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in some ways this was just another typical Sunday, you know, cleaning the house, doing laundry, working in the yard, etc. But then, there are no "typical" days anymore. It's a funny thing about life, at least in my experience, that when you are into something, people and resources appear to help you along the way. Well, i did some looking initially,like finding the Transgender Guide and meeting all my new CD friends. I have made such huge advances in opening up my female self with their help. Then this morning, just for shucks, I started looking for local wig shops that might cater to CD's, and came across Renee Reyes's website. I spent a good portion of my day reading it and am still not finished. Wow, what an inspirational lady, and so smart. Although, she looks gorgeous, she is really about inner beauty and embracing joy and happiness. She does mention that we girls do tend to be a bit vain (smile), and we spend a lot of time working on our looks, but it is a process and we should enjoy the ride. She likens it to reliving our childhoods, but this time we should make better use of it. Anyway, I will recommend her to my friends. I am thrilled to have discovered her. And on that note, I decided it was high time a put on some fingernail polish. I had been painting my toes for the past couple of weeks and loved the look, but didn't want to do nail polish since I can't hide my hands like I do my toes when I go out. But, What a Trip! Talk about instant femininity! I don't have to work tomorrow, so I'll be able to enjoy them for most of the day until I go to dinner at our neighbors. It will be a littel bit of a hassle to do nail polish, but worth it I think. Thanks for the tip, Renee. I do need to work on my technique, however. It took a while to get them right, but hey, it was my first time. So, I'm going to sit back, and take my time, and enjoy the ride. Hugs to all.

So things are starting to happen faster now. We have moved in with my mom as planned, and I am alternating between helping Nikki move things and cleaning mom's house. (Seriously, it took three hours to go through the pantry and get out all the expired food from years 03 to 16). And the rest of the house is insane, but I'm slowly taming it. Mom is getting the better end of this deal, really. Free cleaning and repairs and cooking until we sell and buy a new house. Old house is nearly empty, just a bit more to pull out and then it's painting time. We're still waffling on whether or not to fix the damaged laminate. New car is working out great, old main car is doing great, old secondary car is going to the scrapyard, the costs to fix the brake issue and make it sellable are higher than we could sell it for. Bummer, some extra money would have been nice. It's kinda weird being here again. I lived here with Grandma, my mom, and my son when I met Nikki. I had the downstairs basement finished room, although ever since the big flood it's impractical to use as a bedroom anymore. Which is a same, as it's HUGE and was lovely with lots of space. Only ever had to come upstairs to use the bathroom. I was the hermit Bree in the basement! Nikki's girl mode items are all packed away with a decoy tag, he's still very much closeted as far as our families go. Since he realized transition is not a path for him, dealing with our awkward families is a door he doesn't want to go through. As in most things (other than anything food related, do NOT EVER trust Nikki's judgement with food, trust me) I trust his judgement and respect his choices. And he pointed out I won't be at risk for giving myself a black eye again slapping myself with the breast form. (Didn't quiet get a black eye, but I did have a nice red mark from that oops. Why do they put it in such clingy plastic?) Nikki does have a nasty set of scratches across his back, so I've been teasing him he made a ghost angry that we're leaving. It sounds more fun than I think the cat did it while we were sleeping. I haven't had any really awful burning for a week, had one bad night last weekend, but it's been good since. Nikki's physical health is solidly great, and his dysthymia has been very much under control. He continues on his medication, but the improvements in our life have done wonders also. Once his job is less demanding (they're in the middle of some big changes that take a lot of hours from him) he's going to see about finding a new therapist in our target town and he can just go after work and then come home until we move. He has to start over anyway since his passed and then we went on insurance hiatus. He'd rather do it just once instead of twice. It's sorta amazing how far we've come since last years confusion and upheaval. ​I'm proud of us. Now I have to go continue trying to convince my elderly cat that moving was a good thing and that he should eat some of his food. Dog is loving the adventure of a new house (wish she would stop running full speed into doors though, she's traumatizing ME with her poor banged head) lizard doesn't care. Our lizard is too cool to care.

