KarenPayne

When to my best friend's today, we went to the mall for coffee and shopping. Didn't get to far, we are walking thru Macy's and she says, I want to get my upper lip done. So while standing there are sale's person asked if I wanted to have her do a make-up session. I thought, what the heck so I said yes. I told her that I am not much for makeup but would consider her doing it but was very interested in my eye area. As she is going through each step I am being told what she is doing and after doing one eye shows me compared to the undone eye. Since it was day time my eye's were done for day time. Next she did my face and contoured my eye brows. You really can't see the great job performed on me, it's not loud, instead it bends in nicely. How much did I spend EEK, $140 for makeup and better brushes. Next morning update: One attempt at doing my eye's, got it the first time!!! Also added a picture of the various products and note that the products are only for my eye's, five products with instructions on paper underneath. Did not include the brushes. One of the most important things is the "DONT STRAY" which is foundation. Yesterday the woman put eye makeup on her arm then another spot with foundation followed by eye makeup (top right) an sprayed both with water. One ran while the other did not. The mascara is to dye for. All the colors I purchased are perfect for my complexion.

Update, came home today and the pass-book and documents arrived woohoo.

Hi Briannah, Thanks for your reply. In my case I think they have kept my documents because I also applied for a pass-book which has not arrived yet and in a recent email it was indicated I may have up to three packages. On a side note, I really don't need the pass-book but thought, what the heck, get one

About just under two months I applied for my passport, three weeks later I was informed my birth certificate was not good, so I called, asked what needed to be done which was provide another one (which I had) and sent it to them. I never changed my original so it still says M for gender. Today I am now a proud owner of a US passport with F for gender. There was never anything mentioned about my gender change, only a birth certificate not being correct because it did not have my mother and father names on them while the second one did. Last thing is getting my papers back as they are originals but they did send an email indicating my pass-book is still yet to come and hope that is when my documents are returned to me. So for those following the same or similar path as me all I can say is gender change is a non-issue with the right documents e.g. Marci Bowers supplied me with the proper document the week after surgery. I now want to travel to England, Canada and the Philippines this year.

Continuing from my last entry, today I received an email (sent w/o giving out my personal address) from one of the men who was admiring me last weekend. He gave his name but could not figure out between two of them which one it was. So I replied back and found out it was yet another man whom I did not expect to receive an email from. Then I looked at his user name "The Monster" and remembered the owner saying he might be a good fit for me. I was told he can go forever in bed and has a monster (you know what). So I replied back to him indicating that we should talk this Saturday night, see where things go and he agreed. Still at odds to disclose my background as there are all types of people there, there is even a unicorn or two there, people into BDSM too. Think I will wait to see how things go as thinking about to what the owner/president said "if it were me I would not disclose you were male prior" I go back and forth with this because I don't want to surprise people and this is one of the problems with passing well. I did order another sexy dress for this weekend as I don't want to go there in the same outfit yet do have something for the following weekend (just how us girls think, especially blondes). Anyways he appears to maybe want more than just sex but also some time of relationship so we will have to see.

I've had feeling like you are having and can complete understand where you are coming from. Like you, I don't do patience very well either.

Thanks for the kind words Veronica. I am hoping next weekend will be even better regarding the club with socializing and play time. Doubt very much I would move on from here as I enjoy like minded people and sharing so others possibly may learn from what I have gone through and continue in this life.

With surgery like this is bound to be some degree of discomfort but I always view this as "Pain is transitory" and well worth the time it takes to recover. In regards to legs, I found it difficult to keep my arms down for breast augmentation and would guess this is similar to what you have gone through. Hopefuly they prescribed decent pain relief meds for you. Best wishes on a speedy recovery!!!

