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So the more I read, the more I see a LOT of splintering and unkindness between the different groups under the big group umbrella. It makes me sad. All the groups under this umbrella are small population wise, logic dictates to me that banding together would be the way to go. Rights for everyone, equality for everyone! But instead there seems to be conflict everywhere. Large groups of gay and lesbian hating each other, large groups of both of them hating trans people, a lot of transgender people looking down on crossdressers who are only cd, the asexuals feel like everyone hates them, everyone wanting to erase the bisexuals and force them into a choice, and other conflicts I don't even know about. I think it really surprises me in particular with this umbrella because they all share the common theme of we deserve acceptance and normalcy. With that mindset, why on earth would people deny others the same thing? I know it happens. I see it in my reading, I've seen it in the male-female social power dynamic. There are a lot of feminists who do cross the line into Feminazi territory, who can't tell the difference between wanting to be equal and wanting to replace men as the group in power. Why doesn't the struggle to make the world a place that just accepts people unite us? If it can't, does that mean something? Does it mean our species in it's development of intellect and social behaviors isn't ready to give up the division of groups and the need to feel our group is right other groups are wrong? Are we just not developed enough in brain power to overcome that self-interest only on a mass scale? How much do we as a species NEED the external validation of others? And if we can't even do this on a smaller scale of people with alternative to the binary 'norms' (Male-female, gay-strait, mono-poly, etc.) then how can we ever hope as a species to overcome the cultural, racial, and religious divides and learn to exist peacefully and gracefully together if we can't even handle people making personal choices in their lives? How far could mankind GO if we stopped trying to kill each other, control each other, and really learned to make peace between all the nations? But we can't even manage it inside our individual nations. Sometimes it feels to me like the ENTIRE PLANET just collectively decided to ignore the truth that we're all human beings on the same planet and should be working together. And yes, I have fallen into that trap too. Especially when feeling threatened. It's an easy trap. I wonder if Rodney King knew how really profound his "why can't we just get along" really was.

It's like my entire life blew up all at once. I never really realized how MUCH I'm capable of handling all at once, and still managing to be happy and helpful to others. But at the same time, it's really hard when EVERY front in my life is changing dramatically all at once. I keep feeling like I'm stressing out for no reason, and then I sat down and thought about WHY I'm having downward spirals and feel generally uneasy most of the time right now. Nikki wants to think it's all him I think, but it really is a HUGE mix of my whole world. All at once. 1) We had committed too and started making financial changes in our life, and day to day living. And need to continue altering lifelong poor habits to improve, that's really not easy. 2) Still trying to establish healthy boundaries with my crazy dad and step-mom and failing utterly because they are insisting boundaries between parents and adult children are unrealistic and they feel they have teh right to treat me like crap. So they get cut out, start acting like normal people, contact is re-established, and the cycle continues. I could just refuse, but there is part of me that wants a family of some kind in that direction, not just generation forward. I'm dumb. 3) Restructuring my marriage, from communication, trust, sex, issues, roles, and who needs what as well as how to acquire the material things required given point 1. 4) Trying to actually conquer the body dismorphia. That's so much fun. 5) Major upheavels in my social circle to navigate. 6) My sick cat. 7) Crazy mom and all her issues. 8) the super and ongoing flu. 9) The hernia issues and trying to balance excercise and weight loss with not incarcerating again and needing immediate surgery. See points one and four for the major reasons I don't get that fixed now. 10) Attention defecit disorder and asthma. Always random stress induction. 11) All the self questioning realizing how very out of touch I had been with my own reality. Granted i wasn't given the data for a lot of it, but at the same time, however irrational, is a feeling of how could I not see? That's a big list.

Oh my gosh, I wash you and Violet the absolute best of luck trying to navigate a move in the winter weather! We foolishly did that once, and I swear never again. I will do anything to only ever move in summer months again. I hope you love your new home though! I'm trying to take 2 and 7 down in priority, just there is a lot of contact right now due to my mom's illness and my son needing help with handling her. He lives there to help care for her and the house, so I can't completely bow out and leave him to deal with it alone. And the other side is being suspiciously nice right now, so I'm going with it with a healthy dose of 'what do they really want now?' Nikki is keeping an eye on me to make sure I'm not letting them get to me while I'm distracted. Imbolc was on my birthday! I hope this prints as i typed it, I'm on the ipad watching Clue in the living room. TIM CURRY! This movie is SO funny, it always makes me feel like life is great and it doesn't matter what mountain of things I have. For an hour and a half life is all "Yup, two bodies, everything is fine here!". And demand as many trips to Tasty Freeze as you want to! She'll miss the days when he stops...and need the nostalgia!

Hugs! Thank you so much, I'm just so tired trying to push all this loose sand back into a sandcastle. A whole mountain of sand. But I WILL do it. Somehow. And have given myself permission to stop feeling weird about feeling upset, now that I wrote out that list and realized how much I have to take on at once. Not going to be fixing the hernia anytime soon, the best possible route to take with that is to keep supporting it with girdles and braces until I lost at leave fifty more pounds, and then look at going back to the surgeon with a much lower chance of ripping it open after surgery again like I did. But so far wearing supportive garments has had the desired effect of reducing overall soreness and drastically lowering the chances of incarceration like the surgeon said. I almost have my voice back! *let's dance! I can't sing even with my voice, I'm one of those people with a really weird and rather unpleasant pitch* I feel good again! And Nikki said if the weather pattern holds we might be putting up my pool next month! Probably May, but April is a possiblity! That pool is magic for my moods. There is something about floating in the water looking at the sky while I think over things in my head that is so comforting. I think it ties back to Grandpa again, we spent SO much time in the water having various talks over my lifetime. I hope your wife heals up quickly soon! *Hugs* I'm sorry she's not feeling so well. I honestly don't know why I keep cycling around with my family. I know rationally how bad it is, but...I still want something. I just don't know what. Maybe once I finally sort out what it is I'm even looking for with them then I'll be able to make a solid choice to be done. Or maybe it's just familial guilt so deeply ingrained I don't even know it for what it is, just a lifelong habit. But I'm at least at a place where I can easily give them prolonged time outs when they are unable to act like human beings. And Nikki now understands I need support with the crazy, so that has been better. Now I'm going to go watch Clue. I love that movie. Thank your whole country for sharing Tim Curry with us!

