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It sounds to me that you're in a healthy place for now. That is probably good as you sort out who you really are. There may come a time when you're ready to open yourself up to someone else but no need to rush that. Haha, I can relate to the long, strange trip. It sure has been here too. As mentioned, I feel things here and there. My eyesight is getting gradually worse and my hearing isn't what it once was. All in all, life is pretty good though. Best to you in the new year.

Over 20,000 views of my site. This count is mind boggling. Maybe I can be a good influence to those I impact. Dawn Added - this is all me - wearing a sports bra and a nice running outfit - Showing two early photos to now - Can anyone see why I might be first seen as a woman now? This photo represents the best of how I feel and look today. I have changed quite a bit since I joined this site. Lost weight, longer hair, pierced ears, some breast growth, smooth small and shapely muscles, beard gone. I have reshaped and modified myself as much as I could with out going through extensive surgeries. Now much more feminine in body I am and much more aware of my being transgender. I love it when I look and feel like a woman. This is where I am and I think this is where I will remain. I expect I will take a few more steps toward physical and inward beauty. (Ask me) Thanks to all of you who have positively critiqued my photos,logs and blogs. I love and respect to all of you - Dawn

Yes, congratulations! I stopped wearing breast forms too for a couple of reasons. The first is that although at size C they are consistent with my body size they are likely much larger than what I'll grow naturally. If I grow to B's I'll be delighted. The other more pressing reason is that my breasts are very sensitive and sore at times; having those heavy breast forms on top of them was quite uncomfortable. So now I'm wearing padded B bras with a cloth-covered insert so they hold their shape. All in all much more comfortable. I have my next appt with my doctor in three weeks and based on my recent estradiol level blood test it's a safe bet she'll be increasing my estradiol dose. Yay! We'll then see if that gives them a kick-start into a higher gear!

When I say it is all me - I mean the breast and hair growth is real. I am wearing a shaping sports bra with normal padding. So neat as I do not have to wear breast forms any more. Dawn

Thanks as always for your comments. You are all special to me.

I hear you on the changes! I'm going to turn 46 soon, but am starting to notice more and more things, one of them also being eyesight. I really need to make an optometry appointment once I get things settled down (In the middle of a complicated life trajectory change my spouse sprung on me, Nikki likes suprises. LOL). I'm very sorry about your loss, and happy to see you are embracing your new life changes and making them work for you!

I have posted several photos of the look I achieved with my Dicks Sportswear - here is one of my favorite ones

​I really appreciate reading your blog, Dawn. congrats on your feminine beauty !!

One of my new bras now that I have something to cover and support.

My recent gender bender. Went to my hair stylist a couple of weeks ago wearing all women's wear including a bra. (My stylist also does my pedicures and waxes my eyebrows) She told me my hair was now finally long and was longer than most of her women customers as women currently coming to her are now getting shorter cuts. About her she has always been a tall muscular woman. Much heaver than me. She commented that it looked like I had 'lost weight" and that she liked my turquois "earrings" I said I did not think so since I had seen her last. Then I started to think she could see my bra straps or that she knew I was transgender. After she draped me in pink we got into a discussion of fitness and she told me she had increased her weight lifting to as much as two hours a day. She asked me to feel her bicep and I did and it was both large and hard. I said you can "feel mine" and she did. 'Soft' was her comment. Then she said it was "OK" and that she was going to make me beautiful and she did. She gave me a very nice feminine haircut; matching my outfit. When I saw my image when she was done I actually felt I was passable as a woman leaving her salon. The attached photo was taken after the visit; me in a dress. Dawn

Hello Lexi - Great! Item! I like the going more feminine part without trying. Dawn

Reposted from "Being Transgender not a Mental Disorder" So difficult to sort out the feelings versus the male body I have underneath. Three days ago, I just was talking to one of my best girl friends when we were at a running expo - she was part of a staff selling running skirts when I stopped at her booth. "I told her it was so unfair." (That men - feminine looking men like me - are ostracized when openly wanting to wear a cute stylish shirt in a race or run). She showed me a new product that they finally have developed. A collet short for men made of the same fabric as the shirt/s and almost a skirt in form. I bought one of these with a matching unisex headband. She actually got the same matching skirt so at some point we hope to get a picture of us both together wearing our matching outfits. The real point is even though I go to counceling about my being transgender - there is definitely something inside of me that goes beyond my desire to be a straight male in thought and body. Over time I have actually become more feminine in looks to better accommodate my feelings; I now have very long hair, two earrings I wear all of the time, a weight closer to that of a women allowing me to wear junior's shorts and tops; some new breast tissue to the point I now can and actually need to wear my new sports bras. Still I go out primarily as a male as I did in a recent running race. I remember at the race a girl runner actually saying as she walked by in a hearable voice to another runner. Isn't that a woman (Looking at me). Other guy friend said - no its a man. I am now happier in my own skin. My therapist told me it is OK to wear unisex items and girls items, shorts/tops, that are kind of unisex. She did tell me that I should not wear a skirt because of what it appears to do to my mind. But again - this is really who I am, a girl, in my mind. Dawn

