UsernameOptional

Once again, Thomas Beatie, is in the media. The issue this time is that an Arizona judge refuses to grant the Beatie's a divorce because the judge is not sure if Thomas is a man. Same-sex marriage, is of course, not legal in Arizona. But the Beatie's were married in Hawaii, where he is considered a man, and why they were allowed to marry. It's all a sticky situation. But here's the kicker...rather than concentrating only on the issue at hand, and the ripple affects this judge's actions (or non-action) can cause, Beatie continues to allow himself to be billed as the [world's first*] pregnant man, and everytime he appears on any show, pictures of him with his "baby bump" are flashed across the screen. Today, on Anderson Live, Anderson Cooper's new daytime talk show, pictures of a pregnant Beatie were continually flashed on the screen -one which shows him sitting on a bed, naked and "embracing" his pregnant belly - along with one pre-transition photo, and even a couple of photos of him at the doorway of men's restrooms. At one point, Cooper asked Beatie about all the publicity over his divorce and the controversary surrounding it. Beatie's answer was that part of the reason is that the tabloids have their way of getting information. While the tabloids might have been able to dig up court records and perhaps jimmie information out of family and friends, I'm sure most of the intimate images and video we have seen of Beatie could only have come from him - like the video he made allegedly to document his wife's domestic violence. It's just my opinion, but the vid appeared staged to me. So once again, we have a transperson in the media, and once again, the issue and we as a group, are devalued because of the circus-like handling of a story, and what seems to be a transperson media-prostituting himself. I think the Anderson Live segment would have served transpeople, and society in general, much better had the discussion revolved only around the Beatie's divorce, how it affects transpeople, their families, possible legal precedents and current laws. Not whether he intends to give birth to more children in a future relationship, and looking at pictures of what he looked like before transitioning, or what he looks like butt naked and pregnant with pit hair, body hair and beard! *Beatie is not the first transman to have a child after transitioning - he's just the first one to go public.

I sorta think that maybe this is comparable to the fact that more often than not, I am my true self in my dreams - I am male. Other times, it's like my gender doesn't exist or something...but even then it's like I am still treated by others in the dream as male. It's very rare that my dreams present me as female. It's been like that for so long, I really can't remember when I was always female in my dreams - or if that was ever the case. We have no control over our dreams...so I would think that if in my dreams I am male, it must be because that is the way I think of myself when I'm not asleep. As if it's... normal. -Michael

4:15pm, 24 Oct This has been one of those rough days. I didn't wanna get up to begin with. I stayed in bed, in that half-sleep state where dreams are strange yet preferrable, and even enjoyable in their sometimes disturbing surrealness, compared to being awake and conscious of real life. But, I finally got up. Then, I signed in to the forums and started reading. One article after another seemed to only high-light and underscore the bigotry and indifference in this world. Some of that bigotry eminates from those that are from the gay side of our [alleged] family. Their just-below-the-surface contempt for their trans cousins is enough to make one sick. Then, there are the transpeople that are forced to end their lives because of intolerance. There's too much indifference about that from the cisgender world, and seemingly from the homosexual world, too. Already feeling disgusted and angry from one article, my heart was left vulnerable to the sadness of suicide stats. So I sat here, stewing in anger and frustration, but also on the verge of crying. But the tears wouldn't come. Instead, there was just this painful lump in my throat that wouldn't go away. It just sat there, and in it's persistence, eventually gave me a headache. Feeling aggitated, pissed, twisted up inside, I went in the kitchen and made a pot of coffee - a bad move considering I slept half the day away, and Mr. Coffee and the Sandman no longer work together. So, chances are, I won't sleep much tonite. I'll lay in bed and think of all the "if-I-had-onlys," the "if-I-could-go-back-in-times," the "why-did-it-have-to-be-this-ways," and the "why-are-people-such-#*!@s?" By morning, I'll be wondering how much longer I'll let cowardice keep it's choke-hold on me...slowly strangling the life out of me. I'll think about my age...and wonder how much longer I have. How well will things go? How much will I lose? 1:20 am, 25 Oct I had buried myself in drawing earlier in the evening. My artwork is often a haven where I can lose myself in my imagination. I finally gave up around midnite or shortly there after. By 1:20 in the morning, I was feeling a little better and hit the forums for what I figured would be the last time before I went to bed...but before doing so, I found myself listening to Lana Wachowski, and laughing at her wicked wit and sense of humour. Maybe I'll be ready to go to sleep soon. Maybe tomorrow will be better...

