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  2. Christy

    On again/off again- In and OUT

    Monica I can’t relate to the smell factor on a transgender level except I like the female fragrances better. I think the 2 people you took care of might have had an attachment to her smell and that is common. If I smell the perfume of my elementary school girl friend I start to recall intense memories. First French kiss! Whooho!!! As for the suffering and the on, off, in and out. I do remember that when I purged my clothes after a business trip I would get sad just a bit. The fear of being caught was so overwhelming and anxiety provoking that I would feel relief once they were safely gone. Kind of like ahhhh, but then after a bit I would get pissed that I had just waited money so I would cop the attitude, “well that’s the price of doing business” and then I would miss the clothes again. I would now have to go and restock which was scary and fun. I’d come up with all kinds of elaborate scenarios to tell the staff at the store. Funny looking back at it now . The fact that I had to get rid of them bothered me also. “What’s the big deal really?” I had more than one girlfriend that wanted to fully dress me like a girl at times. I never took them up on it. One of them bought me a 3 package of guys underwear (so she said) that was white with polkadots, hearts and stripes. They were panties really, just like the ones I’m wearing now. But hey! Who was I to complain about such a thoughtful gift. I loved those and the ones I stole from her. Lol so anyway my point is for me all that purging was exciting but super stressful. It really was a human being suffering to find relief.
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  5. That’s awesome! Jess, It is not a stretch at all! Everything is connected. Everything. That’s why it’s so crucial to pay attention to the little things right in front of us. It has helped my transition and my entire life.
  6. Jessicatoyou

    When You Transition . . . Everyone You Know Transitions, Too

    Haha, okay this is gonna be a stretch, but.... I went back to my dentist again last Wednesday. Remember I brought up meeting another "Jess" in my blog What's in a name? Well, 2 root canals and crowns was the order of the day and Jess was assisting again. No pain at all, again had a great time, and they probably think it was the Novocain that was the reason. I'm sure it helped, but I think my attitude was the predominant factor here. Next appointment was to be 2 weeks from now (I have 4 appt's set up for November already) and I told them if they get any cancellations to call me and I'll be there within a 30 minute notice. I need a lot of work done and want to be done with it this year. I've neglected it too long. Got a call Friday to come in Monday at 7:30 am.👍 Working more on my smile!😍. I now have a reason to smile.😃! Down the road sometime, when the time is right, they'll know just how much they meant to me. Jess
  7. Bingo again! Thank you Jessica! That’s the ripple effect. I choose to see the “joy” in the world, I show that “joy” freely to another, they feel it and like it, then they have “joy” and hopefully freely show it to the world, this can transfer endlessly. The only thing that stops this process is a negative person which is why I avoid them when ever possible. The only reason for me to spend time with a negative person is to try bring them “joy”. “Energy”. But. I need to be ready for that because they will almost always try to suck the life out of me and they don’t even know they are doing it. I believe it is a misguided survival skill for the most part. Kind of like people’s “drama’s“ in the book Celestine prophecy. You have just inspired me to take immediate action. Lol. I’m going to start a thread on this.
  8. Jessicatoyou

