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*waves* Heya Emma! Lovely to see you looking happy and having a great time on the great adventure! And I firmly believe that waxing was created as some form of torture and they found cosmetic applications for it later. *laughs*

Hey Bree! I was recently wondering where you were. I did have a great time, thank you. And, I've had my brows waxed again. No big deal! I don't know about legs and all, I suppose I'll wait to see if hormones are the way to go for me and if so I'll venture down that path I'm sure. Welcome back! Emma

Charlotte is a very pretty name... I like it a lot because it's not so common and it's unmistakenly feminine. And of course you can change your name to whatever suits you. It's your name! I think I wrote a blog post some years back about my choice of Emma that you may find interesting. Edits: I found my blog post from almost three years ago about my name. You might find it interesting, or not! http://tgguide.com/message/blogs/entry/707-nom-de-femme/

Hi Thank you for the kind comments that were said after my first blog post. I am really looking forward to Friday as I am booked to have my first female hair style so hopefully this will help me along to finally being able to be my true self.

Hi My real name is Andrew but as I am transcending to female at the moment I am using the name Charlotte but may finally change this to a Disney Princess name or Female Nickelodeon character name as one of my hobbies is collecting Disney and Nickelodeon things. Changing my name is one of my first steps my journey to being the true me.

Welcome to TGGuide! I look forward to hearing about your transition :-) Xoxo Chrissy

Hi all, Sunday is NY Pride, it will be my first as a physical woman!!! Last year I was presenting full-time, but no surgeries yet. The year before was more of a gender-bending year. I'll post pics - I'm marching with NYU, so I have the shirt they gave us - I altered it to make it a v-neck, I wanted cleavage 😛 Xoxo Chrissy

Hey Chrissy, Great for you! Have a blast! Emma

Day one of this new medication is going terribly so far. I feel so tired and groggy even though I slept 16 hours! I took the medication around 7:30, went to sleep at 8:30, and woke up around noon. This reminds me of my last medication which made me half asleep all day. This one is making me half asleep as well but it's more like 3/4 asleep considering I could sleep anytime, anywhere where as my last medication I could stay awake for about 3 hours after taking it. I also am having quite vivid dreams which wasn't very fun since I have a history of nightmares and night terrors. I read up on it and apparently this drowsiness should dissipate after about 2 weeks. I don't know if I can wait that long but I will. I don't want to stop it and have to see the psychiatrist again so soon and have her thinking I just want attention like she did yesterday. I'll probably lag on the blog for the next couple of days since this drowsiness is taking over me.

If it is a side effect that will go away hopefully it will taper over time so that you won't have to wait 2 weeks to see :-(

Sorry to hear this. Presumably she is starting you on a low dose and intending to "titrate" you up gradually? I suggest that you check to see if you're on a higher initial dose than what is normally prescribed. After all, people need to live their lives while starting and taking their medications. That's only reasonable. But I hear you about returning to see her; she doesn't seem to have much patience. Hopefully you'll start feeling better and less groggy in a couple of days.

Yesterday I was once more sent to the psychiatrist for her thoughts on who I am and what medication would help my depression, anxiety, and autism. She also does not know I am trans since every session a guardian has to be present in case I am dangerous or if I lie about something.we discussed how my last medication made me basically a zombie, half asleep when awake and sleeping whenever I could, and how it increased my depression. She discussed either increasing the dosage or stopping it all together. She also discussed how she thought I was lying about the effects of the medication since I have been through 3 categories and none have helped. That shocked me since I've only been on four medications from her. Of course I'm not lying! I wanna get better as much as the next person! Anyway, that was all a hassle to get me to panic. I believe she wanted to see how it affected me which is plain ridiculous. I didn't really react externally, I remained stoic as always and stared at the floor. In the end, I got a new medication which I don't think it's necessary to say the name of. Another interesting thing has happened. As you should now from my previous posts, I am out at school and not at home. It's been easy so far, good for me. But now a new principal has been assigned and he is a friend of my parents. Hopefully, he never finds out since I look quite different from the last he saw me, new glasses, shorter hair, taller, skinnier. Plus the principals at my school hardly interact with specific students unless they get in trouble and I'm a goody two shoes so i shouldn't have to worry. The whole new principal fiasco is the only thing making me nervous for the new school year. I'm one of the odd children who enjoys school, not because seeing my friends, but because I get to learn and it gives me a routine. Being autistic a routine is very important. Sadly, I have several months until school starts again and between then and now I have a wedding where a dress is in order.

