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  1. Yesterday
  2. MonicaPz

    On Turning Sixty . . .

    Dear Emma, My mindset is like that of a 40 year old, but my body tells me different. It is like a conflict. It might have to do with that I live in a senior apartment complex. Saw your picture with your friends, and I feel I would fit in with that crowd! Your friend, Monica
  3. Emma

    On Turning Sixty . . .

    Monica, I’m 62 so a tad older but similar in age. I’m more self-conscious about my voice and face than about my age spots, easily bruised arms, and stuff like that. I think that most people are self-conscious and worried. It’s part of the human condition. The trick is to have awareness of our feelings, let them breathe within ourselves, but not allow them to hold us back. Carpe dium, make every day as precious as you can. Emma
  4. Last week
  5. MonicaPz

    On Turning Sixty . . .

    Looking back, I accepted my birthdays quite happily and proudly except for the last year before the decade turned and the first year of the new decade. For instance, I grieved turning 19, as I knew this was the last year I could call myself a teenager, and grieved a little more at 20, as I knew I was not only no longer a teenager, but never will be again. This happened at ages 29 and 30, as I knew I was leaving "young adulthood" behind. Again, at ages 39 and 40, I knew I was definitely middle aged. At 50, I realized I was medically a senior. And now, at 59 turning to 60, I definitely was a senior! Sometimes, I am unexpectedly reminded that I am getting older, such as the time I visited a beautiful library in downtown Brooklyn, that was filled with young people. Finally I found a seat, among a large group of teenagers, and I settled down to my work. Noticed adults pacing up and down between the tables. Finally I got up and asked the librarian if it was OK to sit where I was, and she answered that I was sitting among high school students taking their SAT's! The adults walking around them where proctors! Apologized, and moved my stuff. This scene reminded me so much of myself when I was their age, and how different I am now to what I was then. Somehow, I seem to see my life by decades. 0 - 10 Child 10 - 20 Preteen and teen 20 - 30 Young adult 30 - 40 Young middle-aged 40 - 50 Older middle-aged 50 - 60 Young senior Interestingly, the last few years I dream about being 18 - 22 years old and not using mobility aids (a cane)! In my case, I feel like in my early 40's, except when I am reminded that I am 60 when I look in the mirror or notice I suffer more aches and pains than in the past. Recently I had what I call, "The Linear Dream." At the time I was 58. There was a marked linear line, marked off by feet. At the other end of the linear line, was my two year old great niece, standing, facing me, at the two foot mark. In my case, I was at the sixty foot mark, having stepped forward to the fifty-eight foot mark, as I was fifty-eight years old. Know the dream was about age, but, beyond that, I do not know what it means. Somehow, I feel more comfortable about aging, when I think in terms of "the circle of life," rather than linearly. Here are some of the changes I have observed in myself due to aging: Fear of being "out of date." Fear of being alone (dying alone). Don't have as much a sense of purpose as I used to. Can't be as much "hands on" as I used to (accepting physical projects) More "word finding" difficulties. Having trouble with spelling and grammar. Chronic pain. Can't run. Less balance. Feel "underfoot" by society at large. More spiritual. Less eye/hand coordination. Difficulty learning new material. Feel less confident in finding a partner. Don't feel needed by my family. Can't walk far. Difficulty hearing with background noise. Intermittent tremor. Greater difficulty losing weight and keeping it off. Can't see as well, requiring a magnifier as well as glasses. Dry and thinning skin. Dry scalp and hair falling out at the scalp, as well as thinning and finer hair (don't mention the gray!) "Age spots." Dry mouth and eyes. Easy bruising. May I ask how you have coped with aging?
  6. Christy

    Wow

    Great Picture! It is nice to see you living life with a smile. I just got back from 8 days hiking the SW National parks Zion, Bryce, Grand canyon etc. and was shocked at how many trans people I met along the way. There was even a young FTM in our tour group. MTF park rangers and tourists from around the world. I am sure there were many more that I didn't even realize. Just incredible. I must say I am a bit jealous because I would have loved to hike around and swim in the rivers as me but I'm not quite ready yet. Someday. Enjoy life Emma!! Love the pics. Christy
  7. Gennee

