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It's been one year since my wife died--yesterday to be exact. It has certainly been a year of adjustment for me. I have had to deal with loss for sure, but it has also allowed me to come out and express myself and to be more honest about who and what I am. That has been very liberating, and the friends I have made on this site have been there with me with their sage advice and wisdom. It is much appreciated. Now today, I have made another big step in listing my house for sale. Initially, I had been hoping to keep it a while longer, but unfortunately, my income from AFLAC has not been enough to meet my expenses, and I need to downsize. Frankly, I don't need this big a house--not that it's that big--but it has a fair size yard, and all my free time seems to be spent maintaining it. I still have a little left in savings, and I want to get out while I still have a cushion. I plan to rent a mobile home locally for a while to see how that goes and how I like it. I can move anywhere now, but would kind of like to stay in Florida. Anyway, I'll keep writing about the experience--I have a lot of stuff to get rid of for starters.

After what seemed like a forever dry spell, I finally opened another account today and wrote some business. I had just come from a promising sales presentation with one company and thought I'd check up on an employer who had put me off the last time since she just didn't have the time. Today she was ready and we just did it. I wasn't expecting that, but I'll take it. I have been seriously considering doing something else, but I really would like this to work. I have some more promising things coming up. We'll see. Eventually, I will downsize, but I'm not ready yet if I can help it. I like my privacy and being able to do pretty much what I want--not that I do much. Just me and my puppies.

We're under our standard flood warning here in Broward County which happens just about everytime it rains. In this case, the whole state is involved as TS Alberto chugs its way through the Gulf toward the panhandle. Although we won't take a direct hit, we will still get our share of heavy rain and wind. Fortunately, I just had my roof repaired--again--and I am staying dry. But I wasn't able to get my usual yard work done today and have had a pretty relaxing day. A girl needs one of those on occasion, don't you think? So now I am nestled in my den with my two poodles and en femme for the evening. I just read a long article in New York magazine (I think) about Caitlyn Jenner. The reporter was trans, so the piece was sympathetic. Caitlyn's views and politics have brought her a lot of controversy from the trans community as you know. Even though I don't agree with her, I still have to admire her courage for coming out and being her true self. She sure brought transgender to the forefront, at least for a while. We seem to be going backwards again. I watched Fahrenheit 451 on HBO last night. I hadn't read the book, but the movie got a decent review. It was good, and I could relate as an old English teacher how out-of-fashion reading is getting--at least as far as books are concerned. If we as a society become illiterate, we are more susceptible to demagogues, and I think we are seeing that right now in our country. I am hopeful we can pull ourselves out of it. Anyway, I also read an article in Inc. Magazine about 10 things we should do every day to become smarter and one of them was to write 400 words a day. I don't know how many this is, but it's a start. Hope all is well. More tomorrow.

Hello everyone. It's been a while. I've been waiting to hit my next goal before writing, but with one week to go, I'm not sure I can make it. It is rather unlikely, but I haven't given up. Anyway, this place is the only place I know to tell my story and have an appreciative audience. A while back after my wife died, I let my hair down, so to speak, and began dressing in earnest as I was unable to do so previously. I was a regular member of the Cross-Dressing chat room, and I received many helpful tips from the girls--one of which was making good use of thrift stores to build a wardrobe. And so I went to our local Goodwill store and bought several dresses including a somewhat outrageous (at least to me) leopard print dress. It quickly became one of my favorites, and I actually received some nice comments from the pictures I shared. Fast forward to the present in which I recently opened an account with a Private Investigator/bail bond agency. The owner and his wife are African-American and have taken me under their wing and have become friends and are trying to help me with my business. Greg, the owner, belongs to an exclusive downtown club, The Tower Club, (maybe you've heard of it), and invited me to a mixer there so that I could make some more contacts. Well, when I arrived, I was greeted by Sandie, his wife, wearing you know, almost the identical leopard print dress that I have in my closet. I have to admit that it looks better on her that on me, but I think it is so funny. Anyway, that is my story. I will let you all know how my next week ends. Wish me luck.

So, I get in another crash this week. The car in front of me decides at the last moment to make a left turn from my lane and hangs out into it. I stopped in time; the car behind me did not. He tried to avoid hitting me, but no luck. The offending car took off, and the two of us waited for the police to show up. Anyway, my car is back in the shop and I have a rental. My car has SiriusXM and I always listen to music, either rock or classical. Now I have regular radio which I can’t stand, so I listen to NPR. Lots of interesting stuff. I heard two stories today regarding Pakistan. One about Malala returning, it seems triumphantly as it should be. The other about a transgender person becoming a prominent television news anchor. It turns out that Pakistan is a conflicted country, at once progressive and tribal in nature. And although it is somewhat striking for a transgender person to have a high-profile position, being transgender in Pakistan is taken for granted. Homosexuality is not. Go figure. It seems to me the acceptance of gender and sexual differences is all about culture and custom. It can change—even here. BTW, no one was hurt in the crash. Fortunately, I won’t have to pay the $8000 repair bill.

