KarenPayne

​They were lured in

I find it interesting that my new car seems to draw a good deal of attention to me. Friday I decided to wash the car out in front of my house on the street simply because car washing places are not good for convertibles. Any ways a middle age man walks down the street and says hello, I say hello back, he keeps walking. Then about five minutes later he walks back up the street and says "you are breaking my heart, you look fine today girl". I immediately can tell no matter what I say he is going to use that as an open door to talk to me so I simply act like I don't hear him so there is no opening for him. I take a quick glance up and he smiles, I don't and continue washing the car. Then about 15 or so minutes later I am heading inside and there he is again. At this point any advances he attempts I would had gone into my mode of "you asked for this" meaning I would had taught him a lesson he would not soon forget if you caught my drift. Over the past few months I am surely learning how woman feel if similar situations and have sympathy for them and it appears it's on me too. Of course there are decent men too, at my friends house yesterday I was standing by my car and a twenty something man walks by, smiles and complimented me how I looked and that I had a sweet ride. I smiled, said thank you and he kept on going. Turns out I see him get into his car, a very nice BMW sports car. I can't stress this too much that once you are out, passing with no issues and look good that you are going to be hit on. Depending on your mindset most of us who transitioned will have no clue on how to handle these situations, not much different than a teenage girl getting hit on for the first time. Consider what you will say, how you will react beforehand so that you are not actin awkward and bring undue attention as this can be problematic if they get it in their head something is not right or you leave an opening for them to continue their attempt to seduce you and this is not what you wanted. Even if you want this you still need to be prepared so all goes well. There have been a few times when I first was out after surgery that I was a tad under prepared and learned from this. Now I even flirt for the right female or male. Food for thought

Welcome aboard Kourtney, this is a great place to learn and grow, hope you enjoy your time here.

​My first thought is, if you had cancer they would remove them right? If that is your only option how much reduction would they do?

I bet some places demand more for parking in NYC dependent on the area.

Christie, thinking about your MG midget, what started me on sports cars was when I was dating a woman back in my late teenage years who had a triumph spitfire, I had a custom van. We would trade back and forth and that is when I started my love affair with sports cars but waited thirty years to get one. I can imagine what it cost to park and so forth in NYC, an arm and a leg most likely. The spot I rent for work is $60 per month and would guess in NYC would be a couple hundred dollars for the same parking spot.

​I was pulled over by a police officer which is a friend of mine that I had told him about the new car. He waited for me coming home, light me up. Comes up to the window and says do you know why I stopped you? I gave him a big smile and said "no officer, I have no idea" while I played with my hairl. He came back and said, I ought to smack you, I want that car and laughed. Then I showed him the cool stuff inside e.g. the electronics.

Hi Christie, Having transitioning front and center would seem like the predominant reason for your insomnia and right behind this medication from surgery. Although when I have insomnia from time to time it's for different reasons, I can't shut my brain off, will lay in bed with my brain very active contemplating a problem associated with a problem (or as I think of it as a challenge) say with writing code for software at work. The thoughts are undeniable in that it's not subconcious. I am sure for you and many like you there are indeed so many things going on right now that can overwhelm the brain to fold into your new existence as a female. Seeing a doctor or therapist should be at the top of the list for solving the core issue but I recommend adding something into your life that might help take your mind off of all the things weighing hard on your mind. Having a friend that will stick by your side, do things with you is critical more than you can imagine right now. If you have one, get out with them and do things without dwelling on your transitioning. Go out for walks sometime in the early evening let your mind go free. Most people don't have a diet that is conducive to good health, look at changing yours and remove things in your diet that can cause you too have to much energy in the evening, yeah, been there done the wrong thing and paid for it, usually too much coffee. If this has been going on over seven days try sleep aids, follow the instructions and see what happens over a two or three day period, if not helping make an appointment with your therapist and talk with them. They will know what questions to ask and your task it to be completely honest with them. As my doctor told me (and I have written about this), transitioning, including GRS is one of the toughest things a human can do which means we will not come through this larger than life event unscaved, there will be battle scares that take time to heal or not heal which is why having a therapist is essential to your well-being. DON'T allow yourself go to that "dark place" in your subconscious because you did not or waited too long to see your therapist (and I have to say this) and don't ever consider self-medicating as unlikely as it may be in your mind. Once the brain latches onto what appears inescapable it becomes hard to climb out of it which leads to things I don't have to write down here. DON'T dismiss this as something that will pass if over a weeks time you still can not sleep. DO address the issue now and prevent permanent mental scares for following you through the remainder of your journey I have said this before, go to a quite place and self-evaluate yourself. Do I really need to transition? Is this right for me? then we have "I am out, how could I ever move backwards" I think many will think "I must move forward", it's human nature to want to continue and tough it out but that can have us be even in a worst place. Your at the presupus of a possible new life, outside the door ready to enter into an entirely new world, think long and hard in that quite place as right now my guess is your brain is going into self-diagnoses at bed time because you are not otherwise. Of course I am not someone who is a medical professional so take my advice with a grain of salt yet at the same time I have been on this Earth for close to sixty years in that I have life experiences of my own and known and read about others that assisted me in what I have said. Best wishes on resolving the issues behind your sleepless nights

