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I am not a social butterfly. I'm happier in smaller groups of people I really know and even just staying at home to watch a movie or play games. I was asked what kinds of socializing I'd like to actually do since I'd been mentioning going to a group setting of like minded people and I'd mentioned clubs or outings or something along those lines where I could go dressed in either mode and feel comfortable with and get to know others who are dealing with some of the things I am. I do a lot of my socializing online, for better or worse. That's how Bree and I met some of our long term friends who we get together with when we can. We used to do the cons every year and we try to get together at a friends once a year, all of us, and there's the occasional get together of a few of us here and there to spread that out a bit, but locally we just don't have that same tie. Sure there are a few people we talk with and occasionally get together, but my long term and close friends aren't close at all. There's part of the problem. I'm terrible at talking to people long distance. If it's family, friends, or otherwise, I'm a terrible person at keeping in touch with people long distance. That includes friends I'm really close with. I've never been very good at it. I was a terrible pen pal. You get the idea. But what do I need or get out of socializing? Despite my tendency to want to do things at home and generally spend time with Bree on a regular basis without too many others around, I actually do enjoy hanging out with my close friends and especially our regular tabletop get-togethers every week. It was actually really devastating to me when I was forced to a shift that meant I couldn't play on Fridays with our son and Bree and was stuck with our smaller game on Sundays cause despite the weirdness of our sons friends, it is generally fun and a good time and a bonus on that is we don't have to leave the house cause we're hosting it. So it's a bit of a group camaraderie that I get out of it that I enjoy even though I'm mostly anti-social. Not all people who like to dwell online or mostly at home like to do so alone. I'm never really alone with Bree at home, but both of us like to meet with friends and hang out and keep in touch and just do fun things in general. Hell even when we team up in our online games together we don't often just two man it and end up with some kind of group eventually one way or another. I guess it fulfills some kind of social need to meet up with like minded people and to share our lives with people we're close to. Why can't I manage to maintain contact on my own? I'd say it's a combination of laziness and being anti-social generally but I don't know that's entirely accurate. When our friends or family do call most of the time I enjoy talking to them on the phone and rarely do I not want to talk with them. But that's usually them calling us or sending messages online. This isn't me reaching out, but them. I don't have a good answer why I don't reach out on my own unless I get prodded by someone or something. It could be apathy or laziness but I don't have a good answer for that and I wish I did. It's not tied to the depression that I'm aware of as I've always been this way. It's something I need to work on more and figure out why I'm this way but I don't have a good answer right now, just that I'm aware I have this issue with all of my long distance relationships and even with people that live in the same town I don't see nearly every day. So, things I need to work on? Working out a thing with Bree where we meet up with our friends that are closer to us so that need is getting met. I need to set up some kind of reminder or getting in the habit of at least texting my friends a few times a week and calling hem far more often than I do. The hope is that if I can get into a routine doing this that it feels more natural and it feels less like I'm putting distance between me and people I care about. I also need to figure out what this block is but that's going to take work and might take some therapeutic help. I don't have a good answer there unfortunately but I wish I did. This post had a lot more thought put into it originally, but I lost a huge chunk of it either to my network or my browser, so this kind of feels a bit disjointed more than my original, but I'm oping I've presented something that makes sense.

Already skin feels softer. headaches have eased with the intense the had , somehow it has eased the lower back pain from a hit by a drunk driver . all is well hugs

I may not update daily but so far last couple days have been different for sure ... hot flashes the second day , last two kinda bitchey moody yet still calm ? and when i am talking it seems as if i am not and someone else is there next to me talking yet it is me like in a dream ..normal ???