Yesterday was my wife's birthday, so it has been a bit of a poignant weekend. As it is, I have created my own little world, and overall, it seems to suit me quite well. My wife used to say that I really didn’t need anybody since I was so self-contained. I hate to think that’s the case, but there is truth to it. I have such a routine with the dogs and the house and everything needs to be on schedule. I really doubt that anyone would want to put up with that. I certainly don’t want to wish myself on someone at this point. Besides, I don’t want to take on anymore heartache and tragedy. I have absolutely zero desire to go out. I do make myself go to evening Chamber of Commerce functions—some anyway, and I am obligated to attend AFLAC awards parties, although I go under duress. I don’t drink anymore either and this is a party crowd. I’m just so content to be at home in the evening, dressed in comfy clothes, and looking out after my puppies. It’s quiet on the weekends. During the week, my phone chimes often with texts from my boss and co-workers. I still hear from family and friends, so I do have social life of sorts. It seems to work.

I have enjoyed reading everyone's experiences in acknowledging their gender roles--some good, some awkward given the culture we live in. As I have written before, I am content now to be able to wear feminine clothing on my own and feel comfortable doing it. I have to thank the girls at TG Guide for being supportive and empathetic. I believe that if we do nothing else in life, we need to be there for each other. We're all we have, and we're all in this together. I love you all. On another note, I opened my first business account all by myself today, and do I feel smart. It was a small beauty salon, and fortunately, the owner was a lovely lady who was very patient with me. I go back this Sunday after everyone is out of church to complete the enrollments. This makes three barber shops and now one salon that I have opened. Maybe, I have found my niche. I am going to the speed networking event at the Chamber of Commerce on Monday evening. That should be an experience for sure. More to come on that later.

I was thinking (always a dangerous thing) yesterday as I wandered around my backyard about my life as it stands now. I obviously have spent my whole life getting to this point, and as the Grateful Dead sing: What a long, strange trip it's been.Being truly on my own for the first time--ever--is an amazing experience, and I have the opportunity to live out my remaining years as I choose. It's all on me now. I find that refreshing. So far, I have not felt any overwhelming loneliness--which I understand can kill you as bad a smoking. I am so used to working on my own whether it be around the house or on the job. I don't seem to have a lot of spare time, but I am going to make sure I carve out time for me. My wife has not been gone that long, and I do have some down times, but I am able to snap out of it. Maybe I'm just cut out to be alone. There are advantages such as no one telling you what to do or that you did it wrong--like Chrissie Hynde sings in her song. You can tell that I get a lot of my life's philosophy from songs. I have no interest in dating at this point nor do I foresee that ever happening. I have no room in my house now for another person--there is very little closet space. As you know, being a crossdresser takes a lot of room since I have two wardrobes. So, all in all, life isn't bad. My body is still functioning although my age is beginning to show and my eyesight is not as good as it once was. I'll keep barreling ahead as long as I can. We'll see what the new year brings.

I told my District Sales Coordinator (DSC), Rich, who has become my friend and mentor, that, in my opinion, the hardest thing about sales is rejection. But now, I think that one learns how to deal with that; it's disappointment that's the hardest thing, and last week was a disappointing week. I had a fair amount of potential business in my pipeline, but they seem to be withering away for one reason or another. It boils down to getting people to make a commitment, and we are not a priority for them at this time. So, it becomes a matter of keeping one's head up and soldering on. I'm doing my best. I still have quite a few prospects lined up, so I'm not exactly washed up, and I did make another couple of appointments today. They would be small accounts, but they all add up. I'm going to start doing employer presentations on my own on Monday. Rich has been great about helping me out, but he has other commitments, and it's time I spread my wings and learn to fly on my own. We'll see how I do. A couple will be even more challenging as I will need to use my limited Spanish to do some of my explanations. I'll have some help, but it should be interesting. As I have mentioned previously, I have dropped out of the chatroom for which I feel some guilt, but it wasn't working for me anymore. I feel bad about leaving some of the people I met behind, but I think it is a good decision. I felt too stifled, and it was becoming too much of an obligation and an effort. I think at some point I will need to find another group to join, but I'm not much of a joiner. I like my routine and it's difficult to break.. I should do more on weekends. Anyway, I am watching a little more TV--news and movies--and reading more. I like Public TV. I watched a Ron Howard documentary on the Beatles touring years last night which was a lot of fun. I sitll like the music after all these years. We'll see what the coming week brings.

