Chrissy

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About Chrissy

  • Rank
    Advanced Member
  • Birthday 07/23/1966

Profile Information

  • Gender Female
  • Location NYC
  • Interests Tennis, movies, theatre, all things French...and shopping, definitely shopping. Did I mention shopping? And shopping now is sooo much more fun than when I was shopping for the male who occupied my body for too long.

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Chrissy's Activity

  1. Chrissy added a comment on a blog entry: Not Authentic   

    I stopped watching as soon as she started talking about Ray Blanchard. I already had enough to know that this women is simply a bigot. How dare she say what's acceptable and what's not for a transgender person! In her view apparently if you don't look like a woman (from her perspective) then you're not. That's pretty much what my sister said to me the last time we spoke, that I didn't "look like a woman." I didn't even waste my time explaining to her that that's not what being transgender is about.
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  2. Chrissy added a post in a topic: NYT: My Gay Agenda   

    Emma,
    I totally agree on your point about the term "agenda," I have no doubt she used that as a rebuke to conservatives who use it as a dirty word.
    I have to respectfully part ways with you on the use of the term "gay." I agree it is commonly used as an umbrella term for the LGBTQ community, but I think that's because of gay privilege within the "community," and it has been used to make our (transgender) issues, and us virtually invisible. I think it stands out to me as well because I don't identify as gay (or lesbian), since transitioning I identify my sexual orientation as straight. So I perhaps feel doubly-invisible as a result. It's one thing to use "gay" as a blanket term for "homosexual," I'll leave that battle for Lesbians to fight (or not) - but I can't accept it as a blanket term for all LGBTQ people, when some (many?) of us don't identity as gay or lesbian (with apologies to bisexual, pansexual, etc. individuals for being binary in my terminology). 
    The bottom line is that I plan to remain an agitator on this point  - and I trust nobody's judgment on these issues, least of all my own!  Thomas Paine said that "eternal vigilance is the price of liberty," I think it's more appropriate to say that "eternal agitation is the price of liberty" (I suppose it depends on how much liberty you have to start with).
    xoxo
    Chrissy
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  3. Chrissy added a post in a topic: NYT: My Gay Agenda   

    Good piece, but why is it titled, and why does she refer to a "gay agenda"? The LGBTQ community lets that happen too often, we (transgender people, and others) become invisible by referring to it as a "gay agenda" or "gay rights movement," etc. It's especially disturbing coming from a transgender activist!
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  4. Chrissy added a comment on a blog entry: Being hurt and ignored   

    Charlotte,
    That's so nice about the riders, it must have felt nice ☺
    Sorry about the other incidents, it's horrible but it is a reality for trans people. I wish I had something more inspiring to fall back on but I can say that in my experience the positives about living an authentic life far outweigh the bad.
    Stay strong!
    Xoxo
    Chrissy
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  5. Chrissy added a blog entry in On Being...Me   

    Birthday Blog
    Hi all,
    My birthday is technically still 2 days away, but since I have access to a computer right now I thought I'd do this now. It seems like a good moment to just reflect on the past few years. First a quick timeline!
    March 2015 - this isn't really the beginning of the story, but this is when I actually recognized that I am transgender, and then shared that with my therapist. There was about a year or two of cross-dressing and exploring that lead to this point. One vital take-away is that from this moment on a lifetime of depression went away. I'm not saying I haven't been depressed about things since then, but the underlying, existential depression I experienced until then was gone - I stopped asking myself "Why can't I just be right?"
    August 2015 - I began "presenting full-time" as a woman, both at work and everywhere else. Working at a school helped this as the school was pretty empty during the summer, so I had time to acclimate without a bunch of faculty and students around. Also during this month I started taking hormones.
    July 2016 - I left my job to go back to school. I had been planning to go to school anyway, but part-time. My employer needed to reduce staffing, so they offered a buy-out which made my school decision easier ("easier"). It was still a tough choice to make - I had been there 10 years, it was secure, I had no idea what would happen if I left. I eventually spoke with my best friend on the phone about it (he had moved out to LA recently) and he asked "in 5 years what do you want to be looking back at?" - my decision was made.
    August 2016 - I had my breast augmentation surgery.
    September 2016 - I started school, pursuing a Masters in Social Work at NYU. For so long I had been trying to figure out what I really wanted to do in life, this choice seemed so obvious after I made it, but I know I couldn't have made this choice before coming out and transitioning.
    December 2016 - I had my GCS - YAY!!!
    May 2017 - finished first year of school - YAY!!!
    And that brings us to today. A lot has happened, and I'm thrilled with it, but I know that more still has to happen. For one thing I don't think I've quite fully internalized my own sense of being a woman, at times I still feel like an imposter. I suppose after living for 48 years identifying as a man it's bound to take some time. My recent decision to stop wearing wigs helped - I had put too much of my gender identity into them.
    I still very much fear being alone forever. I often find myself thinking that no man will ever accept me as a woman and be in a relationship. There is something to it, there are definitely men who would run away from the idea of dating a transgender person, but I also know that some of that thinking is part of what I said just before about not fully accepting myself as a woman. There's work to be done.
    I wonder if my sister will ever come around. I'd prefer to think that I'm fine just leaving her behind, but I know I'm not. We never had a very, very close relationship, but we generally had a good relationship and I miss that. I also know that I made the choice, I told her I didn't want to hear from her until and unless she was ready to accept me as a woman, and I can't back away from that.
    I'm often unwilling to accept some things that are simply true and can't be changed - they all focus around the fact that I was not born a cisgender female, and I will never have been. As a result I will physically never be a cisgender female, I will never have the experiences that a girl has growing up, etc. It's silly to reject those facts, but I still try sometimes.
    So that's more or less where I am right now - see what happens in the next year :-)
    xoxoxo
    Chrissy
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  6. Chrissy added a comment on a blog entry: Next step...hair   

