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Dear Emma and Friends, We ALL have "down times" and feel the "blues." Sometimes we don't always know why. When I feel blue, I go to a comedy club (I sit in the back because I don't want to be part of the show when I am blue) and it really helps me. Just a suggestion. Thank you for being there for all of us! Your friend, Monica

Dear Trans-Formation, First, I am amazed on how fast I change, even looking back six months ago, a year ago, 18 months ago, 24 months ago, etc. Every ten years we change almost completely physically as every cell in our body is replaced every ten years. As for the girl, often people draw together, then push apart, as they deal with their attraction to another person. How I deal with that is to take my time in getting to know someone. Remember, sudden attraction, (especially physical) is often a symptom of limerence or lust, not love. Like to say, "Let's be friends first!" Your friend, Monica

I'd like to add that you're lucky that you and your sales coordinator (manager?) have such a good relationship and that you value his help. Take advantage of that! Go out on joint sales calls as much he wants and you can. You'll learn a lot. Another idea: start keeping some sort of journal where you can jot down notes from your calls every day. I am sure you do this but I'm talking about another notebook where you gradually build up your own system to visualize each sales call, especially those that aren't successful, where success means that you think you have a chance at an eventual sale. The reason is I say this is that long ago and in a faraway galaxy I was the first sales engineer hired to sell a new system for manufacturing printed circuit boards. Our system would optically scan the boards and (when it worked, it was a prototype when I started!) quickly identity flaws that saved the manufacturer lots of money. I was struggling big time. I was going door to door down through the list of companies who manufactured these boards and often got sort shrift from the GMs and owners. But then a man in our company who led our operations group wanted to take on a sales role to broaden his experience and eventually become a GM or executive himself. He did exactly what I'm suggesting to you now and quickly saw the commonalities about being rejected. Together (but mostly him) we developed a strategy that we had a blast with. We would call the prospect and say that all we needed was 60 seconds of his time (in a face to face meeting) to demonstrate on the back of an envelope how we could save him tens of thousands of dollars every year. We promised to set up a timer and if, at the end of the minute, he didn't want to continue, we'd shake hands and depart. Well, this really helped in two main ways: 1) We got the meeting, but more importantly 2) We had to boil down our benefits sufficiently into language he'd quickly grasp enough that he would want to learn more. I ended up selling way more machines than anyone else in our group! And I had fun, too. We turned it into a game to see if our assumptions on the meetings worked and when they didn't we refined our messaging and tactics.

That reminds me of an interesting book I read on the topic of sales " The Go-Giver."

Congratulations! I suggest “The One Minute Sales Manager” to read...