I'm going to ramble tonight which is what I usually do anyway. My 75th birthday on Friday passed quietly as expected. Funny that I got more congratulations from my neighbors and co-workers than my own family. My sister sent me a short text--no card this year; and I didn't even hear from my brother. One daughter texted that a late card was coming--she is always late; the other called a day later. My erstwhile son didn't bother either, but we have only recently re-established communication so maybe that's not surprising. A few congrats and likes on Facebook and Linkedin. Another day in the life. I did reconnect with my chatroom friends. I haven't been dressing as much and don't feel right about entering the chatroom en homme. Also, it has been late when I finally get finished with all my paperwork and organizing that I'm not up to spending a lot of time there. After a full day, I am ready for bed. (I have been tempted to use "just" so many times. I think I am getting better at eliminating it from my usage.) As I have mentioned previously, I have several potential account openings this week. The appointments have been set up, and we are ready to open my first business accounts. I have quite a few things in the pipeline now, so I am hopeful that at least some will happen. I am doing this for the money of course--that's why you get into sales, after all--but even more importantly for me, I am trying to prove to myself that I can do it. I have tried numerous times before, and while I have not been a total failure, I have not set the world on fire either. This feels different in that I am able to give it my all, and even more importantly, I am not desperate for the money--eventually, maybe--but not for quite a while. So, what will be, will be as the song says. My expectations are moderate. I think my sales coordinator is more optimistic. He is now counting on my to make his district quota for new account openings. Then with that, I have to get my dogs to the groomer on Tuesday morning. I have my monthly eye injection on Wednesday afternoon followed my the Comcast tech coming to install a new internet for me. Friday, I've been invited to a Thanksgiving lunch at my previous employer, PACE Center of Girls. Busy indeed. BTW, I did get dressed tonight for a short visit--skirt and blouse and a pearl necklace. Simple.

Here are some more tales from your blogging road warrior. Anyone who has been in sales knows that it is a roller coaster with highs and lows coming almost hourly. This week was no different. I started early Monday morning before our 9:00 meeting and set one appointment right away. It was to be my last of the week. I struggled Monday, Tuesday, and Wednesday doing follow-ups and breaking new territory--for me anyway. Nada. I can't say it was a total loss because I did uncover some promising businesses that will warrant a call back next week. But for the most part, it was heavy slogging either not being able to see the decision maker, or getting a flat out no, or finding out that the company already had AFLAC or a competitor. (Note: We don't replace existing policies. We provide coverage where none exists) So it was a matter of carrying on believing that it would work out eventually. As I mentioned previously, I had four appointments on Thursday to open accounts. The first one went very well, and the owner we dealt with ending up buying just about every policy we presented to her. Unfortunately, her husband was not present. More on that later. The next stop, not quite as well. Our owner here is getting married this month and has a lot on her mind besides opening an account with AFLAC. Still my District Service Coordinator (DSC) persevered and we did establish a group for the company. Enrollments will wait until the middle of December, after the wedding. Our next one required some more deliberation and consultation with outside partners, so no group set up. I think it will still fly eventually. And there was a glitch in our last meeting in that Rich (DSC) had arranged for a Spanish speaker to give a presentation to employees of a pre-school, but he bailed at the last moment, and no replacement was available. Addtionally, the owner of the pre-school was not available so we wouldn't be able to move forward anyway. We'll reschedule. Rich does not have high hopes for this one. We met with one other potential client later that afternoon, however, and that shows some promise. So, here it is Friday morning, and Rich is up early and wants to meet me to wrap up the first client. Our owner, Sophia, is a real gem. She is sharp and a straight shooter. But, the husband wanted to be involved, so we had to wait for him to show up which took most of the morning. Rich had to re-sell everything again, but in the end it was a go with two polices yet to be decided. It was still a good sale, especially for a small company, and the owners made smart choices on their coverage. Rich and I came back to my house to work on the computer. We finally got the other employees enrolled and the account was transmitted to AFLAC. It was a little messy, but we got her done. Rich says you always remember the first one. So it ended well, and I'll get a nice commission check by Tuesday plus an additional $150 bonus for making my fast start level and I also get free business cards now. Now that was fun. I have an ambitious goal to open 10 new accounts by the end of the year. With what I have in the pipeline, that is not out of the question. We'll see. I don't want to get overly excited or optimistic, but I also want to enjoy the moment. I did work for it after all. More and more, I think my involvement with TG Guide is going to be right here. As I have previously alluded to, the chatroom has gotten to be more of a chore for me. I hate to say that and maybe I'm being selfish, but the conversations have gotten so repetitive, and sometimes it's difficult to even get anyone to say anything. I still like to dress, and I am glad there are places where you can go and be yourself, but it's not where my head is at right now. I don't need to be told what I need to do to be feminine. I can do that well on my own, thank you. What I would like is stimulating conversation on a variety of topics. Not really into tweeting though; that seems to get nasty at times. So I'll just hang out here. This works for me Until next time...

I can't say that I have had much trans activity this past week. I have just been too pooped at the end of the day along with a lot of follow-up paperwork that needs doing to even think about dressing. The only dress I want to see is my nightie. It's not all bad, really, although it will be better when things finally start to pop. I am making a lot of approaches and setting appointments, but then there are always those that fall through for one reason or another. The two really good ones I have has so far this week won't make a decision for another six months. Nothing happens fast, that's for sure. I have four presentations scheduled for the morning, so maybe one of them wiill come through. I have been working some with a co-worker, Kathy, whom I have previously mentioned. As I said, she is very sharp and was a big person in IT with American Express making major bucks as she tells it. But she loves to talk, and takes soooo looong to do things, that it does get to me. She also obsesses over her prospects that are not happening and just eating up more of her time. I have to keep moving. If you are serious, fine. If not, I have others to see. Some agents do very well working with a partner. I'm so used to being on my own. My wife used to say that I don't really need anybody. It was a harsh statement. Maybe, it's true. I do enjoy good company, but it's hard to fine people with interests similar to mine, or maybe interesting people period. I will say that I have met interesting and alive people here at this website. I am grateful that it is here.