Well after writing this seems I went a bit past replying to your reply, oh dear, I am such a girl ​Thanks for the gracious compliments Veronica. Something your reply made me think of is how I presented myself in the conversations, was not overbearing or too quite but instead blended into their conversations. In my old identity I could easily dominate a conversation but as time travels I have been adapting as you will to the more feminine ways. I am sliding into a place where men feel very comfortable around me which brings me back to the attractive thing, I truly become overwhelmed at the attention received like last night or at the Miata club or out with friends at a bar. When leaving last night I did feel overwhelmed, in a manner of speaking my breath was taken away driving home. What really is hard to accept is that one of the men (very handsome) eluded that he wanted to perhaps get to know me for possibly a LTR. Perhaps years ago that might had been a consideration but over the past three years or so I have gotten use to my freedom. This freedom is one price I paid to transition. Transitioning from what I have read goes smoother for a single person who does not get heavily involve in a relationship yet I am sure there are those who do just fine but I felt better being single. Looking back now, for me the physical transformation is not enough to then go out and be in public such as this club but instead one must spend real time 24-7 to get into the new identity. Good to hear you got the coy thing, it's something that did not happen overnight either but developed per-say naturally out of how our society is and what is expected socially of a female. Thinking back to last night and the president's wife, she said no certain terms nobody suspected me as once being male. I feel the true reason is that time and persistence play a huge part with this which includes things like taken care of myself to what I have learned from voice lessons.

​I met some very intelligent, fun people last night who are there for both socializing and sex rather than simply sex. Learned there are just under 200 people in this club and that some make up to a two hour drive several times a month to attend. There was one couple, male, female that I could tell wanted to play with me from their demeanor and subtle innuendos towards me plus staying at my table were there were plenty of open tables to pick from. I have to admit that I was taken back at how very nice the people were and at the same time the attention (and I mean lots of it) given to me with conversation only.

I would not put much into this appraisal, I tried it again, this time I got 97 percent female and age 20. I look young for my age but give me a break, 20 for a 60 year old? There is another app, similarity meter. So I uploaded my male picture and my current picture and here is what I got.

Excited, going to a swingers club tonight. Last week I was given the tour and saw that it was just as much about sex as socializing. Tonight my plan is to socialize, get to know people and unless something intense happens will leave it at that. One of the things that I liked right up front is they don't give out their address until they exchange a few emails then invite you in before hours, 6 to 8 where the club officially opens for members at 8PM. For females the cost is twenty dollars per month. I was up front with them about being post-op, that was a non-issue with them but will be the first one. After the tour of the club the owner asked if I had any questions. I asked, should I come right out and tell members that I was formerly male. He said it was up to me but also said if he were me simply use good judgement and side on not telling them unless there happen to be an invite for playing with someone. Wearing a cute long sleeve (top drapes over the outer shoulders so no bra), just above the knee dress with Italian thigh highs with the black under the back with a garter belt, very little makeup, light eyeshadow and medium red lipstick. Update report I arrived at the club 30 minutes beforehand, was greeted by the president of the club and his wife and was introduced to several other early birds. I was asked if ready to join and said yes. Filled out a payment form, $15 for two weeks as a trial member. After two weeks the price for a month for light membership is $15 per month and full membership for $20 per month. How things went down, during the evening I was approached by a men in his early forties, talked with him for about an hour and saw he was interested. He went off to say hi to several other members then before his seat was cold had a female come over and chatted with me, next up three men who ended up getting into likes and dislikes sex stuff. They were both extremely interested in me and used the term "attractive woman" which I replied with (this is my way), thanks for the compliment but I see myself as average. One came back and said, you (me) are not average but very attractive. So I smiled and continued with the topic at hand. I was asked about me participating and said, not tonight as I want to learn the ropes. Of course the next question was "will you be back next weekend?", I said yes and will be ready to join in. Somehow we got talking about orgasams and I said that while sitting here talking I got off slightly by slightly pumping my hips while sitting down which I added could go for a long time but not to a full climax yet very satisfying just the same. I think one of my coy move was pulling up my dress in front of many men to adjust my garter belt. I slowly slid the dress up to my privates without showing them and spent about three minutes adjusting them. That got me more men coming over and saying hi. Oh, after about thirty minutes after arriving the president's wife chatted with me, first about a painting on the wall which the model had thigh highs which then had us talking about sexy underwear. She said at one point, I am so curious about seeing your vagina. I said, let me know when you want to see it and she said thanks. At this point we got into my current status as female, she said (as was indicated last week) to side on not telling members I was once male as my looks and voice (see made a point on the voice that it was female). Only disclose if I believe not telling would offend someone. The club is not about forging relationships outside of the club but instead to have a good time in the club. With that there are always the exceptions, one man said he was looking to get married again (oh lord, that's not me) and was looking at me. There was a cross-dresser there with his very supportive wife. My assessment of this person was, this is all about sex, not about passing. (S)he might pass, borderline but the voice was all male and not a completely clean shave. I will say this couple was a delight to chat with. BTW As told by more than one member, the club was setup to where females have the power per-say rather than men. There are some pretty heavy rules for anyone violating a female at the club. Permission is needed before physical contact and that females generally start things off e.g. there is a gang-bang event once a month where females are given wrist bands that they hand out to men who they want to be involved. Last week was gang-bang event, had six females going at it and heard it was great. I did not attend but did indicate I wanted to be in the event next month. Last thought, I believe my hair style was perfect, at the last minute I put my hair up in a pony tail and left strands of hair dangling down in the front which accented well with my black dress, and the black dress was the perfect choice for the night with the Italian style thigh highs, garter belt and FM (Fuck Me) black heels. Second update March 16th Today I received an email from one of the men I met, gave me his phone number, asked if we could meet again this weekend. So now I am contemplating my next action.

