Briannah

I'm glad I make your world okay the way you right mine when it's all spiraling around me and I can't handle it.  And I'm glad you like the boobs.  I'm a little weirded out yeah, they aren't what I was expecting, which was something more like...silicone and soft and the plastic on the outside confuses me texturally and if it's a shipping thing or an actual casing.  But I'm getting used to it and willing to keep poking at it.    So be my kitten on days you need to, and days you just want to, and be my dinosaur on days you need to, and days you just want to.  I'm good with this.  We're good together. 

But um....at some point I'm going to stop feeling like this thing you got me for my bra issues is going to stop feeling like a piece of meat stuffed in my bra yeah?  Because that is weirding me out big time. 

I'm so happy to hear that you are doing well and found a doctor that is actually helping!  And by the way, you are so much braver than I am, if I get within 100 feet of a garter snake I lose my marbles.  I wish you a full recovery, and that is a great pic! 

Porbably not, I'm demonic when my hands are on water ballons. Something about them....

I'm sorry, I need a few days to digest.  You are the one who taught me I can't keep secrets in a marriage or tell white lies to you, and that hit hard to find out you'd promised me no secrets and there was this big one, but I mostly understand now.  Fear is strong.  Thank you for giving me the time to sort out the anger and trust issues you hit before we really talked a lot so that I was able to talk and really hear you and not be wigged out by the issues you'd poked at.  I know the first few days i was quiet and weird and in my head a lot.  I needed that time to think through all that and what questions I wanted to ask. 

You are very kind to leave out my emotional meltdown in the  middle of the closet nearly derailing everything.    At least  I didn't find out about his passing til after vacation where we were really working on everything between us.  And as usual you were awesome at the comfort thing. 

I'm really really glad you liked the necklace.  It sparkled at me and reminded me so strongly of the things Grandpa used to give me, that I knew you had to have one too.  Those sorts of things remind me of that unconditional love and amazing grace that  my grandpa had.  I'm sorry works sucks. 

And for the record, I have a thing about water balloons.  I have zero destructive feelings towards the breast forms, it's just water balloons make me craving throwing them and watching them explode.  Nikki has been expecially nice to me so I'll at least let him turn on the bathroom space heater and get in the shower before I throw them at him.  Honest!

Thank you so much!  Nikki can be really  hard to read sometimes, he's always been so shy even I Have trouble dragging the real Nikki out where I can see.  I'm gonna kill someone if those breast forms don't come soon, he's so excited to have them and I want to see the smile.  Squirrels scare me now.  When we lived in REALLY SMALL TOWN (astonishingly small, I swear it was like five long streets by 11 parallel short streets) there was a squirrel that would attack us outside our apartment with rocks or ice balls.  Then there was the one at a different apartment that would scrabble at the window trying to bite me while I was in my computer chair by the window.  We have one here that chases our dog and scares her witless.  Squirrels are scary!  LOL 

I'm just as lucky to have Nikki.  He was in the middle of the closet when I got a tweet that a good mmo friend of mine has passed, and I had a total breakdown and closet work had to halt and he put me back together.  I knew he was sick, but it never makes it any better.  My grumpy Scottish Dwarf is gone, and my heart is broken for a grieving period.  Nikki is wonderful about making me feel better when I'm broken.  He's also wonderful at dealing with me when my add is acting up, or the dismorphia, and he doesn't mind that I'm really messed up some days, he tells me I'm his perfect turtle anyway.  And when my dad called me stupid on Facebook, he went into crazy I'm going to kill you if you talk to her like that mode.  He's kind of amazing, he can hide behind me when the world is hurting him and let me defend him, and then can switch to defense mode and protect me when I'm in trouble.  I think I'd be on the floor still right now if not for him.

Feel whatever you feel!  This is your life, and you're right to your feelings!  Saying to someone 'you're too sensitive' is really saying 'I can't be bothered atually behaving like a decent person and respecting others, or taking responsibility for my poor behavior, so I'll blame you so that i don't have to feel bad'.  The only person who can determine when sensitivity is a problem is the person feeling it.  Have a hug from me.

EVERYONE is affected by what they wear.  Males and females alike, and for everyone it's a different degree.  For me it's a mild mood changer, I suspect now that for Nikki it's a much bigger thing.  Neither of us is abnormal, just differently responsive.  Enjoy those dresses!  I'll cheer you on!

I'm scared too.  But that's okay.  Fear is a survival instinct, but the modern world seems to forget that.  It's okay to be scared, it's mental purpose is to make us be careful and aware of dangers around us.  Only you can know if fear is ruling your life, or enhancing it, and only you can know when too scared isn't okay.  I found for me, sharing the scared helps!  If it helps you, you can always share it with me. 

Mods bloody well do cry.  I won't pretend I don't feel a pressure to be 'professional and fair' in places I've had the pleasure/obligation to mod, but you still get to be yourself! 

There is no should in feelings.  We feel what we feel.  Then we have to decide what to do with those feelings.  But there is no one in the world who can emotion on demand, even actors have to work for it.  Don't ever let anyone make you feel bad for having an amazing, complicated, confusing organ we call brains.  Brains are a lot of work.  They do things we will never consciously  understand.  THey absorb everything, and react to all that information.  None of us control them, they control us because they are what makes us. 

Walk whatever road you choose, feel however about it you choose, and I'm just happy I have this chance to know you and become friends!