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Not having someone to please is making the process a bit easier, but it is strange that the biggest motivator for not changing is almost always fear of rejection. Especially when for me it was being finally rejected beyond doubt that gave me the crisis I needed to question who I was. Interesting post Emma

Dear Emma, Lived my early life, and much of my middle aged life, as a "people pleaser," so much so, that I was totally out of touch with myself. Had I been more in touch with myself, my life would have been a lot easier. As I have gotten older, I am being more and more my authentic self. Better late than never . . . Your friend, Monica

I started reading "Untamed" by Glennon Doyle a couple of days ago. She's putting into words so much of what I know in my deepest recesses to be true for me but have been unable to vocalize. She's not trans, she's a "late in life lesbian, about 45. She writes about how women—especially—are trained from a young age to fit into society's expectations and largely, to passively accept the limitation of their true selves to fit those molds. As trans people we all share this, don't we? Since 4 or 5 years old I struggled so hard to be what I was supposed to be. Such a mess, so much depression, shame and loss. "... good enough is what makes people drink too much and snark too much and become bitter and sick and live in quiet desperation until they lie on their deathbed and wonder: What kind of life/relationship/family/world might I have been if I'd been braver? The building of the true and beautiful means the destruction of the good enough. Rebirth means death. Once a truer, more beautiful vision is born inside of us, life is in the direction of that vision. Holding on to what is no longer true enough is not safe; it's the riskiest move because it is the certain death of everything that was meant to be. We are alive only to the degree to which we are willing to be annihilated. Our next life will always cost us this one. If we are truly alive, we are constantly losing who we just were, what we just built, what we just believed, what we just knew to be true." Of course we're all fearful of losing what we have despite our sacrifices to maintain that "good enough" life. And it's not all about being trans, determining what that means for each of us, and following our gender journeys. It's about learning to listen to our deepest feelings and acting on them. We really do only have this one life to live. Will you accept good enough?

@MonicaPz: Better late than never: absolutely! @ScottishDeeDee: Fear of rejection has always been and is still a big issue for me. I will say that my coming into my own authenticity is giving me emotionally stability, calmness, and reducing such fears. When we use the word "transition" we generally think about transitioning from our born gender to another. From my side of that journey I see that transition is lots more, mostly revolving about growing away from those habits, thinking and otherwise, of trying to fit in to the mold we were expected to fit. It's fair to say that everyone has self doubts and self consciousness. But for people like us I think the burden is much greater. I suggest reading Glennon's book and see what comes up for you. Maybe that would provide things to write about in your blog. I'd love to read your posts.