    Wow, I didn't realize the number was that high. I haven't given them up entirely, I just need to know that I'm wearing them as a choice, not because I feel less like a woman without. I know that's not objectively true - I'm every bit as much a woman with or without a wig - but it's a self-perception I need to work through.
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  7. Chrissy added a post in a topic: Being Transgender May Be Hazardous   

    I agree with Briannah's point, it seems like socio-economic status was very likely a bigger factor across the board in terms of health impact than being transgender. It raises the question of why the sample they used was "younger, poorer, less white and more likely to be unemployed." One guess I have is how they sought out participants, that they may have mainly focused on community health service providers where they were more likely to find transgender people, and as a result the sampling of trans individuals was skewed.
    I'm a little troubled that they didn't address this issue in the article. Whether it was that their sampling method caused the skewing, or that trans people do, on average, tend to be "younger, poorer, less white and more likely to be unemployed," it's a cause for concern.
    Another point is that whenever you see a survey of trans people, it's much like it was with gay and lesbian people years ago, it skewed towards those who were willing to be open about it. So these might be interesting for conversation, but they will always be far from accurate until we live in a society where more/most trans people can live openly.
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  8. Chrissy added a comment on a blog entry: Next step...hair   

    A "pixie cut" seems to be a good option for those things ☺
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  9. Chrissy added a post in a topic: NYT: "Is God Transgender?"   

    On the subject of the Supreme Court specifically, there is very good reason to be very pessimistic about the near and distant future. Although Goresuch didn't really change anything (he replaced Scalia, perhaps the worst bigot/sexist/homophobe/transphobe the court has ever seen). But Kennedy and Ginbsburg are both at an age where retirement could happen anytime, if Trump gets to nominate for one or both of them, the Court is lost for decades to come.
    After that bit of pessimism, I think that simply means having to put more effort into grassroots movements at the local and state level. And one thing that's been very encouraging in the past 6 months is the new level of activism in the country, triggered by Trump, and the intersectional nature of it! I increasingly see Black Lives Matter people, feminists, trans activists, etc. stepping up for each other's interests (in truth they're just realizing that there are so many shared interests). There will be set backs, especially at the federal level, but I still think the future will be better! Hopefully more and more cisgender, straight, white men will realize that there's a benefit to giving up their privilege and working to help everyone advance. (Hopefully Caitlyn Jenner will realize that too)
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  10. Chrissy added a comment on a blog entry: Authentic   

    Kitrah,
    I echo Emma in saying that I'm sorry that you're having a difficult time. Experiencing pain from surgery can certainly magnify anything else that's going on around you, so I hope that your pain will subside soon!
    The fact that you keep pushing through despite the pain and without the full support of family and friends says a lot about your strength! It is important for us all to know who we are and what we need, but validation from others does help, I hope that you get some of that on this site and hopefully you'll find other people in your life who will offer it as well.
    xoxo
    Chrissy
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  11. Chrissy added a blog entry in On Being...Me   

