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In the midst of getting ready for the onslaught of Hurricane Irma and getting used to working again, lo and behold, my four inch pumps arrived. I had ordered them ages ago, and it seemed as if they would never arrive, but they did, and I'm thrilled. The size 13 fits perfectly, and they look gorgeous--white patent leather. I am getting used to walking in them, but I have to laugh. I look like the teenage girls I used to teach when they were wearing heels for their first times--a little teeter-tottery. But with practice, I should be fine. Well, you can't have new shoes without stockings, and my thigh high black sheers arrived today--Amazon is much faster. They are so sexy, and the two together are a knockout. I have bought thight highs before, but have never been able to wear them as freely as now. I am loving it. Now I need a black, sexy bra. That will be next on the list. So the transformation continues. A little effort and expense, but so worth it.

It's certainly worth it! Have fun, that's the most important prime directive! That said, try to look and be aware of how women dress in your area for various errands, nights out, etc. Yesterday I talked with another trans woman who's planning to attend a gender conference soon. My advice to her was to wear something comfortable (and sure, pretty) with flats. You're certainly prepared for a night out on the town, though. Don't be shy to strut your stuff girl! Emma

So I'm going at this with no prior thought other than I need to write about two woman I know. Three weeks ago a good friend of mine was sitting in her living room and one of her dogs kept sniffing and licking her one breast. She ignored it until the dog kept doing it for two days. Had a mammogram done and sure enough cancer and to note, it runs in her family. Several days ago had surgery and being the brave person she is posted photos so that people think more of what can happen rather than simply thinking of a pink ribbon. She had ups and downs after surgery but seems to be doing okay now. Then today, another friend (and in the same circle of friends) was diagnosed with breast cancer. She had a mammogram done shortly after the woman above. Statistically speaking a woman passes every three to five minutes in the world from breast cancer. We are not immuned from breast cancer so if you have breast that were induced by hormones get them boobies checked out and have it done regularly. Above I indicated they are in the same circle, the three of us are defensive tactics instructors were an outstanding master (he has way too many things to list here) and we are all family from Oregon, Florida and Atlanta.

Karen, I'm so sorry to hear that - hopefully they'll both be fine, but it's still a difficult process to go through :-( And great point about getting checked! I've been more assertive about talking with my doctor and endocrinologist to understand what things I need to be watching for that I might not have before (of course that's also part of getting older - but never mind that!!!) xoxo Chrissy

I arrived in Philadelphia today - the conference starts early tomorrow so I decided to get down here a day early. I got a hotel at a decent rate and it's about 1/2 block from the Convention Center! Anyway - last year I did the free version of the conference, this year I paid for the professional track (for a student it was $85). The tough part is deciding what to go to! Initially I went through the schedule and just put everything I was interested in on my calendar. Then earlier this week I went through to pick which ones to actually attend - that was the hard part! I gave 1st priority to Behavioral Health panels, since that is the professional track I'm on. Then I leaned towards panels covering topics around F2M and gender non-confirming individuals, since I have decidedly less experience there. Of course this is a mixed things for me - personal and professional, so I don't want to forget the personal side :-) I'm volunteering in the morning - helping with set up, so it will be a long day, but worthwhile! I'll post more tomorrow after Day 1. xoxo Chrissy

Keep us informed please on how things go

Today we are both broken, exhausted human beings. I injured my ankle but good, so I'm limping around like a lame horse, but we got a LOT done. We also during the packing and moving process took a hard look at the things we own and got rid of at least a third of it all, maybe half, it's hard to judge when it's all in a pile of boxes vs, in it's normal position around the house. It does seem like less boxes than the last move though. And the couch isn't in great shape anymore, it was a cheap couch that lasted like 10 years, so we jettisoned that too and will just save up to get a nicer one after we move. We have plenty of really comfy folding camp chairs and zero gravity lounges we can put in the living room until we find one we like. I also see how many of my bad habits came from my childhood, normalized permanently into me. I can't ever undo that, no matter what people say. Our life experience is our life experience and it colors who we are and how we are in the world. What I can do is learn to identify it and control that part of me instead of being controlled, and having far more success learning better ways and keeping to them. I can see how a thing is better, and normalize that into my brain too so I consciously have choices and make them. 45 and I'm still figuring it all out. Grandpa told me I'd never stop learning til I die when I was very young and frustrated with school because if felt like it was just reiterating and they'd taught us everything, and he taught me a new thing to prove it. I think he also cemented the ideaology of learning on my own outside the system into my subconscious mind that day, where beforehand I had been socialized by both family and school system that school was everything and anyting not included wasn't important (ah, the 70s elementary education system). Thanks grandpa for saving me from myself. ​ He was literally the best, most caring, and most nurturing parental figure in my life. I wish his life hadn't been cut so short, I really would have liked him to meet NIkki and see me finally get my life together. ​ I guess I should go back to cleaning, sit down break is over and time to test the ankle. And Nikki might want to eat at some point, and right now I'm the only person here who knows where any of the food is. I'm important! LOL

From my experience after Nikki finally came out to me, there was a long period where everything was constantly different, and typical was a think of the past, but now a year and a half later, typical has reasserted it just looks different than it did before. However, that doesn't HAVE To be true. It's true for Nikki and I because we are both at our core creatures of habit and homebody types for the most part. I know friends who live everyday like a new adventure, in truth, not just a platitude, and 'typical' for them means doing something they've never tried before. If you like your old sense of typical, it will come back. If you didn't or like the new one better, it's yours for the taking! And with the modern age of internet, you can literally find anything you want out there, from toys of childhood (hides her Ebay spending on My LIttle Ponies, nothing to see here!) to full transgender specifically designed altering items from wigs down to shorts with a silicone vagina (I have seen things on the internet helping Nikki figure out what things he does and doesn't want!) to illegal things we won't discuss, but the point is you can find ANYTHING you can imagine, you just have click a few things on google. Get out and explore girl! Monica is completely right. I have a few, but they are from my anime cosplaying and more effort in hallloween than my current lazy rear end puts into it days. I will admit I have put some thought into getting a really high end green one that I don't have to keep touching up my hair since they don't make permanent green dye, but my natural hair is hot and summer reminds me I might not like wearing one all the time. Nikki wasn't interested in them at all, has plenty of hair he just has me do it on girl days and days I want to practice a new hair idea on (I find it easier to master on someone else's head before trying it on my own where I can only see half of what I'm doing, and he gets a kick outta doing the girls day stuff with me). Now my ex-mother in law once had a massive emotional breakdown because I once accidentally saw her without her wig. You'd think I just murdered her youngest child in front of her or something from the other the top reaction of me coming home an hour earlier than I was expected and seeing her without it as she was in the kitchen. (I lived there for less than a month, you can imagine why!). Then there was a hissy fit of how was she supposed to be able to supper herself and my brother in law without the rent money I was paying(on a place she'd been living for three years before I MET my ex-husband, and the three years before I married him). Apparently wigs are nearly a sacred item for some people, regardless of the cause for them wearing them.