Chantel

Well thats the way to go.  There is no easy way. I have lost maybe one or two friends but mostly they have been very supportive. I think its much better coming from me than them finding out from others.  Good luck and hope everything goes well. X Chantel.

Thanks for sharing Karen. I have heard similar stories from other ladies too. I look forward to the day when I am post transition and hope I can say the same. Big hugs. X

Hi Emma, Having someone who is in or has gone through similar experiences is so important. I have often had to dealt with things on my own but I have always appreciated having someone to talk to.  

I thought that being an older lady would mean that I would struggle with breast growth and my body would not feminise so easily but my experience so far has been quite good.  I have to accept that there are some things I cannot change but as long as people don't look too close I can pass and for that I am very grateful.  My other experience has been how kind and accepting of me as a female people are in general.  I don't know why but its really scary coming out to friends etc but the warmth I have received has been fantastic so don't be scared but don't put yourself into risky situations. Its just common sense and remember your a girl. The rules are different for girls.  Good luck. X

It is now 22 months since I wrote the above and I am now 64. I am really pleased with my breast development and I certainly have more than a handful., My breasts now fill an A cup bra easily and I can even fill some B cup bra's as well. When I feel my breast I can feel that my milk glands are well developed and my nipples and alveoli have definitely grown bigger.  When I started i could cover my alveoli with one finger but now it takes two. I don't think they are perhaps quite as large as a cisgender women's. But then again are all cisgender women nipples large?  

I have been using Estradiol patches throughout my transition and the dose has been slowly increased in response to my blood tests. I have also been taking Spironolactone to suppress my Testosterone and this has again been reduced over recent months in response to my blood results.  Finally I have been taking micronised Progesterone for the past few months as it is felt that this is best commenced once the breasts are growing. I think it is the progesterone that has been responsible for my aveoli and nipples growing as this followed on from me starting the Progesterone.

My skin has gotten a lot softer and the hair on my chest and back has completely disappeared.  The hairs on my arms and legs are a lot finer and grow much more slowly.

I have also noticed that my finger nails seem to sort of peel which I am tildes not uncommon. I was advised to use olive oil on them but I have been using Shellac nail polish which seems to protect them. Another experience that I am told is common has been my nipples producing a few drops of clear liquid when stimulated.  This has been constant now for several months.

Another observation is that I am now much more emotional. Instead of getting angry I well up inside and want to cry. I readily cry at anything sad. I have also noticed that I am less of a risk taker now.

I am now living 24/7 and that emotional journey into full time womanhood is a big story and so I will leave that for another time.  I can only say that my journey is something that I can only wish I had been able to start when I was a child.  I know that my first gender awareness was when I was five. I didn't understand it but i knew i was being made to conform and against all that adult and peer pressure I had little choice than to accede.  My greater understanding came when I was ten and it was then that I really did know I was a girl. So what I am trying to say is that from my experience we must learn not deny our children the experience of growing in the gender that they feel most comfortable with.  This does not necessitate any surgery or intervention in our early years it is just a freedom to explore. Bigger decisions have to be made later at the start of puberty.

Well i hope people find this useful. Just go and be the best you can and love who you are.  It is better too see than spend your life blind. Love to all.

Go, go, go. :-)

Hi Emma, I can share some of your reflections and add some of my own. I remember playing mummy in the Wendy house as a five year old too, playing tea parties.

Joining the girls and wanting to be one of them. It was ok for them to play with me if they were alone but not so much when they were in a gang. They wanted to be mummy or a model and being a boy I was last in line for that role I was also confused and just didn't understand why I had a boys body when I was a girl. I had no interest in being a boy and so I became isolated. My boy friends were always those like myself who didn't quite fit in. Well no good getting maudling. I know I learned that it was wrong to be how I felt and learned how to suppress it even at that early age. My shame and guilt guided me into pretending to be a boy.