Hi Karen - Might I suggest that you start a new topic in the either ther General Transgender Discussion, the MTF Transsexual Discussion, or the MTF Crossdress Discusson forums? The blogs are usually used for sharing story-like experiences and events. Or creating a kind of journal. Not everyone reads blogs as often as they do the forums. Your question is a good one - one that others no doubt have helpful tips for. Additionally, your question, subsequent answers, and discussion could help others. Just a suggestion. -Mike

Fear and unacceptance: ingredients for a poisonous coctail. As some here know, I came out to three people some time back: my girlfriend, my brother and my mother. My girlfriend was in shock, and things were a little rocky for a while. Not because she discovered that I was TG/TS, but that I had been lying to her (our relationship began online). Prior to coming out to anyone, I "lived my online life" as a man. No one knew that I was trans, no one knew that I wasn't just another guy - including her. My brother had no problem with what I had to tell him. I could have told him years ago. I wish I had known. My mother took it well at first. Unfortunately, a few short months later, something changed. And it wasn't in my favour. Today, my brother works at avoiding referring to me as a female when he's talking to other people. When we're together, he doesn't call me "David," but he also doesn't call me by my birth name - which he never has anyway - only my nickname. But now, instead, he will on occasion call me by a shortened version of my nickname which is [usually considered] a boy's name. My girlfriend continues to treat me like she would treat any man...like she has treated me from day one And though she was royally pissed with me for lying to her, her love for me has never changed. But that I lied to her, it compromised her trust in me for a long time. I cannot blame her for this. As for my mum, she has let me know that I will never be her son, but despite the fact that she is not overly happy with the way I dress, she no longer questions me about it... though the last time I visited, she slyly tried to figure out my chest. Or the seeming lack of what's considered a "female" presentation. Now for that cocktail I nurse everyday. It's not much different than an actual alcoholic drink is to an alcoholic - I know it's bad for me, but I drink it anyway, knowing what it will do to me, or what it could do to me. Ingredient #1: Fear I fear what people I know will think of me. I fear what people will say about me. I fear that people I know, or have worked with will call me names and laugh at me. I never did well with stuff like that I fear there will come a time when my girlfriend will not be able to endure the stress of having a transman for a friend, a lover, a mate. I fear that when I transition, my girlfriend will see a different person. I fear that like so many guys do, after transition, I will lose the woman I love. The fear of so many things, has me rooted in one place. If I don't conquer the fear, and move to where I want to be, I might lose her anyway (long distance relationship). I fear that when I do transition, I will lose parts of my family. Ingredient #2: Unacceptance If the unacceptance came from any other place, from any other person than my own mother...I could perhaps shrug it off. I could accept it and go on about my merry way. I believe if the unacceptance was from any source but my mum, I could probably dilute the fear enough to start my journey. In fact, I'm sure I could. The power of a parent standing beside you in support of you is unparalleled. Doesn't matter how old you get, a parent's approval is more valuable than anything else in a person's life. A parent's approval is like a super-heroes power protecting you from everything and everyone around you. So here I am, still, sitting at the "Pity-Party Bar"...swilling on that noxious cocktail of eight parts fear with a generous splash of unacceptance, knowing damn well it's killing me...but like some alcoholics, unable to climb down off the barstool and turn my life around so that I can start living...