This was a busy week, but lately, aren't they all? AFLAC was running a contest to kick start the quarter, so we were all encouraged to go out there and rack up some good numbers. The ones who reached a certain level would be invited to a fancy downtown bar--Blue Martini--this coming Monday. I was a little handicapped since I had a full day of training on Tuesday, and another hald a day training on Thursday. Additionally, on Monday I worked with someone else which was a little different for me. Kathy has been in the business a little bit longer than me and is just starting to make some headway. She is sharp and has a good approach, although she is much more analytical than I am and is more selective of the businesses she calls on. I may get that way, but right now I don't do much discriminating. Pretty much, if it's got a door, I'll go in. Still, we ended the day with 53 approaches and one appointment set. Wednesday, after my second time through Level 1 sales school, I really pounded the pavement and made 79 approaches and set 7 business appointments and 1 direct sale appointment. As some of you may know, sales is an up and down deal. On Thursday, after my morning training, I went out and made 43 approaches and came up empty-handed. i even went downhill as I lost one of the appointments I had previously set--I wasn't terribly disapponted in this one as it was pretty iffy to start with. My boss gave me some encouraging words last night, and I bounced back with 23 approaches today and 4 appointments set. Kathy also did an employer presentation for me which went well. Hopefully, it will translate into some enrollments and get me on the board. So, this weekend I will catch my breath and get myself organized the for comng week. I have 10 appointments with employers and Kathy and my boss Rich are going to do them for me. I haven't been to Level 2 training yet, so I don't know enought to do them on my own. I will have a lot more leeway when I can make my own presentations. So, little by little I seem to be getting there. It does take time and there is a lot to learn. In due time. BTW, I am invited to the Blue Martini on Monday. I don't drink anymore, but hopefully the food will be good. I will try to post the picture that was taken at training. I put it on facebook and have gotten a lot of likes and comments.

I had a good day. I have been going like mad trying to get my prospecting numbers in for the week, and then having to spend time with my District Sales Coordinator, that I have been a little scattered. So, I pretty much took the day for me to get my parts together. I organized my employer contacts that showed some promise and did some recalls this morning. Nothing major, but I did secure one appointment for my efforts. I also sent out some emails to businesses that I can't reach any other way--I'm not holding my breath on those. But I also sent my former employer, PACE Center for Girls, an email asking them to consider AFLAC. At least here I know the principals. I don't know what will come of it, but it would be a big account if it materialized. Worth a shot. I also reached out to the handyman who did our house remodeling. He and his wife befriended both Sue and me, and he gave his condolences. I hope to see him again soon. I also got dental insurance today from the same carrier I had at PACE. Of all things, I can't get a policy from ALAC--too old. The cutoff is 70. I'm just three weeks shy of 75. Anyway, I have pretty decent coverage again through Metlife which I will need since I'm contemplating an implant in January. I need to keep up with my dental hygiene. My last thing of the day was to finally finish my credentials for the AFLAC policy writing platform. I have been having a devil of a time getting the software to cooperate, and have spent way too much time talking to tech support and customer service. In the end, I got it to work so now I know how to set up an employer and enroll employees. I passed the test and got my certificate. Whew! This weekend, I will be planning with my prospecting partner, what areas we will hit. I also have a laundry that is piling up, and I will need to do some ironing. Good old youtube. I'm getting a little better at it. That's it for now. See you later.