    When You Transition . . . Everyone You Know Transitions, Too

    Christy and Emma. Yes the Joy...radiates. I noticed this the moment I joined the community and it hasn't wavered a bit since, when I'm out and about in my daily life. Some "phenomenon" at work there, maybe the feeling of shedding a long held inhibition, knowing that I'm headed in a good path or something like that. I do believe it shows in one's face, attitude, and how we engage with others, and it is contagious to those we encounter. Maybe goes into the "feeling of little girl" or "adolescence" when we start out. Whatever, the ride I'm on sure feels great.!😊
  9. Yeah, I knew what you were pretty much saying Emma and I agree with you. It just didn’t sit well with me for some reason when I read it. Kind of like.....yeah but wait a minute. I do think that there is way too much worrying. The way we handle stress is a big deal and many people are unaware of what they are putting themselves through physically and mentally because of it. I will start a thread on that one. I will bring up “the consideration factor” in group and here when I have time. It’s a good one. As you know I have muddled my way through the family and work considerations for some time now but I don’t stress over it anymore. Waisted energy. Just focus on the present and do the best job I can. Much easier. Bingo! I smiled when I read that! That is the key to unlock life itself and the greatest part about it is we are capable of producing this “JOY” when ever we want. It just takes practice. It’s a choice. Congratulations on HRC! It doesn’t surprise me a bit. Thank you for your kind words 😘
  10. Hi Christy, I know what you mean about my statement about doing what you need to do without consideration of others. I wrote that quickly and although I wasn’t satisfied with it I let it stand. I’m not sure what I meant to say exactly. Perhaps this is another discussion topic for your group or another thread here in TGG, or both? Overall the point I’m trying to make is that it doesn’t do us good to ruminate so much, building up and reinforcing our fears and shame. There’s so much to “worry” about as we all well know. With that context I’m saying that we need to practice getting into a mindful headspace where we develop an understanding of what’s in our hearts, irrespective of external considerations. And with that we’re better prepared to consider our responsibilities, loves, families, and all that, to plot a truthful course through the rocks and shoals. And yet, with all that, and returning back to the topic of this thread, everyone transitions with us. It’s quite upsetting to some and does take some blind faith and courage on our part. On a happier note, about your experiences in the grocery store and elsewhere: I’m having the same kinds of interactions! I have friends who give me hugs and fist bumps at the grocery stores, hardware store, lumber store... all over. My joy, I think, radiates. Last night I was added into our local HRC chapter’s Steering Committee, which I think reflects on this too. Being trans and transitioning is darned challenging to say the least. These days I’m finding that it’s very personally rewarding!
  11. Yes Monica thanks. I always appreciate your kind words. I brought up your original topic at group last night and it made for a great meeting! It also kept the group focused on what we were really there for instead of the negative stuff. The whole group was shining at the end. We discussed the different ways we were dealing with others transitioning with us. The group is made up of diverse individuals, from 40 years transitioned to the young questioning ones and cis as well. The conversation really helped 2 people in particular. They went from fear, frustration and sadness to happy and eager to share. One person was so fearful that she stayed in her house as much as possible for the first 1.5 years of her transition. Avoiding the possibility of confrontation in the outside world. It built up in her head to an unhealthy level so then she started group with her wife about the time I started with that group. I really like them. About 15 people total in the group last night. I am making some great friends there. We also discussed the labels everybody seems to stick on themselves like a name tag. Not one person there likes the labels because we all felt that it wasn’t an accurate description of themselves. Almost like multiple choice. We discussed how our own perceptions of ourselves effect the world around us, directly and indirectly. If you are happy, positive and generally a good person with confidence in yourself you can change the way others interact with the transgender community. The world around you really. There is a Nobel prize winning scientist by the name of Dr. Elizabeth Blackburn who did a short TED talk (and many other lectures) about the this phenomenon. They stubble on to it by accident while studying telomeres and there anti-aging properties. It is not about transgender people directly but I found it useful for dealing with the world.
  12. Great points Girls.✅ As my good friend Yoda once said, Seek the future you must, only disappointment will you find. My father said this to me all my life “People never plan to fail they just fail to plan”.✅ Those words have been ingrained into my psyche. He also made me a small black & white desk plaque, like the one a principle would have on their desk. It said “Think”✅ with the K backwards. I thought it was silly for a long time but as I grew older the message sunk in with life experiences. The future is a mystery and the present is reality. The present moment is a gift and that is why we call it the 🎁. Everyone I have met who worried about the future (too much) lives a life full of stress and that is not for me. So, I live in the present, paying special attention to what is right around me. I plan for the future as best I can and realize that all the planning in the world doesn’t guaranty anything. This has taken me a very long time to get even a loose grip on (years). I still get pulled away for chunks of time. Jess, I went through everything you just mentioned. It’s like that schoolhouse rock song 5, 10, 15, 20, 25, 30, 35, 40, 45, 50 ready or not here I come.