I have often heard of people who say they can remember little of their childhoods. Usually, the lack of such memories is associated with some sort of adversity. Or, at least that seems to be the case. I was an army brat. I enjoyed moving around and seeing new places. The draw-back to that is always leaving friends. I used to believe that my brother and I compenstated for that by being each other's best friend. In the past few weeks, new thoughts have come to mind about my childhood. I'm beginning to think that I didn't really have any friends. I don't think moving around had anything to do with it. I don't really remember any so-called "best [girl] friend" until junior high. I do remember being made fun of (by girls), or being left out (by everyone). I remember a few occasions where flat out mean things were done to me. I didn't know why. I'm now wondering if perhaps by junior high I had figured out how I needed to act (like any other girl) in order to fit in. I'm wondering if that is perhaps, at least where I was concerned, why my brother and I were so close. I wonder now, considering my brother has told me that I was more like a brother to him, if I was close with my brother because I didn't have to pretend to be something else, and/or because he accepted me the way I was. It was 9th grade, before I had a "best friend." Until then, I really remember only one girl from when I was in 5th grade, and she wasn't so much a 'best friend' as she was just a good school mate. She was a slight girl, very nervous and flighty. I used to wonder if she was treated right at home. Back then, I didn't know anything about abuse, so I had no words for it. But still I wondered if there was something at home that made her always seem scared. We always rode together on the bus. Somehow, I felt like her protector. I liked her. I think perhaps she was my first crush. However, I did know at that age (or by that age) that I could never tell her I liked her like other boys could tell a girl when they liked them. It occurred to me that I cannot remember any but one birthday [celebration]. Oddly, if my memory is serving me well, it was a birthday party from when I was very little - under six years old. In contrast, I can remember a few of my brother's birthday celebrations. So I know we celebrated birthdays. Was I not happy with how my birthday was being celebrated? Was I unhappy because it was not the birthday of a little boy, and so that unhappiness has caused me to bury those memories? Halloween has been a favourite topic - at least among many here at TGG. The ladies especially enjoy/ed halloween because more often than not, it was the one time that people didn't get all bunched up over a male dressed up as Cinderella or a Go-Go Girl. But, despite the fun of halloween, I can only remember three of them from when I was a kid and one as an adult: 1. one year as Casper the Friendly Ghost, very young; 2. two years as the headless horseman, once in elementary school and again years later; 3. one year as an Indian brave. I was 19 or 20 at the time, but I think I was still at home. Perhaps I remember going out as Casper because, well...he's a boy, though I guess there were girls who dressed up as Casper also - I don't remember. When I went out as the headless horseman, that was an era when people still staunchly applied gender to certain things - it was pretty much assumed that a kid that went trick-or-treating as such a character surely had to be a boy. A girl would not like something so gruesome. Back then, my brother and I were still of an age that my parents would not let us go trick-or-treating alone - my dad always went with us. Because I was the headless horseman, my dad would pretty much have to "steer" me this way and that. It was fun though, because throughout the evening, I constantly heard little girls squealing and shrieks of, "he doesn't have a head!" I dressed again as the headless horseman a few years later because I knew I was more likely to be thought a boy than a girl. The year I dressed as an Indian, my brother and I had gone out for halloween together (I was old enough by then that my parents didn't worry about us being out). No one realized that the Indian brave wasn't really a boy. I do remember a few more Christmases. And while I played the part of the excited child over the gifts I got, I remember a few occasions where I was jealous of what my brother got, but that jealousy never lasted too long because more often than not, my he and I spent more time playing with his toys than mine. But there were times when he and I played with all the stuffed animals and dolls together. Many of the dolls I had, I changed them into boys. I remember when I was very little, I had a cowboy hat, and a gun and holster. I also have an electric train set that I got before age five. I have to believe that I had those things because I wanted them since most parents don't voluntarily go out and by girls cowboy hats and guns and trains. What I don't know is when the time came that either I stopped asking for what would usually be considered boys toys because I thought I shouldn't, or my request for such toys were being denied. Or maybe it was a combination of both. Whatever the case, I remember wishing that I had gotten the same kinds of things like my brother... like skateboards and banana bikes, matchbox cars and jeans. So, I think a person didn't have to suffer physical or mental abuse, or a parent trying to beat the boy (or girl) out of a child. I think unhappiness over not being able to express our true gender can blot out chunks of our memories. But then...what fondness can be had for those memories, so what's the sense in remembering... -Michael