I agree with Veronica in regards to both of you sharing, not many couples do this.

Many relationships where one is transgender or cross-dresser that person in many cases does become self-centered until the spouse calls them out on it which at this point focus needs change from self-centered to being there for each other.

Congrats on your boobies

The truth here in my opinion is when hearing this (and have heard this many times) is what about your mental well-being? Can you envision yourself living a lie? The cold hard truth is, and should go without saying, see a qualified therapist and if they indicate you may very well be better off transitioning at one level or another to keep sane then it would be wise to entertain their thoughts on the matter of you, your life and your families lives. The atomic family is ever changing when only considering hetrosexual couples, toss in a third gender or a cisgender person who would be better off transitioning to the level of transition that makes them a well rounded person ought to be considered. My marriage, one reason for failure was I was living a lie. Lost a wife but through the years have always been close to my children and after transitioning I am here, I thinking of it as a late reboot down the road of life. Food for thought.

I am also a member of another cross-dresser/transgender site which is predominantly cross-dressers with a section for transgender. I frequent that site say once a week, sometimes every two weeks. I posted in the transgender area about my voice lessons and then the same day received a request to meet a member. Since I was heading in her direction to prom dress shopping with my best friend and her daughter I should sure. So this afternoon we were suppose to meet in front of Pandora's in the mall at 2PM but she was not there, said she was running late so Terry and I went for coffee then Victoria's Secrets shopping (Pandora, Macy's and Victoria's are my favs). While in VS I check my mail, she is in the mall so I said meet us at VS. I am going hog wild over thongs at this time but notice the line is super long so I decided not to purchase since she is meeting us shortly and not a minute later there she is. As the mall was super busy I suggested walking outside to talk. We chatted about many things including GRS and my condensed story as well as some of her history. She told me in these words "you are a pillar for the site". I thanked her. Then she asked, why are you taking voice lessons? I said to sound more female. Then the bombshell, (she response with) to tell you the truth your voice is female now. My friend Terry says, Karen has improved a lot in the past year (now the next part is hard to believe) since her surgery. I know that surgery does not change one's voice but I feel the change is mental, inside of me from talking female everyday for the past say 16 months. My voice coach tells me I need to work with her and I agree and then she goes on to say I am progressing faster than other clients woohoo. Next time this woman is in town she is taking me to dinner so we can chit chat more. BTW She is from Canada where the process sounds extremely long to get GRS unlike here in the US. Anyways I am going to eat the great dinner Terry sent home with me, later!

