KarenPayne

Thanks for reminding me Sara, I just updated this entry to include electrolysis.

It is absolutely critical to have those pills dissolve under your tongue else they will be lost to your kidneys, having zero affects. Typically a doctor will begin with a low dosage and have you come back in several months to check your hormone levels and then make adjustments.

These are some of the cost to consider when ready to transition. I am sure there is enough to do an educated guess what it will cost you. Therapist, each month for one hour was $150 plus time off work and gas to travel 35 miles each way. Now that I have transitioned I have therapist appointments every three months which I think is a wise idea at least as in my case for one year post op. My first therapist worked on a sliding scale so I paid under $100 per session. A in between therapist I did not like charges $200 so it will vary.Doctor appointments and cost of lab work. It's hard to say as 99% of these fees where covered by my health plan. I do remember some were two-hundred plus every six months. Usually I paid a ten dollar co-pay to the doctor and around five to seven dollars for the lab work. Now if your insurance does not cover these fees then consider every six months you will dish out several hundred dollars for this.HRT medication, here it cost me four dollars for this and have not looked at what it would cost w/o health insurance.Electrolysis, prices vary from city to city, for example where I live it's $60 per hour while in Portland Oregon it's between $80 and $120. I recently replied to a post that I think provides good information on electrolysis. Electrolysis is one of the most tedious processes you will go through for transitioning and the most painful to many.Name change, in Oregon it's $110.00, Legal Zoom does it for $139, noticed California is about $600 so it can vary from state to state, Be prepared to spend a fair amount of time working with your employer who most likely will want you social security card done first. Then there is card cards (hope you don't have a lot), Macy's was horrible in that there process is not done well. How about Paypal, they are extremely easy to deal with.Clothing, if you are like me then out with all the old make clothing which means "shopping" which of course means $$$'s. It will be tempting to go overseas for any surgery such as GRS, tracheal shave, breast augmentation but I would strongly discourage this since things can go wrong and you are left out fending for yourself. So expect to pay around $30,000 for GRS along with around $2.000 for accommodations, food tack on several hundred plus transportation which will vary dependent on rentals or cabs. I was lucky to have the hotel drive me anyplace and would even grocery shop for me.Marci Bowers includes the cost for your hotel room while in the hospital for surgery. This was something I was concerned about until they told me they do this. Heck the hotel room cost $252 per night.Airfare must be considered in the cost and getting to and from the airport. Marci Bowers supplies a limo for going to and from the airport.Even the little things add up such as paper towels and lubricant for dilation. Have you seen the price for KY Jelly?

I think a blog entry on details on what it cost overall is in my future.

Christie, I think many don't see the beauty of being natural as it allows us to blend in, many times to the point that you will tell someone you once were male and their jaw will drop where the beauty there is you thought that they knew which helps us eliminate self-doubt. It is work at first which after a while turns into simply being you.

Sounds like you are doing the correct thing by listing out the good and bad which is critical when making the decision to move forward, stop or regress back to your binary gender. In regards to cost, when I made the decision to move forward what happen was I made the decision to take money I had simply saved for stuff and make it my surgery money. If I did not have the funds then I would had simply created a tight budget to afford the surgery. So if money is an issue and you want to move forward the best place to begin is to look at what you make each month and cut out the fat. Cutting out the fat, for instance, for me I looked at what I was spending and realized that I spent eight dollars for breakfast. I then rearranged and now it cost me three dollars which does add up. I smoked which cost me $200 per month ($2,400 per year), yes a big savings there and it again adds up. I purchased a lot of shoes that was another cut I would make. Picking one item and looking at it in the short term does not get you much until you look at say one year’s savings. Doing this makes it easier to afford what it takes to transition.

