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I am still a little bit unsure how I process today. A slow relaxed morning meant that I missed the parade but Today I did my makeup and then got help from my niece to do my eyebrows and eyeliner - pro tip: she used some eye shadow rather than eye liner or an eyebrow pencil, it gave the same effect but did not look so harsh when on and came off so much easier just now! Then my sister helped me glue my nails on - they were both jealous of my nails, but they matched my hair perfectly - they were just a bit on the long side so all day I had to adjust to barely being able to use my phone or do simple things like my buttons when I went to the loo. I was wearing some comfy trainers (I had bought blister plasters on the way home last night) my jeans and my butterfly tee, my nice was also in jeans and a bright blue tee because she was wearing a rainbow bright my little pony wig, I could not believe that a pastel blue and pink wig could look subtle but compared to hers I positively blended in. We caught the bus into town, when we got on there was my sister in normal clothes, my niece and I with our wigs, but as we got closer to our stop more and more people got on wearing rainbow flags or all dressed up so that we were soon just a part of the entourage heading to the pride village. The village was free of charge to get in but required a previously booked ticket which got you into the site where there was a music stage, an info tent, a dance tent, along with lots of info stalls and snack vans. I had not eaten breakfast due to nerves but needed to eat something so that was our first port of call. It was a great atmosphere, the weather pretty much drizzled rain the entire time, but in Scotland that does not put off festival goers, and this had the feel of a festival so I relaxed very quickly. The fact that there were drag queens, gay and lesbian couples, people dressed as goths, lolitas, with rainbow angel wings, a wizard in a bathrobe - I did not even come close to standing out. We wandered around and listened to music and then my niece took my sister back into the city centre to catch her bus home. I was left on my own for around an hour and a half during which time I went and spoke to a stall called trans space and a woman called Emma from Glasgow who was looking for support to fix some of the more ridiculous legislation in Scotland and protect Trans people using public facilities, I duly signed as Dee but admitted that it was my first time out and about and we spoke for a good 20 minutes about the questioning process and trying to find out where we fit- she made me feel much more confident in myself though because although she had transitioned 14 years ago her voice was a lot deeper sounding than mine. I also made friends with the ladies running the coffee van and was enlightening them about good places to visit in my area. They spoke to me as a normal human being and it was only a comment after them asking if I lived in the area that I outed myself by saying it was just a nice chance to get to be me. I am under no illusions - my voice patterns may be pretty feminine but I still frequently talk from the chest and have that low rumble echo when I finish sentences or have to speak loudly- especially when I am compared to my sister or niece. But as this weekend was an experiment I had already decided that I had done enough practising and prep. Around 6pm my friends told me that they were on the bus into town so we left the village and went back to my nieces, she had already said that she would be wearing jeans and a nice top, so while I was a little bit disappointed, that went away when we went into the local Asda and bought a nice blue dressy top and a pink cardigan to go with my jeans and hair, I then changed into some black leather calf boots that had wide but definite heels on and we caught the bus back into the city centre - I kept my trans wig on. My male friend won an official bet between them that I would be wearing a wig, but they both gave me a hug and then we caught up over a couple of drinks - I deliberately did not order a single pint all night, I just ordered whatever drink I fancied. In 6 hrs the only people who openly clocked me were bar staff, and they always smiled, and I am pretty sure that one young lassie complimented me after she had given me my order, but it was hard to hear over the drag act at the other end of the bar where the woman were doing all of the whooping and cat calling as their boyfriends were made to feel uncomfortable with the over endowed leotard and fishnet wearing drag queens. We walked to another official pride party venue and the music was rubbish - the only reason it gets a mention is because by the time we got there I was busting to pee and just walked into the ladies without thinking, it was packed but by now I had used the facilities a few times over the day and a smile and a thank you for a door held open was as much interaction as I did. My female married friend noted her disgust that I was happily walking along with them in heels when she cannot wear any herself, but it was good natured and she also envied my nails! During the evening there was a lot of misgendering with "he"and my male name getting used, but each time I would remind them that for tonight I was Dee and to use she/her so I could get a read on how it feels to be gendered that way in real life - oddly my male friend picked it up quickest, but it really only took a couple of hrs and some deliberate she/her repetition for the ladies to refer to me as Dee too. By 11pm we then went into a club that exclusively played 80's music, and its little sister annex reached through the main area that exclusively played 90's music. The music was loud and I felt my age but I got to tick another thing off my wish list, we danced until just after 1am. My feet are killing me but my niece and I walked back to her flat and after removing my nails, eyelashes and makeup we enjoyed a late night pizza - although I still do not have an appetite - I drank enough to be sociable but also ordered a mocktail at one point and so I did not have to worry that I would revert to "laddish" drunk behaviour or even worse trip and fall in my heels. It is half two in the morning and when I wake up I have to drive back up the road and be dad again and I do not know how to feel about it. I frequently forgot that I was actually wearing makeup and a wig and then would sometimes catch my reflection in a shop window and remember, my niece, my sister and my friends went out of their way to look after me and make sure that I was feeling okay, escorting me to the loos when I needed to go and letting me sit in corner seats so I did not have to sit next to strangers and it was nice to know that I was allowed to be vulnerable. My friends said that other than seeing me in different clothes it felt just like any other night out we had been on - there was just more girly chat. Not one person did a double take, or pointed or nudged their friends or looked at me funny - I was literally just another girl on the night out - at one point I thought I had been clocked when a hen party came up to us and started pointing at a list but then her friend pointed to a number and they went to my male friend instead for a signature, so either they had thought I was male from a distance or they had gotten the numbering wrong, but either way I was not male for whatever dare the bride to be was doing. I cannot thank my friends and family enough - the fact that it felt completely normal, but I was freer tells me I definitely need to keep looking forwards, the fact that my male friend made a point of letting me know that he was with me regardless, but did ask some questions was really nice - I get one more sleep in Dees pj's and then back to work next week. I am physically and emotionally wiped out - but in a really good way I will put some pics up once I can focus/edit them xx

