Leaderboard

We still have a long way to go in this country. Your encounter, unfortunately, is pretty typical of what you get for feedback. I don't think that anyone who is not trans really has any understanding of what it's all about.

I didn't write yesterday as I had an eye appointment, and my eyes were still dilated. Makes it hard to see. I was in AFLAC meetings all morning and into the afternoon prior to my doctor's appointment. I didn't even have a chance to grab lunch which is a rarity for me. I'm not much of a snacker, but I do like my three meals a day. I would say that the meetings were fairly typical for sales meetings. Goals were laid out; top producers were recognized; contests announced; plans set for the week ahead. It was a little bewildering the first time. Every industry has it's own jargon and acronyms, and it takes a little time to even know what everyone is talking about. After the meeting, I met with my sales manager to lay out my schedule for the week. It was supposed be a week doing lessons so that I could be credentialed to use the policy writing platform--it's all cloud-based now. While not best practice, you can even write a policy over the phone and have a signature texted. Paper is so 20th century. LOL. Well, that was not to be. I was finally able to log onto the AFLAC website, but then it asked me to change my password, and all I could get was an OOPS! message. So, I spent almost two hours with tech support--when I finally was able to get ahold of someone--and my issue is still not resolved. Maybe paper was better? Anyway, I had previously told the folks where I used to work that I would stop by to say hello. I haven't been back since I lost my job at the end of June, although some of the staff did come to my wife's memorial gathering. I felt it was time to check in. I got a warm welcome from staff and the students who were still there. I feel that they were genuinely happy to see me and I liked seeing them too. I even got invited to their Thanksgiving dinner. I don't know if I had mentioned, but I worked at PACE Center for Girls for almost 14 years as an English teacher and guidance counselor as well as special needs support. It's a program for girls who need extra acacemic and emotional support. I was often the only male figure there out of 40 staff and 80 girls. I seemed to fit in. Before I left, we did hire a facilities guy, Mr. Jose. He was really sad to see me go. So, we plenty of time on my hands, I figured I might as well get to work. I had read through and practiced how to approach businesses at the one-day sales school, and I had seen how my manager worked. All that was lacking now was for me to get out there and give it a go. The worst that could happen would be that people would say no. I picked areas that didn't look overly promising because I needed the practice. Mostly the business owners weren't there, so I would have to go back. Most of the ones I talked to weren't interested and I couldn't even convince them to see me for 10 minutes, but that happens. In the end, I did make one appointment for next week and even had to call and reschedule. At least I got

Hi everyone, I'm pretty excited about an upcoming event that I'm involved with - it's part of a feminist Meetup group that I belong to. Each month we have a moderated discussion on some issue within the feminist movement (last month was about racism in feminism). This month I'm moderating the discussion on transgender issues - the title is "Are trans women real women?" (the title is meant to be a little provocative, and to have a very obvious answer - the organizer was worried about using it, but since I was ok with being identified as transgender in the blurb about it she was ok with the title). We're going to show a couple of short videos - one by a TERF explaining why she doesn't accept transgender people as women, and then one by Janet Mock, explaining how she realized that she was a woman (well, a girl, she was 5 when it happened). Then we'll have a discussion about it! The topic is really "what is a woman?" which should be pretty interesting - I expect some discussion about nature vs. nurture ("Female brain" vs social construct). This is another example of where I've gone over time, since it was only within the last year that I was trying to pretend I'm not transgender - now I'm openly leading discussions about the topic. That of course is another huge thing - I told a friend about this, she's known me for 8 or 9 years, and she was thrilled, but also recognized how far I had come, back when we met there's no way I would have been willingly doing a public speaking event. More later! xoxo Chrissy

At least I got a start. As the manual says, this is a marathon, not a sprint. And, the top 10% were once the bottom 10%. It wil come.

Emma, I'll take any book suggestion you have. I am a non-discriminatory reader. My time is somewhat limited now, but I always like fo have a good book going.

Thanks, guys. It's a comfort to know you are there for me. I hold you in my heart.

Dear Friends, Just because you have known a person for a long time, doesn't mean they will grow parallel to you. Emma, I hate to say this, but this man hasn't grown much since the first grade when you knew him. By the way, education does not always imply maturity. When I attended my 10 year high school reunion, I was amazed that those who attended looked and acted as if they graduated YESTERDAY. Asked to be taken off the mailing list! When I moved to Dutchess County, I reunited with a friend of mine from high school and I wondered why I was ever friends with her. She did not look or act like she had grown at all, and she and I had graduated 40 years ago! My youngest brother, he claimed he did not recognize me on an emotional or physical level in the ten years we were out of touch. Took this as a compliment! The upshot is that we all grow at different rates and directions. Even if we compare ourselves to ourselves, every ten years every cell in our body is replaced, and if we are growing at a healthy pace, we should show significant differences every ten years. Even when I look at myself from six months ago, a year ago or two years ago, I see significant change in myself. By the way, that man was just plain RUDE! Your friend, Monica

Dear MichelleLea, Emma and Chrissy, When my mother lost my father due to heart disease, she joined an organization called, "Widow to Widow," which was free, run by a woman psychologist. My mother got a lot out of it, but the greatest thing she got out of it was that the grieving period should last no more than two years. This is the point that the widow should clear out and give to charity the unusable property of the deceased partner. The psychologist said it was unhealthy to grieve beyond two years, and that the survivor should get counseling. Hope this helps. Your friend, Monica

Dear Chrissy, Strongly feel that transwomen are "real" women, and those that identify as Lesbian are "real" Lesbians, as well as those that are Straight women. Have always looked in between the ears ("character counts"). This also goes for transmen. Want to emphasize I feel this way both about pre-op and post-op, pre-hormones and post hormones. Somehow, I can sense the gender and sexual orientation ("gaydar") energy of people, and beyond, the beyond I can not discuss here, as that would require a book! Have to accept that some others do not have this capability, and they have a lot of confusion about it. Just wished that people who do not understand something, did not feel the need to be hostile about it, but just accept that they do not understand it at this place and time. By the way, there are many things I do not understand, and I accept these things as things I do not understand yet. Hope that makes sense! Your friend, Monica

I can recommend many books. Tell me what you like and I’ll send titles! It’s to be expected that you’re feeling down. Sure, it’s fun and all to be on your own, to dress when and how you like. But longer term you’re without your wife and that is sad. Give yourself the patience, caring, and support you need to work it out. It may take quite a while, there is no certain path or timeline. I wish you well, sleep tight, Emma