Accusing you of lying was very unprofessional. I'm sorry that you had to experience that. Unfortunately psychiatrists are more medically trained so sometimes they aren't as good at actual therapy. I agree with Emma about speaking with the psychiatrist privately but realize that your age and guardianship status might make that impossible. If it's not possible then I just encourage you to remember that you will reach a point when you can act by yourself for yourself! It might seem far off, but it will happen. In the meantime at least you have some outlet for personal expression at school and you have this community here 😀 Xoxo Chrissy

I'm sorry to read about your interactions and situation with your psychiatrist. Amazing that she would accuse you of lying, and would insist that you have anyone else present. My suggestion is to have another meeting with her and your guardian present, and calmly explain that you need to see her privately, that you don't feel comfortable having anyone else in the room. If she's uncomfortable with that maybe there is a way for the guardian to be just outside on call in case of need. That seems to be a reasonable request and hopefully she and your guardian will see it that way. After all, you do see your therapist privately. But then, if she does meet with you privately, you need to gain her commitment to keep your discussions private, that in fact, you are highly concerned about having any of your feelings known outside of the room. If she agrees, fine. If not, I think that here again and unfortunately, you need to see a different psychiatrist. Let me also add that I've been on a variety of psychological medications and none worked for me. To me that speaks more to my depression being less about some chemical imbalance and more about issues that needed to be brought out in therapy. Some psychiatrists are bought into the school of thought that chemicals are everything and here again if she feels that way then she's not a good psychiatrist. As for school and the wedding all I can say is take it a day at a time. I don't recall how old you are but I do remember for me that it seemed to take forever to turn 18, then 21, and so forth. But looking back on it now I can say that time really does pass, and you will make it.

Therapy was interesting today. A couple sessions ago I told my therapist that I was trans yet it seems like nothing changed. She still calls me She/Her and uses my birthname no matter how many times I tell her. I've almost given up on it but I know I can't let it get the best of me. Some how that thought offers little comfort.

Hi CTF, As always I appreciate Michael's clear writing and hope it helps you. I also suggest that you take a look at this post I just made in the FTM Discussion area, and read the linked article. I put it into the FTM folder because that's it main story but I feel it gives any of us an example of a happy real life story.

Hi CTF, and welcome to TGG. I was about to toss out a barrage of questions and comments... but the ladies have pretty much covered everything. I would add a couple more things for you to consider - part of your therapist's job is to help you transition into society as the man you identify as. I would be curious to know how she is being helpful to you, when she herself is not recognizing you as a man. It seems to me, based on what you've related, she is just flat ignoring your identity. I don't know what it means when you say your therapist is a contractural therapist, but I would think there would be some guidelines and ethics she is bound to follow and uphold. If your therapist can't start using your preferred pronouns and chosen name... you should definitely find another. I realize the number of sessions you are allowed is limited, but I would think a limited time with a decent therapist would far out-weigh a full course with one who could potentially be damaging to your self-confidence, self-esteem, and identity by her refusal to respect you. -Michael

I have a therapist to help with my anxiety and depression that partner my autism. It runs in the family so I'm in therapy along with testing many different medications. Thank you for the advice, I've been thinking about stopping for a while.

As far as I know she is a contractual therapist but I don't know much more since she doesn't really share much about her life.

​I am not familiar with autism and how it affects ones ability to stand up for oneself; that has to be tough but also familiar to therapists. Her brushing you off even as she also knows you're autistic is a concern for me. As Chrissy said it doesn't seem to make sense to spend the limited number of sessions that you have coverage with someone who isn't really helping. That said, what do you want help with from a therapist? What problem(s) do you want to focus on? I assume that something came up that drove you. In your writing you sound very grounded: you know you're autistic, trans, etc. Perhaps by looking at what drove you to seek therapy and judging if and how well you're making progress toward that you will be able to determine for yourself if you should continue to see her or stop and seek out an alternate therapist.

I know you said you can't afford to change, and I don't know all of what your therapy involves, but if there is any way to make a change I would do it. Not respecting your gender and name is simply unacceptable. What kind of professional background does she have? I can't speak to other professions, but if she is a social worker she's violating professional ethics.

She likely doesn't but she speaks like she has had trans clients before. I have not asked considering I don't like confrontation and it's hard for me to have conversations because of my autism. I have thought about seeing another therapist but I cannot afford to change at the time since my insurance is paying for my therapy and it only allows a certain amount of sessions (I have 8 left). I have expressed to her my annoyance at her not properly naming me and she seems to brush it off.

Glad to hear that you are seeing a therapist. I have some thoughts on your post: - Does she have experience and training with trans people? Most don't. - Have you asked her why she's not using your male name and pronouns? It's a reasonable question. - How do you feel about working with her? Not all therapists have what we need, and sometimes we simply don't have the right chemistry to work together. Perhaps you should go see another? Even that topic is fair for you to bring up with her for discussion. - How did she respond when you told her that you are trans? Did she ask you for more info such as what convinced you? I guess that changing therapists might bring up some discussion with you and your parents. They would ask why, and what you are looking for. So you need to be prepared for that. I'm not suggesting that you immediately try to stop seeing one and move to another. First, please talk to your therapist about how her use of your female name and pronouns is bothering you and what it's bringing up for you. Remember, please, she cannot read your mind and as with any relationship, open, honest, and sincere communication is vitally important.

