KarenPayne

Crissiesan, you are far from being alone with these feelings, many of us have and will deny them but if you are destined to be female then as you get older these feelings will become stronger and as with many undeniable but of course this may simply be a desire to dress in the opposite gender which may very well feel like you should be female. The only true way to find out if you are transgender, crossdresser or (let's call it confused) a false/positive where false/positive means you think you should be female be don't fit into the need to transition nor dress in the opposite gender. So this is the task of a therapist who is well versed with gender dysphoria. Gender dysphoria can simply be that a mother was dominate in the household or that one played more with the other gender, I am not a therapist so these are only educated guesses. Without a therapist many go down a dark road that leads to nothing good and can very well cause a train wreck. Best to find out now and learn what the steps are to move forward.

Christie, I bet that a great emotional high in regards to "is everything OK here ladies?" and especially when not in full femme presentation. In the beginning they are moments to treasure and down the road you will surely find it commonplace which should still bring a smile be it inside and/or outside as it makes us less of a role and more of the person you were striving to be but now it's simply a compliment that the waiter is being courteous to whom is at the table and you will forget about the passing aspect altogether.

About two years ago my best friend while out shopping with me purchased several pairs of Calvin Klein thongs then presented them to me when we returned to her home. I was both happy and sad, happy because I knew they would be worn at least once to celebrate while sad because it would be two years until they could be worn. Two years is a long time and the thongs ended up in storage which I just found this week and thought it would be great to try them on which I did and love them. Okay then I thought that I will need pantie liners and don’t remember seeing them in my local grocery store but went back and sure enough they do have them. So for the past several days I have been in thong heaven. Went out today to Victoria’s Secrets and hunted for thongs but I don’t believe it, I did not like any of them accept of course the ones that were too large (I wear size small). Off to Macy’s and they not only had what I wanted and better quality but were three dollars cheaper woohoo. So what is the big deal about thongs, by themselves absolutely nothing by themselves but just another point in fact that I am female (hear me roar lol). I think that many who are on the path of transitioning to that gender, in this case, female sometimes look at the big picture and forget about the small things which in this case is clothing but is also about their environment and how (at least for me) overtime one can look back and see a trail of breadcrumbs that make up the total package of the new you. These little things that make up the package range from people opening doors to men flirting with you. A good example, I went to the mall and while waiting for my friend I sat down and was on my phone checking out Facebook and the man next to me turned and said, nice nails which was his opening to check me out. Yes I am into females which is not the point here. The point is that after two years of being out and three months post-op (and hormones) I truly act and react as a female. These things only come from being out in the real world, interacting with real people rather than sitting a home dressed. Now I am not saying someone who is not planning on transitioning should get out into the real world but those who are indeed moving towards GRS (Gender Reassignment Surgery). This is why part of the requirement is to live in the gender you are moving towards. Heck I never realized thinking back how challenging it can be to live every second of my life as female and would think most can’t fathom what it is like until you actually do it. So the thongs may seem like a small and insignificant thing but it depends on how you look at the big picture and then dissect what makes up the larger picture kind of like a jigsaw puzzle. This is what I am into for what it's worth in thongs in black, red and while. My friend gave me one in yellow but I am not into yellow for undies.

In regards to electrolysis on the upper lip, when mine was done they had me setup an appointment with a dentist so that I would go to the dentist, he would numb my upper lip then off to my electrolysis appointment where I usually feel asleep during a two hour session when first starting the upper lip. Personally I had heavy hairs on the upper lip from constantly shaving so when going out as a female it was pretty well hidden but sadly made those hairs heavier.

I am scheduled for breast augmentation on May 20, 2015. Had my pre-operation appointment today where they went over the highlights from my initial consultation several weeks ago along with what they want me to do the week of surgery and the weeks following surgery. After the appointment I handed over my prescriptions to the pharmacy so they are ready for me well in advance. Specifics, I was interested in a B cup but with their measuring system looks like I will have C cup. Guess I will need to get over not having a smaller size as I am leaving my fate to the surgeon as when I question him about the size he said that he has used this measuring system on thousands of people and only had two people saying they thought that the size was slightly too large. Eating prior to surgery, I told the surgeon that since surgery was at noon and that they did not want me to eat after midnight that beings I have a different schedule that most people could I have coffee first thing in the morning. He said if I asked the anesthesiologist would say no coffee but he said if it’s only black coffee he is fine and if they asked if I had anything to say no LOL. I have my best female friend coming to the hospital with me then staying with me for three days, maybe four. Since she does not drive her son is driving her down to my place and back as I will be in no shape to drive 40 minutes each way. I have another friend who lives close by will be bringing me lattes from my favorite coffee place, he is a firearms instructor who teaches with me.