My advice to anyone reading this is not to do as I had to. Things are so much more open now. Don't build walls around yourself to keep yourself safe. Take a risk, knock down the walls and take your inner girl out to play. She will love you for it. X

Hiya Jay, wow you sound so good and positive. Best of luck with the script. X

Hi Karen, What you say is very true and I am sure most of us would like to sound right but our aptitude and abilities vary. I know how difficult and how silly I feel when I am practising my voice. I have every sympathy but you are right we should try harder. Thank you for spurring me on. X

Sounds like your in love? X

Hi Nicky,

I totally agree with Steph and Brianna. Best wishes. X

Hi Brianna, big hugs, you're better than this. Dump the shame, it's from controlling stuff that society or others have dumped on us. Once it's out it's out and cannot hurt us or control us anymore because it just is if that makes sense. Then realise that It's not you that should feel embarrassed in this case and finally a great big snoggy kiss from me. :-) (oh dear how embarrassing is that) lots of love and snogs.

As above, my love and best wishes for you too.

Take a deep breath. Count to ten, scream and shout then cry a bit and look for the positives in your life. Sometimes life is like a shed full of stored stuff. When it's full we have to sort what to keep and what has to go. Not easy. I had a hundred old shirts once. Lots of hugs and cuddles.

Ahh thank you Emma, sorry I got the wrong end of the stick. Big hugs. X

Hi Chrissy, congratulations and best wishes, XXX

Just want to let you know I am still here and with you. Yes I started wearing clear nail varnish and mascara first and no one really said anything. I was already wearing girl jeans and underwear. After a while I thought ok and started wearing a little pink lipstick and light brown polish on my toes and stii.no one said anything. Some people just stared a bit longer working out whatever but I have had no big issues out and about. Friends and family however. Some needed time and some still feel uncomfortable. I was told some really negative stuff but it seemed to be more about them than me, not about how I felt or looked but it did make me feel that I was fooling myself and perhaps I should go back. I am pleased I haven't and I now feel a lot more comfortable. I don't ever want to go back. So to you Emma and all my friends, go girls and live your truth. XXX

Hi Emma, Steph is so right. I just want to support everything she says and share an understanding of where you're coming from. Big hugs. X

Wishing you lots of positivity. Big hugs and love. Chantel

Hoping all's well. Chantel

Congratulations and well done. Much better than me. I can only admire you. Best wishes. Chantel. X

Hi Michele, yes, sorry life is so testing. I have been tickling the grey cells as Agatha Christie's Poirot says. May I suggest thinking of it as ownership. You own your own poo but you don't own other people's. Your walking along and you see some doggy poo. It's not yours so you have choices what to do. Taking ownershio for it doesn't leave you any choices than to sort it.

What I am trying to say is the same as Emma I think. Take ownership only for what is yours.

If I came home every day to a sink full of dirty dishes from my family. I could think they just leave these for me to wash and I have no choice but to wash them. I would feel very angry and shout you make me so angry.  If instead I said to myself, I feel really hurt that they leave the pots for me to wash I would have choices. Leave them, wash mine and put them on one side saying they are mine don't you dare use them, put them in the trash and say if you want a plate they are in the bin or that's it, I have had enough and I am leaving.

One is giving the power to control me away and make me angry. The other is keeping the power and ownership for my feelings giving me choices.

Hope this is helpful, if it's a load of poo, throw it down the loo. Whatever lots of love and I hope you soon feel more in control. X

Hi Lisa, May I reiterate what Steph has said. Well done and best wishes for the future. Sorry to hear your splitting up and my heart is with you. As with Steph. Any time you need to download or talk about stuff feel free. I often need to talk and share stuff so know bottling it up is no good. Big hugs.

Hi Jay, I identify with your experiences but it took a little longer for me. Only a few weeks though. I was also surprised how quickly my breasts responded but three months on now and they seem to have settled down to a more steady growth. I think from what I can feel the internal structure started as a small knot under each nipple and is now becoming flatter and wider like a small upside down saucer. I am also much more relaxed. My dysphoria was really driving me at first but now it feels like it has been released, like a spring that was under tension. I also feel hungry, especially in the evening. It's really hard but try and stay in control. Personally I feel so free and good about me. Love and best wishes. Chantel

Hi Christine, I guess there are are always pro's and con's in any situation. One suggestion given to me was to take two similar chairs, sit in one and go through all the positives and negatives of re-assignment. Then sit in the other chair and go through all the positives and negatives of staying where you are. Continue until one chair feels more comfortable than the other. Hope you find the right choice. Love and best wishes from Chantel.

Thank you Briannah. Your offer is appreciated.