So, I just now finished reading a rather lengthy article by Alex Mar in Wired, courtesy of my Flipboard app, called "Love in the Time of Robots." It's about Professor Hiroshi Ishiguro, who builds beautiful androids, humanoids if you will. It gets deep fast as we delve into what it is to be human and how we relate to each other. Now, after a day of doing weekend chores--shopping, mowing, setting up a new laptop, doing my social obligations, and having dinner of the lasagna that my neighbor brought me the other night--fortunately I was dressed normally, and not in some of the get-up i usually wear later in the evening--I find myself in a somewhat pensive mood. (Boy, that was a long sentence.) My earliest remembrances as a child were about what am I actually. At a very early age, and being brought up Catholic, I could attach a label, "child of God." But, it never ended there and I'm still trying to figure out life--a heavy duty trip, a friend of mine once told me. I am a fan of Eric Barker and his blog, "Barking Up the Wrong Tree." He writes about of lot of life and living based on neuroscience and influenced by the teachings of the Stoics. His contention is that we are not only our thoughts. In other words, our thoughts are not who we are. I have to agree. i have long held the view that the mind and the body are one, and that who we are is as much a matter of our physicality as our thinking. When I was in the seminary in college, a friend and I contended that every encounter had an element of sexuality involved. It drove our priest-professors nuts. Maybe that was the idea. There is also the notion--and I'm thinking this as I write--that our brains are physical too. Eric Barker says that when we learn, our brain structure actually changes. We are constantly forging new pathways and new neural connections--that is, if we continue to learn. If we stay stuck in our patterns of thinking, the rut keeps getting deeper. I think some people have a hard time changing because they have invested so much into one way of thinking. They don't want to lose all that effort they put into building the structure, even if it doesn't work. So, anyway, I had dinner, and finished reading my article, and had a little chair nap. I then brushed my teeth and had my shower, and then what. I wasn't feeling particularly feminine or playful or girly, but our of habit, I put on a pair of panties and a bra, and then I thought maybe I'll wear my new metallic pants but with a red VS top, then my fake pearl necklaces and bracelet. That is what I'm wearing now. So, how does that change my thinking and my mood? Tonight, not too much. Other times, a whole different personality. Usually, I feel different depending on what I'm wearing whether it be a sharp men's suit or a dress. Brain change--maybe. Basically, at this time of the day, I just put on whatever, because I can. My boss told me to de-AFLAC over the weekend, so that's what I'm doing. But, getting back to who we are. Some say that we are our choices. I think also maybe our values. Maybe we should just be. Zorba says to his English boss. "You think too much." Or as Kipling says, to think and not make thoughts our aim. And with that, enough thinking for the evening. I'll see of there are any other girls to chat with. Bye.

On Sunday, I finally got around to cleaning out my wife's medicine cabinet in the bathroom. I am still going through bathroom stuff--I gress I have been putting it off. It's strange going through someone else's personal belongings. My wife and I were together for over 30 years, although we were not intimate for the last 14 years or so. She couldn't deal with the idea of dressing let alone the physical expression of it. I think it became so ingrained in her thinking that she couldn't modify her stance. And then 8 years ago, she go cancer, so that was another chapter. And then, we had the aftermath of all the treatments, wh​​ich virtually left her house bound.​ Massive diarrhea. She sometimes spent most of her day, and night, in the bathroom. Both of us cleaned a lot of messes. Many trips to the doctors over the years with little improvement. In the end, we did make some headway with her bowels, but then COPD kicked in, and that seemed to be the last straw. Her body just wore out. So, going through her things, you see what someone does to cope with life as it is. In her case, it was a fear of running out of something, so she has loads of medicine and you name it. I think I have enough food in the house to last a year. Just need to buy fresh things. I wonder what someone will think when they go through my things. I think I want someone who knows who I am. So, I am super busy with my new career. Lots of meetings and training and courses to take on line. Right now my prospecting is in the hard grind phase because it's all I know how to do at the moment. I do have a direct sale opportunity pendintg with one of my neighbors who I think will buy and accident policy. Yesterday, after Monday meeting, I spent three hours walking around our local industrial parks, stopping in businesses, and trying to make appointments. Hard go. I stopped in 51 businesses, talked to 20 decision makers DMs, and got zero appointments. I did get some positive responses, however. So, it will be worthwhile to call back. Today, I did 43 stops, with 8 DMs, and did get two appointments. I think it will get easier. I'm sure getting my exercise and fresh air if nothing else. I had a teeth cleaning this morning, and I had to tell Trish, our hygienist, that Sue had died. I had previously let the office know, but word never got back to her. We had both gotten to be good friends with Trish, and so I had to tell the story again. I think everyone knows by now. I told Trish that I thought of her every time I brushed my teeth. So that's it for today's edtion. I do have to rein in my clothes shopping, at least a little. Now I have to buy a laptop for work, but that's a business expense, and it looks like i can get what I need for around $250 at Walmart. Not bad. But then, we still get all these catalogs in the mail, and I ended up buying a posture bra from AmeriMark. I just couldn't resist, and besides, I do need to improve my posture--right?

Here it is, Saturday night, a party night for some, and I sit in my den typing on the computer, my two dogs with me, asleep as usual. I am fairly dressed up. I am wearing pantyhose, which I don't do as often as I should. They feel and look good on me, but often I'm just too lazy to make the effort, or they aren't right for what else I'm wearing. With the animal print dress, they are just right. And for now, I have overcome the need for a strapless bra by just tucking in the straps-duh. I could cut them off, I suppose, but I don't want to ruin the bra. It's an inheritance from my wife. She wore a 36C for most of her life, and now they fit me, even without an extender. I used to be a 40 long in a suit coat, then 38, and now my chest is down to 36. The incredible shrinking man. I have lost about 10 pounds since Sue died. I am eating, but not a lot of heavy food for the most part. I am vain enough to want to keep my girlish figure, but I don't want to be too thin either-- not healthy and doesn't look good. (Talk about random thoughts--more like meandering thoughts.I really need to meditate on a regular schedule.) So, anyway, with all that said, I'm good. You'd think that now that I'm on my own and can do whatever I please, I would get out more, but I really don't have any desire, and I don't have anyone to go out with anyway. This is better. I go down the street every afternoon around 4 with my two puppies to give them their afternoon outing and stop at old friends of ours, Dave and Jeanie. Dave is a retired stone mason of almost 83 and Jeanie his wife is a few years younger. Both are pretty conservative to say the least, but for some reason, both Sue and I became good friends with Dave. He has his shortcomings--don't we all--but he has always been good to us, and he is easy to talk to. Jeanie is a bit of a constant complainer, which does get a litle wearing, but she means well, and is always ready to help. That is the extent of my social life except of course for here and the chat room. And with that said, I think I'll head that way. I'm sure Andrea is waiting for me, and we'll see who else shows up tonight. One never knows.