Hello there! I'm CT Flynn, a transgender male. I also have another interesting thing about me called Autism, I'm sure you've heard of it. Anyway, I made this blog to help myself cope with being stuck in the Closet surrounded by an extremely religious family and possibly my journey of coming out. I am currently in high school where I have many supportive friends but also many non-supportive people. Anyway, thanks for reading!

Hey CT! Welcone to TGGuide! Good idea to start a blog, write down what's going on in your life and gender journey. It's heloed many of us tremendously. You say your from a very religious family; this video by Mark Yarhouse, where he is telling religious leadership about transgender and gender dysphoria, may be interesting for you: http://qideas.org/videos/transgender-1/ Please feel welcome to look around our forums and blogs, add your voice and questions wherever you'd like. We're here to help each other. Emma

Welcome to TGGuide! It sounds like you have some real challenges, I'm sure you'll find a lot of support here

The last couple of weeks have been busy. I had a first meeting with a new gender therapist (Shannon), my eyebrows waxed by a stylist (Zed), and an evaluation with a very experienced voice coach (Sandy). I’ve also started drafting my transition plan that I’ll review with Shannon when we meet again in September – after I return from Alaska. I mentioned to Sandy (the voice coach) that I want to start low-dose HRT in September as a way to dip my toe in the water. She advised that I get some doctor recommendations from Shannon soon and set up an appointment (for September) as these doctors are so busy and the wait time could easily be a couple of months. She also asked about my plans to present in a more feminine way, perhaps full time, and how I planned to present at the Gender Odyssey conference in late August. I told her that I do not dress in public very often at all, that I wanted to allow time to grow my hair and have it styled, at least start on electrolysis, and to have made some progress with her on my voice. She kindly responded that there is a huge variety of people at Gender Odyssey – so I could wear anything and it would be okay. She also advised that voice therapy is much more effective when is presenting as a woman in public. It’s like learning French in school and travelling to France where one can actually speak it. Yesterday I emailed Shannon with Sandy’s feedback, asking if she would provide names for doctors to me even though I’ve only met Shannon once. I expected that although she might provide names that she would suggest that I wait to make an appointment until she and I had more meetings. Surprisingly and without any reservations she provided me with the names, and agreed with Shannon that I should make the appointment. I was a bit startled and afraid after receiving Shannon’s email. In our meeting a couple of weeks ago she told me that she - like other professionals are increasingly doing - follows the “informed consent model” where clients like me are provided the latitude to make up their own minds once we have been informed of the protocols, risks, etc. Her email was thus consistent with informed consent. And, let’s face it, I do want to take this step. I reflected on all this while driving north yesterday for a couple of hours. I decided that before Gender Odyssey I will return to Zed (the stylist at the salon where I had my eyebrows waxed) and have her style my hair. In two months I believe will have enough to at least present more androgynously. I do have some hair loss in front that I assume we’ll be able to deal with, with "product" such as hairspray. Also, I’ll attend Gender Odyssey in a more feminine style of dress. Why not? I have several comfortable and casual outfits. What’s the worst that could happen? Given the climate of trans inclusion and welcoming in the Seattle neighborhoods I’m frequenting I think the rewards are much higher than the risks. I’ll also present in this way at least to Shannon, Sandy, and the HRT staff/doctor. As I drove further it occurred to me that the difference between fear and exhilaration is subtle. I was (and am) feeling exhilarated about taking these steps. It doesn’t hurt that I received a cute pair of sporty/feminine flats that fit perfectly yesterday from Amazon. Oh, that, and I got my ears pierced yesterday! I also bought a couple of pairs of earrings that I look forward to wearing. But I still have doubts, fears, and uncertainties. My (ex) wife is planning to come to Seattle in mid-September for her HS class reunion and we’ve talked about getting together. But I am thinking that she will not want to see me when I tell her about my ear piercings, my hair styling, and maybe more. So what sustains me? First and foremost, I can’t deny my history. I owe it to myself to play this out. I am so fearful that if I do not that one day, perhaps at the end of my life, I’ll have regrets. Second, my (ex) wife is suffering a lot these days. We talked recently and I learned that she is sad, depressed, and lost since I drove away two months ago. She gave up so much while also supporting me so lovingly; I feel that I must follow through. Sure, I cannot take responsibility for her emotions and I try not to but I feel a need to honor her sacrifice and support. At this point all the steps I’m taking are either reversible or can be switched off at will, so that makes it easier. My hope and assumption is that as I take these steps that I will feel joy that confirms that I’m heading in the right direction, and that will help sustain me as I take further steps that are more permanent. I’m also comforted when I consider that Shannon, Sandy, and my friends, will be there for and with me all along the yellow brick road. Best wishes, Emma P.S. I’m reading “The Transgender Guidebook: Keys to a Successful Transition” by Anne Boedecker, PhD. It’s excellent, in the same class as Dara Hoffman-Fox’s “You and Your Gender Identity: A Guide to Discovery”.

