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I was reading the comments under an article that indicated [trans]men were no longer welcome at the Michigan Womyn's Music Festival (MichFest) - that is the first time I've ever heard of this. Many are well aware of the fact that [trans]men were welcome at the Fest (though I fail to understand why any guy would wanna go) because, bluntly, we aren't considered men by too many of the women who attend that festival. Pretty much like [trans]women aren't considered women by that same bunch. So I went a-googlin', trying to find out when [trans]men became undesirable guests of the almighty cisgender (keep that term in mind ) femi-nazi Fest. I ran across a blog by a [trans?]woman who pointed out why no guy should ever wanna be a part of/attend the MichFest. Then I read a wiki article about the Fest, but there was nothing in it about [trans]men no longer being welcome. In continuing to try to find something that clearly indicated the MichFest now bars [trans]men too, I was sidetracked when I ran across an article (about the Fest) that indicated how many gay people dislike the non-word, "cisgender," in part because it "bears an uncomfortable resemblance to the anti-gay slur "sissy."1 I couldn't help but snort out an unsympathetic grunt-like chuckle. I try to give the benefit of the doubt. I try not to lump people all in one big pot. But if this is true, I wondered, are some [cisgender] gay/lesbian people really worse than what I thought? They dislike the word "cisgender," a term that was simply coined to distinguish trans from non-trans and never intended to be demeaning, yet there are those like Ru Paul who will sling around the word "tranny," and others who use the term "shemale," all under their entitled attitudes that it is their right to use those terms whether they hurt us or not? REALLY? Are some gay/lesbian people incapable of looking at how "cisgender" was derived, and why? When is the last time you've heard someone call a non-trans person (gay or straight), a "cissy?" Understandable why gays wouldn't like that word, but, it's not intended for just gays. And when it is abreviated, it's always as "cis," not "cissy." Sounds to me like they are trying to drum up the use of "cissy" so they can have something to throw in our faces. It seems to me, that if gays/lesbians dislike the term "cisgender" so much, they would stop and think how a real/realized and true* slur feels to us. Slurs that people use with intention...intention that is rarely, if ever, good. *"Tranny" is in the dictionary. Unfortunately, the definition does not speak to the desparaging connotation that is intended when one is referring to another's gender identity2. "Cisgender" is not in the dictionary (yet), but it's creation was born simply as a way to distinguish - not demean - coined by science.3 "Shemale" is also not in the dictionary, but has historically been used to degrade, demean, and to shame. Seems to me that CISgender gays/lesbians, like their straight counter-parts, need to get over themselves, their entitement, their whining and their hating. The combo... Is. Not. Pretty. -David Michael 1 John Aravosis (NOTE: link removed - discovered suspicious re-direct 01.19.2020) 2 Merriam-Webster online 3 Wikipedia

