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Dear Dee, Am going to say something that might not be popular. You say that your mother, or other family members imply that you may be mentally ill. This is often a favorite control mechanism for sociopaths. May be right, or I may be wrong. Please research sociopathy: https://www.LoveFraud.com Over 10 percent of the world's population is sociopathic. Your mother and other loved ones have a right not to approve of transgender people, but not to accuse them of mental illness. You may never gain the approval of your family. Yet, over time they may come to accept you as a transgender person. Perhaps, as you explore if you are really transgender or not, you may have to put some distance between yourself and your family. Many of us here at TGGuide did reconcile with their family, but there are many others who have had to accept that they have had to build families of choice. Your friend, Monica

Thank you both, but perhaps my rambling wasn't quite clear. My family (sisters) have all been supportive initially, the eldest two especially, but my mum took my dads death in 1998 incredibly hard and went into a serious depression and cycle of self harm and suicide attempts lasting almost a decade, during that period she was diagnosed with fybromyalgia and was also given a diagnosis of borderline personality disorder some of which stems from events in her youth. Intentional or otherwise she hates not being the centre of attention, she creates drama of often makes up lies that one or the other has allegedly told one of the others so she can play the part of confidante. Yet she really does love us and tries in her own way to be here for us. I am the one person in the family least impacted by her jealousy, but that is because I have the privilege of being "her only boy", in looks I remind her of her husband, something she is constantly reminding me. However it does mean that I can be more honest with her than my sisters, as she cannot bear it when we are not talking. Except for this. It is a 50/50 split how she will react, and I may not have her support moving forwards but her history as a result of trauma she never emotionally dealt with worries me that I may be more like her than even she could understand. So it is something I must deal with. Thank you for your concern though. 😊

Dee, I certainly understand your feelings. It was so so scary on many levels when I started my transition. There were so many steps, many fears to confront. I was fortunate that my wife gave me the support she did even while divorcing me. Also, my ability to move to another locale. I don’t mean to add pressure on you but the thing that consistently propelled me forward was this: We never know how long we have on this earth. Something happens and maybe we wake up in a hospital incapacitated or dying. I could no longer bear the thought of the regrets and disappointment in myself if I had allowed my fears to stand in the way of my living authentically. I must also add that at the start of my transition I had no idea how far I’d need to go. All I really knew was that I am trans. But even that self-awareness isn’t perfect. Even now, once in awhile, I ask myself if I did the right thing. Thankfully, I always answer unequivocally yes. Best wishes, Emma

Tomorrow I return to my normal unisex life. I have had a great time on this last trip to Florida. My greatest fun was my time on the beach but I also had great fun at the stores and restaurants I went too as I was addressed as "mam" and "lady" at most of these locations. These encounters really helped me to embrace myself and how I felt. It was really liberating the feelings of freedom I felt. At the beach, I was at ease the whole time, aware of my form fitting swimsuit and my tuck made me have the ultimate feminine shape, aware of my long hair as the wind caught it, aware of my shaved and lotioned body, aware of my woman shadow/sillowet on the beach; knowing I was being looked at and coded as a female by all around me. Yes, I was sure I was passing. As I walked over a mile on the beach I felt deep feelings and the feeding of my woman inside. I was quite natural in my walk and most of the dozens of beach walkers I passed would wave or say, "good morning" or "hello." There I was just another somewhat pretty older woman walking on the beach with a slight arm swing and lifted sway in her hips. I also collected some shells and tested the water for swimming. I did get in knee deep but the water was really cold. For the walk I had just purchased a really nice swimsuit cover-up. Because of this, I did fit in quite well with those around me as it was cool 60's and as I mentioned the water was fridged. Thanks Monica for this great idea of the cover garment. The cover up I bought fit loosely and was almost a beach dress. With this on I really was able to be myself - natural and confident and I am sure this is why I appeared to pass so well. I did get a little bit of attention, however. There were some work men who I know were looking me over, my feminine radar could sense l was being checked out. One of them actually called me to get my attention twice. Because I was on the other side of a work barrier I was able to keep my distance and not respond to his advance. My favorite portion of my 2+ hours of beach time was laying/sitting on my towel and soaking 🌞. I had a sea gull buddy that stayed about 10 feet away and just hung out with me the whole time. There were several joggers who went by the "sun babe" - they all looked and I looked back - they smiled and moved on. We were all having a wonderful day at the beach. Dawn I took several dozen photos and will share them soon - sample one below.

Heading to Florida today. I will be vacationing and doing some business on this trip. Looking forward to my time on the beach and most of my time being myself as a woman. I think I am ready.