😀 At the beginning of my transition I couldn’t help being swept up with thoughts of the future. It was exciting and scary. I had waited so long that I just couldn’t see what I was doing very clearly. Thankfully, I had some people to help me get through it. Emma is one. Once I realized the emerging females control over my psyche it took me over a month of serious contemplation, therapy and a lot of hiking canyons in the southwest for me to see the truth more clearly. It’s all normal in my opinion and we all have our own pace for the process. I think age and wisdom are a big advantage but not always. I know I will make mistakes but I will not beat myself up over them, I try to rectify them when I can, as long as it doesn’t cause any more harm or pain to others. I can only imagine what a 21-year-old me would have done to kick start transition. Actually, I can it would have been a mess. Fears can paralyze people and in my opinion, but uncertainty is what makes life move. I make an attempt to embrace that uncertainty or it turns to fear. If I knew what the future was going to be life would be boring. Hey lets go see a B-Ball game….na I know the score. Nothing really good is going to happen today so why get out of bed? Uncertainty is the engine that moves all. “Withdraw” never. I talk too much and I would drive myself crazy. Period. After I read this post I went to the beach with the family to collect some shells for a project we are doing together. We have a great time talking, playing and laughing. A gentleman was fishing with his wife and caught a shark as we shelled away, we had been keeping an eye on him fighting the dragon and took some pics. I started talking and joking with them as I helped them released the shark. On the way back home we stopped at the grocery store and while I was waiting for my wife I started talking with the clerk at the service counter. Mega millions 900mil!!! HOLY COW! This complete stranger and I had a good time laughing it up a bit, going over what we might do with all that money. I said out of the side of my mouth in a secret tone, to be honest I’d probably get myself in trouble. We both chuckled in agreement. We said goodbye and she shouted across the store in a happy voice “you have a good night!” and I smiled back saying “You too!” Immediately my younger son said “Dad, umm uhh how do you……..that lady probably doesn’t get to talk with a lot of people, right dad?” I’m not sure son but what is the real question…..is it how do I talk with so many people that I don’t know? “Yes”. “How do you make them happy like that?” Well I just try to say something nice or ask a question, I’m not afraid to talk to people I guess and you never know what might happen. That’s how friendships start with one word, like hello and as you get older and say hello to lots of people you will get better at it, practice. That’s pretty cool don’t you think? Do you think she is in a better mood than before? “Oh, yeah dad!” That is the real reason for doing it but it is never my intention to make a joke out of it or expect anything really. I talk to them just like they have been a friend for a while and that’s it. Don’t try and force the conversation or it will fall flat just let the words pop out. Go with the flow have no fear. At that moment, a bit of fear tried to creep in thinking about him talking to strangers without one of us around. But I held back. Just be respectful son. Everything in that story of my evening was an uncertain moment, minus get shells and some food. I just simply looked around and started to interact with the world that was ready and waiting for us. Embrace the uncertainty of life and your world will expand beyond your vision. Make life happen! Make the future unfold with your influence and if you can’t then ask for help. That’s my opinion on that. “The key is to figure out how you need to live your life without much consideration for others.”❌ I disagree with this one, I have found that I personally just meeee need to give consideration in all my interactions. Strictly because of the ripple effect. Some people do not deserve my attention (and maybe that is what you meant Emma) but I will consider others when making decisions. Small & Large. I have been to the very edge of life/death more than I like to admit and the fact that I am still here is a bloody miracle. I will not take this life for granted ever again. I also know that in the peak of my pain & suffering, the worst it ever got for me. Doesn’t, even, come, close, to the pain some people endure. I have tons of those stories to tell. You know, because I talk to a lot of people. BUT hey the real point for me anyway, is the ripples I make. Isn't that what our friends and loved ones should hope for everyone they love? Yes.✅ 1. Recognize that it's not selfish and it is our God-given right to live our lives. Yes.✅ 2. Set an example for others of our love, respect, and support for everyone, including ourselves. Yes.✅ YOU ARE WONDERFUL TODAY
  13. I'd just like to politely (I hope) point out that predicting the future is impossible. Worse, many people ruminate about it, endlessly wrestling with different scenarios in a desperate effort to choose "the right one" which is, again, impossible. Yes, one must be responsible for themselves, and do their best to be prepared financially and/or job- or career-wise. I'm not encouraging anyone to take the leap into transition. Just saying that it's so easy to allow fears and uncertainties to cloud our judgment. I completely agree with this regardless of whether one transitions or not. Wanting to withdraw is a reaction to fear and establishing control over ones life because we'd be alone. Like Jessica says, it's a recipe for disaster. The key is to figure out how you need to live your life without much consideration for others. The only ones that should be considered are close family members. But even with them we only have our single life to live. I came "that close" to ending mine several years ago and would have missed so much. Returning to the original theme of Monica's post here it's well known that when we transition everyone does it with us. That can be said about any transitions: career, work, home,... even if one inherits a bunch of money or earns a lot and takes enviable vacations. Yes, gender transition is big. On reflection I don't really see why but I know it's been for some in my life. The reason I don't see why it's such a big deal is that at our core we are the same people we've always been, only happier, more grounded. Isn't that what our friends and loved ones should hope for everyone they love? For whatever reason(s) some people refuse to accept our reality. We can't control anyone including them. Convincing someone that we are valid and real can be like a religious debate, or trying to convince someone to vote Democrat instead of Republican. I think there are two important rules to live by: 1. Recognize that it's not selfish and it is our God-given right to live our lives. 2. Set an example for others of our love, respect, and support for everyone, including ourselves.
  14. Jessicatoyou