I have often heard of people who say they can remember little of their childhoods. Usually, the lack of such memories is associated with some sort of adversity. Or, at least that seems to be the case. I was an army brat. I enjoyed moving around and seeing new places. The draw-back to that is always leaving friends. I used to believe that my brother and I compenstated for that by being each other's best friend. In the past few weeks, new thoughts have come to mind about my childhood. I'm beginning to think that I didn't really have any friends. I don't think moving around had anything to do with it. I don't really remember any so-called "best [girl] friend" until junior high. I do remember being made fun of (by girls), or being left out (by everyone). I remember a few occasions where flat out mean things were done to me. I didn't know why. I'm now wondering if perhaps by junior high I had figured out how I needed to act (like any other girl) in order to fit in. I'm wondering if that is perhaps, at least where I was concerned, why my brother and I were so close. I wonder now, considering my brother has told me that I was more like a brother to him, if I was close with my brother because I didn't have to pretend to be something else, and/or because he accepted me the way I was. It was 9th grade, before I had a "best friend." Until then, I really remember only one girl from when I was in 5th grade, and she wasn't so much a 'best friend' as she was just a good school mate. She was a slight girl, very nervous and flighty. I used to wonder if she was treated right at home. Back then, I didn't know anything about abuse, so I had no words for it. But still I wondered if there was something at home that made her always seem scared. We always rode together on the bus. Somehow, I felt like her protector. I liked her. I think perhaps she was my first crush. However, I did know at that age (or by that age) that I could never tell her I liked her like other boys could tell a girl when they liked them. It occurred to me that I cannot remember any but one birthday [celebration]. Oddly, if my memory is serving me well, it was a birthday party from when I was very little - under six years old. In contrast, I can remember a few of my brother's birthday celebrations. So I know we celebrated birthdays. Was I not happy with how my birthday was being celebrated? Was I unhappy because it was not the birthday of a little boy, and so that unhappiness has caused me to bury those memories? Halloween has been a favourite topic - at least among many here at TGG. The ladies especially enjoy/ed halloween because more often than not, it was the one time that people didn't get all bunched up over a male dressed up as Cinderella or a Go-Go Girl. But, despite the fun of halloween, I can only remember three of them from when I was a kid and one as an adult: 1. one year as Casper the Friendly Ghost, very young; 2. two years as the headless horseman, once in elementary school and again years later; 3. one year as an Indian brave. I was 19 or 20 at the time, but I think I was still at home. Perhaps I remember going out as Casper because, well...he's a boy, though I guess there were girls who dressed up as Casper also - I don't remember. When I went out as the headless horseman, that was an era when people still staunchly applied gender to certain things - it was pretty much assumed that a kid that went trick-or-treating as such a character surely had to be a boy. A girl would not like something so gruesome. Back then, my brother and I were still of an age that my parents would not let us go trick-or-treating alone - my dad always went with us. Because I was the headless horseman, my dad would pretty much have to "steer" me this way and that. It was fun though, because throughout the evening, I constantly heard little girls squealing and shrieks of, "he doesn't have a head!" I dressed again as the headless horseman a few years later because I knew I was more likely to be thought a boy than a girl. The year I dressed as an Indian, my brother and I had gone out for halloween together (I was old enough by then that my parents didn't worry about us being out). No one realized that the Indian brave wasn't really a boy. I do remember a few more Christmases. And while I played the part of the excited child over the gifts I got, I remember a few occasions where I was jealous of what my brother got, but that jealousy never lasted too long because more often than not, my he and I spent more time playing with his toys than mine. But there were times when he and I played with all the stuffed animals and dolls together. Many of the dolls I had, I changed them into boys. I remember when I was very little, I had a cowboy hat, and a gun and holster. I also have an electric train set that I got before age five. I have to believe that I had those things because I wanted them since most parents don't voluntarily go out and by girls cowboy hats and guns and trains. What I don't know is when the time came that either I stopped asking for what would usually be considered boys toys because I thought I shouldn't, or my request for such toys were being denied. Or maybe it was a combination of both. Whatever the case, I remember wishing that I had gotten the same kinds of things like my brother... like skateboards and banana bikes, matchbox cars and jeans. So, I think a person didn't have to suffer physical or mental abuse, or a parent trying to beat the boy (or girl) out of a child. I think unhappiness over not being able to express our true gender can blot out chunks of our memories. But then...what fondness can be had for those memories, so what's the sense in remembering... -Michael

Somewhere in one of my blog entries, I commented that to stop learning means you stop living because learning is a lifelong process. Last nite, I had been trying to help another member figure out how to apply what I soon discovered is called a "Feature Photo." It's the image you can apply to a specific blog entry (totally seperate from your blog banner image), which also shows up in the blog index page. After I figured it out and shared that info with the other member, I went thru my own blog like a kid in a candy store, creating and downloading images based on entry topics and applying them. While doing so, I also read a few of my old blog entries as some of them have been here a while collecting dust...LOL. As I read over some of those old blog entries, something jumped out at me, and I didn't like it. My use of the term "gays." It made me think of the fact that, so often, we (me included) have gently chastised some for calling trans people "transgenders," advised them of better terminology, and explained to them why some terms are unfavourable or demeaning. I also thought about the members of this board who are gay or lesbian, and wondered if my words had hurt them. It occurred to me that I can hardly "educate" people how to speak about or address trans people if I myself am guilty of doing basically the same thing by calling gay men/- people, "gays." I thought about going thru those blogs containing the word and editing to something more appropriate, but I changed my mind. I think I have grown...and just as we like to see positive changes in others, I decided I wanted others to see that I have grown and taken on positive changes. Therefore, for anyone who runs across any of my older blog entries that contain the word "gays" instead of something like gay men, or gay people, I apologize for having been not only insensative, but also ignorant. Continuing to learn not only means continuing to live, it also means continuing to improve. David Michael

Hey Michael, Wow, look at the date you originally posted this, one month before I joined TGG. Memories... For fun I just now looked up cisgender in the Merriam-Wesbter link you provided. It's there now! Reading the comments on it are very interesting. Many were/are simply looking it up after finding it in books and publications. Sure, there are some (a minority, I believe) who express various levels of disdain. Emma

Michael, You're such a sweet man. I always love your writing and this is no exception. Emma

My new suit just came in - Monica thanks for suggesting it - Will model it soon - Then will have to decide which one to wear on my beach day in three weeks. Dawn