I agree with you Monica in that that web site is one sided and used it only to show an extreme case of regret. It would be interesting to learn the percentage of people who transitioned had different levels of regret along with (as I am sure there are) people in this group who overcame these regrets. Thinking about going from one year to two years, if you had suggested this before I transitioned I would think that was over the top because my mind just wanted to move forward. After transitioning I still see it (for me) over the top. Now I am just one person and can see how a two year length of time would be in order for those who are not sure. So perhaps a therapist would have the power to say to a client, "you need more than one year to be absolutely sure this is right for you". At the same time there could be people who may be done in less time but that would be a rare case. All I know since I am not a professional is and I think many can agree on this is that you can never go back, the body has changed, your social circle, family and friends have changed over what you have done. When done right the pieces will fall into place. Pieces that make up doing it right may be very difficult to complete like moving to a trans friendly community, changing one's job and like Monica mentioned, two years living life in the other gender. Thinking of moving to a trans friendly community, I did that but did it for another reason then later realized this was great for me transitioning. So there are hard choices to be made for some of us while others medium changes and rarely light changes. I also agree with no pressure should be placed on significant others. Think of grabbing a child's hand and forcing them to move with you vs gently taking their hand and speaking in a soft voice. Significant others need time to digest and we must understand there is a lot they are going through just as we are too.

I at no time in my life contemplated suicide which I have learned recently through more than one source (on example came from a video I mention here) that 41 percent of people going under the knife will attempt suicide. Never would I had thought that there were many who actually regretted going under the knife as told in this web site. I would think that one reason for this is that a person with regret may very well had a ill equipped therapist that was not qualified to access transgender (or maybe they are not transgender at all) to be a candidate for gender reassignment surgery. Perhaps another reason might be that the person seeking gender reassignment surgery was able to fool a therapist into a diagnosing them as suitable candidates for gender reassignment surgery. Thinking about it I can see that it would be easy to get away with fooling a therapist but wonder what those people think will happen by doing this? When I made the commitment to change gender I first spent time sitting alone questioning myself, self-evaluating myself to no end until I thought back that there were no in decisions, it was not about having sex as a female and knew full well this could very well be an journey that might spiral out of control with no return ticket to reverse the process. As stated in the letter of consent just prior to surgery the signature I penned says this is irreversible, no going back. For me, this was the green light I was looking for while others who realize after the fact they must of had blinders on. Was there do diligence done as I did? Bottom line is gender reassignment surgery is not for everyone even though some go to bed at night wishing they would wake up in the gender they believe they should had been at birth but were denied. There is a reason why there are classifications such as in the image below that a truly qualified therapist will classify a client in and not just mark them all as a true transsexual. You would think that after spending one year in the gender you think you should be that with every day that passes you would know if you can make it in that gender. One has that entire year to forge forward or retreat back to whence they came from a birth. At the very least, sit down in a quiet place as I did and be true to yourself and afterwards take the test and if you land in in a category that says you are a true transsexual find a therapist that has experience with working with transgender people. Most likely you will then begin hormones prior to the therapist recommendation which is yet another check-point to move forward or backwards. Once the therapist approves you we are at the another point of decision, move forward or move backwards and remember, between the time you start with a therapist and finish with a therapist you are living live in the gender you want to be "forever" and forever is a long time to enjoy or learn to hate depending on your age. Choose wisely.

My daughter has decided to be closer to family so she is moving back to Oregon from Pennsylvania next April. She is waiting because she is due to deliver a girl in September. She called me last week and asked what she should do with her car which is two years old. I said her options where to sell the car or have me fly out and drive her car to Oregon. So it looks like I will be flying into Pennsylvania next April to do just that, drive her car across country to Portland Oregon. Back in 2000 I was supposed to attend a week long training in Washington State but messed up my thumb and had to skip that year. The class was not being offered on the West Coast for years so I decided to find the class where it would be in 2001 which was New Hampshire and since I had lots of gear would drive across country. I made the trip in an amazing four days. Now I am 15 years older and believe I can make the trip in five days. My plan like in 2001 thru 2004 (yes I did this for three years in a row) is to drive, sleep in the car and keep moving. I will bring a pack of five hour energy for times when I want to pull over and sleep but not convenient to pull over. Unlike last time I am not opposed to staying in a hotel if the need arises. So last night while talking with my mother she said I need to be careful as there are men who watch for females driving alone. I came back without hesitation saying that I can handle myself no problem with my training and will have weapon with me. What is really going to be much better is having my GPS. All my other trips was by writing down directions on a notepad along with bringing a paper map for all but the last trip where I used a National Geographic map program which was not much better than paper maps. If anyone here is between the two coast that might be in my path I would love to stop for a short visit if open to it.