I have been pretty absorbed with AFLAC this week, which is perfectly natural as it is my new career and I want to do well. I am encouraged starting out and believe that in time I will develop a rhythmn and a daily routine. Right now, my week is pretty chopped up with required online courses and meetings. Also, i will be dependent on my sales manager for the time being and have to work around his busy schedule. For example, I can't make appointments until I know when he'll be available since I don't yet know how to present proposals to prospects. In due time. I spent a couple of hours with another newer agent this morning, Donna, a very nice and sharp young lady of 60--I'm getting to the point where most people are younger than me. LOL Anyway, she has had a previous career in banking and IT, and is now starting out like me on a new career with AFLAC. Interesting. Like all of us, she was a little timid starting out, but is doing very well now. Her advice is to give it time and effort. I'm i n. Now, with all of that, I still make time to get a littl e dre ssed up in the evenings--I am a crossdresser, you know. I found a crossdressing superstore online that happens to be in the same industrial park that I worked this week. I tried to stop in there this afternoon, but no one was there. It might be more of an online store. I did end up setting up an account with them and ordering a pair of sheers (as the British say) and a garter belt.) I also wrote to them to ask if they have store hours or maybe would open by appointment. It's a family-owned business, but I will mention AFLAC to them. I think I mentioned before, maybe I could target the trans friendly stores in our area. Might be fun. On a whim, and because I decided to hold off buying a new cell phone and got a greatly reduced rate now that I am only paying for one, I ordered an a kind of outrageous outfit from JLUXLABEL. I got it because it is somewhat outre--clingy and metallic. Just for fun. I'm in a long skirt that I got at the thrift shop tonight with a satiny blouse that I bought from the Chinese company. I also am wearing a bosomy bra and some fashion jewelry. A little lipstick. Pretty comfy and casual tonight. And so on to the chore-filled weekend.

I guess everything is finally catching up with me. I have been pretty much in a whirlwind since my wife died in July what with one thing and another. I have kept myself super busy while at the same time trying to make room for some social life which consists of daily visits to my friends down the block and chats with the girls. I have not minded being alone for the most part, I have to admit. I have enjoyed the freedom to be able to dress when at home and wear whatever feels right at the time. Otherwise, my life hasn't changed a whole lot. I am a homebody for the most part, and anyone who has a house knows, THEY ARE A LOT OF WORK! Most of which I don't mind doing--I like it when the place looks good, and I like being outside. Even when Sue was alive, I spent a good part of my day doing household chores. Today, I got my new checks in the mail with only my name on them. Maybe that brought home the fact that I am truly on my own now. I'm not going to apoligize for feeling a litte down or sad. I think I'm entitled to some of that and I don't want anyone who reads this to feel that I need a lot of sympathy--well, a little maybe, but I'm basically okay. I read recently that it's not even healthy to try to be super positive, rah-rah, all the time. It's not natural. We all have our rhythms, and this is part of mine. I must say that it feels better just to write about it and put my thoughts and feeling on paper. i did make the effort to get cleaned up tonight, and that felt good. I am dressed pretty casually, still in girl clothes but simply. I think I need something fun to read. I haven't read a good book in a while. I'm missing that. I say hi to the girls and crawl in bed with something good. Nght all.

Yesterday was a busy day. The debris pile in front of my house leftover from Irma was finally picked up. Quite an operation! Big truck with a big clamshell picker-upper. I still had to do some raking and cleaning for the smaller stuff and leaves, but at least it's clean now. Today, I'll pick up some top soil to fill in the holes left from the tree trunks, and then coax the grass to fill in. I also had a maintenance call for my ac--routine. It's pretty new and everything checked out. I spent the rest of the morning cleaning up my palm trees which needed a lot of work. We overcommtted with palms really not having any idea what we were doing. They are pretty, but messy and require a lot of maintenance. I'm going to start paring down. I also received my insurance license from the state, so now I'm ready to start work as soon as I hear back from the folks at AFLAC. I let them know, but no word as of yet. One of the first jobs I applied for, and didn't accept, when I was laid off from PACE Center for Girls sent me an email asking me to apply for a different position. I declined. I might have looked into it had it come sooner, but I am looking forward to my new endeavor. One other thing that is happening is that I have reconnected with my son. His mom and I divorced when he was 8, and since then we have had a very distant relationship at best. I made several half-hearted attempts over the years to reach out, but with no results. But, it's been on my mind since my wife died, so I thought I'd give it another shot. I sent him and email, and, wonder of wonders, he responded with a nice letter back. We have communicated a couple of time since then as I needed his SSN for my life insurance policy, but I am relieved that maybe we can get on with our lives and be in touch again. He lives in California so I doubt I will see him anytime soon, but this is good for now. Oh, and I did get a package in the mail from Light-in-the-Box--two blouses that I had ordered ages ago. For the most part I like their things, but it takes like forever to get here. One of the tops will hve to go back, unfortunately. The other is on to stay. Better than anticipated. Very soft and feminine. I don't mind being a man out in the world, but I sure like being a gurly-girl at home. We'll see what kind of trouble I can get into today. Later.