Veronica, I would be lost if the dice rolled the wrong way eek, don't even want to go there. Sex is down the list for me but essential just the same.

Over the past few weeks I felt at times I should had some orgasmic feelings down below and was just getting ready to contact Marci asking if this was normal to have clitorous sensation to nothing at all even with manual stimulation. I was told that don't expect much until the nerves grow back and was fine with this but wait a minute, why was it there then went away. Well without going into details I was asked by a man about sexual desires in a email. While writing back I felt the sensations which was about ten minutes ago and they are still there thank goodness. So my reason for posting here is that others might have similar experiences and want them to know if you had it and it went away perhaps (and I am guessing this here) it is from a lack of sexual thoughts being provoked. Now there is always the chance you will never have these sensations which is why those who are considering GRS is to make sure you choose wisely to the surgeon you select. I can not even begin to imagine going through the rest of my life without those sensations it would be horrible to say the least. It has been about 15 minutes and the sensations have not gone away yet

Veronica, that's funny. I actually have considered going into this field as when I went through this I learned all about the different methods and found it interesting not only the different methods and techniques but the rewards that come from good service as I became fairly good friends with two ladies that shared stories with me about their clients. I think that anyone who is serious about coming out that this is a must thing to do and many do not realize this.

I am going to use this blog entry for posting resources for others that are travelling down a path that may or may not result in transitioning. So I will update this as resources are found. I would request if you have good resources send them to me in a PM rather than comment below the post to keep things clean. Combined Gender Identity And Transsexuality Inventory test http://transsexual.org/cogiati/index.php?lang=en Scoring for test http://www.transsexual.org/cogoffline.html The following link the person put together lots of good information http://openmindedhealth.com/transgender-101-trans-people/#comment-50248 Electrolysis Methods http://www.transgendercare.com/electrolysis/methods/overview_methods.htm HRT Male to Female http://micheleomara.com/services/transgender/feminizing-hrt-for-male-to-females/ Risks Associated With Hormone Use (Estrogen) http://sillytranswoman.blogspot.com/2011/03/risks-associated-with-hormone-use.html Dilation 101 http://sillytranswoman.blogspot.com/2014/08/from-princessjoules-mtf-post-op.html

I think if you look at this from your mother's perspective that perhaps there is another path to working with her to cope and understand what you are going through could help with her coming to terms with the true you. Just last night I was watching “New Girls on the Block” which is about five transwoman where on last night’s episode one of them meet with her mother and for the first part of the meeting the mother kept calling her by her male name and had difficulties coming to terms with her transition but finally came around and partly because of how her new daughter presented herself not only in dress but also through true heartfelt emotions. Some people need time to digest such a change and hopefully this will be the case with your mother. In regards to "your mother's perspective", remember she gave birth to a male and has strong ties to this so best to keep this in mind. I would strongly urge you to purchase a copy of True Selves” and let her read the book as it may provide a different insight to what you are going through to find the real you. Concerning not letting people treat you with disrespect, that is the right attitude but choice your words wisely if it comes to the need to express yourself when you feel disrespect. First and foremost, put on a genuine smile if possible which is a method from Verbal Judo (this is a book on Amazon), take a second or two to collect your thoughts and respond back (if possible) in a calm manner if they are hostile to deescalate if need be. You need to educate them and also let them know you will not take being disrespected at any level. Think about this in regards to the above where I suggest de-escalation. If you grab the hand of a child who is upset and forcefully pull them they instinctively will pull back but take their hand gently with soft spoken words that still have intent they are less likely to resist. Same should hold true when in a conversation on educating someone who has been mean or harsh to you, don't raise yourself to their level but instead calm them down with kindness but to stay in control. I have used various techniques on criminals and the majority of the time they work but of course there are some who will still not comply, same can happen with your plight but well worth trying these types of verbal judo out. Regardless of the above, I am very happy for you as it sound things are on the right track with hormones and hair removal

Monica, I have been told this about perfume how they smell different from person to person and what you wrote just solidifies this and thanks for sharing :)

Veronica, Thanks for the compliment. You know the way I look at it is everyone here are my inspiration else I would not be sharing. There are many here whom I admire just for the record :)

It's wonderful your wife is up front and loving. I know tears don't come easy but if you travel the HRT path, now the flood gates open. Heck I get tears from what seems very insignificant two years ago several times a week.