"True Trans Laura Jane Grace" http://on.aol.com/show/true-trans-518250660.288/518451031 I found this woman’s story well worth sharing. Below are some pieces I thought say volumes without explanation for this audience. Laura Jane Grace has a large fan base in regards to her music. Amazing, simply amazing stories told here. I was so touched by these stories, my emotions overwhelmed me. Misalignment, Struggles, Turns into shame. Parents would disown me, Try to lock me away, Turn to alcohol and drugs, Devastating, there are others who feel this way?, Depressed, Hated life, Suicide, Disassociate, Punk rock, smashing gender roles, No internet, no Google, no resources, information is key, did not talk to therapist in sessions for two months, 41 percent of trans attempt suicide, push it away, not want to be me, push it down…avoid it, nothing is more important than be comfortable in your own skin, someone save me, my soul is lost, hard to get across to people who have no clue what trans is, alone, “it’s like someone was holding my head underwater, transitioning was my head popping up out of the water”, my therapist saved my life, there is no road map, you have to do your own pace, genitals make you who you are ‘bullshit’, trans-women give up privilege, trans-man gain privilege, lots has changed in the past two years, we need to educate people, there is only a seven percent chance a spouse will stay,

Christie, The following speaks volumes. One must come to accept themselves as their true gender before others will accept your gender and as you said, that is critical in the early stages. I'm actually starting to visually see myself as female, so I'm better able to accept that internally as well. That's where I think the importance of "passing" comes in at this early stage.

Since I had both electrolysis and many tats (and proud of them) I can say without a doubt that tats hurt more other than the upper-lip.

Thanks for sharing Lisa. I do hope that both you and your wife can come to a common ground and if not, well perhaps you can be close friends. There is no sugar coating it but do wish you the best.

Warren. I honestly feel for you and others who are in the same predicament, can't imagine the pain and hardship you are going through and pray that somehow things will get better for you. This is a clear case where there should be a program from the government or insurance that would take care of your needs as it seems other things that is done for people with aliments are handled that are not gender related. Society believes (because they are not educated on transgender) we who are transgender can shrug these feels off by flipping a switch if we really wanted to yet the reality is that switch is non-existing and that it only gets worst as we grow older.

Can't wait to read your book

My best female friend pointed out to me recently that even when I was male that she perceived me as female because to her, my body structure/shape was that of a female which she kept to herself for a long time. She went on to say that I did not need makeup because of this fact. Note, one does not have to be gorgeous to come off as female, heck I see myself as average no matter what I am told. Over the past year we would go out clothes shopping, the first thing that stuck in my head was how she could look at a piece of clothing and comment how well it would look on me or how badly it would look on me. With that said combining born body structure/shape (which encompasses the face too) I think many overlook the fact that not everyone can pull off say a strip top because if we are overweight it will draw attention to us. Another example, the majority of male to female have no hips so one might look for tops that accent the hips with a flared top but again use caution as your body structure may exasperate the waist and take away what was done with the flaring of the top. We all have seen cisgender females out of shape wearing Spanx leggings and know they look great on an average figure but not so much for slightly overweight or excessively overweight. I bet if you asked them they would deny this and in their mind wear them because they are easy and are comfortable. Back in the day I purchased female clothing void of the above and pulled it off, and still do. The catalytic for this entry comes in two parts, first from talking with my friends and just today the following. I work in a company of 1000 plus employees where some I know from an elevator ride or waiting in line for lunch and chatting while my team mates are close friends and acquaintances. Coming down from the fifth floor to the first floor one of the employees (known only from the elevator and cafeteria), a female turned to me and asked how I was doing? Then say that, you nailed it last week. I said what do you mean? She said that outfit you wore last Monday, well you nailed it. Heck I can’t remember what I wore so I asked her. She said a grey skirt in particular as it complimented my long legs. I don’t have long legs but I know for a fact because so many people told me so that I have great legs. What I see happened was I wore a skirt that complimented me for the age I am at. Interesting enough the skirt was kind of see through so I wore a while skirt beneath the grey skirt and let the white skirt be a tad lower than the grey skirt. In short it works for me because of my body structure. Now if I were to wear tight jeans and tight top it would work against me because of my age and also would show that I don’t have great hips so back to the flared top. So in closing focused to two things, body shape and appropriate clothing to compliment or enhance said body structure but also keeping in mind how old you are.