Being punished for having tried to commit suicide seemed to be par for the course back then - one of the two or three reasons I never actually carried out any of my plans because I couldn't convince myself that any of them were 110% fool-proof, and that I wouldn't live to be punished. That's what I seem to remember of the few kids I had heard of trying to commit suicide - that after they were bandaged up, and the dust settled, thier parents meted out the punishment. I didn't want the same. Pretty sad that no one seemed to be concerned why a kid wanted to, or tried to commit suicide. Just seems like they were hell-bent on keeping ya from doing it. -Michael

There is a good deal of concern for all on a TG/TS site whether they are trans or cis. Sometimes, I wonder who's really the braver, us or cis-people like you (and a few others here) who befriend us. As for the individual that sent the PMs out...I seriously doubt s/he considered or even cared who s/he PM'd. Some of them go thru the member's list and PM people who've been inactive - I've never understood the purpose in that. About the only good such PM's have done as far as I know was to cause long inactive members to drop in. Some of these spammers target active people...most likely because they figure their spam is sure to be received, and in turn the chances their crap will be read. Then of course, there are some that simply lump us in with all the adult/porn sites out there - we are compared to and considered no different than those in the sex trade. Therefore, again...no reason to consider whether a person is male, female, trans, cis, gay, or anything else. Thanks for understanding, Del. PM any one of us anytime there is a problem. -Michael

Del - I believe the email that you are talking about was from a spammer. Actually, I think you are referring to a TGG email generated based on your settings here on the forums that notifies you that there is a new PM waiting for you here on the forums. That individual sent out many PM's. It was a spammer, and we did receive several complaints notifying us of the activity. That individual's account has been deleted, and the IP has been banned. On behalf of Lori (Admin and owner of TGG) and all of us moderators, I apologize that you received that PM. Such incidents are disruptive to the community and usually results in making the organization that was used to disseminate that kind of thing, bad. We ask that members always contact Admin or any one of the moderators when they receive these kinds of PMs so that we can take care of the problem as soon as possible. I hope, however, that you understand no website is 100% free of spammers, scammers, and other unscrupulous people. We do actively attempt to keep them at bay. -Michael

Shame on you, Boss - if I recall, you're the one who created the thread advising members of the up-coming show. Tha's okay...if I hear of a re-airing date...I'll post to the thread. Might even send you a PM...

SPOILER ALERT - I chose to post this here in the blogs rather on the forums where it might be more visible in case the reader has not yet seen the Nat Geo documentary, "American Transgender." If reading or hearing about something before you see it doesn't bother you, then read on. If you don't like to hear about something before hand, you should skip this blog entry. American Transgender A one hour documentary that aired 01 May 2012 on the Nat Geo channel. I first heard about the program here on the TGG forums. Shortly afterward, I created a calendar event for members who regularly check the calendar. I think I might have made a shout-out the day of the program's airing - don't remember now (damn sleeping brain cells!). Then, I finally caught a commercial advertising the program. I was happy with what I saw, as it's rare that these documentaries feature more men than women. Wait, lemme be a little more precise - it's rare that in such shows featuring both men and women, that there are more men featured than woman...but A.T. would be doing just that. WTG, Nat Geo! The show went well. I have to admit, though, that that opinion is probably a little biased because of the fact that the guys outnumbered the women. Hee-hee. Felt good to know that for once, we were getting more air time than the ladies. Sorry ladies, nothing against you all...but contrary to popular belief, men like to be noticed once in a while, too. .......Clair is one of identical twins, and was preparing for her wedding after never believing she would ever be looking for a wedding dress. Clair's brother, by the way, is gay. ...,...Eli came from a religious, Italian, Alabama family...the second of four children. He's married, and wants children, but is worried about having a son. .......Jim grew up in a military family. As with many of us, he felt alone. And then he met Clair, whom he thought was the most beautiful woman in the world. Of course all three related some of the issues we've all read about, heard about or have experienced: the lonliness, the frustration, the self-hatred, the fear, the unacceptance, etc., etc., etc. I guess a person could say the highlight of the program was Clair and Jim getting married. And while the program was well-done, I guess there was little control over the wedding, or the people officiating over the wedding. And that is what eventually prompted me to write about A.T. Toward the end of the ceremony, the woman marrying Clair and Jim announced, "I now pronounce you (she looked at Clair) husband and (then she looked at Jim) wife." It blew me away. Perhaps I am again being too sensative about the whole society-in-general-doesn't-accept-us thing...but a week later, that one spot in the program still bothers me. Funny how something so small can bring a good thing to a screeching halt (or at least come close)...sorta like a turd being discovered in a crowded pool - everyone is having fun, enjoying themselves, and then everyone is screaming and scrambling to get out and now wondering if they might get sick - just sorta ruins a fun day. I wondered how often something like this happens - whether the couple getting married are trans or not. How do you look at the woman, and say "husband," and then look at the man, and say "wife?" And never skip a beat, to boot. I wondered how accepting and tolerant this woman is. That one gesture made it difficult at best for me to believe that she viewed Clair to be the woman she is, and Jim to be the man he is. I think had the program not been done as well as it had, perhaps I would not have noticed this one thing. I also wonder if the woman officiating has watched the program, and if so has she realized what she had done, and how does she feel about what she did. Later, I wondered if there was any chance that the producers left that part in intentionally... -David Michael