Hi Chrissy, Gender Odyssey (http://www.genderodyssey.org/) is, from what I can tell and have been told, is an excellent conference for all transgender people. I've been encouraged that it's much more than a supportive and fun environment to present en femme, which is how another recent conference in Port Angeles was described. Check it out! Let me know if by chabce you can come, I'd love to meet you in person. Emma

Hi everyone, Since I took another step in socializing today, I thought I'd post something about that topic generally. Before coming out and transitioning, I had identified as a gay man. As such, my social life was largely built around the "gay community." I hadn't thought too much about that initially, since coming out and transitioning are pretty time-consuming for a while, and it was generally easier to do that while staying within a familiar social environment. But I knew it was going to have to change - although I admit to having some thoughts in the past about seeing it being Lesbian could work for me, I knew it wasn't right (I was leaning that way because (1) I have a little bi-sexual tendency, and (2) I thought it would be easier to meet a woman who would accept me as a woman in a romantic relationship than a straight man). Anyway - since I would like to date at some point, and even be in a relationship, I knew that I was going to have to break out of the LGBTQ "bubble" that I was in, and I have taken some steps. It helped that I did have a couple of straight female friends. And then of course I started school so I started meeting new people, many of them straight. Then, for after-school relaxation I started going to a little jazz bar in the Village. Today I took an even bigger step - at least in my head - I had joined a new tennis league (I had already belonged to an LGBT tennis group), and today I had my first match with someone from that group. I'm in a women's division, so initially that's who I'm going to meet, but that's a good starting place. It made me a little anxious since she had no way of knowing that I'm transgender going in, and not knowing how she might react. Well, she didn't. There was absolutely no awkwardness, it was great - and it was a really good tennis match (we had to play all 3 sets, and we were going point for point most of the way). There are still temptations to reach back and cling to the social world that I knew - but I have to give up some of that (not all of it, I'm not just ditching all of my friends!) xoxo Chrissy

Went to pick up my regular prescriptions from the local pharmacy, the lady behind the counter called for the manager before handing over my prescriptions. He comes up and says, would you mind me changing our records to reflect your current gender? I said thought it was (and then thought back, sure enough I never did). I replied with "yes", done deal. He said, wow how times flies, I remember when you first started out and back then I didn't have a beard, look at me now lol. Then I went for an MRI (shoulder problem), yeek, they had me done as male, the person assisting me said I can see that is not true anymore and updated my records. All in the span of one week, here I slipped up and missed two local resources for over two years. So my point is, you may believe all your bases are covered when changing your gender but as I learned two were missed hence passing this along for others to consider "did I miss updating my gender someplace?"

When I did my legal name change last year I had a count of 50+ places that I had to make the update (then I stopped counting, it was too stressful), but you're right, it does keep coming up. I haven't even thought as much about who has records of my gender! (Aside from the obvious ones, drivers license, birth certificate, etc.). When I contacted North Carolina State Univ. (where I did my undergrad) to change my name they actually asked if I wanted to update my gender as well - it hadn't occurred to me that they would even have that, but it makes sense. I throw that story in partly to show that even in North Carolina not everyone is transphobic :-) (Of course my sister lives there now, and she is transphobic, oh well)

That all sounds great :-) I can definitely relate to the fear and exhilaration- personally I didn't consider it to be a line between the two, I just saw it as both things happening at the same time. There is a lot to be excited about, and a lot to be afraid of - but overall living authentically is worth it all!!! What is Gender Odyssey? I'm planning to go to the Trans Health Conference in Philadelphia again this year, this time on the professional track (since i'm a social work student it seemed right)

Dear Emma, Absolutely love your pictures! May I suggest you get a Season/color evaluation. Every woman should get this. Your friend, Monica

I like the name Warren a lot, Warren. It's serious, steadfast, and trustworthy. But also warm, with great big hugs for friends and family. I like it also that while it's immediately recognizable it's also not common. It's all yours! And thank you so much for telling me that Emma Sweet is adorable. I love it. That's exactly what I hope people feel about me and my name. Best, Emma

Love the name emma Took me a long while to decide on mine. I dont remember exactly how I settled on Warren, to be honest. I know that it means 'defender of friends' which was fitting, since I'm always defending and taking care of other people, even ones I hardly know. The full name I had settled on was Warren Renexius (was my online name for several years, AND a book character I created) Ornan (my dads middle name). It's sort of long, but I've learned to love it :3 Emma Sweet is adorable! -Warren