    Shoes

    I'm 12E in a men's shoe. I also have a wide foot.
  8. MomPride

    This world is destroying my family

    My son just came out as trans 3 days ago. First thing I did was hop online. The first thing I read was a blog by a Mom of another Trans child. To paraphrase, it said: Your child already knows it will be infinitely more difficult to live Trans than continue to pretend they are the wrong gender. By the time they tell you, they have thought a LOT about it. Whether they were talking to you about it or not, they have been thinking about it for a long time. It is not a phase. It is not a mistake. They will not grow out of it. They are not wrong. It just is. Your son hasn't changed, he is just now being open and honest with you. I have to keep reminding myself of what that other Mom said - there is so much truth in it. As I see it, this isn't about us. It isn't about how anyone else judges us as parents; except for our children. It matters that they see us loving and supporting them no matter what. It matters that their siblings see it and know they will be supported and loved and that the siblings see it is OK for them to accept our sons. I went shopping for boy clothes for my son today, and it was FUN! I made sure to use masculine pronouns with him. I still can't use his new name, but baby steps, right?
  9. MomPride

    Virginia TIES , now in it's 4th year !

    My son JUST came out as trans. Will you post who signs up for the workshops? If a service provider will go out of their way to attend, that is who I want my son to see.
  10. MonicaPz

    Wow

    Dear Emma, You girls look great! Also, you look like you really fit in, as in, say, "one of the girls!" Monica
  11. Emma

    Wow

    I joined TG Guide almost four years ago. The time seems short and in hindsight it's passed quickly but there were many deep valleys amid the peaks. Last weekend I hiked to Tolmie Peak with some lesbian friends. Imagine that, out and about as natural as can be. Now making plans for GCS, hopefully by end of Q1 2019. And yesterday my ex-wife phoned to ask if I'd like for her to help me through recovery! (You bet, I answered.) Wow.
  12. Earlier
  13. They hath disgraced Transgender folks and hindered our existence, laughed at our struggle, mocked at our gains, scorned our identity, thwarted our dreams, cooled our friends, heated our enemies – and what's their reason? We are Trans. Hath not Trans folks eyes? Hath not Trans folks hands, organs, dimensions, senses, affections, passions; fed with the same food, hurt with the same weapons, subject to the same diseases, healed by the same means, warmed and cooled by the same winter and summer as CIS folks are? If you prick us, do we not bleed? If you tickle us, do we not laugh? If you poison us, do we not die? And if you wrong us, shall we not revenge? If we are like you in the rest, we will resemble you in that. - Original text from Shakespeare’s A Merchant in Venice edited by me to reflect Transgender folks struggle in a heteronormative bigoted society.
  14. SkyQueerChic

    I am transgender. Yes, yes I am

    I am transgender. Yes, yes I am. Millions in our community are on my side. Science is on my side. Psychology is on my side. Civility is on my side. Respectability is on my side. Love, is on my side. Friendships are on my side. Humxn history is on my side. Just love us for who we are. We are just as real, just as humxn, and just as worthy as you. ♥️
  15. SkyQueerChic

    Just a lil intro

    I am a Trans Womxn, I am Queer I came out March 25th 2016 My pronouns are XE XIR XIRS I am a womxn, I am valid, I am beautiful I deserve love, respect & happiness like everybody else Please see me as the Womxn I am Please see me as the humxn being I am Please love me and respect me & no throw me away I have sooooo much love inside me that shouldn’t go to waste Please see me, please value me.
  16. Emma

    Shoes

    It’s all approximate especially for women’s shoe sizes. My women’s size is 11 or 12, and the width is medium. Go to Payless and try shoes on that you like and you’ll soon see what I mean.
  17. Hazeleyes40

    Transgender Housing Network

    Is there a website for studio apartments for rent and affordable. I’m in NYC.
  18. Hazeleyes40

    Shoes

    You size 12 W shoes so that means you are size 10.5 w in men’s? I’m 10.5 w in men’s and size 12 in women but don’t know if I need wide or extra wide. I guess u need to go to Payless and use their measuring tool to get my right size
  19. MonicaPz

    This world is destroying my family

    Dear Hazel Eyes, Thank you for a wonderful post. When I was growing up, there was terrible sibling rivalry, that spread out to the school, as I had the greatest problem with my youngest brother, who was only 14 months older. So much school bullying starts out in the home as sibling rivalry that is out of control! Yours truly, Monica
  20. Hazeleyes40

