WarrenG

Sometimes, I feel it's more like a hole I'm in... not just a dip, as a dip in a road. But a deep a** hole. Deep. Really deep. And no one knows I'm there. They don't even know I'm missing. Because they don't know I exist....

Agreed. Like you're staring up at the opening of a biga** hole in the ground and everyone's just walking by like "Meh, look at that. Pity." and walk on by. One thing I've learned about my dark, solemn, murky little hole in the world is that no, they dont hear you scream. No, they dont shine a light in here to see what it is. People fear the darkness of caverns. They dont want to know what's lurking inside. The only way to get them to stop tiptoeing away from you, is to climb out on your own. Shove your hands in the dirt and claw your way to the surface, even if it's just for a moment to get a bit of light, let them see your face and realize you're not that bad, before dropping back down into your solitary confinement. Because they've gotten that glimpse. They've seen your face, and they know what's lurking in the darkness of that hole. It gives them more of a reason to poke their heads in and wonder what's going on. Just my two cents, you can take it and ask for change, or leave the pennies on the sidewalk.

-Warren

Unfortunatly we've had a sit down and talked about this together. We even attempted to break up and go seperate ways, but that only lasted a few days and we were together again. He insists that he's fine with it, that he's willing to cope and adapt, and that he's not going anywhere. He tells me all the time that it's fine if I want to change and that he's not going anywhere because of it. Yet...he does that. And that's not the first time. Saying I looked better with long hair, looking at my liscence with my long hair and saying that picture is better, saying he misses my old clothes, etc. I've become self concious around him and wear my boxers to bed, and he's even caught me wearing my compression shirts to bed. Love him to pieces, but I'm not sure what to do.

-Warren

No problem hun I'm only 22 (I know I know, I'm just a baby ) but I can totally agree that it's like an addiction. Mine started out with boxers, went to compression shirts, then to jeans, then to tops. I've spanned into coats and boots too

I always keep in mind that no matter how much I HATE not being able to do what I want with my outter appearance, I have to be grateful for it. Because not everyone can do it and have people assume they're "Tomboy". But here's the thing. If your wife is cool with it, then why hide it? I mean I understand keeping it quiet, I REALLY REALLY do!! But, like you said, you're sixty. Time to let it shine, girl!

-Warren

My opinion: Rock that leotard! Hell, sounds kind of comfortable actually lol But I know how you feel. When I started wearing boxers instead of girls underwear, it felt much more natural. More secure, safe, comfortable,.....just....right. But it didnt feel like enough. It was like an addiction, and I'd gotten my first taste. The tiny lick off the frosting mixer, but I wanted a whole scoop AND the cake.

Redone versions of the photos in my album ^_^

This person in particular seems to have been singling me out ever since I were hired there, and has even been caught in lies about me saying I did something that I didnt. Or claiming I didnt clean something when I did. On one occasion, I had used the large grill but weren't sure how to clean it. When I asked for him to show me, he said "I'll take care of it, dont worry about it" So I didnt, I went home.

Next day, I got in trouble for "leaving the grill filthy"....He told Chef that I didnt clean it, didnt want to clean it, and left it so I could go home.

He's a back stabbing ***. I just really need to find a different job.

Trying to. I'm going to leave early for work tomorrow and stop over at the Security offices. I'd already been asked to apply as a Safety Officer on Campus, and I think it's time to get that ball rolling. At least put my name on the list of considerations. Point blank, bottom line: I need to get out of that kitchen.

Nope. As far as my boss sees it, he can do no wrong. He's lied about other chefs before, and he coughs and sneezes and blows his face into a hankie before WIPING HIS FACE WITH IT.....yet he gets no grief for it. Meanwhile if my hat is on backwards or I forget a nametag..I'm screwed. I had ONE bad, cranky day last year and Chef yelled at me on the front line to get my sh** together or I wouldnt have a job there anymore. When I went to the changing room to calm down, he told a coworker to tell me that I had ten minutes to get back to work or I was done.

Thank you both for the comments I'm so glad to have such supportive people here :3

I'll totally check that out Emma, and thanks for the top & heads up, mikah I hope it goes well too! I'm nervous!

-Warren

Love the name emma Took me a long while to decide on mine.

I dont remember exactly how I settled on Warren, to be honest. I know that it means 'defender of friends' which was fitting, since I'm always defending and taking care of other people, even ones I hardly know.

The full name I had settled on was Warren Renexius (was my online name for several years, AND a book character I created) Ornan (my dads middle name).

It's sort of long, but I've learned to love it :3

Emma Sweet is adorable!

-Warren

- Go take a walk, get outside, and look around. Get some air into your lungs and head. Try to think of things you're grateful for.

- Get a blank book and write a couple (no more than two) pages. Just sit there and write it out. (I use those black Moleskin books.) I often find that I'll start writing and surprise, surprise, after a few sentences or paragraphs, I'll start coming up with some positive ideas to help myself.

And consider calling your boss to explain and beg forgiveness. He/she would appreciate your having the consideration of letting them know what's up. Sure, you may need to stretch the truth a bit, but just tell them that you were suddenly feeling pretty crappy and felt that it was better to split without notice than possibly make a mess in the kitchen. I think they'll put two and two together and give you another chance.

So I did get ahold of my boss and explained to him that I'd had a panic attack (which they know I get sometimes, I've passed out at work before) and that I was very very sorry, and showed up an hour early to work the next day so we could talk about it. He said basically just "dont do it again. If you need to leave, tell someone. We cant tell you no, but we'd like to know when some of our staff decide to walk out"

So, I still have a job. Unfortunatly while on my best behaviour, drama went down last night >.< I'll explain in my next post/blog.

As for the writing things down, Ill try that. I do go outside for fresh air when I need to, or sometimes I just retreat to the bathroom stalls with my ipod and calm down until I feel safe enough to try again. Works sometimes.

Thank you for your suggestions! All and any are always welcome

Warren

I'm not sure what the "Torso Compression Tank" is, but I am familiar with Underworks (Manshape retailer?).

It is my understanding that some compression tops have more to do with working out, or are designed for posture or back trouble.

I'm going to be doing some more looking around and whatnot, and order a new one for an xmas present for myself. I suspect that the torso compression shirt that I bought is exactly as you said, and not meant to hide anything in any way. Though it has helped with my back pain

As for the dryer situation, DULY NOTED! I was also told to wash them by hand because it's easier on them? I've done that before, and hung it up to dry over my shower rod. Seemed to have done the trick. I was wearing axe spray deodorant but had to go back to a gel, so hopefully its not going to ruin or weaken the material at all >.< here's hoping!

Thank you for your insights and help!

-Warren

My problem is time too :/ I work 10am-8pm, so all the good shots are gone by the time I get a chance to do anything :(

I considered photography but I lack a worthy camera lol and I couldnt take pictures of people, I'm too shy. I like taking pictures of nature instead

-Warren

Thank for for the "Great tatt idea" Regretfully it is going to have to wait until the end of november, but it WILL be happening lol

I have checked the first link but werent sure what I was looking at, to be honest with you. As for support groups in my area...I live in a very remote place. It's an hour to anything with more than a two pump gas station :/ The closest location on the site you included is an hour and a half away from me, and its only an HIV/STD awareness center. Next one is almost two hours away, and only serves MTF feminine resource.

Sadly its one of the problems with living in the middle of no where :/

-Warren