Thanks for sharing Christie :)

Thanks for sharing. Thinking about your spouse, I watched a show called "New Girls on the Block" last weekend where a man has been transitioning with what he thought was with his wife's support but she was not happy at all. What she did for closure since she still loves the person inside was interesting, they held a funeral for his former male self where he (of course) was not invited. Not totally sure if it worked or not but after I have heard so many stories of spouses having issues coping with their spouse transitioning that this might be an opinion for some or put a twist on it so the spouse has some form of closure.

Over time it is hard to not recognize that not just with gender issues but every aspect of life we encounter a fear and doubt our abilities to cope. This is normal behavior until we key in on gender dysphoria because if nothing else we are living in a world that is gender centric, male or female. Fear of being late with a car payment is vastly different than stepping out one’s front door dressed in the opposite gender. We can call the bank, chat with them and make special arrangements if your payment will be a few days overdue. Now when walking out the front door as a female or male those who see us and identify with us as the opposite gender quickly form an opinion be it good or bad unlike the bank who looks at your history with them over a period of time. Once you walk out that door fear takes over similarly to standing in front of a group to give a speech, mouth is dry, we sweat all over the place but over time with repetition we become less sweaty and the mouth is not so dry until if we do it enough now the door is open to familiarity with little to no stress. Heck I know, if you caught me in 2000 standing in front of 10 students you would think I was a complete amateur but several years later stood in front of 375 people and was right a home. I say it and hear others say it, it gets easier each time you walk out the front door dressed in the opposite gender. How many times does it take? That is going to be different for everyone. What is critical is believing in yourself because if you don’t believe in yourself how do you expect others to believe in you? To believe in yourself it takes time in the comfort of your own home first watching various shows on television, study female mannerism then get up of the chair and practice what you just saw. A physical therapist once told me to suck in my abdomen several times a day and would find her in my head at the strangest times so I suck it in. Same applies to learning mannerism of the opposite gender. Example, you are driving in your car, look down at your legs, how are they positioned, legs spread apart or comfortably close together, are both hands on the steering wheel or just one? Correct as needed. Sticking with driving, this is the perfect time to practice your opposite gender voice where absolutely nobody can hear you, just keep the windows up at red lights. The more you practice these and similar traits of the opposite gender the better prepared you are for stepping out the front door. So what if Mr. Jones sees you, wave and smile and don’t hasten your pace, take a deep breath and continue on. Hopefully Mr. Jones will become accustom to you being seen as a female yet there is one fallacy to this which is during the week you are male and weekends female. The fix for this is to be female more often during the week. The key is to want it then prepare so you are as natural as you can be and remember it does get easier over time, I know because I have done many of the suggestions and more. In closing, I invite others to chime in with there suggestions as I DON'T know it all and there is a vast wealth of wisdom within this community that can be drawn upon.

I think you or on the right track and must know by now that the more you get out the easier it will be. Find something to do before getting out of house i.e. listen to up beat music, concentrate on the music and forget about what will happen when you leave the house, be your female self. When out and about remember when appropriate to look at people when talking to them, make eye contact and of course smile. Bottom line, don't let fear rule your life (yes it's easier said than done but I have been there).

Good idea Eve, I had a similar thought about going to a smaller size but had issues finding extra small in a style I liked. I did go with a smaller size gaff that I had made especially for me which worked and then improved on it by pulling a boy shorts Spanx on top which assisted with me teaching self-defense classes as without the Spanx no tucking would had worked for eight hours of hand to hand tactics training. Staying with thongs, I purchased two more pairs today via Amazon Prime since they had pink and none of the stores here did.

Woohoo, that is wonderful, what a year you had