    This world is destroying my family

    Being a kid is hard. Some kids can be mean and as you a parent must understand a child being transgender or not will have bad days and good days. The school must have rules implemented for no bullying. Bullying is have gone out of control. Please make sure all of your kids are open about how their day was and share things with you. If one child is being bullied will be hard to know if no one speak up and say something. You can talk to the school administrators now before school starts about your child. Always ask what rules and policy they have to address issues. When I was growing up schools really didn’t address or handle the issues that occur properly. You must know school for you is different now cause the kids say and do and posting it on social media. You are a wonderful parent and getting the help for your child now and being part of his (her) life. It can be hard not know what the future hold for him (her) when it comes to friendship. Those who stick around to be his (her) friend and being supporting show they have a good heart. I hope other parents of the kids are understanding and respectful toward your family. Remember you talking about things is good.
  21. JeffDad

    This world is destroying my family

    Wow. I am shocked and somewhat amazed by all of the positive comments and advice I am receiving here. I guess I expected to receive comments attacking my feelings and views and being told off honestly. I really am trying to help my child to grow up into a happy healthy individual. I am just having a very hard time believing that living as a different gender is going to be a positive experience. Where is my child going to find love? My child just turned 11. Over the next few years as kids start going to dances... who is she going to be with? Girls in my area (northern NJ) tend to be girly. Nails done by a manicurist, hair done, makeup, dresses etc. Boys tend to be boys. Where is my child going to fit in? Right now a number of kids are accepting of her, playing with her etc but this is pre puberty stuff. I fear that the day is coming when girls peel off into girl group stuff and boys do the same and my child is going to be alone. I may not have stated this previously but she does go to therapy with a therapist that has a practice with transgender kids. My child is going into middle school in September. She will be the only kid in the school (6th to 8th grade) that is known at this time to believe they are transgender. I feel this situation will be horrible. Most if not all of you here transitioned as an adult. You may have wished that you could've done this much earlier but I don't know if you realize what that really would've meant. You may have been living as a gender that you didn't believe conformed with what you were feeling but you were living having friends, dating and in many cases here.... even got married and had children. Maybe you don't realize that even cis kids have issues fitting in, worrying what group they will be accepted in, dating, etc. Most of us as kids had issues figuring out where we fit in, but in most cases we did fit in somewhere with some group. My daughter choosing to go down this path will be in a group of 1------ her. She is not a very social kid to begin with. I so want to be proven wrong about these things and my views of her future, but I really fear that I will be proven right.
  22. Dawn13

    This world is destroying my family

    JeffDad and All, I am a happy person most of the time and I have not transitioned. I am recognized as female often without trying to go out of my way to dress and look female. Still I do fully understand Usernameoptional and for many/ maybe most the transition will help. See https://www.thesun.co.uk/archives/reallife/888347/two-years-ago-arin-was-a-girl-called-emerald-and-girlfriend-katie-was-a-boy-named-luke/ Arin Andrews is the example I most often think of as a good example with the most positive results when I think of female to male changes. But of course life is not simply made of gender. So many aspects. Really love is the main thing - go's so far beyond the sex we are or have been born with. One of my cousins took the courage to transition to being a male. He seems very happy now and we are becoming friends again now that I have learned of his change (Friends first). Yes, I was surprised and at first did not know how to take it/respond. This does make it easier to let him know I too am transgendered; just in the opposite direction. let me know if I can clarify anything - I definitely do not think changing sex will solve everything and in fact it could make things worse, as other underlining issues may be part of what is occurring. In my life role I have been a scientist/analyst. Dawn
  23. MonicaPz

    Moving

    We have a lot of minors and parents here, even though most don't post. What you have to say is important. Please reconsider. Am sure you will understand, now that we have explained ourselves more clearly.
  24. UsernameOptional

    Moving

    Can you not blog here minus those few words that are not allowed. Some of our rules exist because TG Guide is not age-restricted....
  25. UsernameOptional