It has been quite awhile since I have updated. A lot has happened over the last two months. Recently I attended the Keystone Conference in Harrisburg, VA which is less than a 2 hour drive for me. I only attended the conference Friday and Saturday, had a wonderful time, a bit tired but learned a lot. My primary reason for attending was to meet with several surgeons and get consultations for FFS. I also wanted to attend the sessions, meet others. Before I arrived to the conference, I did try to get on the schedules of surgeons for consultations so that I can get estimates and potentially schedule surgery. So I only had two consultations with Dr. Rumer and Dr. Leis. They are local to the Philly area so they are very accessible for me. I was please with both doctors. I also attended their informational sessions at the conference. I showed them a pencil drawing that I did of myself when I was 17 years old (I posted it here for reference), just to show them how my face has changed over the years. Specifically, there is a bump on my nose, the distance between nose and upper lip is a little longer. My jawline more pronounced. But what has changed the most is my brow. It is very pronounced. Given the changes to my face, I still wouldn't change much, but the brow and pronounced trachea I really need to address. I received an estimate from Leis for the brow reduction, lift, scalp advancement, rhinoplasty, lip lift and tracheal shave. I am getting an estimate from Dr. Rumer for the same, but she suggested fat injections in the cheeks. I am waiting to receive an estimate from her via email. I was really excited about it, because I feel like I am taking the first concrete steps towards my goal of working full-time as a woman. I also talked with James Walker out of Buffalo, NY who does full beard clearances. I have had 4 full face and neck laser treatments and 37 hours of electrolysis over the last 11 - 12 months. But it is not progressing fast enough and I would like to accelerate it. I am hoping to get on his schedule the first week of April. He travels and will be in Harrisburg, then. I will be posting more soon. A lot has happened in my life. Love and Sunshine, Lisa

Bree, As you so often do, you bring up very interesting points to discuss. Where to begin? 1. To me it's odd that transgender is even included in LGBT... "They" are about sexuality and we are about gender. I think we ride on their coat tails because our voice is so small. But maybe over time ours will emerge without them. For now I'm happy to be included somewhere! 2. Indeed, some gay people look down on transgender people. But those who are 100% gay or lesbian sometimes look down on the bisexual people too. It reminds me of the 60's Black Panthers looking down on the folks following MLK. After all, didn't they have a common cause? Maybe from my perspective but I suppose I am naive. Heck, I've also personally experienced being dissed by transsexual people for not being trans enough. I was hurt at the time but nowadays when I think about it I chuckle. 3. Entire planet is screwed up. Yes. Ask Sunnis and Shia. Ask Indians caught up in their caste system. Or the aborigines in Australia. Or here, those over 50 (or 40) vs. those younger. Im also reminded of the Kink's song "Lola": it's a mixed up, muddled up, shook up world, except for Lola! Hmmm, maybe I should change my name. Emma

Hiya Briannah. That Darling Girl, is one heck of a list. If it is of Any help, I have hardly any contact with Any of My Own Family. I have No contact with My Parent's whatsoever, and that has been the case for over 18 Year's now, Thank Goodness ! Briannah, I Am at the other side of the table to You honey. I have been MtoF Transitioning, for almost 10 1/2 Month's now, but through Your Post's, and Blog's, I know how hard that thing's have been, for Both You and Nikki. I " Came-Out " to My Wife, on 30th. April, 2015, and I started Buying Female Undies and Clothes; Wearing Them; and Being " Out " in Public, on 1st. May, 2015. My Wife did Not Know, that I Am Transsexual, before. So I understand what it must have been like for You with Nikki. I Personally think that You have been very mature, especially gaining advice from TGGuide, but also because You are able to share advice with other People as well. Briannah, both You and Nikki, have been on a Massive Learning CurveCurve in the last couple of Month's. I know that You have also had Major Health Problem's. I hope that You are Okay now. My Own Wife has had Major Problem's in the last 2 1/2 Month's, including Emergencies, needing Hospitalisation. Briannah, I Am here for You and Nikki, should Either of You wish to talk. Briannah, Good Luck, Good Health, Take Care, And My Very Best Wishes, Love Stephanie. xxxx.

Emma, Glad to be back. I have been so crazy busy these last two months. It's nuts!

Way to go, Lisa! Good to hear from you, too.

As always a thought provoking entry from you Jay, no-one took much notice of my pieces regarding my transition either, so why did I bother! Well it was because I felt the need to do so at that stage of my transition, in the first 2 months of real life experience, looking back it was probably because it was such a big step, yeah, RLE is a massive step to take. So it felt to me like I was justifying my transition.................. Seems to me like you've pretty much just come through a similar thing? Glad you've gotten rid of your writers block, and if you want? - I'd love to read your Trans articles, I'm curious to see if there are any differences and similarities of thought between F to M and M to F. Cheers Eve

Lol. I thought being aged at six was bad but you managed to get newborn!

Hi Veronica It's an honor to be compared to remarkable people, and your daughter sounds like a strong remarkable lady. That is probably the reason why I will always fight for wat I believe and need in my life. Being a role model is luckily not a singular persons job, and in my life is so many role models that I even look up to them or guidance when I'm stumbling and need direction. Be safe and watch the world. Love Michele