Hi Dawn, Thank you, it's so nice to hear from you. My electrologist does use a cooling gel, and I also have a prescription novocaine gel (but I'm inexperienced using it and will keep trying). She's also said (as Karen did) that I need to be well-hydrated. Indeed, that will be a focus for me tomorrow before my next appointment. Tomorrow I'll be receiving injected novocaine from a dentist for my upper lip. She's cleared it once before but more hairs need to be cleared of course. I'm lucky that my beard is fairly light so that a cosmetologist told me that I don't need to have a beard cover; just a good foundation is fine. No way will I have anyone do this hair removal on my chest or legs! I'd love to hear more about your hair therapy, what you are doing and how it works and so forth. Last night I had a FaceTime with my ex-wife and we talked about my hairline. She also has a high forehead so she has her advice which is to part my hair on one side and then have a sloping bang across the forehead. She's coming to visit in a couple of months and we promised that when she's here we will go see my salon lady and get a consultation. It's not a huge rush for me. I really just want it to be longer. Now it's down to the tops of my shoulders and I'd like it to be at least 6-10" longer before I have it styled. Patience! I also wanted so much to stay married. About a year ago my wife told me that we needed to get divorced because without that she was sure I could never really become my authentic self. That was about the most loving thing she could do for me. It really tore her up, me too. Over the year I realized how correct she was. And recently I understand more about why, which is that I have always been saddled with a need to try to manage the feelings and happiness of everyone around me. So my coming out and being authentic really flew in the face of that with me and my wife. This is something I'm working on with my therapist now. Honestly, I don't know what complete transition is. Maybe it's different for each of us. At the moment for me it's comprised of: - Coming out as transgender to pretty much everyone. That's a big transition in itself! - Full time presentation as a woman in public, at home, everywhere. I'm building a pretty good wardrobe and makeup skills. Occasionally I notice the unworn (for months) male clothing in my closet; I'll soon be donating them to Goodwill after choosing what will stay (some are pretty handy) and, after taking a deep breath, loading them in the car for that one-way trip... - Working on achieving a feminine voice. Gosh, it's hard but I really do seem to be learning. My voice therapist (whose name is Sandy Hirsch, she wrote "The Book" if you will on voice therapy and is a frequent conference speaker) gives me props for how much I've achieved. Part of my achievement is coming to an improved motivation for wanting to have a feminine voice. Originally it was about trying to just blend, be recognized as a woman. Sure, that would be nice but I tend to think that although my visual presentation is nice and my stature isn't too big, my face tips people off that I'm a trans woman. Now, I'm fine with that and I just want my voice to be more "authentic" if you know what I mean. For me and what I need, not for others. And that may be all that I'll do. I'm not sure if I want GRS for anything more than to avoid a small bulge under my skirt - which isn't much noticeable if at all. Same about FFS. That may have a higher priority for me. Breast augmentation? Maybe, but I'd be very happy if I just have size B's, or maybe a little smaller is okay too. I suspect that the big thing for this year (maybe the Fall?) will be to start legal name/gender change. I have a credit card now in my name and I love that. I'd like my drivers license, passport, and all that to be aligned too. I'm a little scared about it and I don't know why. I have so much going on now though that it's not a priority! Love, Emma

Hello Emma, I care about as you have cared about me. I noticed you were having issues with your electrolysis. When I last had it done, the better electrologist (However more expensive) I went to used a cooling gel and it helped a lot. I had my chest done my face and my legs. It was expensive and I quit the treatments when all my dark face hair was gone. I took electrolysis for about two years. I still have about 3000 hairs left on my face as I even plucked the remaining ones a couple of times, but they are all white and easily shaved and when shaved I have no shadow at all. So the electrolysis was worth it. I share your issues with losing hair. In a few weeks I will be starting hair therapy. I also go to a therapist and the goal is currently to help my marriage while accepting that I am Transgender. Have I not been trying to salvage a happy home relationship I am sure I would transition completely. So I am hoping and thinking about you and your path - some things we share and others not - wishing you love and support along your way. Dawn

Points 4 and 6 well-taken. Thanks for explaining.

Your story reminds me of an older woman I met when I was in high school. By that time I had repressed my true identity and was in full denial. I came to find out this woman was transgender and that she had a sex change. Sadly, I distanced myself from her when I should have befriended her. I sure needed a friend back then that I could confide in. It was about 15 years later that I'd find another such friend and begin to openly discuss my gender identity. ​ Thank you for sharing.

Thanks to all for your kind wishes and advice. Makes a lot of sense to me. I was surprised to see that my photo of Peanut was gone so I re-added it. Yeah, I'm feeling better. It's funny how our feelings come and go. My wife called me on New Years Eve while she was driving to a friend's for dinner. I was I'm bed, reading, and she heard the sadness in my voice. She called me back yesterday morning to check in which helped. I had cooked a pot roast on New Years that I bought at Trader Joe's. It didn't taste nearly as good as hers. It was overdone and tough. She told me how to cook it even more at a very low temp for three hours, in a bath of wine, mushroom soup (Campbell's) and beef broth. Wow, it was much better last night and I have another serving ready for tonight. She called me again yesterday evening to see if I was okay. My therapist has advised that I need external affirmation way too much and I think she is correct. I wrote a list of self-affirmations that I slowly read to myself every morning in the hopes that I'll develop more internal resources for when I need them. I do it but I'm not sure it helps much. I think we know that this mental stuff is pretty challenging. I also read this to myself every morning: A Guide to Fear Mastery It helps, but doesn't help much when I am feeling so low. I do subscribe to the notion that mindfulness is a good practice. But wow, is it easy to say and hard to do! Love to all, Emma