For years I drove sensible cars for family at one point then later for travelling and teaching. Been thinking about getting a sports car and trading my Toyota 2005 Camry in for one but could never justify selling the Camry because it just runs and never breaks, only routine maintenance like oil change and tires for the most part. Been checking out the Mazda Miata for a while and was told by a co-worker that the 2016 models were worth waiting for. So last month I got on the list and last night was informed one was in, top of the line (and the price tag to go with it, $30,000). Took it out for a test spin this morning and I had to have it so I purchased it and went out driving in the country for an hour or so. Note I kept my Camry as it is a great investment and know full well it will come in handy a lot. There are so many features and creature comforts such as voice control, bluetooth, GPS navigation, controls on the steering wheel in all makes you feel like being in the cockpit of a sophisticated airplane. My first choice would had been red but red sports cars get noticed on the highway and I always drive 80 MPH in the 65 MPH highway, never been ticketed (knock on wood), second choice was black and third was yellow so in my mind I am very satisfied with the color. Please note that I came from a $20,000 a year paycheck to $100,000 paycheck that was not easy and now truly enjoying the year 2015. With no disrespect I hope this may light a fire under one or more people thinking they can never transition or have a decent life style because if you truly put your mind to something it is achievable. Click to enlarge

Jeez, that is a long time, so sorry to hear this.

Yesterday morning I was thinking about covering up one tat for another and got lucky, the artist told me she is backed up until mid September but had a cancelation so about one hour later I had a dolphin covered up and a butterfly in it's place. Since the new tat is on my back need to get a friend to take a picture which I will post when that happens. Went for coffee this morning and the girl there took a picture for me. Any ways now have butterflies and flowers on left and right side on my upper shoulders. On the right side I have a combo of butterflies, flowers and a happy and flowery skull, The artist last saw me as a male and yesterday did not recognize me but said after I told her she worked on me before that she said that she thought she knew me somehow but was not sure. Once I told her my story we got on very well, had a great conversation while she worked on me. The best topic was on being female from the perspective of both of us being cisgender even thou I am not cisgender as she treated me that way. What I took away from us chatting is that if a trans person, me or another acts the part them conversation does not revolve around one's journey but instead day to day life. This is important for others to realize following the path I took to not focus on your journey when coming out to others but only give them the minimum facts and move on to day to day chit-chat. I will admit she did ask a few questions like was my surgery in Oregon and how did I select a surgeon.

Hi Monica, I have been using OralB purchased in 2005. The lady who cleans my teeth and the dentist told me I should not use toothpaste when cleaning but use a small amount as I have been so use to toothpaste. As to investment in dental health, have one dentist and a specialist for around the past 15 years.

