KarenPayne

Great to hear you are making progress

I have meet our moderator here (the week after GRS where she took me out for a great dinner in California), only member that I have meet in person but had the pleasure to chat with several members here in the past where one member setup a conference call each Saturday. Although the conference calls did not last long I think they were an excellent idea as vocalizing verses writing is vastly different. I am hoping to meet two members here in person (and would like to meet more), one in the US and one in the UK, both know who they are when reading this. Just received a request to meet up with a member of another site (not nearly as good as this site) this afternoon. This member has been around for a long time and expect from reading her post this should be an excellent get together. Oh, and I told her I expect to hit the Pandora store while at this mall. With that, I am curious if other members have met up with other members here? Any on a similar note in regards to meeting people, this morning my best friend's daughter ask if I would be there with her and her mother to pick out her prom dress. I am so excited so has asked me.

Thanks Emma for sharing "I am a Girl" and could not be in more agreement about her. In regards to "Stop Thinking!", that was me at one point in time but could not accept myself as the feelings were relentless and overpowering that acceptance was impossible. Of course everyone is different whether they can or can't just be content at a particular "place" per-say.

This is by far one of the best entries I have read on this site, thank you for sharing and vindicating what I believe to be true.

Veronica, everything was fully functional but did mastered pleasuring myself whilst tucked.

Been on hormones for close to two years now and beginning to notice a difference in my brain from normal patterns of feeling unlike before and not certain how to put the changes into words even though I recognize not a subtle change but like dropping off a cliff. This involves general thought processes and emotions yet the emotional aspect has been changing small amounts over the entire time I have been on hormones. So far there is nothing negative in regards to the changes in my brain, only positive changes yet as mentioned above hard to put a handle on. Anyways been meaning to start an entry on this, have not gone very far at this point but will try to add “things” as my brain makes sense of things. For now it's simply another stepping stone in my journey.

Actually it was a rhetorical question in that who here would like them

My version of tucking requires two items, patience’s, some pain (maybe) and persistence in the beginning. Item one is called a gaff from “The Breast form store” in the smallest size possible. My waist, 32 inch which falls in to the medium size so I went to a small size gaff. Item two, Spanx compression boy shorts (same sizing idea as the gaff) where there are two types, non-compression and compression version. Procedure, pull up the gaff to just above the knees, pull up the boy shorts over the gaff. The next part at first should be done sitting down but after a few trail runs you (like me) should be able to do the following standing up. While sitting down with the gaff and boy shorts in position with one hand do a Vulcan greeting (you know from Star Trek, Mr. Spock “Live long and prosper”). In this position, the penis goes between the ring and middle fingers. Now pull the testacies into your body and here there is a region where the testacies will slip into the inguinal canal which at first may be difficult to place the testacies into and to be honest depending on the sensitivity of the penis it may become erect. If it becomes erect stop everything and relax until the erection subsides. Once the testacies are in place, with the other hand tuck the penis between the legs and move both legs together. Quickly pull up the garments into place, as tight as possible and know with pushing things into a tight area may hurt so don’t move right away if this happens. The boy shorts will extend up to your naval, I suggest folding them down so they are almost like a bikini bottom. From here spend time as per above around the house. It’s been over twenty years since I started this but vaguely remembering after about a week there was zero pain involved. Additional things to work into the above, a panty liner inside the gaff when it’s very hot weather which helps to keep things dry. When done as laid out above you should be able to wear skin tight jeans and leggings without any sign of a penis or testacies. The Spanx boy shorts last time I purchased them were 44 dollars, not cheap. Two gaffs go for twenty dollars. That is a real investment and when I say investment the two items will last over 12 months when washed and cared for. This means if you tuck every day you will need at least one extra of both. I have two Spanx boy shorts in size small, still in the original packaging, never opened. Well now I have a vagina they are sitting in my closet hanging there. So what is a girl to do with the two pair, one black, and one tan? Any suggestions? When done right expect this

Once tucking is mastered at least for me it would take less than 30 seconds on average to tuck without any telltale signs of private parts showing. There were times when it took longer but not very often. I am going to write a blog entry on this topic this week.

A few things that come to mind with humor. You can (or should not) go into a bar without a companionFemales include you in their secret chit-chats (that's why I transitioned, just for that)Make sure to read the restroom sign (ooooops I made that mistake already, got some looks)Female products have a "Woman Tax"Pany liners uugYou start noticing things like oh, my legs look crappy, exfoliating timeStay way from Victoria's Secret's, you can pass by one and not buy a new bra, panties, lotions etc.Panties rubbing against private parts may cause unexpected O's that will not stopIt's more difficult to shave underarms with real breast.You will put a thong on backwards at least onceShoe purchases increase, you need a room for all your shoes so you kick your son out to do this (only kidding, gave him two months)It may not seem like it but dilation is crap at first but gets better and less frequent. The real thing is a better way to dilate Larger than a 34B cup bras come in less colors (damit), stores seem to cater to 34B more than 36C.It will become more and more apparent "It's a man's world"Dating becomes (at least for me) easier but also you get to see things through a mirror.You now love to listen to Katy PerryClothing and shoes, at home becomes optionalYou enjoy Tofu and fruit cakeToilet seats seem less cold (yeah right)Toilet paper, can't be without it now. I keep a roll in my car and wipes in my handbagYour journey is finished, far from it.The ride is more enjoyable through life.Miss something from your former life (penis envy haha), there are strap ons for you.I am sure there are many more things I have not thought about.

Sorry to hear how life has been for you, hoping things will get better over time.

Hope both of you get well soon.

