KarenPayne

In regards to the photo, if I saw you I would be drawn to your face thinking not female so walk into the ladies room with pride.

Nipples usually are sore for a very long time and at times itchy. Size of immediate family members do dictate roughly how large you will be. For me the largest was C and I got to a B. Great to hear that the hair on your body is thinning woo-hoo. In regards to your pastor, if it was me and going there was important to me I would ask to have a one-on-one with them, be prepared and discuss trans. and be the one to educate them but be forewarned it may go against you if they have their mind set.

Yes that is a marguerita, first alcoholic drink since 2007. It was very hot and did not feel like soda, ice-tea or juice. And thanks for the compliment

Warren, I can understand your frustrations to some extent and wish there was someway the system (thinking about say Medicare) could get you this surgery either for no charge or a greatly reduced charge. If you don't mind me asking, what state offers this for half the price?

Christie, you are indeed fortunate not to need a tracheal shave which will save you from $1500 to $2000. In regards to top surgery, something I forgot to mention which is a general recommendation is to wait for at least two years on HRT but that is not for everyone as some will grow faster yet the norm is slow growth and no larger than the largest cisgender female in your immediate family. I was a B cup and 1 1/2 years HRT prior to top surgery.

This weekend, for those who are celebrating the Fourth of July please be safe if you have to drive consider that others will not. Yesterday I went to visit a friend for the day and on the way home so a horrific accident on one of the major highways which actually is not that uncommon but have to wonder on weekends such as this one if poor judgement was used and or any of them drinking. If you plan on drinking make sure you keep it moderate if you must drive afterwards. Happy Fourth!!!

Eve, I totally agree about carrying paper hankies, in my case I carry tissues and several pantie liners.

Congratulations on moving forward!!! From personal experience dressing androgynous before surgery before actually publicly announcing my gender change I had a discussion with my boss then HR about changing gender. HR when I asked about restrooms said there was no policy so i was free to use either or. Since dressing androgynously I used the men's room. Now mind you I was not wearing skirts or wearing makeup (and pretty much 99.99 percent of the time don't wear makeup to this day). I thus was fine using the men's room and told HR once I had my surgery a public statement would be given by me which included I would be using the woman's restroom. Guess what I am saying is that my recommendation is use the restroom which fits how you are dressing rather than how you feel. If you do this most likely others will feel comfortable which should mean you will be more comfortable. If you do decide to use the woman's restroom I would recommend sending a company wide email out alerting others of your intentions so they are properly prepared.

Monica, In regards to medications being prescribed locally, I guess this may be possible but things like the poop extraction formula (bowel prep) would be difficult to pack if travelling. For EKG they are required a month prior to surgery. I had an EKG done locally, the doctor faxed the results to Marci and was confirmed by her assistant Robin. Morning of surgery they said "we can't find your EKG so we must do one now" and now is less than one hour before scheduled surgery thus not a time to argue the matter. So with that said one can be totally be prepared but the unexpected may happen as it did with me. Concerning bottom surgery + tracheal shave + top surgery. That should provide a discount but one must also consider their tolerance for pain. I had the shave and bottom surgery done and looking back would had been fine with top surgery also considering I do extremely well with pain. During my recovery and exiting the hospital I was told many times I was in a one percentile for dealing with pain. Now if someone were to do all three they must be totally honest with themselves in how they deal with pain. After surgery between the legs has been totally remapped and been told many need all the meds that are allowed. For top surgery it's best to be in a incline position while bottom surgery it's best to be laying down, the two contradict each other. The shave for me was zero pain so no comments there. So again, honesty is paramount else be a big girl and big girls don't cry as the song goes. PS By no means the above is to scare others from doing the three surgeries but to educate.