    This world is destroying my family

    Hey, Dad...I am very glad to see you return. I was just about to give up on ya when I signed in this evening and discovered all the activity on your blog entry. I can only imagine how difficult this might be for you. Keep in mind it may also be just as difficult for your child - it may not have occurred to you, but your pain is no doubt affecting [her] and making things difficult for [her] too, and may even be blaming [her]self. Bad part about that is, [she's] done nothing wrong to take the blame for. No one has - meaning, not even you and your wife as parents. Has nothing to do with your parenting. We are, what we are. NOTE: In case you are wondering -- I've chosen to not refer to your child as male (out of respect for you for now), but if your child IS trans, I don't want to blantantly refer to [her] as if [she] were a cisgender female, and is why I have been putting terms like "she" and "her" in brackets []. I use the bracketed terms as, "for lack of a better term." "While I understand that you believe you are transgender..." Just as you know in your heart, your very soul, what you are, so do trans people. While we know no other existence, the discord is stressful and affects nearly every aspect of our lives. "...has this decision to live this way really made your lives better?" There are many trans people who have successfully transitioned and live a happy life. But whether one transitions or not, s/he is still transgender. True enough that not all people are happy after they transition - the reasons are varied, and not always transition related. But it seems across the board, that no one is happy untransitioned. It's difficult to go thru life having to put on an act. Pretending to be something/someone you are not and to constantly have to tolerate being treated as something/someone you are not. "If I am coming across as callous or unfeeling I don't mean to. I am asking serious questions." Part of the reason for the existence of this board is not only to have a place to support each other, but to support people like you, too. We realize that this is difficult. Callous and unfeeling comes into play when a person flatly refuses to even try to understand, or to accept - whether they understand or not. 'Cause, let's be honest, unless you yourself harbour some issue with gender, a cisgender person can NEVER fully understand what it's like to be trans - just like we can never know what it's really like to be cisgender. But you can learn to accept. You can realize that male or female, this is your child... and learning that your child is not the gender you expected does not make that child suddenly a different person. Believe me, we can tell the difference in intentional callousness borne of bigotry or hate, and the mis-steps and grappling of someone looking for help and answers, someone who wants to learn. As for binding...I recommend extreme caution in using anything adhesive-backed. Also, avoid Ace bandage at all costs - it can cause irreversible damage and injury not only externally, but also internally. If you are going to allow your child to start binding now, and especially in light of the fact that you have indicated that [she] is exhibiting distress in development, I highly suggest you look into a proper binder. I personally use this one, but there are several models and it may take trying a couple before your child finds one that is suitable and performs satisfactorily. -Mike
  26. MonicaPz

    This world is destroying my family

    Dear Emma, Lived in Tampa Bay, Florida, (Southeast) for 35 years, and I found them very accepting and welcoming, more so than Brooklyn, NY, and upstate NY (Northeast). Think this is because Tampa Bay, Florida, is very transitory and many people are self-employed, while in Brooklyn, NY, I lived in a mostly Orthodox Jewish community, which was very trans and homophobic, while upstate NY, most good employers are very trans and homophobic, (even when they say they're not) and if you valued your job, you are closeted. Fascinating how the US varies by region. Of course, it's a big country. Your friend, Monica
  27. Dawn13

    This world is destroying my family

    I have now read the entire correspondence. And I agree with most of the advice. As a young person I remember day dreaming a lot. Wishing and dreaming of other possibilities. I have always been extremely creative and have always loved to role-play. I was transgender when I was born but I just did not even know what this meant. Yet my behavior of being like a girl was something I struggled with for many years. Physically I was very girl like in body and I was bullied guite a bit when I was young. About my thoughts - I also thought the thoughts and feelings I had would just go away if I took control and fought them off. Today I know this is not possible, however, in my case I have adjusted to the fact I will push the envelope but I never plan to transition. For me I have a loving family and I do not want to lose this part of what I have, over taking drastic changes to have my gender and body match. Now if I had known what I know today, if it had been possible in the 60's, I would had considered going for a body sex change. (My dad was very harsh with me and likely would not have supported me in this decision.) Really in the 60's there was nothing like the technology and knowledge available allowing for the possibility of this kind of change. Thus you actually can decide today - but the real battle is within the mind. Sorry this is so complicated - but it is. Society is really part to blame. Labeling our genders is like mind police controlling our thoughts. So much would be better if limits - laws- rules were not placed on our gender views. Most people except the limits as they are a secure place for them to be in. (Cis gender) If a person with mixed gender views/creative thought is put a box/prision the tendency is to want to break out. To free themselves. Still I see many directions possible for you. May the best way be the path you take
  28. Emma

    This world is destroying my family

    I have no idea where you're located, Jeff, your religious affiliations, etc. I came across this article earlier today and regardless, it's an excellent addition within mainstream media that the curtains are really being pulled back about the presence and lives of trans people. In this case, highlighting that areas in the Southeast are more welcoming than in the Northeast. It's also focused on trans girls and boys, adding more anecdotal examples of their realities and validity. I highly recommend it: Trans in the South: Meet Kids Finding Acceptance in the Bible Belt
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