KarenPayne

There is a person in my company who always talked to me prior to GRS then stopped afterwards. Finally she stopped me outside and said I have a question, "where do you get those cure outfits" So after replying we had a long discussion about my surgery and she said "you are very courageous" in how you came back to work and that you seem like you had always been female which I simply smiled. Having success with most co-workers did kind of bother me that she had not talked to me but now we are. So that leave just one co-worker who has not spoken to me since surgery.

I will not be gone for good but will need time to devote to my work as we are (here we go) transitioning to a different programming language at work. One of my things is to self-train and by visiting here (which I have been doing often) I get off track. I am going to first try only visiting here no more than once or twice a day to see how that goes.

Over the past year I have been sharing my journey which hopefully was of some use but now I am need of concentrating on another aspect of my life with requires a good deal of attention so during the next few weeks will be limiting my time here and will stop visiting here shortly. Hopefully I can make it back here in the future. For those interested I will be keeping up from time to time on my WordPress blog. Lastly, it has been wonderful getting to know people here. Best wishes for those on their journeys!!!

Veronica, he has known me for over ten years and he said many times my eyes were not happy which lead to his complement yesterday. Others have said the same thing before that so it must be true.

Several of the things I am certified to teach require recertification like tactical batons its every three years, firearms every year, hand-to-hand combat and edge weapons every year. The Hand-to-hand and edge weapons lapsed last year because of my transition. I informed the Grand Master about this about six months ago and was very supportive of my transition and said make sure you come to training (which was today). He lives in Florida and does certifications at various locations around the world. In the past when first starting out I would attend a grueling six day instructor course in Florida and also Washington State. For five and a half days we would learn new methods and techniques for teaching students rather than us learning completely new techniques. The last day as just mentioned was grueling in that you had to test in a realistic environment which usually each person taking the test was rather battered up. Even though today was a one day class I expected no less in regards to the test but was told I did not need to take the test as I have proven my abilities and was handed not a one year recertification but a three year certification. When I arrived at the school one of the people who helps runs the school greeted me and told me his name then asked mine. Since nobody else was in listening range I told him I was male until recently and that my name is Karen Payne. The significances is he knew me as Kevin Gallagher. It took him a few seconds of him staring at me and then realized who I was before. We chatted then other students came in so we stopped. At the end of class the instructor said, in your photo on Facebook your eyes look extremely happy and no different in person. He had shown my photo to an assistant instructor in Florida whom I met once back I 2010 and said “she looks great doesn’t she”. Seems she must had as she made a friend request today. During the class I interacted with pretty much all the students at one point on another and nobody acted oddly to me and at the same time had no clue I was once a male. All was not peaches and crème, I realized that when people talked about family I needed to be short on that discussion as I was not going to say something like “my wife and I…”, that would give things away and was not wanting that so during some breaks I kept quite. Overall it was an excellent day working with other instructors who do this for six days a week and kept up with them.

That is wonderful, we live in a time were people are much more accepting then they were just a few years ago and this shows it.

Reading the replies for one reason or another reminded me of a moment last year after I told my best female friend about transitioning she would not only talk about female parts but openly show them too me and this has nothing to do with her coming on to me. She was the one who took my first vagina picture and after complimenting on it said I don't need to see it again laugh out loud. And you know full well that men generally don't compare their penises, maybe say something like it's this long but don't pull it out while it appears from my experiences females are a little different.

Your not alone, half of the week I am under dressed.

Sorry to hear about her badgering you like that. There are always going to be one in many groups that are on a high horse.

I mentioned it a while back and happy it is of use to you.