It has been four months since surgery and bills are still coming in which is not a problem for me as I make bring home a very good paycheck. With this in mind there are many who are not so fortunate in regards to funds that may be put aside of surgery but rather they need to scrimp and save for a long time to reach the amount needed for surgery. Let's look at an example, you are planning for gender reassignment surgery which will be (rounding numbers off) thirty thousand dollars with virtually no coverage for insurance and is out of state. Why thirty thousand dollars, because this is the high end while twenty thousand is the low end yet that is only bottom surgery so we can get to the higher end if say a skin graph is needed for better depth of your new vagina if the penis is not good enough to supply the depth. Many will opt for have their Adam's apple shaved which could tack on say two thousand, get the idea. Add on dollars for staying in a hotel, food, transportation and all the little things that one will need for day to day live then on top of this various medications prescribed to you several days before surgery by your surgeon. The average stay for out of state surgery, two weeks. The hidden cost will trickle in over the months after surgery for various services the hospital provided ranging from EKG test to what will appear as insignificant services such as one I got in the mail last night for $133.00 which is one of a handful over the past few months. Thinking of these (at least for me), months prior to surgery you should be receiving various documents from the surgeon's office that will either be up front or buried within statements that indicate there may be cost that are unforeseen such as blood work and other test. With that in mind rather than saving for the surgery and cost to stay there for two weeks make sure to save money for not only time away from work which is roughly five weeks but also the charges that will surely appear over the months after surgery. Better to over save then be surprised down the road where possibly every single dollar counts for surviving while recovering those five weeks and beyond. I am living proof as well as many who came before me that it's better to prepare for the unknown charges now rather than later. On the other hand perhaps you have great insurance that covers most or all of the cost for surgery, there will still be things that i mentioned above that will not be covered like five weeks off from work, paying rent etc. so please be prepared beforehand.

My electrologist uses a special roller then Aloe vera afterwards when I had my face done where I understood both needed to be done. In regards to hydration, I am not the best with this either but don't drink alcohol and do carry around water at work and keep a bottle in my car.

Eve, concerning blemishes after your treatment, do they perform a cool down process after finishing working on you? Diet can affect this too along with hydrating or not.

What Monica recommended is how I learned how to choose apparel for my body type and was truly eye opening. In regards to hiding private parts, that was the worst as I would tuck to completely and I mean completely hide private parts so that I could wear skin tight leggings and nothing showed. Of course the price to pay was dealing with a moist body down there attempting to get everything back in place in ninety plus degrees was in many cases a real struggle but did persevere. I never, ever wore makeup and still don't in any weather as it's more trouble then it's worth.

Sounds like she is an enabler who is not going to stop no matter what you say. Generally speaking you putting your foot down will do not good at this point. Good luck with your interview tomorrow.

Eve, We hear stories that paint a different picture so I am looking to I am motivated to those who are on the edge to see that you can be happy after transitioning. Of course it's not a walk in the park but with the right mindset one can be motivated to push forward no matter what lies in their path rather than being uncontent the rest of their lives. I pushed forward many times to be pushed backwards but was determined to finished what I started and refused to be denied happiness. This is important, there will be setbacks and must look at the end result, happiness to such a degree higher than being stuck in the wrong body not matching the brain.

Forward, this may very well be boring too some so be forewarned, I am having a so-so morning, it's hot, in the nineties and have enough of watching television so what's there to do? I should wash and style my hair but it's too hot but I have a doctor's appointment tomorrow for blood work to see if my hormone levels are correct. So I decide to see if my stylist shop has time to wash, condition and straighten my hair and figure there will be a wait but as luck has it they have time. I knew going in that my regular stylist does not work on weekends so it would be someone else. Never had the lady assigned to me done my hair. Told her what I wanted and off to getting my hair washed. After she washed my hair she recommended a deep conditioner which I said okay. Then off to drying and styling my hair. Well everyone knows that in a hair salon woman chat right. So I am with a new stylist I am finding it difficult to discuss things i.e. when we got on the topic of my regular stylist leaving I said it's sad she came here from down South for a man and things fell through. She starts talking about online dating with men, me, what do I say without telling her I use to be male and then think, she probably figured it out already but avoid talking about me a a male dating woman. Next we start talking about if I wanted my bangs cut and for whatever reason I have a memory surface about my ex-wife screwing up her bangs and want to tell the stylist and thought "oh hell" I will tell her. She I said I have a story to tell but need to reveal something first. I was male. She kepted on drying my hair for about thirty or more seconds and looks at me and says "no", "really". But you are so girly how can that be? I said that for a long time it was hard for me to feel I was female but after hearing replies such as your's I am not doubting it anymore. Now most of the time I can't see what she is doing to my hair and finally do. I said, how did you do that? She said "your hair lead me in this direction". It's subtle but I thought "hey it looks like Stevie Nicks" as seen in this photograph. I always like this style and never could get it. So I asked her how did you do that again and she showed me. So hopefully I can do this next time I wash my hair. She then cut my bangs followed by showing my the back of my head to see my hair and says "you can't see it all as it's longer than can be seen in the mirror". I just adore the work she did and very satisfied. So I expected this to cost around 25-30 dollars but was charged 19 dollars, oh my God I could not believe it especially since she spent over an hour with me. Came home, looked in the mirror and all I could do was smile ear to ear. Have to say this has turned out to be a fabulous day. Closing out, two things I thoroughly believe are so much of a boost to one's self-esteem is spending time at a nail salon and the second is spending time at a hair salon.