Sounds to me like you had a great first experience out. Your " standout highlights" were exactly what the doctor ordered, ! Your next excursion will bring many more new ones, each as satisfying and more profound for your own psyche and self realization and before long Dee will be the most natural you that ever was; you'll know longer want to know, you'll KNOW. I ran into a friend last week (on purpose) whom I used to see several times a week for the last 15 years, but had not seen since I closed my business about 7 months ago. Had a great talk he never had a clue about Jess. When I got home he texted me.... Congratulations, he likes it, and has never, ever seen me so happy and natural. Looks forward to him and his wife getting together with me again soon.

Thanks Christa, My family and friends have been amazing! I hope they were being honest with me and not just trying to build my confidence though. I don't really have a giggle 😂 But it was definitely a fun weekend, I need to try to do more normal life stuff too like when we popped in to buy a dress top and cardigan before the night out - the changing rooms weren't open but if they had been I would have used them. I felt natural but I really want to know if that came across or not (just in case I'm using rose tinted glasses) X

Hi Emma, There's no such thing as late online - unless this gets archived! I know I will go out again, what I have been trying to do this week is decide on the what/when/where. Picking up where I left off with the kids in my male get up has been fairly simple - no big fanfares. Like putting on an old comfortable pair of shoes - well worn in and exactly as expected. I don't know if I expected to react more or if it is just being flat after having such a packed and emotional weekend. On reflection there were 3 stand out highlights over the two days: The first was going out for dinner on the Friday night, when at separate times my sister jumped thinking a strange woman had stood in her personal space at the traffic lights and then watching my niece walking past our dining table because she just did not "see" me at the table. The second was chatting to the coffee ladies and talking about holidays after being left on my own for a while in the Pride village. I was waiting on my latte, and it was just a fun upbeat conversation, and they made normal eye contact and I never once saw the cogs turning, or the sleight hesitation I had seen the day before in some of the waiting staff, though my assumption is that they knew I was trans, especially when I mentioned just being myself while I was there. The third was hearing that my friends had an excellent night out, that after an hour or so of it feeling a bit weird, that they just relaxed and had a great night because they realised I was still the same me and not acting differently.

Hi Dee, I'm amazed that I'm joining this conversation so late! I loved reading about your wonderful time at Trans Pride. Your photos look fantastic! Good for you, very good. I don't mean to push you in any direction but I'll say that your experience with going out and about as a woman parallels mine. It was like I was finally out just being myself and it was so enjoyable, like a weight had been removed from my back and my mind. What and when will you go out again? Best wishes, Emma