KarenPayne

Once tucking is mastered at least for me it would take less than 30 seconds on average to tuck without any telltale signs of private parts showing. There were times when it took longer but not very often. I am going to write a blog entry on this topic this week.

A few things that come to mind with humor. You can (or should not) go into a bar without a companionFemales include you in their secret chit-chats (that's why I transitioned, just for that)Make sure to read the restroom sign (ooooops I made that mistake already, got some looks)Female products have a "Woman Tax"Pany liners uugYou start noticing things like oh, my legs look crappy, exfoliating timeStay way from Victoria's Secret's, you can pass by one and not buy a new bra, panties, lotions etc.Panties rubbing against private parts may cause unexpected O's that will not stopIt's more difficult to shave underarms with real breast.You will put a thong on backwards at least onceShoe purchases increase, you need a room for all your shoes so you kick your son out to do this (only kidding, gave him two months)It may not seem like it but dilation is crap at first but gets better and less frequent. The real thing is a better way to dilate Larger than a 34B cup bras come in less colors (damit), stores seem to cater to 34B more than 36C.It will become more and more apparent "It's a man's world"Dating becomes (at least for me) easier but also you get to see things through a mirror.You now love to listen to Katy PerryClothing and shoes, at home becomes optionalYou enjoy Tofu and fruit cakeToilet seats seem less cold (yeah right)Toilet paper, can't be without it now. I keep a roll in my car and wipes in my handbagYour journey is finished, far from it.The ride is more enjoyable through life.Miss something from your former life (penis envy haha), there are strap ons for you.I am sure there are many more things I have not thought about.

Sorry to hear how life has been for you, hoping things will get better over time.

Hope both of you get well soon.

Congrats on moving forward with breast augmentation. One thing about HRT, the longer you are on this your breast for most will expand and will allow better fit for the new breast. I was in rest mode for four days afterwards after a three plus hours for surgery. One of the difficult things is restraining from using your arms e.g. can't raise them very high. For three weeks was in a binder and during that time was instructed to apply a special lotion to my breast. Thought for you, rather than going in with a predetermined cup size listen to the surgeon for their opinion. I asked for B but they rationalized a C cup which afterwards I feel was the correct size. Personally I just didn't feel right to have my breast done before GRS but I think I am in a small group as most get them first or at the same time as GRS. Any ways I am happy for you.

​Emma, thanks for the compliment. In regards to can't sleep, I am usually in bed by 7:30 on weekdays, at work by 5AM. It's simply how my body is, guess you could say I am a morning person

Eve, the picture was taken in the early eighties in Philadelphia Pennsylvania. I believe it's more forgiving now but not nearly as well as the West Coast where I reside now. Now in New York, not far from Pennsylvania they are very acceptive of trans people for the most part.

Veronica, Reminiscing back to when that picture was taken, I was hit on many times by men who had no clue to my true gender and the frustration came with that of not having female parts so that I might be able to engage physically with these men. Back then and that location was far from forgiving to trans people.

Last week I came home, get out of my car and my neighbor is with her sister. The sister lived here about five years ago and lived right next door to me while i prior to my transformation. So I chat with my neighbor and her sister doesn't say anything to me so I believe she does not approve of my transformation. Today my neighbor informs me that her sister had no clue who I was and had asked her "what happen to Kevin", she replied "Karen was Kevin", her jaw dropped and responded with "I would had never guessed they were the same person". Then my neighbor told me about a year ago her husband and her were coming home, he says (pointing to me walking down the street) she is hot, she slaps him and says "do you know who that is?" before he could reply she explained things. She said that is why he had stopped saying good morning to me, he was embarrassed that he thought I was someone else. I told her he should not feel that way and next thing you know he started to say good morning again. I find this all interesting that these things happen until I look at my old pictures from two years ago and my present appearance. One thing I always keep in mind is that one must first have some foundation in body and face for this to happen else facial surgery is required. I always can nit-pick myself thinking if I had this or that surgery I would look better but that time has gone, thirty years ago yes I would had some some of these surgeries but at just under 60 years old heck no. Nail Salon today So I went to get my nails filled, I got there 15 minutes early, said to one of the ladies, I need to use the restroom first. When I come out another worker said, "Karen, thought you were going in the back to get waxed" I said, the hairs on my leg don't grow anymore. A customer, guessing well over sixty say "same here", another lady asked if I had been through menopause, you don't look that old. Okay, quick thinking here, do I tell her about my past? Nope but when I blurt out my age out comes 50 then I stuttered...59. I am so use to telling new people I meet that I am 50 as when I tell them almost 60 we get into a conversation that I don't care to be in, Anyways what woman in her right mind tells her real age at my age? So I use to get shellac which was $30, went to acrylic where the first time was $65 then $30. Today I was kind of shocked when the worker said twenty dollars for today, nice way to end the day Acrylic is a great way to have french nails done and they are so much stronger then shellac. In the past two months I have not had any issues with acrylic while I did break a few nails with shellac.

Veronica, Where I was coming from was from well done specials, two in particular that followed (two in each) four people going from their born gender to their inner gender. Spouses were very supportive until either surgery or soon after surgery. Also from a series on Life time channel where two men were transitioning and their spouses left way before surgery. Don't get me wrong, I think it would be fantastic if the tables were turned and only a small percent left but seeing these specials and having discussion with people it surely seems the opposite.

Verbal communication beats out mental thoughts hands down as what may sound good in the brain without speech may not translate well into the spoken word. Best of luck today.