Glad to hear about the job, Brittany. Good luck...

Seems to me everyone but your sister is just putting off the inevitable. -Michael

"...my dad is helping me out in exchange for following a strict schedule of meeting their standards of womanhood for them." This has surely got to be better than having to live according to your birth sex. I wasn't expecting to see such an "ultimatum," and I dare say some might even be envious if they are currently dealing with a parent or parents who will not accept the true identity of thier child. Good luck on the job search...it's rough for many out-of-work people looking for jobs, though that knowledge is little consolation. Hopefully your dad's regime will help eliminate some of your stress so you concentrate on looking good for employers. -Michael

Hi Brittany - When I saw a few days ago that you had created a blog entry, I just thought that it was "nice to see you." I knew you hadn't been here on the forums in quite a while. But then I read your blog today. I wish I had advice for you. I can certainly see the frustration and desperation in your blog. I hope someone can offer their experiences. I know it won't help you get a job...or keep your HRT from running out...but maybe you can start coming here again every so often. Coming here helps me. Maybe it can help you a little. -Michael

Wow!! When I first read this a few days ago, I thought to myself, I wonder how many comments this blog is going to get? I was expecting you to get shredded by the women every which way but loose. You see, when I first read it, I thought you were one of those "reformed" transpeople. I thought you were a male-bodied individual who, while sitting in jail with time to reflect, found some religion, and got out "realizing" that you are not a woman, never were a woman, can never be a woman, and that you were a man just as "god had made you." I was wondering if we had yet another come here to preach about the evils of believing oneself is of another gender. Then I saw today's entry listed on the index page. Mind you, I don't read too many blogs. But seeing this latest entry was of interest only because of the previous blog (and maybe the morbid desire to see the women set your @$$ on fire... ). So I clikked the link to see what was in the new blog, and in the middle of reading the first line, "although I won't be starting testosterone therapy until..." I was like... WTF?! And I came back to this blog. And I read it again. Twice. Granted, I didn't really understand what was going on with "Dan" and "Daniel" a few days ago. But I think I do now. After seeing today's blog...I now see that you are a brother transman, and that the "Dan/Daniel" thing was all about growth, and coming to terms. Whew... -Michael P.S. Now I also understand your shout-out made 31 Mar, "I saw the Dr. Oz show. It's heartening to know that what transgender people experience is being broadcast on network TV for everyone to view." I originally was confused by this, wondering why you thought this to be a good thing if you were a "reformed transperson."

I would like to see the worksheet...sounds pretty neat - blank, of course. -Michael

I know the feeling also. I've learned to create my posts in a notepad or wordpad. Though I don't save my work occasionally...I know I should. Creating my posts in note- or wordpads was a habit I developted back in the days when dial-up connections were the norm. And of course, so was getting disconnected, or as we used to call it... getting "booted." I hope you didn't "lose your religion." When something really angers my mum, she will blurt out, "it was enough to make me lose my religion!" -Mike

I wish your fiancé a speedy recovery. She should surely do well being cared for by someone who loves her. :)

That was sweet of her, Caroline. Made me smile. There's nothing better than a happy story. She sounds like a good woman. As do you. -Michael