Just a quick update to my closet project. I did get the shelving rearranged. Ended up drilling more holes than was necessary, but, hey, I got the job done, right? Anyway, the big job is still ahead--namely making some order out of what I have. I thought my wife had a lot of clothes. Well, I am no slouch in that department. I need to divest myself of things that I haven't worn for years. I continue to find things that I thought were lost as well. My closet goes way back into a dark hole where nothing ever sees the light of day. It is useless and I am going to use it strictly for storage. Short blog tonight. We'll see how my organizational skills are tomorrow. I have a feeling that I will be moving things around for some time to come until I get it right. By the way, I did pull out one of my thrift shop dresses to wear tonight. I forgot whose advice it was to put the dress on backwards to zip up and then wriggle it around to the front. It worked. I'm not sure about the dress. It's kind of a mother-of-the-bride type affair, strapless, full-length and chiffony. Still trying to get it to work. Might not be my look. Later.

Well, the big news today is that Dave and I got the generator running, finally. It was not without a lot of words that I can't print here and some assembling and reassembling, but in the end, the thing ran like a top--like a new engine, as we replaced a lot of the key parts. What a relief! I've been fussing with this thing for almost two weeks now. I also got my house foundation shored up so the water doesn't pool against it. I am hoping that prevents any further seepage when the next major storm hits. Two big things off my plate. So, anyway, as I have previously mentioned, I am planning on moving into my wife's old bedroom and have now donated virtually all of her clothes. (I did find yet another box of shorts that she made. She was making a pair everyday for years and they did pile up.) So, now I have all of her clothes out of the dressers and her walk-in closet, and I am beginning to move my things in. It was then I began to realize how poorly set up was the shelving in her closet. I wish I had realized it sooner. The previous owner--who did a lot of things on the cheap--had placed one set of shelvingso high that you needed a step stool to reach anything down. Then the shelf under it blocked the hanging of anything long. This is going to be a major consideration for me as I plan to buy some formal dresses and gowns as I can afford them, and I want them to be able to hang out. So, this afternoon, I took the first step and took out the shelving on one side. I only need to take out a small shelf on the other side, but when I am done, I should have the closet configured to be much more user friendly. As you can see, it may be a little longer before I make the move. ​Be back soon. Stay where you are, and don't touch that dial. LOL

Life seems to have gotten exceptionally busy of late. I just have a lot on my plate, and I may have to take a look at what's most important that needs doing. The aftermath of Irma is still claiming a fair share of my time. I have been working with my nrighbor, Dave, to get my generator going again so that it is ready for the next hurricane. The part that I ordered did come in today, but that was another hour and a half to run up to Green Thumb to pick it up--after waiting 30 minutes in line. Tomorrow we'll reassemble the generator and just hope it runs. It should--we've replaced all we could. Then I had some water seepage in my bedroom from the storm and I have been working around the foundation to try to alleviate and future water damage. It wasn't severe. The carpet got damp and it dried rather quickly. I just don't want to deal with mold and mildew. Hopefully, my fix will work. Oh, I also had a tree taken out yesterday. It had broken in half and cost me $300 to have it cut down and removed--big tree. Fortuanately, this is coming to a close. I also have been moving ahead to clean out all of my wife's clothes, and today I took most of them to the Women in Distress thrift store. I thought I pretty well had finished, except I found more clothing under the bed in plastic containers. Little by little, I have been going through all of my clothes as well. I have a lot that can go. I am making progress on moving into the other bedroom. It will take several more days, but at least it's underway. In the meanwhile, my male and female attire are a bit scattered and in need of more organizing for me to start dressing up a bit more in the evenings. A main priority right now is completing my insurance license course. There are 18 sections to the course which covers Life and Health insurance, and it does require some serious study to understand all the concepts. It's a lot of material, but I am making headway here as well and should be well ready to take the exam next Monday. I just want to make a word here about dressing. It goes without saying that I love to wear women's clothing and accessories. I am a crossdresser, after all. On the other hand, I don't mind my male role in which I spend most of my day. As long as I can express my feminine side, I am okay with it. I am also definitely heterosexual. I like women in all shapes and sizes. In my previous confused state, I often wondered whether I wanted to be with a beautiful woman, or be that beautiful woman. As it turns out, I want both. I'm not a either or kind of person. And on top of that, I now have more of a social life which needs tending. I make it a practice to see my neighbors, Dave and Jeanie, at least once a day, even if it's only for a short visit. My brother and my sister as well as my two step-daughters have been more active in texts and phone conversations. And then, of course, there are my new-found friends in the CD chatroom. I do feel an obligation to check in daily to at least say hello. So there it is as of now. I don't see things slowing down at all. I will be starting work soon, and that will be another new ball game. Stay tuned.