Cheers

Out here in Oregon there are incentives for people to use public transportation and many of my friends use it and can afford to drive. We do have those whom you indicated also so everyone is in a mixed barrel and yes we have those bike riders too but only can tell by what they wear and gear as biking is huge out here.

It's sad that people that bullied you have lead you to your spirit dying, nobody should have to take this and have to consider moving as an option. One thing I do know is if they see it hurts you they will continue which is even worst that they must continue with their crap.

Monica, thanks for your insight. In regards to law enforcement, I have been working with law enforcement for a long time, have done executive protection and have and still teach empty hand techniques that apply to various types of attacks. You are correct about not calling a bullet back which is why I also had other weapons, firearms were only one of them. I did this from 2001 until 2013 for company security and executive protection. I could easily write a blog entry on this stuff but refrain from it as it would be very disturbing to many here as it entails shooting and such. I have been trained by elite entities over the years where many are only open to military and law enforcement. If there is a decent size group that commits to one of my classes anyplace in the United States I will come to them for one or two days.

For so many years I would dress in the morning in tactical clothing which includes a firearm inside my trousers and a revolver at the ankle and would stay that way until bed time. Slowly this became coming home at immediately disrobing into female jeans or leggings and a female top with flats. Those days are completely gone now hurray for that other than use to taking 15 minutes in the morning to 30 to 40 minutes in the morning where the majority of this time is "what will I wear today" which turns into "that looks good" to "Oh, wore that two days ago" to "wore something similar yesterday" to "I think this will do but not sure about the shoes" Yeek. Yes I do the same thing with my undergarments too. The funny thing is as the weather becomes increasingly warmer (yeah in the nineties plus) I find myself when at home undressing down to a tank top, no bra and panites and keep my capris close by for when someone comes to visit. Also, no shoes (really). It is fun looking back in time to how life was for many years to evolve into "I'am getting closer" to "I have arrived". For many travelling this path I can say with utmost certainty that baby steps are better than taking huge leaps from one gender to another gender. It gives one time to accommodate both the mind and body to your true gender. Think of it as a per-teenage girl growing up where they learn through the years to become a woman rather than one day declaring they are a woman. Same goes for female to male, lessons are learned and you are acclimated to that role. Some will think "I can't wait to be away from the day to day burden of this wrong body" but I urge you to take time to become accustomed to not only your body but also how people see you and people can tell (thinking male to female) when you do things out of place which goes back to my recent entry Feminine Movement. I find myself doing cisgender things in the past few months that I was not in the past and see men noticing me more and more, you can tell "that look" which is "hottie" or "is that a man or female" and I am getting the "hottie" look more and more (and I like even more when females give me that look). So take your time and be the man or woman you are comfortable with. “Where should I go?" -Alice. "That depends on where you want to end up." - The Cheshire Cat.” ― Lewis Carroll, Alice's Adventures in Wonderland & Through the Looking-Glass