Thanks, ladies. All of you always seems to be able to put things in perspective. Your responses, and a little time... have allowed me to sit back and think more clearly. I guess deep down, I know my brother means no harm. I think it just took me by surprise 'cause he and I talk just like any two guys, brothers...about many things - including women. If I look at this logically...I have to believe he is accepting of me being TS, and has no issues with others who might be, or are, TS. I just never imagined he would try to justify using the wrong pronouns concerning someone who might have been TS. So far, besides the "he ain't heavy, he's my sibling" (), the only thing he's asked is if it's okay to continue calling me by the "shortened" version of my nickname...more acceptable (in my mind, and apparently his too) as a name for a guy. I've never had a problem with this as I realize to just up and change the name he's always known me by could be just as difficult as having to change pronouns. I know he accepts therealme, as when I arrived on my recent visit, he asked a favour of me (concerning bathroom habits) that he would not have had to ask of a female visitor. So yeah, I guess it's okay. But no matter what he calls me, I would like for him to understand why he should be respectful of how a person identifies, and react accordingly. -Michael

A [very] few here know that I was sweating bullets when I decided to tell the three most important people in my life about my trueself - my mum, my girlfriend and my brother. I was worried that I would lose their love. I didn't, but things didn't remain all that smooth. While I lost the support of my mother a few short months later, my g/f and brother seemed to stay the course. Now, I have to question just where my brother's feelings are on all this. He has been understanding and supportive. But today, he sorta shook my faith in him. Maybe it's unfounded. I dunno. I took him to take care of something. I stayed in my truck. When he came back to the truck, he said he had seen an MTF, but sorta bragged that it wasn't the first time he had seen one. Well, I had seen a woman earlier pass by, and no, she didn't have much of the classic "hourglass" shape and wasn't graceful as some ballet dancer...but come on, geez...not all women are. Doesn't mean right off that it's got to be a man in drag or a transwoman. But for some reason, when he said what he did, I asked, "a woman in a brown t-shirt?" He said, "yes." Then he went on to point out that the area is cool with stuff like that. I told him I never said anything about the area he lived in being intolerant or anything like that. We had had a discussion a few days prior and I had made comments about in general... society is not quite as accepting of transexual people as society might like some to believe. So he went on to say that it was no big deal in his town, and that no one had even paid him any attention. I commented that, "yes, I had seen her, but I didn't see her and think to myself, there's a transwoman." That my brother called the woman "him" had not escaped me, and I asked him, "why did you refer to her as "him" then?" He got a little indignant, as if I was implying that he had a problem with transexual people. So I said to him, she identifies as female, I don't think she would like someone referring to her as a man. He actually went through an explaination that even though she is MTF, if she looks like a man, and after all she is genetically a man, that's why he referred to her as a man. I was astonished. I didn't even know what to say. He said it was no big deal, that it shouldn't matter what anyone is or what they are called. Then shortly after, he asked me if I would have questioned our mother if she had said the same thing. I told him that I would, not that she would bring the subject up anyway...but that yes, I would have asked her the same question. He got a bit ticked and didn't talk to me for the rest of the afternoon... not because he was wrong (he doesn't feel he was), but because I challenged his tolerance. I dunno how to take this from him. I mean...he has told his friends that his "sibling" is transgender. Unless absolutely necessary...he no longer refers to me as his sister, but he doesn't refer to me as his brother either, which I can sort of accept 'cause after all...I'm not transitioned yet. He knows I bind and pack. I really thought it was all cool with him. Until today. I now have one solid ally left... my girlfriend. She's the only one now (of the three I've come out to) who hasn't let me down. Dunno what I'll do if she snatches my faith in her out from under me.... -David Michael

I was checking out some links on a page of links for transmen and ran across this website - http://safe2pee.org/new/, where you can find single and gender neutral bathrooms in public settings. Might be useful, and is apparently not just for here in the U.S., but in other [limited?] countries as well. -Michael