Yeah he really gives me the best of both worlds. Were still figuring it all out but right now I get a cool girlfriend sometimes without sacrificing the man I love. It's a wonderful balance IF it fits the people in it. I don't think our way is right for everyone, I think everyone needs to hammer out their own needs and relationship balances. The more Nikki is exploring himself the more he's telling me that while he is somewhere in the transgender spectrum he inside himself doesn't feel transsexual and doesn't want to change his body. So I guess that means balance for us, and I'm perfectly happy to straddle both worlds like this for the rest of our lives. As long as I manage to stop smacking myself in the face with the boob at least. Lol. I really am stupid clumsy.

Hiya Nikki. I Do keep in contact with My Lifelong Best Mate, around 4 times each week, by telephone. I have another Close Mate, who I also keep in touch with, also around 4 times each week. Both of these Mate's, are really Caring, and Understanding, in respect of Me being a Male to Female; Transitioning; Transsexual; and that I Am living Fully; Full-Time; as a Female, and that I Am Fully; Full-Time; Female-Dressed. Nikki, You are so Lucky, that Briannah IS being so Supportive of You, with Your Cross-Dressing. I can understand, why You live Part-Time Female; and Part-Time Male ! Nikki, should You ever wish to talk, I Am here for You, and for Briannah, as well. Nikki, You and Briannah have a Good Evening, Take Care, And My Very Best Wishes, Love to You Both, Stephanie. xx

So...I'm starting to feel like some kinda superhero or something. Nikki was messaging me all day, he's really upset about how the cat is doing, she's hasn't been eating and getting skinnier and skinnier. So I told him stop at the pet store and get kitten canned food. Which he couldn't find, so we settled on Iams. The reason I was trying to find kitten specific food is that it has a much higher fat content to it, and I suspicion is very tasty. Yuriko did everything she good to scarf Logan's kitten kibble when he was tiny, and did she ever get fat on it until we got good at locking her in the bathroom while the poor kitten ate. She was hard to catch back then. I was kind of wondering all day if it was time to call the vet again, but I didn't want to say anything to Nikki in case my high-fat plan possibly worked. And as of right now, it's going well. The cat is eating. I repeat, the cat is eating. She can't manage a whole can at once, so I suggested we offer her food three times a day to make sure she's getting plenty and fatten her back up to a normal cat weight again. It's the best I can do for her right now, I wish I had more. I don't want my cat to leave me. I really really don't. I know nothing is eternal, not even mountains, but I'm just not ready and need more time. So does Nikki. I'll spoon feed her if I have to. Of course, she's a lazy cat, she may have figured out this is the way to get everything she wants, including spoon feeding. Hard to tell, she's a smart one. Bring on the next problem, I'll solve that one too.

Thank you for being there through my little meltdown. It helped me a whole lot.

Today is day one in the 2nd step of my journey , I have offically started HRT as of 11:39 am eastern time . and this woman could not be happier right now as this is a long awaited step i wanted a waited for so many years , in disbelief i keep check to see that i really do have a transdermal patch on . I am a bit shakey and flushed but with excitement , soon other stuff will follow but for now one day at a time as i drive along this path of fulfillment in becoming the woman i have always been , love and hugs

​Hi Emma! So far this Semester has been a lesson in patience, I'm studying Sociology with a focus in gender. Thank you for your support! Feeling comfortable in my own skin has made my life a lot more manageable. How are you? sincerely, Ben

Hiya Alexander. What a Heart-Felt, and also, as always, a very Interesting Blog. You really think thing's through, before posting them, and that much is obvious, to those of Us who read Your blog's, and it also helps those of Us, who do Not have MPD ourselves, to understand it. Alexander, Thank You for helping Us to ascertain more about MPD. Alexandru, All the Very Best, to You and All the rest of Your Family. Take Care, And My Very Best Wishes, Stephanie. xoxo.

Thank you for writing this. Not having MPD I am as unconscious and unaware about it as cisgender people are about what it means and feels like to be transgender. You are adding an understanding that I had not considered before.

Congratulations Nicky :-) I just passed 7 months on HRT and it's been a wonderful journey

I wish you all the joys you are looking for, a smooth ride during the changes, and all the hugs i can offer!