Today we are both broken, exhausted human beings. I injured my ankle but good, so I'm limping around like a lame horse, but we got a LOT done. We also during the packing and moving process took a hard look at the things we own and got rid of at least a third of it all, maybe half, it's hard to judge when it's all in a pile of boxes vs, in it's normal position around the house. It does seem like less boxes than the last move though. And the couch isn't in great shape anymore, it was a cheap couch that lasted like 10 years, so we jettisoned that too and will just save up to get a nicer one after we move. We have plenty of really comfy folding camp chairs and zero gravity lounges we can put in the living room until we find one we like. I also see how many of my bad habits came from my childhood, normalized permanently into me. I can't ever undo that, no matter what people say. Our life experience is our life experience and it colors who we are and how we are in the world. What I can do is learn to identify it and control that part of me instead of being controlled, and having far more success learning better ways and keeping to them. I can see how a thing is better, and normalize that into my brain too so I consciously have choices and make them. 45 and I'm still figuring it all out. Grandpa told me I'd never stop learning til I die when I was very young and frustrated with school because if felt like it was just reiterating and they'd taught us everything, and he taught me a new thing to prove it. I think he also cemented the ideaology of learning on my own outside the system into my subconscious mind that day, where beforehand I had been socialized by both family and school system that school was everything and anyting not included wasn't important (ah, the 70s elementary education system). Thanks grandpa for saving me from myself. ​ He was literally the best, most caring, and most nurturing parental figure in my life. I wish his life hadn't been cut so short, I really would have liked him to meet NIkki and see me finally get my life together. ​ I guess I should go back to cleaning, sit down break is over and time to test the ankle. And Nikki might want to eat at some point, and right now I'm the only person here who knows where any of the food is. I'm important! LOL

Dear MichelleLea, Concerning wigs and hairpieces, be aware that ONE THIRD of cisgender women wear them! Monica

I have also experienced how the stars are aligning for me of late. I've made tremendous progress too. I never imagined I'd be able to go out and about dressed as a woman and now it's getting close (but not yet) to be simply another woman living her life. I go to restaurants, therapist, and medical appointments, which involves all the normal city stuff: parking garages, walking along the sidewalks. I've even received several nice compliments. Your post isn't about me of course but I thought you d be interested. i think it's terrific you've painted your nails. I've never done that... yet. A girlfriend suggested that she, another girlfriend, and I go have a manicure and pedicure together and I'm all for that. And then, OMG, go shopping. I really need to do that as winter will soon be upon us and I only have one London Fog raincoat that I bought used. I need sweaters and at least another coat of two. Probably a hat and gloves. Keep it up, Michelle! Keep pushing your boundaries, perhaps in small steps, that's fine, but enjoy your progress. And yes, enjoy how people and events will continue opening up for you! Emma

I suspect you will have "typical" days again, they'll just be a different "typical" 😛 Xoxo Chrissy

​Good for you and Nikki, Bree! Your mom is lucky to have you cleaning up her house. I can't imagine having to deal with spoiled food and crap from over a dozen years ago. Three hours to just get through the pantry? What was she using it for, a dump? "Mom is getting the better end of this deal, really." Ya think? !!! Good for you too that your feeling better and Nikki is holding his own. You're both troopers! xxxoooxxx Emma

From my experience after Nikki finally came out to me, there was a long period where everything was constantly different, and typical was a think of the past, but now a year and a half later, typical has reasserted it just looks different than it did before. However, that doesn't HAVE To be true. It's true for Nikki and I because we are both at our core creatures of habit and homebody types for the most part. I know friends who live everyday like a new adventure, in truth, not just a platitude, and 'typical' for them means doing something they've never tried before. If you like your old sense of typical, it will come back. If you didn't or like the new one better, it's yours for the taking! And with the modern age of internet, you can literally find anything you want out there, from toys of childhood (hides her Ebay spending on My LIttle Ponies, nothing to see here!) to full transgender specifically designed altering items from wigs down to shorts with a silicone vagina (I have seen things on the internet helping Nikki figure out what things he does and doesn't want!) to illegal things we won't discuss, but the point is you can find ANYTHING you can imagine, you just have click a few things on google. Get out and explore girl! Monica is completely right. I have a few, but they are from my anime cosplaying and more effort in hallloween than my current lazy rear end puts into it days. I will admit I have put some thought into getting a really high end green one that I don't have to keep touching up my hair since they don't make permanent green dye, but my natural hair is hot and summer reminds me I might not like wearing one all the time. Nikki wasn't interested in them at all, has plenty of hair he just has me do it on girl days and days I want to practice a new hair idea on (I find it easier to master on someone else's head before trying it on my own where I can only see half of what I'm doing, and he gets a kick outta doing the girls day stuff with me). Now my ex-mother in law once had a massive emotional breakdown because I once accidentally saw her without her wig. You'd think I just murdered her youngest child in front of her or something from the other the top reaction of me coming home an hour earlier than I was expected and seeing her without it as she was in the kitchen. (I lived there for less than a month, you can imagine why!). Then there was a hissy fit of how was she supposed to be able to supper herself and my brother in law without the rent money I was paying(on a place she'd been living for three years before I MET my ex-husband, and the three years before I married him). Apparently wigs are nearly a sacred item for some people, regardless of the cause for them wearing them.