much dairy). Have accepted that I am a big woman, and other can or can not accept that. When it comes to dating, I am drawn to women my own size, and I notice people are drawn to friends and partners near their own size. Can understand that with lovers, but not with friends! Go figure!! Ben, you are a handsome man, and I feel that a lot of skinny and thin girls will find you handsome! May I suggest that you develop a talent, such as singing, playing an instrument, joining a band, etc. Those kinds of talents get people away from the physical and into who and what you really are! Your friend, Monica

Update: I've been hitting the gym every other day. I've lost 8 pounds in the last month. I'm not expecting anyone to compliment me, but it's frustrating that they need to comment. They weigh me fully clothed of course i'm gonna weigh more and some how i'm always 240. At the gym and on my home scale I weigh 228-230. that's kind of a big difference.

Dear Ben, Agree with Karen about frustration with weight. As long as you are doing everything to manage your weight, you will have to acknowledge that it is on the DOCTOR who is criticizing you, rather than on YOU. Feel in the coming years and decades that there will be real answers as to why some are slim and trim and others have a tendency to put on the pounds. Have a slim and trim doctor who does NOT nag me about my weight because she knows I am doing all I can to manage it, but if she did, I would seek out a doctor of size (preferably female). We are ALL different and all beautiful, each in our own way! Your friend, Monica

Dear Ben, Please consider testosterone as serious as surgery. Set up a SECOND and THIRD opinion NOW, so, even though you have to wait a long time, the second and third opinion will likely be close together. Am very sorry about your doctor's reluctance, but she may have had second thoughts due to fear of liability. Don't ask HER for referrals for the second and third opinion but a doctor that you TRUST. Your friend, Monica