Thanks for the reply, i happy for those were spouses support them but have not heard anyone here who had surgery and can attest to their spouse staying with them. Statistics show that keeping the male genitals keeps many marriages together but afterwards many eventually leave.

There are no substitutes for a smooth face like electrolysis for the face. Been there, tried a bunch then did electrolysis 15 years ago and so happy since then.

Briannah, thanks for your response and candor. My main objective for my entry was to get members here thinking past HRT and dressing to GRS as I know many don't and this is more so for cisgender not gay or lesbians who have a higher rate of keeping a marriage in tack. The thing about "I am still the same person...", I used that term for interacting with people when i announced the hard date for my surgeries and not for relationships as this is new territory as I never dated a man, always females so I can't be the same person in relationships with a lover. You mentioned the breast forms were not what was expected, hopefully they did not cost a lot. Before my breast augmentation I purchased mine from "The Breast Store" and purchased these forms. When I purchased the forms my requirements had nothing to do with how they felt to the touch but instead how they felt moving throughout the day. I tried many breast forms through the years (over thirty years) and these by far were the best.

I have been around a few people at various points in their journey and watched several specials on true stories of transitioning and come away with a not so surprising conclusion. In most cases when a cisgender male who is married to a cisgender female comes out to her where she is accepting until he sets an hard date for gender reassignment surgery 99 percent get the eye's wide open thing going on, "he is really going to do it", "No more cisgender sex", "Wait a minute, I did not sign on for this". Seems when the penis goes so do many spouses. Now I don't believe it's just the penis as many married couples have less sexual encounters over the years it's now knowing conventional love making is out the door and the strong man they married is no more which comes from society drilling this into us from day one. Can you truly blame the partner for wanting "out" of the relationship? In the minds of many non-traditionals (non-cisgender) we don't see things the same way the significant other sees things and I believe for some this can change. I would love to hear what others think on this topic.

To start off I take a break every hour at work, walk down three stories, head outside for a few minutes then back to work. Although we have three elevators many uses the stairs and with that I pass several people that I don't know (we have over 1,000 employees). This one lady stopped me several weeks ago whom I have never spoken to before were the conversation was everyday stuff. This morning she stopped me again and at one point said she never said anything before to me when I was male was because I appeared unapproachable, distant and never smiled. She then said since I transitioned she noticed no male traits and that I am always the complete opposite from when I was male. In the conversation I told her about me being wrapped up in doing executive security and teach self-defense may very well have contributed to my demeanor coupled with being unhappy as a male. She told me that I was handsome as a male and pretty as a female. So I pulled out my current and former driver license. She stared at them and said "you know you look so much younger now" and I said I believe it's the hormones plus good genes. So I walked away from this I believe with a new friend who spoke frankly to me. While writing the above it reminded me of last Friday when I had a first time voice lesson. During the introduction she observed all feminine traits I had and actually pointed them all out which made me happy as I make no conscious effort to do so. I have to say my first impression after our hour was up was, she is perfect for me and there was so forward motion too. Now with that I can see where I want to be and there is indeed work ahead but she said compared to other trans clients I was doing much better than others but stressed in the beginning it will be mentally difficult working with the various aspects of "the voice".

Best thing to do is hang in there until after surgery if at all possible. There are (as I am sure you are aware of) many roadblocks, some very real like a brick wall while others are what you make of them.

​We keep a low profile in regards to speed It is really all about the curves for lead drivers such as me, the majority of the pack tend to get a tad left behind on some drivers which is why we use walkie talkies for the lead and trailing drivers.

Thought I share a shot of some of the cars I drive with every Saturday morning. Mine is second from the right.

Down another 9LB.

Weighed myself today, two pounds less then what I was last year at this time (one week before surgery).

Happy to report that I am having excellent results losing weight. Over the past two months have lost all the weight I put on since gender reassignment surgery which was 20 pounds. I do believe my eating habits were good most of the time but think that hormones played a factor here coupled with a pre-existing thyroid issue. To get where I am, greatly increased water consumption, run one hour four nights a week, no fast food were contributing factors. My weight history, was 130LB in 2000, thyroid issues kicked in and went to 160LB because the doctor could not control it but they finally did. For almost 10 years I kept gaining weight but to look at me as a male there was no pot belly or tell-tale signs of my weight. Hormones did not help in any of this. Back in September I weighed 198LB. Currently I am at 178LB and my goal is 140LB before the end of this year but will accept 150LB nothing higher. Over the past few weeks I have been telling people about me losing weight and get the stock reply, you are thin why do you want to lose weight. My reply is for health and to feel better slipping into skimpy clothes. So for the past several years I worked at gender surgery and I was tenacious until surgery was done. I am applying the same for losing weight. Now it's out there which is another motivator and hope that what I have done and currently doing might inspire others if they don't see the light at the end of the proverbial tunnel.

My best female friend whom we both see each other as sisters expressed to me that I should write my life story down that encompasses everything (well except for things I have non-disclosure agreements for e.g. work done for the military as a contracter). My first thought was there are many others like me, what makes my story different. She said that 1. did it at the right time 2. did not let anything stop me 3. had a positive attitude. Event with that there are still many like me so I am asking what others think.

Congrats, sounds like smooth sailing ahead

All fabulous news In regards to top surgery, one thing I learned was first researching a surgeon where mine was selected through a consultation and found him and his assistant to be great along with allowing him to decide to cup size which was spot on and was not the cup size I would had picked but now know he made the best choice for me. Best wishes on your ongoing journey.