KarenPayne

To start off I take a break every hour at work, walk down three stories, head outside for a few minutes then back to work. Although we have three elevators many uses the stairs and with that I pass several people that I don't know (we have over 1,000 employees). This one lady stopped me several weeks ago whom I have never spoken to before were the conversation was everyday stuff. This morning she stopped me again and at one point said she never said anything before to me when I was male was because I appeared unapproachable, distant and never smiled. She then said since I transitioned she noticed no male traits and that I am always the complete opposite from when I was male. In the conversation I told her about me being wrapped up in doing executive security and teach self-defense may very well have contributed to my demeanor coupled with being unhappy as a male. She told me that I was handsome as a male and pretty as a female. So I pulled out my current and former driver license. She stared at them and said "you know you look so much younger now" and I said I believe it's the hormones plus good genes. So I walked away from this I believe with a new friend who spoke frankly to me. While writing the above it reminded me of last Friday when I had a first time voice lesson. During the introduction she observed all feminine traits I had and actually pointed them all out which made me happy as I make no conscious effort to do so. I have to say my first impression after our hour was up was, she is perfect for me and there was so forward motion too. Now with that I can see where I want to be and there is indeed work ahead but she said compared to other trans clients I was doing much better than others but stressed in the beginning it will be mentally difficult working with the various aspects of "the voice".

Best thing to do is hang in there until after surgery if at all possible. There are (as I am sure you are aware of) many roadblocks, some very real like a brick wall while others are what you make of them.

​We keep a low profile in regards to speed It is really all about the curves for lead drivers such as me, the majority of the pack tend to get a tad left behind on some drivers which is why we use walkie talkies for the lead and trailing drivers.

Thought I share a shot of some of the cars I drive with every Saturday morning. Mine is second from the right.

Down another 9LB.

Weighed myself today, two pounds less then what I was last year at this time (one week before surgery).

Happy to report that I am having excellent results losing weight. Over the past two months have lost all the weight I put on since gender reassignment surgery which was 20 pounds. I do believe my eating habits were good most of the time but think that hormones played a factor here coupled with a pre-existing thyroid issue. To get where I am, greatly increased water consumption, run one hour four nights a week, no fast food were contributing factors. My weight history, was 130LB in 2000, thyroid issues kicked in and went to 160LB because the doctor could not control it but they finally did. For almost 10 years I kept gaining weight but to look at me as a male there was no pot belly or tell-tale signs of my weight. Hormones did not help in any of this. Back in September I weighed 198LB. Currently I am at 178LB and my goal is 140LB before the end of this year but will accept 150LB nothing higher. Over the past few weeks I have been telling people about me losing weight and get the stock reply, you are thin why do you want to lose weight. My reply is for health and to feel better slipping into skimpy clothes. So for the past several years I worked at gender surgery and I was tenacious until surgery was done. I am applying the same for losing weight. Now it's out there which is another motivator and hope that what I have done and currently doing might inspire others if they don't see the light at the end of the proverbial tunnel.

My best female friend whom we both see each other as sisters expressed to me that I should write my life story down that encompasses everything (well except for things I have non-disclosure agreements for e.g. work done for the military as a contracter). My first thought was there are many others like me, what makes my story different. She said that 1. did it at the right time 2. did not let anything stop me 3. had a positive attitude. Event with that there are still many like me so I am asking what others think.

Congrats, sounds like smooth sailing ahead

All fabulous news In regards to top surgery, one thing I learned was first researching a surgeon where mine was selected through a consultation and found him and his assistant to be great along with allowing him to decide to cup size which was spot on and was not the cup size I would had picked but now know he made the best choice for me. Best wishes on your ongoing journey.

I was born September 24, 1956 but have now declared my new birthday as January 27 as this is the date to commemorate my correct gender. I was surprised that on Facebook they allow you to change your birthday up to three times while I figured unless you have done something along the lines of what I did you would get it right the first time. Some might have issues with changing one's birthday yet I don't. Along the same lines when I changed my gender marker and first name I changed my last name too as this (at least for me) was one more thing what had to be done to wash away my former identity. Something for you to consider or not, changing one's last name might be right for you. The single downside when I did this was my login name at work did not change because after working there for 20+ years it would be a real chore to apply all my security settings. This is no different than a female married, takes the husbands last name, same applies so it's nothing to do with changing gender (way of topic). Up side is I have two birthdays in 12 months woo-hoo.

I still get chills looking back at my scuba qualification (18 years old at the time) the ocean was cold and stormy weather eek.

​Hi Eve, never gave it a second thought as I know well that sometimes wheels turn ever so slowly

Eve, let me say I found it humorous and spontaneous myself, especially when the customer walked in, wish I had a picture of this lol.

I was coming home from the grocery store and thought "I have not been to the toy store recently, think I will stop in for a few minutes". So I walk in, young female sales person greets me "HI how are you doing today", I replied "Great", next comes "if there are any questions or if you want something opened let me know". I said, just browsing, nothing in particular. So I first go to the female toys, about two minutes go by and she comes over and said what do you think of this? She has what looks like a normal dildo but then said "hold on to it and shake it". Well I was not expecting what happened next. I said my favorite toy was, pointed to it. She says, I see you have a high end taste. I came back and said, sure makes traffic jams more pleasant. (note, there are no other customers in the store). She walks away with the interesting toy, I move down and start to check out the strap on equipment, I look up and she is about four feet from me so I said, which one do you like? No hesitation, she pointed out the one she uses and we get into a discussion over other ones. Must have pulled out four of them and LOL we are both pulling them up over our jeans, mind you both of us are standing in the backend of the store with strap-ons having a discussion and a male customer walks in. She say "Want to play", customer "Jaw drops",. me, I turn around and we kiss. Male customer, "oh my". So she takes off the toy and calmly walks up to him and said "what can I do for you today", male customer "I am lost, after seeing what you two did I completely forgot what I came in for. I walk up to the door and said to her, "was nice meeting you", she, "same here, winks her eye", him while looking at her, "you don't know her?", her, now I do. So did I leave empty handed, all depends on one's perspective.

That's so wonderful you found a dress that sounds perfect for you.

I was on another site for trans and cross-dressers and read the following line. The problem is that you can only hold beach ball under water in the deep end of the pool for so long. It eventually will slip out of your hands and rise to the surface. It will probably also hit your chin and hurt you on its way. That is a great line when at least thinking of myself prior to surgery and I am betting many before and after surgery can relate to this. Think I was just about there for the chin shot but happily avoided it. If you have done research for many it's a sledge hammer early on before having much life experience which can lead to dark thoughts and physical pain while others will endure until no matter how much of an effort is put forth the ball comes up.

The majority who are transgender that want to have surgery don't have funds to move forward. The best path is to be diligent and save money for surgery and not lost focus on the end goal. One day you might have nothing to contribute while other times a few dollars. No matter it adds up in time and the key is time. There are no magic path other than saving money but if you have two dollars to spare then by all means get a Power ball ticket for tomorrow's lottery, 450 million dollars. I might play the lottery once every couple of years but think this one is worth playing even though there are low odds of me winning. What would I do if I won? Put my lottery ticket in my safe deposit box, tell absolutely nobody I had a winning ticket. Go about my daily life while seeking out someone to manage my money without disclosing I won the lottery. Once you are known as a winner everyone becomes your friend so I would immediately move, don't know where but would be someplace I was not known for winning the lottery. After that I would plan out my next moves. I would plan out my future very carefully by all means. Any ways, got two dollars, take a chance.

That's good to hear you had a good Christmas