Being a moderator just means we have to set an example, as in following the rules... stuff like that. Doesn't mean we can't hurt, and come looking for someone to lean on. The way I see it... our hurts and heartache ain't all our fault. And it never will be until society changes for the better. Big hugs to you, Emma. I'm glad you're feeling better. -Michael

The thing with being a constant cheerleader vs. being real is...you present a false image of perfection that other people believe in and wonder why they can't achieve. I firmly believe showing both the good and joyous as well as the down sides does far, far more good for others. There is great comfort in knowing that we are not alone that things go wrong in life, and we're not along in our negative feelings as well as pour positive ones, and we're not along that it's hard. I think only ever being positive and happy is too easy, to unreal and unattainable, and actually potentially damaging to people who wonder why they can't attain that endless perfect happiness. Don't be so hard on yourself. And one overriding theme I have learned about in my 'what is this all about' is that the entire thing is living authentically. Authentic isn't always good. It's real. ti's up, down, hard, easy, joyous, sad, frustrating, hopeful, it's the whole package. There will be time to be excited about the future after you've had a chance to settle your feelings. A divorce is a huge thing, even for people who want it. Endings are never what we think they will be, and we always have to process our feelings about them. And there is a world of difference between what we think it will be and we will feel and what actually happens. You did the best thing you could do. You got dressed up, you went out, had as much fun as you could, and it's okay if you don't feel super happy right now while you're processing. Some days will be amazing, some will be sad, but you have to just feel your way through them to get the full human experience. Dont' beat yourself up about what you think you should be feeling, just feel what you do and do the best you can with it! ​Fighting the blue feeligns in my experience just makes it worse. Talking them out and pushing through them worked for me, just find what works for you and go for it! *hugs*

Point 4. My lowest selling book has sold 6 copies. that would be one, two, three, four, five and six. What are the odds that someone have been one of the 6 purchasers are in fact someone who is on this blog? Point 6, low readership on this board? again presumption that i refer to someone else other then my own readers. I know exactly how many people read my blogs. Buy my books and read my writings. I do not presume that they are works of Shakespeare or Daniel Steel. My numbers of readers speak for themselves. This however, has nothing to do with this board, blog or readership. You assume injury where none is present. You assume insult where none is intent. However, I still thank you for your comments and thank you for reading. You are welcome upon this journey of learning and transformation that I walk upon. Hail fellow traveler. Well met!

Hello TransFormation... and welcome to TG Guide. I'm usually pretty bad about welcoming new members - thank god the women around here take up the slack in that department. But on occasion, a new member will come in with something that reels me in. This is a very open and welcoming board - mind you, it is not restricted to only those who are transgender or intersex. Instead, we fly just about every flag imaginable - including the flags that cisgender and gay people walk under. We include family, friend, ally and on occasion have even tolerated foe if it meant exposing truth, or trying to share enlightenment. There has even been one member who was not trans, whom we later decided was simply using this board as a testing ground for a novel or something. All that said, I have to admit that I don't always read blog entries either. Once again, I must be humbly and ever so grateful for some of the insatiable readers that roam these halls. A person has to come up with a pretty catchy blog title for me to put on the brakes and stop in for a while and check things out. I hope you take no offense as none is intended, but your username and Jackie Gleason-like proclamation caught my eye. Now to the meat of my introduction: 1. About half your entry is all about making sure we know you will give up no details about the woman of whom you speak. I commend you on your respect to her status as trans. I hope you will soon come to learn that respecting one's identity is the number one rule among trans and [and usually] among gay people. We do not out anyone, and those who do become a kind of pariah. What one chooses to share with us is wholey up to the individual. We, of all people, on such a site, need no such castigation. 2. Perhaps in time you will learn that it's really not necessary to announce your sexual preference/orientation. Before reading, "I am heterosexual," I had already assumed as much. As a rule, the only people who assume they will be perceived as gay are those who harbour homophobic tendancies, and/or do not believe/respect 100% that a trans woman is a woman, or that a trans man is a man. 3. In that despite your privileged status as a straight, white man, you apparently ARE subjected to some degree of unacceptance - a Frenchman who is percieved to have turned his back on his people, his culture, his heritage in being English-educated. Magnify whatever slights you have noted by 1,000 times, and you will then understand the great degree of unacceptance we endure 24/7/365. I believe if you endured that level of unacceptance, your blog entry would no doubt have a very different tone. Or at least reason for existence. 4. You are either clairvoyant or highly presumptuous in stating that no one here has ever heard of your books let alone read them, or never seen your blog. I wonder why you believe this. Do you believe trans people to be less intelligent? Perhaps we cannot afford your books? Have you determined what we are or are not interested in? 5. I'm not a woman....and I can't help but think I have an idea why she left you - the writing is, on the wall so-to-speak. Just above, in your blog entry. The answers are all there the way I see it. My apologies in advance if I am being presumptuous. Or wrong. I've been known to find my own foot in my own mouth. 6. Or are you another come here looking for more fodder to fuel the writing juices? After all, you do so bluntly comment how low readership is on this board. Makes me wonder why you are REALLY here... -Mike