Though in slightly different ways, transmen have to deal with public bathroom issues also. For guys like me who don't look all that feminine to begin with, there are often stares of disgust or disdain (not sure which) from women when I walk into a public bathroom. Occasionally, I will even startle a few. And there have even been a few situations where a woman entering the bathroom has turned and quickly exited after seeing me, thinking she was in the wrong bathroom. Unfortunately...though I might not be immediately perceived as female at first glance, I don't look male enough to go into the men's bathroom with totol confidence. And while transwomen might be at risk in some places in a men's room, I sorta think there would be more of an air of shock or disbelief if men noticed a transman (that isn't quite passing yet) in the men's room. I sorta get the impression that it is women who "raise an alarm," so-to-speak, when they encounter someone they believe to be of the wrong gender in their little corner of the world. But even if I didn't cause a stir in a men's room, I don't wanna be in that kinda spotlight - the women's room is bad enough. Because of the bathroom woes, I will go to the bathroom before going someplace...even if I have to stand there a few minutes and force a solitary drop out...just to keep from having to end up going somewhere in public. When I do find I have to go while I'm out somewhere, I will try to find a reason to go into a convenience store if one is near-by - they often have single seaters. I also scope out the locations of bathrooms as some places actually have single unisex/handicap bathrooms in addition to larger multi-stall facilities. Yeah...it's a pain - sometimes literally! It would be nice if we didn't have to fret so about where to go when we gotta go...whether male or female. -Mike

It seems that with the increased amount of information we read and hear today about trangenderism, and people being told that transexuals are born as such, and are aware of it at a very young age...it seems they tend to leave out the part that not all of us state our positions starting in those tender years, that not all children will insist that they are something contrary to their physical sex/assigned gender. Because of this...my mother is convinced that I am not what I say I am, because I never said anything as a child. I've told her that not all children do, but she doesn't buy it. A few weeks ago...I began to wonder if I am truly transexual simply because everyone keeps saying that a transexual child will begin to make a stand early in life. I've mentioned in a few posts that I learned at an early age that this was NOT something you told anyone, it wasn't something that was discussed. but I wondered... WHY did I not say anything? What was it that taught me that I shouldn't say anything? The obvious has a lot to do with the era in which I was raised, and of course that was dictated by the era in which my parents were raised. When I was a kid, you did what you were told, you did NOT talk back, you certainly never contradicted anything an adult said or told you. My parents were fairly strict. My dad was in the army. Back then, if the kids got in trouble...so did dad. And if dad got in trouble...boy!! were you in for it. Also, society still had a hand in things when I was growing up. It was nothing for a neighbor, teacher, priest, shopkeeper, or any other adult/authority/parent figure to set you straight if you were doing something wrong. And you obeyed. It was fairly uncommon for the most part to even mouth off to these non-familial individuals - chances are, if you did, your parents would soon find out. So it didn't really matter if you misbehaved in their presence or not. Consequently...I believe these factors are what pretty much kept my brother and me walking a fairly straight and narrow path. Okay...but, that might not completely explain why I didn't say anything. Then it dawned on me just yesterday. No, I didn't say anything. I did however take on certain postures and body language (emulated from the boys around me), and I had a liking for boys toys, or toys that were deemed appropriate for both boys and girls. I do remember a cowboy hat and gun and holster that I had at about age 4... so I apparently liked that kinda stuff even then. But perhaps at that age, my parents had no heartburn about buying those things for me. I'm sure they figured there was plenty of time to teach me what I was supposed to like and want. Anyway...I remember several specific occasions where I was sat down by one parent or the other and told that girls don't do this, girls don't do that... or sometimes it was worded "only boys do this," or "only boys want that." And I wish I had $5 for everytime my mum spat out, "are you a girl or a boy?!" Still to this day I don't know what she ever thought about me having never answered her. I only know that since coming out to her, and despite that she does not accept it...she has never asked me that question again. So I'm thinking that everytime I was chastised for acting or talking a certain way...that just reinforced the idea that I should never tell anyone who/what I was. I'm thinking that I can't be the only one. I know that today's kids are a lot different, and seem to have a lot more expressive freedom than when I was a kid, but surely even today, some kids remain silent. And this certainly was not the case for all TG/TS people about my age...but I still can't be the only one that stayed silent as a kid. If I am...then, that sorta makes me wonder if i truly am transexual....