Congrats on moving forward with breast augmentation. One thing about HRT, the longer you are on this your breast for most will expand and will allow better fit for the new breast. I was in rest mode for four days afterwards after a three plus hours for surgery. One of the difficult things is restraining from using your arms e.g. can't raise them very high. For three weeks was in a binder and during that time was instructed to apply a special lotion to my breast. Thought for you, rather than going in with a predetermined cup size listen to the surgeon for their opinion. I asked for B but they rationalized a C cup which afterwards I feel was the correct size. Personally I just didn't feel right to have my breast done before GRS but I think I am in a small group as most get them first or at the same time as GRS. Any ways I am happy for you.

​Emma, thanks for the compliment. In regards to can't sleep, I am usually in bed by 7:30 on weekdays, at work by 5AM. It's simply how my body is, guess you could say I am a morning person

Eve, the picture was taken in the early eighties in Philadelphia Pennsylvania. I believe it's more forgiving now but not nearly as well as the West Coast where I reside now. Now in New York, not far from Pennsylvania they are very acceptive of trans people for the most part.

Veronica, Reminiscing back to when that picture was taken, I was hit on many times by men who had no clue to my true gender and the frustration came with that of not having female parts so that I might be able to engage physically with these men. Back then and that location was far from forgiving to trans people.

Last week I came home, get out of my car and my neighbor is with her sister. The sister lived here about five years ago and lived right next door to me while i prior to my transformation. So I chat with my neighbor and her sister doesn't say anything to me so I believe she does not approve of my transformation. Today my neighbor informs me that her sister had no clue who I was and had asked her "what happen to Kevin", she replied "Karen was Kevin", her jaw dropped and responded with "I would had never guessed they were the same person". Then my neighbor told me about a year ago her husband and her were coming home, he says (pointing to me walking down the street) she is hot, she slaps him and says "do you know who that is?" before he could reply she explained things. She said that is why he had stopped saying good morning to me, he was embarrassed that he thought I was someone else. I told her he should not feel that way and next thing you know he started to say good morning again. I find this all interesting that these things happen until I look at my old pictures from two years ago and my present appearance. One thing I always keep in mind is that one must first have some foundation in body and face for this to happen else facial surgery is required. I always can nit-pick myself thinking if I had this or that surgery I would look better but that time has gone, thirty years ago yes I would had some some of these surgeries but at just under 60 years old heck no. Nail Salon today So I went to get my nails filled, I got there 15 minutes early, said to one of the ladies, I need to use the restroom first. When I come out another worker said, "Karen, thought you were going in the back to get waxed" I said, the hairs on my leg don't grow anymore. A customer, guessing well over sixty say "same here", another lady asked if I had been through menopause, you don't look that old. Okay, quick thinking here, do I tell her about my past? Nope but when I blurt out my age out comes 50 then I stuttered...59. I am so use to telling new people I meet that I am 50 as when I tell them almost 60 we get into a conversation that I don't care to be in, Anyways what woman in her right mind tells her real age at my age? So I use to get shellac which was $30, went to acrylic where the first time was $65 then $30. Today I was kind of shocked when the worker said twenty dollars for today, nice way to end the day Acrylic is a great way to have french nails done and they are so much stronger then shellac. In the past two months I have not had any issues with acrylic while I did break a few nails with shellac.

Veronica, Where I was coming from was from well done specials, two in particular that followed (two in each) four people going from their born gender to their inner gender. Spouses were very supportive until either surgery or soon after surgery. Also from a series on Life time channel where two men were transitioning and their spouses left way before surgery. Don't get me wrong, I think it would be fantastic if the tables were turned and only a small percent left but seeing these specials and having discussion with people it surely seems the opposite.

Verbal communication beats out mental thoughts hands down as what may sound good in the brain without speech may not translate well into the spoken word. Best of luck today.

Thanks for the reply, i happy for those were spouses support them but have not heard anyone here who had surgery and can attest to their spouse staying with them. Statistics show that keeping the male genitals keeps many marriages together but afterwards many eventually leave.

There are no substitutes for a smooth face like electrolysis for the face. Been there, tried a bunch then did electrolysis 15 years ago and so happy since then.

Briannah, thanks for your response and candor. My main objective for my entry was to get members here thinking past HRT and dressing to GRS as I know many don't and this is more so for cisgender not gay or lesbians who have a higher rate of keeping a marriage in tack. The thing about "I am still the same person...", I used that term for interacting with people when i announced the hard date for my surgeries and not for relationships as this is new territory as I never dated a man, always females so I can't be the same person in relationships with a lover. You mentioned the breast forms were not what was expected, hopefully they did not cost a lot. Before my breast augmentation I purchased mine from "The Breast Store" and purchased these forms. When I purchased the forms my requirements had nothing to do with how they felt to the touch but instead how they felt moving throughout the day. I tried many breast forms through the years (over thirty years) and these by far were the best.

I have been around a few people at various points in their journey and watched several specials on true stories of transitioning and come away with a not so surprising conclusion. In most cases when a cisgender male who is married to a cisgender female comes out to her where she is accepting until he sets an hard date for gender reassignment surgery 99 percent get the eye's wide open thing going on, "he is really going to do it", "No more cisgender sex", "Wait a minute, I did not sign on for this". Seems when the penis goes so do many spouses. Now I don't believe it's just the penis as many married couples have less sexual encounters over the years it's now knowing conventional love making is out the door and the strong man they married is no more which comes from society drilling this into us from day one. Can you truly blame the partner for wanting "out" of the relationship? In the minds of many non-traditionals (non-cisgender) we don't see things the same way the significant other sees things and I believe for some this can change. I would love to hear what others think on this topic.