I believe you are right about this Monica

My mother called last night for chit-chat and to my surprise we got into a discussion about sex. Should I be surprised? Well before transitioning she would never talk about this subject but now its fair game. I have mentioned this before, before transitioning my mother and other females would never broach the subject about many female things and now it is the complete opposite. Speaking to cisgender females is an entirely new ballgame, especially with my mother and my best female friend. Men have no clue to what females talk about and wonder if they think we are talking about. Personally, in the beginning I would listen more than talk but now I am getting into joining in as others prompt me too, guess they got tired of me not talking and just listening :)

I thought that attempting to do my instructor certifications was going to be difficult, and it has but yesterday one of the people I was certified under took it upon himself to do a new certification for me and extended past the normal one year certification. Happy to get another one out of the way.

Should I admit to blushing, thanks Veronica.

In regards to Marci and support. She has done an excellent job for the people (employees) at my hotel who work with transgender on a weekly basis and are super fantastic. If I was in the area I would volunteer. Also the nurses in the hospital are well versed with us.

Thanks Emma, I know that from my experience nobody should go through this alone.

Over the years I (and you most likely have too) have read countless stories of people transitioning with little or no support which is sad. With that said I would like to extend to those here if there is anything I can do shout out. If by chance you are having surgery with Marci Bowers in California with no support let me know, I will fly down for the day of surgery and the day after at the very least to provide support. I don’t want to see anyone take this path alone which is why I will do this and I pay my way entirely. Perhaps in areas such as the East Coast other will assist if possible and if not I will consider making that trip too, after all I have been away from the East Coast way too long as my family keeps reminding me. Now I am going to shut up :)

Congratulations on the end of your coping and starting a journey that will hopefully have you arrive to where you should be. Once you have a target date for surgery please do not put off hair removal for the private area as I did and ended up going twice a week for several months rather than spread it out over time. Good to hear True Selves was helpful. With me it was complete validation. In regards to hair thinning, please use caution when looking at options and depending on how much hair thinning there is don't rule out quality hair pieces. So the journey begins, be proud and be you.

Lisa, since I am not a professional my guess is that perhaps the lose of your father was a signal to proceed with transitioning were your father may not approve. Just speculation on my part. There are so many triggers that can move us in this direction and only a qualified therapist and you can figure out.

I have noticed that there are not a lot of images for GRS so I slapped three together that I thought might provide a bit of perspective. The image has three, one immediately after surgery which looks rather raw, second (must have a strong stomach for this one), third is three weeks post surgery and can still see some stiches. I do photos once a week and will post another one in a couple of months. NOTE: Please do not share this image as I am only sharing here for those who are curious to what to expect if they go down this path and not for public view. The site is a private Comcast FTP site that does not get hit with crawlers. So this photo is for educational purposes only.

That is wonderful in regards to not feeling exposed when out and about. Those who want to but don't need to hear stories such as yours. More outings in general strengthens confidence and with this people will see you as (in this case) a female and the reverse for female to male. In my case, I have waved to people whom I had not seen in a while and they look at me as a stranger. Then next time I see them I will engage in conversation and then they realize who I am. This most likely will happen to you over time. What really will boost your identity is when you have official documentation to go along with your physical self. Appearing female and handing a credit card or drivers license with a male identity can be very awkward. Then you just might get someone saying "What were your parents thinking giving you a male name" or "would you like to put the entire purchase on your husband's card?" You are indeed on the right track :-)

I think that many will benefit from reading this blog entry and hope others can do the same as you have done!!! In regards to your apologies listed, what I did for all the females I dated since 2000 was tell them by phone and or in person. I really makes a difference to them and myself. Thanks for posting this Emma

But of course :-)

Welcome to the forums Christie. Something that might be of interest when questioning yourself is looking at the chart below and perhaps find some clarity.

One of my goals as mentioned in prior post and blog entries is to share my journey which hopefully contains decent information for others travelling down the same path. Thought it would be great to attend local group sessions to share my journey too but have not as most groups in the area are 30 to 50 miles away and are on week nights so that does not cut it for my schedule. Today I get an email from my therapist writing to ask if I would sit down with one of her clients who lives in my area living full time as a female. Seems she is at a loss for people to talk to and thought I would be perfect for talking to her as she is in a state which would be helpful for someone like me to talk with, listen and give advice too.