Great to hear you are making progress

I have meet our moderator here (the week after GRS where she took me out for a great dinner in California), only member that I have meet in person but had the pleasure to chat with several members here in the past where one member setup a conference call each Saturday. Although the conference calls did not last long I think they were an excellent idea as vocalizing verses writing is vastly different. I am hoping to meet two members here in person (and would like to meet more), one in the US and one in the UK, both know who they are when reading this. Just received a request to meet up with a member of another site (not nearly as good as this site) this afternoon. This member has been around for a long time and expect from reading her post this should be an excellent get together. Oh, and I told her I expect to hit the Pandora store while at this mall. With that, I am curious if other members have met up with other members here? Any on a similar note in regards to meeting people, this morning my best friend's daughter ask if I would be there with her and her mother to pick out her prom dress. I am so excited so has asked me.

Thanks Emma for sharing "I am a Girl" and could not be in more agreement about her. In regards to "Stop Thinking!", that was me at one point in time but could not accept myself as the feelings were relentless and overpowering that acceptance was impossible. Of course everyone is different whether they can or can't just be content at a particular "place" per-say.

This is by far one of the best entries I have read on this site, thank you for sharing and vindicating what I believe to be true.

Veronica, everything was fully functional but did mastered pleasuring myself whilst tucked.

Been on hormones for close to two years now and beginning to notice a difference in my brain from normal patterns of feeling unlike before and not certain how to put the changes into words even though I recognize not a subtle change but like dropping off a cliff. This involves general thought processes and emotions yet the emotional aspect has been changing small amounts over the entire time I have been on hormones. So far there is nothing negative in regards to the changes in my brain, only positive changes yet as mentioned above hard to put a handle on. Anyways been meaning to start an entry on this, have not gone very far at this point but will try to add “things” as my brain makes sense of things. For now it's simply another stepping stone in my journey.

Actually it was a rhetorical question in that who here would like them

My version of tucking requires two items, patience’s, some pain (maybe) and persistence in the beginning. Item one is called a gaff from “The Breast form store” in the smallest size possible. My waist, 32 inch which falls in to the medium size so I went to a small size gaff. Item two, Spanx compression boy shorts (same sizing idea as the gaff) where there are two types, non-compression and compression version. Procedure, pull up the gaff to just above the knees, pull up the boy shorts over the gaff. The next part at first should be done sitting down but after a few trail runs you (like me) should be able to do the following standing up. While sitting down with the gaff and boy shorts in position with one hand do a Vulcan greeting (you know from Star Trek, Mr. Spock “Live long and prosper”). In this position, the penis goes between the ring and middle fingers. Now pull the testacies into your body and here there is a region where the testacies will slip into the inguinal canal which at first may be difficult to place the testacies into and to be honest depending on the sensitivity of the penis it may become erect. If it becomes erect stop everything and relax until the erection subsides. Once the testacies are in place, with the other hand tuck the penis between the legs and move both legs together. Quickly pull up the garments into place, as tight as possible and know with pushing things into a tight area may hurt so don’t move right away if this happens. The boy shorts will extend up to your naval, I suggest folding them down so they are almost like a bikini bottom. From here spend time as per above around the house. It’s been over twenty years since I started this but vaguely remembering after about a week there was zero pain involved. Additional things to work into the above, a panty liner inside the gaff when it’s very hot weather which helps to keep things dry. When done as laid out above you should be able to wear skin tight jeans and leggings without any sign of a penis or testacies. The Spanx boy shorts last time I purchased them were 44 dollars, not cheap. Two gaffs go for twenty dollars. That is a real investment and when I say investment the two items will last over 12 months when washed and cared for. This means if you tuck every day you will need at least one extra of both. I have two Spanx boy shorts in size small, still in the original packaging, never opened. Well now I have a vagina they are sitting in my closet hanging there. So what is a girl to do with the two pair, one black, and one tan? Any suggestions? When done right expect this