Wow... lately people approaching me from behind, have been calling me "Ma'am".... often... like 3 times last week alone, since my hair is a lot longer, and legs are always shaved. I wear shorter shorts than most men, *and many women... lol .. Mid-thigh shorts or higher, I prefer higher, the shorter the better for me... I am liking it a lot.. but makes for some "awkward" moments... I like it though... says I'm doing something right... I don't go out "en femme" really, anymore.. just more feminine. Tonight though, I think I will push it more with short jean skirt, pantyhose, lipstick, heels, and painted toes.. It is a meeting that I go to, that is T-girl or crossdresser friendly, an LGBT group, sort of... I like to dress like that, and it is one of the few opportunities I have available, without shocking all of my family and friends... Great Item - see response below - Dawn

What a fun day today - new Goodwill store opened and I looked for American Eagle shorts and jeans and a sport top - I found several that fit; size 10 and 8's. I was dressed in my male clothes with a ball hat on. My longer pony tail evident as well as my earring's. One of the shoppers said to me "Mam do you know which tags are the discounts." Concerned about my voice I hesitated then I told her "the red ones." I did not try to correct her to my gender as I was in the women's section trying on women items and actually blending in. Still I was concerned that my voice was telling - still was fun - not even going out-of-my-way to look feminine and still being coded as a woman.

A shop clerk told me she really like my necklace today. I was dressed in girls jeans and a nice sport top. Not sure if she was coding me as female - but was thinking this when she talked to me. I had just got back from a beauty salon and had my hair colored, long styled shoulder length haircut and had my brows waxed. Here are a couple of shots of my hair. Adding my latest here - was at Red Lobster two days ago and the store manager asked "Ladies how was our service." (Just me and my wife). My wife said it must be the glasses and hair as I was dressed in boy mode. Then just yesterday I was going through a security point and the guard first said "sir" as I went through and then corrected himself and said "sorry I meant to say mam."

My latest Florida Adventure - Just last week I was at a swim meet in FL and when I entered the pool area, with pack on my back and bag in hand one of the regular members of the pool said to me "Mam the women's changing area is around the corner." during the period of the swim meet I was referred to as mam several times and at one restaurant the door was opened for me as the owner said "welcome in Ladies" for me and my wife. Also when I was at the meet I was actually able to notice how much bigger my chest appeared compared to some of the women there. Definitely could see how I was getting mixed up. (And enjoying it) Below are photos showing my hair - as long as I have worn it since I was in my teens. Also. one of my jogging shots (Not wearing a single men's clothing item; but a very feminine running outfit). Dawn

May latest trip to Florida resulted in several occasions of me being mistaken for a girl - on three occasions I heard either a sales clerk or a waitress call me mam. They almost always caught the mistake but the confusion was evident. The most interesting occurrence and scary was while I was in a tourist store looking at sun visors. I was wearing fairly short denim shorts, legs and arms were shaved and tan, and had my hair in a pony tail; other than that I was in fairly normal for me boy mode. I noticed a handsome guy who was looking at me and was kind of following me around the store. As I was trying to decide what visor was the best one, a pink, purple, white or blue one, he came over really close into my space and put his hand on my shoulder and started to assist me. I also noticed he appeared to have a ....-on. First I thought he worked for the store. He told me his choice for me would be the pink one. As the conservation went along he asked me for some money. No pretext - I could tell he had been drinking. At this point I became quite nervous and was worried me might try to rob me. Summoning some courage, I told him I knew he had been drinking, and that I would not give him any money. He then asked me if I could drive him home; he said I seemed like I would be a "really good girlfriend." I knew then that he was hitting on me hoping to take me home with him. He then proceeded to show me some large circular designer earrings that he thought would look good on me. I was flattered but I had become really nervous at this time and was concerned that I might need help to get away. He was fairly muscular and tall and I knew I was smaller and puny next to him so I was glad I was in a large store so I could get away from him. Still after I had put some distance between him and me I did feel a rush. Wow, he really thought I was a woman. Dawn I am attaching my latest photo - Running as a girl in Florida