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Have been so focusing on my expanding developing chest that I almost missed my expanding hips. Here is a current photo. Dawn

My sister has said that the face changing is quite noticable, or it was for her friend. So there was not really anything specific that people could look back to, just the kind of Columbo moment where they flash back to the clues lol... Thank you. I naturally sit down 80% of the time anyway, it is usually only when I am out that I try to avoid the stalls because they're usually gross - like is it really that hard to lift the seat or give it a wipe after you've sprayed all over it? yeuch. I will probably not link in to a lot of these tg groups I hear about, the ones close by would be too close for me to dress at hem safely and I think the one in the town where my sisters stay meet is mid-week so I will have the kids and not be able to travel down. I may start looking into it again soon to make sure, how does the whole group thing work? hahaha as for the experiment, yes - I pouted like a child reading it, and I will not do it this weekend - I cannot lose the cost of my appointment which I would for cancelling this close, but more than that I simply do not think that it is the right step for me at the moment. I am still trying to learn about myself and trying to do that without being ashamed of wanting to be Dee or physically excited by looking like her, taking the steps to see what it feels like being Dee out in public - just going to the shops or for that cup of coffee that I am determined to have, each attempt or failed attempt tells me something as I go over it in my head - just ignoring it was what I was doing until last October - I would just throw myself into something else to distract me. 2 years is the longest I have gone without clothes after purging, but the daydreams were still there. I also do not think cutting myself off from these sites would be good either - I am forming friendships and asking questions and finding out all sorts of things that are useful for someone questioning their existence, with the best will in the world I cannot stop my brain from thinking about it all or I would have already lol. So now I've put up all (some of) my excuses - it is interesting that NO! was my first reaction to your experiment x I may try to do it further down the line though - so do not be surprised if I say I'm going off for a while at some point. Thank you. I'll pm about the book, google is not being helpful just going by the title 💛

I know the feeling - I think that on a night out with my friends everyone I know would just shrug, take it in their stride and then start making plans for Dee, but also, no one would want to be the one to be seen as being phobic. It would be the next few days that would really sort folk out as they sat and talked it out among themselves, I genuinely think me walking in wearing a wig would get a bigger reaction than me walking in wearing a dress. Work-wise I will wait until I am 100% sure I want to transition and well on my way as that is something that cannot be reversed once it is out in the open, and I would talk to my employer before anyone else to get their recommendations as it would also affect the people around me. I'll need to have thicker skin by then, and as my new electrologist said - have my ducks in a row. Your post made me smile Christa - thank you for your enthusiasm - I've never been into bikes or cars, but I can appreciate the beauty in a lot of the older curvier designs and I used to say when I had my midlife crisis I would buy a trike to go cruising. Turns out I'm buying t-shirts with butterfly designs and trying to find a little black dress to look good in - I hope you have a great day! 😙

Thank you ladies, I have just woken up and while I am chasing the kids around to get them organised for school, I just kind of automatically pop on to see what folks have been up to. I thank you Monica but she has known this man for over a decade - she has been on holiday with him and his children and has even met the ex-wife, they were both singers and won their respective competitions at the same time - I had assumed it was a friendship similar to the others she knows who do the circuit too and meets when she's away. My wife has already admitted to starting to date him last time we split (5yrs back now) and effectively admitted that he did something that made her come back to me - while I thought at the time that she truly wanted to make a go of the marriage. Our marriage has been a sham for a while, but while I was trying to build a future and writing off lack of intimate contact to her condition (she has Crohns and has genuinely nearly died with it a couple of times) she was trying to pluck up the courage to leave. Her treatment of me despite me defending her is what has led to just about all of our mutual friends refusing to speak to her but happily talking to me, I just will not listen to her being bad mouthed because she is the mother of my children and I know that while she can be selfish and manipulative she also has a huge heart buried inside and does feel the pain of others. The high of the weekend where I felt feminine and accepted even without wearing the right clothes or makeup was so quickly destroyed last night, and I know it was just a moment of self pity - I truthfully could not invest in another relationship at the moment - not without being 100% genuine about the fact that I am increasingly seeing Dee as who I want to be. Christy (Christa?) I stopped mountain biking and playing ultimate and camping and hill walking and fresh water swimming and all of those other activities that would take me away for hours at a time because I would always get moaned at for being out of touch. My wife hated me going out with my female friends and coming back in drunk, but it was fine for her to do the same I never once texted her asking how long she would be and yet it happened all the time for me - there is a chance for me to start re-finding all of these things I enjoy and add things like spa visits and massages and getting my nails done onto these in the future but for now I am still just trying to reconnect physically with some of friends - I just do not want to tell most of them about Dee until I am more comfortable with the idea of being her in front of others.

Dear DeeDee, Part of your pain is that your wife is getting involved with a man she hardly knows "on the rebound," possibly to spite you, but what she is not yet aware of is that she is about to shoot herself in the foot. Am concerned her "fiance" is not truly free to marry, and that he has an acrimonious relationship with his "ex-wife." If she could just get out of the place where she wants to spite you and save face, she could calm down and slow down. It would behoove her to get to know her "fiance's" friends, family, and most importantly, ex-wife. If you love your wife and can see beyond your pain, I beg you to visit this website: https://www.lovefraud.com Please study it carefully, because I am sure your ex-wife is about to be skinned alive by this man! Once you have educated yourself (it is a very information-dense website like TGGuide), I beg you to share it with her. NO DECENT MAN RUSHES THE RELATIONSHIP! Please keep us posted, as we all are thinking of and praying for you. Your friend, Monica

I have just been told by my ex partner that she got engaged to her new man last night and my brain is struggling to absorb the information. I was looking after the 3 dogs this weekend with the children to allow her to travel down and hand our divorce papers in and then go for a hospital appointment today that had implications for a possible op so I was trying to help alleviate stress. I knew she would probably meet up with her man but that was not really a big deal, but promising to marry him kinda feels like it is. Apart from the surreal moment that I knew would happen at some point where she tried to reassure me that I would always be dad and he wouldn't try and take that from me she talked about him being okay with us still being friends - which is why she wanted to tell me herself (the translation of this motive though she probably could not admit it was simply that she can tell the kids now without worrying they would blab). After processing for a few minutes while she talked I told her that I hope that they will both find happiness with one another - and I mean that. All I have ever wanted for her was that she was happy. It just worked out that what she wanted in me was a friend and not a life partner. He has his own teenage children and a tentative and usually acrimonious relationship with his ex wife, and at the moment their relationship involves a lot of travel across Scotland. My head hurts - I want to be happy for her but a part of me is thinking WTF! To get to the point of accepting marriage since telling me she wanted to walk away last September means that there is no way in hell that their relationship only just started up again once she had left - that unconfirmed but likely betrayal hurts the most. Now more than ever I feel totally used. I have always struggled with my self esteem and now even though I am bald and covered in hair I am thinking that I could try and make a life for myself as a woman. Who am I kidding? 👴👩‍💼 It's like I am trying to be alone! Sorry - just ignore me I'm just venting, I just wish I hadn't invested so much when we got back together after the second time she left because it would hurt much less now to know that while she has already moved on I'm stuck in a literal no mans land not sure what the hell I'm doing. 😢