It has been three months since surgery and my life is at a place I believe is my new/current norm. I have accepted that “it’s a man’s world” and that I have been accepted into the sisterhood. Things I can laugh or smile about in regards to the last three months. Only went to tuck my penis once (eek, where did it go, oh I remember now ~grin~), have embraced men opening the door for me. Other females treating me as if I have always been a female. My daughter called me this afternoon, I was very busy at work and said I would call back. When I called back she said my voice sounded different but not much. I then realized I was doing a B flat rather than a C# as I had a momentary lapse in voice control which I see needs attention. I had to ask, “did I sound female when you called?”, she said yes but it was a tad different then in the past. That made me smile as I was in at least partial control. I have said it many times, one must be vigilant with their female voice. So this is the second time, first time was reverse, my mother called and I went into my female voice and she had no clue who she was talking too. Something to cheer about, dilation is second nature in that the dilator goes in with one-third the lube it took one month ago and can penetrate fully in ten seconds where it use to be one minute to fully insert and another four minutes to be comfortable with the dilation tool inside of me. Dilation sessions are there times a day still for 15 minutes but there are times I go for thirty minutes. In two weeks I am down to twice a day. Since going full time I have not worn perfume but now enjoy it every day which is not from, “I am ready and fearless” but instead it stems from the changes to my mind and body from the longevity of HRT. What I find interesting and at the same time not interesting is my calm about breast implants in a couple of weeks. What I mean is, GRS to me was like going to the grocery store, no big deal and feel the same way about breast implants but who is being the fool here, I do think about this summer and finally able to wear a plunging neckline top and of course a bathing suit. One last thought, the memory of my surgery is quickly leaving my brain with no real memories unless I happen to look at one of the pictures taken in the hospital, was that me, oh my.

I am with you on dresses and skirts, not my cup of tea. In regards to makeup, I think it's best to do minimal amount that would make you happy, think of say mascara as a token to your womanhood rather than fully fledge do the whole face. What matters more than makeup in many cases is how you present yourself via smiling and body gestures really make the woman in my mind (thinking lesbian here). I see many females who wear virtually no makeup as the ones that get more eyes on them but everyone is different. In regards to where you live not the kindest place for a transgender have you considered picking up and moving to a place the is kind and friendly to transgender? I did a similar move that takes guts to pick up and leave but at least for me was more then worth the struggles to start a new life, any ways something to consider.

I like the analogy of this journey parallel to a ride on a train but for many it's a rollercoaster in that there are many ups and downs along the way, when there is a down pick yourself up and make that low into a high. This journey is never ending as I see it but at some point things will flatten out and become a new norm which you may not recognize as what happen in my case. If possible don't dwell on the negative but how you can turn the negative into a learning experience and be better equipped to deal with it if this happens again. Try and meet each and every day with a smile, smiling is contagious which can turn negative thoughts of others into positive thoughts which will come back you way a hundred fold and smiling is a freebie.

Lisa, thanks for sharing as others will learn from this entry as they go down the same path.

Hello AnnToni, the blog section here is a great place to tell a story, voice a opinion or spill one's thoughts out on how things are going in their life and both touch others and others touch you.

Spot on Lisa on it takes practice. In regards to "hey beautiful", for me it depends on whom spoke these words how I would take the meaning behind those words. Yes eye contact is important which is counter intuitive to how many females act in public towards men which is common in other Eastern cultures and less here but still females tend to make less eye contact with males. Stare too long and you are attractive this may trigger in a male you want sex (don't get me started here) as this is how the male mind works, at least from my experiences. Thanks for sharing Lisa!!!