it'it's definitely true that transitioning doesn't fix everything that might have been "wrong" before, but I think it's also true that living authentically can make it a lot easier to work through those things. I thought back over 2017 myself and realized that where before I just felt "not right" I can now see more clearly what things I need to work on, and also to recognize my strengths, all of which makes me more confident in my ability to grow as a woman and as a person ☺ Happy new year!!!! Xoxo Chrissy

Hi Lori and Chrissy, Thank you so much for your kind support. I feel better today, pretty much back to my old self. Depression like that is so uncomfortable but I guess it's common? I went out with a girlfriend last night for a glass of wine; her companionship helped me a lot. She also bought a Christmas present for me: a Glassy Baby candle "jar" (I guess it's called) that is hand blown. I have been wondering where my depression comes from. It all feels the same. It might be the hormones but for some reason I don't think so, at least not yet. Yes, I feel sadness about my divorce and some loneliness too. I do think that overall it's my gender dysphoria rearing its head. It's as if the euphoria that I've been experiencing the last few months has died down and I'm left with "okay, now what?" I've often read that many people realize during their transition that it's no panacea, they carry the same baggage they had before, just in a different gender. Honestly, I expected that. But then again it seems like a shock to feel the way I have been. Thankfully I have a meeting scheduled with my therapist this Wednesday morning. Lots to talk about! Best wishes to all and hopes for a wonderful 2018, Emma

Big hugs to you Emma. We all go through emotional struggles and the holidays can intensify those emotions for many of us. It's just fine to have a moment where you're not "all together." I have plenty of those times. Love the beautiful cat! They make great companions.

Emma, I'm sorry you're feeling down 😞 I certainly don't think you have anything to feel guilty about, moderator or not. Hopefully sharing helped a little, and it will no doubt help others to see the full range of experiences that we go through in transitioning (and life in general!). Having a divorce finalized is tough - I went through that awhile back too. In my case the divorce was prompted by my coming out as a gay male, it left me with a lot of guilty feelings. I hope you're doing ok! Xoxo Chrissy

Excellent point, Karen, thank you. My electrologist has said this too and I forgot to take care that I was well hydrated.

In regards to pain of electrolysis, back when I was undergoing treatment I learned that not being well hydrated would cause discomfort. In recent months I've been having facial dermaplaning done which is extremely painful if the technician is not well versed with preparing their patient as what happened to me several years ago when I first underwent the procedure while in recent times the technician uses a completely different numbing agent and no pain is felt for the most part and even when felt is manageable. I would think (knowing that I've had my face done) the same pretty much applies to having facial hair removed. And the dentist numbing for me was a must for my upper lip area. What we go through to look feminine and even for cisgender females, men have no clue