On my feminine journey, I am constantly trying on new clothing and changing it around to see how it works. While going through my wife's things, I had try on just about anything that I thought would work. To my delight, many did and are now stashed away before my well-meaning friends and neighbors can send them away. My neighbor, Jeanie, did come yesterday to get a few things for herself. I had invited her to do this as she is a friend as well and has been helpful to me since Sue's death. The remaining items are up for donation anyway. I did give some to Goodwill. I also donated to hurricane relief for Puerto Rico. Jeanie also suggested Women in Distress, and I think the remaining items will go there. Much of what Sue had was either new or practically so. I am glad that someone--besides me--will get some good use out of them. But I digress. Some of the things I purchased myself worked well, and others not as much. I am still learning what sizes to buy, and what works on my frame and what doesn't. I have begun to send some things back that just don't work. I found, however, that some dresses and rompers work as well or better when tried on backwards. For one thing, I am more easily able to zip them up, and they actually look good going the other way. There are times when it would be nice to have a partner, but this works for now. And that's all I have to say about that for now.

My life on my own is following pretty much the same pattern as when my wife was alive. I normally am en homme during the day while I go about my daily work and chores and my ineractions with the outside world. At 5:00, evening begins with feeding my two poodles and having dinner myself followed by a walk with Henry, the older dog--Preston used to go, but he doesn't like to walk in the evening so he stays home. After the boys have had their "special treat," I plop in the recliner for a short nap--we both were famous for doing this and I have not changed my habit. It's after nap time that thngs have changed. Now it's time to bathe and shave and get dressed for the evening. This can take up to an hour depending on what I decided to wear and how fancy I get. Tonight, I'm fairly simple in capris with a halter top, necklace and bracelet. I did take time tonight to paint my toenalls which have been bare for a week. That is a bit of a challenge for me to get them right without being too messy. I still have to do some clean-up where I brush over. I can see where it would be so nice to have nails done. Maybe one day. Anyway, then I have been taking pictures of me in whatever I'm wearing so I have a record of my progress, ot lack thereof. This takes a little time, since I have to arrange the shots and get my camera and tripod set up right. I must say I am delighted with the tripod. It gives me so much more freedom to shoot the kind of pictures I'm looking for. After the shooting, I go to my computer to arrange them in an album by date. I am using an iphone 6 to take pictures and this page won't let me upload them. I'll keep trying. Next, I log onto the forums page and write my little blog for the day. This will be a little different now that I am studying to take my insurance license exam. I did finish my lesson and got a 93.3% on the quiz. Darn! i am supposed to get 100%. I'll do better next time. And lastly, I log into the CD chatroom to visit with the girls. Hopefully, there will be someone to talk to tonight. Au revoir.

I had hoped to be doing something work-related today, either working on my insurance license course or substitute teaching. Neither happened. Instead, I did more clean-up around the water feature in the backyard and got the fountain going again. I'm still getting things back together after Irma. Fortunately, it looks like Maria is going to miss us. Things were going well enough until I tried to get my generator started again. No go. So, I called neighbor Dave to see if he could help. He gave me some ideas over the phone. Eventually, going back and forth a few times, he decided to come down and have a look for himself. He's pretty good with this stuff, but he's also 82, and he had never worked on a machine like I have. So, it was a learning experience for both of us. After several attempts to get the carburetor float valve bowl to stop leaking gas, and turning the generator upside down everytime we tried to get it back together, Dave thought it would be a good idea to pull the carburetor off so he could work on it in his workshop. Now we were getting somewhere. Except we had to figure out how to get the careburetor off--not that easy. So, I looked on Youtube and found out I needed to take the two holding bolts off with a 5/32 wrench. Pretty small, and I didn't have one. Fortunately, Dave did, and after more struggles, we got the darn thing off. I went and bought a new spark plug as well. It was prett fouled. And so at this point, the machine is still torn down. but I think we're making progress. We'll see if we can get it running tomorrow. I have a roofing guy coming at 9 to fix my leaking roof. I also have to go to the eye doctor tomorrow for my monthy eye injection. Sounds like a fun day. so, here I am tonight in my new polka dot summer dress. I'm wearing pantyhose and a slip and have my heels on. Feeling very femme. I took a lot of pictures. Now that I have a tripod with a holder for my iphone, I can change my locales for picture taking. The tripod also came with a remote bluetooth shutter attachment which means I can just pose and snap away. Really neat. It's been very quiet in the CD chatroom that last two nights. I have waited for someone to join me, but no luck. I hope I didn't drive everyone away. I try to be a good guest. We'll see what happens tonight.