I was responding to a post titled Courage of Being Transgender in Public and decided not to respond there as my response seemed better off as a blog entry, more visibility. I have no issues passing and if I was not passable I would still had gone through my journey. Sure it's nice to pass and not be mis-gendered but focus should be on what makes you feel proper. For some Vaginoplasty is the only option, others might go with Orchiectomy and in rare cases Penectomy. Vaginoplasty needs two therapist approval and RLT (real life test) so going this route one commits to a gender change while the latter don't and one could very well live their lives in between two genders. Then still on the last two, one might want to fully transition but for health reasons is not an option. These options are good to know going down this path especially if age and health might prohibit one of the options. One must be absolutely positive before any of these options are performed as they of course are irreversible. I was asked to sign a waiver indicating I understood that at me pre-surgery appointment and it took longer to open the pen then to write my signature yet I have heard of some who did the RLT and obtained letters from therapist for GRS (Gender Reassignment Surgery) that have hesitated. There are options for those who look at surgery as they only way to be happy and get surgery regardless of them having the ability to pass. For those who may not pass they need to consider will I be able to still support myself, how many family members and friends will be lost or if I rent will I be kicked out, yes any and all may happen. If you read enough of my blog and post here I tend to paint a picture that is sometimes may sound like doom and gloom that hopefully gets those considering surgery to take real deep thoughts to the outcome of GRS and all that is entailed before and after surgery. Surgery is but a small part of the process yet so huge in the overall scheme of life that one must comprehend the end game and how about if one elects not to have surgery and that leads to a down fall of the person? It's a slippery slop. Bottom line is take the time and make the right decision where you end up in a happy place, leave this world not by frustration of being in the wrong body but leave this world after you have fully embraced a happy you. Personally I am on a mission to destroy all federal and local records of me once being a man which at this moment in time is changing my birth certification.

Well Nicky I can't "like this" on what happened to you as that is tragic, hopefully the VA will come through for you and don't have to fight too much for them.

I think it's wise to track changes. For me I never noticed small changes as I was (and didn't realize it) pretty much female hormonally even before hormones. My first test for HRT indicated I was just above the low side for a cisgender female. In regards to sex drive, I learned that it did not go away and did a test each week to see if I could still climax. I would pleasure myself fully tucked which meant I could not wrap my hand around that unwanted thing between my legs. For the entire year prior to surgery I still would climax and would add that I needed erotic thoughts else nothing would transpire. That is an important element, one must have thoughts for arousal to take place. Same is true after GRS, something arouses me and within seconds after seeing or hearing something that spawns arousal everything is pinpointed to my clit and radiates outwards. If there is nothing to arouse than I could go a week or so and nothing happens. It's all in the mind and what it conjures up for the physical to be triggered into that fun state. Anyways keep up your updates, love to hear them.

For about 12 months I've been dealing with a problem tooth where the dentist recommended a bridge at the cost of $4,000. I was able to deal with the pain for all this time and the motivation was using that money for all my surgeries. Last month my secondary dentist said that I would suggest just having it extracted and I ask if the one behind it could be removed, no issues but felt right. So yesterday I had them removed. They spent about one hour with all sorts of preparations and about ten minutes to pull them and stitch them up. It's been about just under 24 hours and there is only minor pain with (as always) limited usage of pain meds. The hardest part is not being able to eat very many solid foods until Monday. Interesting thing, I went to a all night restaurant for breakfast, got a Denver omelet where I told the cook ahead of time my condition and the waitress stepped in and gave suggestions to the cook. The waitress is currently in dental school and is very well educated as we chatted while waiting for my meal. One of the tech's working at the dental office said if she was in my shoes she would of had both teeth removed. Oh, they did ask if I had any major surgery in the past 12 months, I only told them about my breast implants as I could tell they had no clue I was once a male and wanted to keep it that way. That is my new thing recently, if someone doesn't ask if I was male before I don't offer to tell them. Over the past year I have not been mis-gendered to my knowledge. I love the one incident at Macy's (or was it JC Penny's) where I was paying for a purchase, gave them my credit card, sale's lady stares at it for a few seconds and says "why would a mother name her daugher Kevin?" She then stares at me and said, no, this is your husbands card right? I rolled me eye's and said, I could not figure out my mother. We both laughed and I was on my way.

Lots of people don't open their eyes when taking pictures, I was one a while back but learned to open my eyes, the smile came naturally where it did not in the past because I was a misplaced girl in a boys body.

Congratulations Christie!!!

Monica, no help needed here and no cry for help Never been abused or gang raped and no denials what-so-ever. I figured someone might think this but has no truth. Lastly, this will never happen again.