    When You Transition . . . Everyone You Know Transitions, Too

    Ah, Yes, there is sooo much to think of. Not even just the immediate or short term, or even the closer long term. But what about 10, 15, 20, 30 years from now, or longer? How exactly will you conduct your life? How do you expect to? What other new relationships will one have and what will they be like? Will you be able to earn, or maintain a living? I think many people have a false idea that hey could be happy just to "withdraw" living the remainder of their life transitioned, but I tend to think that would be a recipe for disaster. Of course one cannot foresee everything, but a careful and thorough self-examination of the effects and what they mean to the individual and those in their circle coupled with a lot of research surely helps to make the right choice for the individual. Jessica
  15. I like this article. I can relate to the content somewhat but I have a long pathway ahead of me. It did cause me to reflect on what I’ve been up to and if I’ve been thinking of others first. Before “unloading “ my burdens on others I must take time to think it through. What are the possible side effects on others that I haven’t contemplated yet? Have I really been thorough enough? I will make mistakes but I try not to beat myself up over them. If I can learn from them and rectify them without causing more stress or harm I believe things will be easier for all involved. Selfishness? I used to feel that way strongly but in reality for me anyway, I think I was being selfish before (Not being honest) and now I am opening up. Exposing my underbelly to the world so to speak. Scary but empowering at the same time. Honesty can be painful but with the right guidance, timing and thoughtfulness the negative usually turns into a positive.
  16. Earlier
  17. Thanks Monica,. I am fairly good with computers but this one does baffel me Seems like anytime we have an update my photo files cannot be loaded. Happened before during a receint mod and I was able to reduce the file size and get the photo to load. Only affects the album loader. Thanks for the comment - actually feel like I am a bit overweight - getting ready to do a Coolwrap procedure. More soon. Your Friend - Dawn
  18. Jessicatoyou

    My wife brought this up to me. I said “What?”

    Yeah, I laughed. Out Loud! 😂 Already checked out the video this morning. I like her. Thanks for the other links, too. It will keep me busy! DON'T STOP! But look both ways. Jessica😍
  19. Christy

    My wife brought this up to me. I said “What?”

    Warning this content may cause certain individuals to be triggered! Viewer discretion is advised! If you notice any signs of discomfort please stop reading intermittently and seek medical attention from Dr. Anne M. Vitale PhD. ASAP. Okay my peeps! Here is a link to the video Monica found I hope you like it.😄 Then below that is her website! I just found it which is kind of embarrassing because it's basically her name. Crazy how a search with her name brought up nothing but when I added the PhD. There it was. Anyway look below. I will be busy going through that website for some time. I might even call her for more insight on a couple of things. Hope you enjoy. Her website. http://avitale.com Please let me know what you think and I hope the top made you laugh....just a bit. Christy😍
  20. Jessicatoyou

    My wife brought this up to me. I said “What?”

    Haha, not surprised! Jess
  21. Christy

    My wife brought this up to me. I said “What?”

    Jess I love horses too 😍
  22. Christy

    My wife brought this up to me. I said “What?”

    I just watched the video. I think she answered the 3 questions spot on. Now this was recorded in 2012 and something’s have changed but I believe she has a tremendous grasp on the transgender/transsexualism issue. Now at 40 years of experience, treating hundreds if not thousands (at this point) of transgender clients and being transgender herself I believe her to be an invaluable resource. I will post some links shortly for those who are interested.
  23. Mikaylajane79

    My life moving forward

    Well moving forward I am cutting contact with all my family except my ex wife and son. It is really messed up when the only person I have that accepts me and supports me is my ex wife. Her and I have a long story and well she says she loves me but won't do anything to show it to me. Just says it. She says she understands me but yet she doesn't because she thinks that me being trans and having these feelings I do is my mom's fault. No I have been like this as long as I can remember. I remember when my older sister was going through puberty I was like Damn I hope in a few years I am as pretty as she is. Then it hit me a few years later and No was like uh WTF this is not supposed to be me. I have felt off ever since. So I don't think my mom loving my sister's more and telling me I was supposed to be a girl and do girl things and then. All of a sudden is like your my son you don't dress like that or do those things anymore has everything to do with it. But it would be nice if she could at least accept me for me. And not look at me with disgust all the time. I probably won't speak to her again unless I absolutely have to.
  24. Jessicatoyou

    My wife brought this up to me. I said “What?”

    I know much more about horses than mules, although I've been called a mule on occasion! (in addition to other descriptions of the species). I absolutely love horses, but that's not the purpose of this message guide. If you want to PM me will tell you more., ….❤️ Jess
  25. Christy

    My wife brought this up to me. I said “What?”

    Monica the pic is from one of the canyons in the south west. They are mostly mules. Big ears and they can see all 4 hoofs making them ideal haulers and sure footed on steep narrow trails. There were a couple of horses as well.
  26. Jessicatoyou

    My wife brought this up to me. I said “What?”

    Love ya, Monica! Just when I've screwed up. you have my back!😍
  27. MonicaPz

    My wife brought this up to me. I said “What?”

    Dear Friends, Anne Vitale has made one 12 minute YouTube video in 2012. You can search for her under "Anne Vitale" in YouTube. Hope this helps. Yours truly, Monica
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