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Hi there all I always stressed about the most insignificant things in the world... My looks? Will I be loved for who I am? Does my life matter at all? Am I making a difference on how people view me and others like me? Can I change the perspective of people who think less of me for not identifying with my given gender on my birth certificate? What does my family think of me? Are my friends just friends to find out if I will fail in life and my dreams? How successful will I be before and after I start medically transitioning? Could life be easier if I just take life as other think I should live it? Does my happiness count? Will I ever find a doctor who supports my decision in transitioning? Will I pass successfully? Would I get at least a 34B cup size when transitioning? Will my vagina, my purse, my sweet spot, my numph, my cookie, my vee jay jay, my oooh la laaaah ever look perfect like a naturally born cis gender female? Well, as the years passed, I became less obsessed with all of this, because my boobies, certainly decided to stop at only ??? Important only, if they appreciate my honesty in who I am and what I do. Thanks all. This wasnt long, because it was just the what if I don't then.what now, to oh screw what they think. People will.only be honestly happy for me if I'm honestly happy for myself. Hugs Michele

Dear Michele, Please let me respond . . . My looks - I focus on finding my voice, both physically and emotionally. Am a woman of size, so I work on feeling that people of all sizes and shapes are beautiful! 😉 Will I be loved for whom I am? - Always am seeking having a PURPOSE, that is, what can I contribute to my loved ones and community? 😊 Does my life matter? - Of course, your life and mine DOES matter, otherwise our Higher Power would not permit us to be on Earth. 😇 Do others like me? - Focus on having a FEW good, quality friends instead of winning a popularity contest. As for my family, I consider the T/LGBT community my family. The painful reality is that I can not make anyone like or love me. Even if I could, I wouldn't even try. 😄 Take your time to FIRST find a supportive therapist, support group and save up to attend the nearest transgender conference. Likely, your cup size will be one cup smaller than your mother's and sisters. 😯 With the right surgeon, your vagina will be indistinguishable from that of a cisgender woman's, so much so, that a gynecologist wouldn't be able to tell the difference! Have seen the vaginas of two post open transwomen (not sexually), and I could not tell the difference! 😷 As you get older, you will be less obsessed about these things, as I have! 😊 Michele, don't forget you have many friends right here, and you'll make even more (face to face) friends as you gain self-confidence. Don't forget you are going through a second (female) adolescence as you transition. 😃 Your friend, Monica

Truer words were never spoken Michele. Like you I finally attain - if only for limited time - a lack of concern about how the rest of the world perceives me. Achieving this more consistently seems so hard. It's hard to be trans, especially if like you and I, we transition. It's been particularly hard the last two days. You see, I have an appointment tomorrow in Chicago for "large volume electrolysis" where two electrologists will work simultaneously to clear my facial hair in one very long 12-hour day. They require that I have not shaved for at least 4-5 days so as you can imagine by yesterday my facial hair was quite noticeable to anyone who looked at me as I travelled from Seattle to Chicago. Today I'm holed up in a hotel room trying to survive on one rather expensive chicken salad from room service along with some nuts and instant oatmeal I brought with me. I can't stand the feeling of this beard and would be mightily tempted to shave it off if I'd brought a shaver and shave creme. Thankfully I didn't! About breast growth, I understand that too of course. I've taken to using a Noogleberry pump system morning and evening for about 45 minutes each time. I guess they're growing but it's hard to be sure. Even if they are I don't know whether they are the result of hormones, Noogleberry, or both. I plan on "Noogling" through the end of 2018 at least in the hopes of at least full B's. You wrote: "People will.only be honestly happy for me if I'm honestly happy for myself." I believe that to be true too. In general I am pretty darned happy these days and I'm finding that people around me pick up on that and are happy with for for me right back! Best wishes, Emma

Hi Monica, I could not agree more. I'm also very tuned into being mindful although it's hard at times, isn't it. It helps to be reminded, thank you! Emma