    Next step...hair
    Hi everyone,
    I took a somewhat unexpected next step on Friday - and it came with a pretty big bit of self-realization.
    Since I started wearing a wig regularly (going on 2 years now) I've been rather relaxed about haircuts. The last couple of haircuts were self-inflicted - I mean "self-done" - and so my natural hair has, I'm sure, not looked so great. But it didn't matter, nobody was seeing it - even if I just went downstairs for laundry, etc., I'd at least wear a baseball cap.
    It occurred to me that if I actually met someone and started dating, they would eventually need to see it. So I've known for a little while that I at least needed to get a real haircut and not keep doing it myself. At a practical level I wasn't sure how that would work - would I go someplace without a wig on to get it done?  Unlikely. Would I wear it and take it off when I got there? That seemed likely, but possibly awkward.
    I had lunch with a friend on Friday (Bastille Day!!!) and mentioned all of this, and showed her a picture I had found on-line of a hair style that I thought might work for me (BTW, my hair is quite thin, and there is some male-pattern baldness, that's what's made going natural so difficult for me). She agreed with the style, and with my "plan" to go to Supercuts after our lunch. To help me along she insisted that I send her a selfie when I was done :-)   I like that kind of thing, being "backed into a corner" helps overcome any last-minute jitters.
    So I went to Supercuts. There was one guy and two women doing hair - I was hoping not to get the guy - I didn't. I explained to the person who did my hair that the last cuts had been my own before I took the wig off, and I showed her the picture I found. I knew she couldn't do exactly what was in the picture, I don't have enough hair :-(   But she got the idea, she knew what I was going for, and she did a great job!!!  I had fully anticipated that I would put the wig back on when we were done, but then I didn't, I went home "natural" (and mind you this was in the city, so "going home" involved a 10 minute walk in Manhattan to the PATH train, a 20 minute train ride, then a 10 minute walk home). It's not my "fantasy" hair style, but I'm not likely to ever have that (see above re "not enough hair", plus I don't think the Farrah hairstyle is so popular these days).
    Below is a picture I took after I got home (so my hair was dry). A "pixie cut" as I came to learn is what it's called :-)  Pardon the exposed bra strap and lack of any make-up!
    The self-realization happened because as I was walking home I felt a sense of liberation from not wearing a wig. I realized that I had let my wig(s) represent my gender - subconsciously I only felt like a woman with a wig on. Not that I won't ever wear them again, but I need to work through this (especially now that I'm on summer break, so I have some freedom to ease in). Friday night I had to make a trip to Rite Aid, so I decided to do it without a wig. Then yesterday when I went to play tennis I didn't wear it, and again today I went to the gym and the supermarket without it. It really does feel good, it feels like another step towards authenticity :-)
    ***Please know that I'm not criticizing wearing wigs!!! I know a lot of trans people do, and obviously I was for 2 years and probably will continue to do so. I just personally need to know that I'm fully me with or without it***
    Here's a pic -
     
    And unrelated to this post - here is a picture of Cinammon. I got her a few days before my GRS (at Duane Reade when I was getting my surgery-related prescriptions), she went with me to Philadelphia for the surgery, was with me through the entire recovery and ever since :-)  Particularly in the few weeks right after surgery, when I couldn't really write in a journal, I often talked with her about things that I was feeling...she's a great listener, she doesn't judge, she just smiles :-)

    xoxo
    Chrissy
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  12. Chrissy added a comment on a blog entry: Healthier life style.   

    There's definitely no such thing as too late . We always have the rest of our lives.
    I def find it easier to live healthier being out and transitioned - nothing like living authentically to get you to care more about your health!
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  13. Chrissy added a comment on a blog entry: Letter   

    So sorry you had to experience that. I'm sure most of us live with the realization/fear of being rejected for our identity, and the actual experience of it, but to have it put to you so directly must be difficult.
    The closest I've come to this is with my sister - no letter, but a couple of phone calls and a text established that she didn't accept my gender identity, we don't speak anymore.
    I guess I would just try to remember that even though the person who sent you the letter referred to "others" being upset or offended, they were really only speaking for themselves. 
    Xoxo
    Chrissy
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  14. Chrissy added a comment on a blog entry: Providing my local community classes on self defense   

    I wish I was close enough to take your class :-)
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  15. Chrissy added a comment on a blog entry: 4th July   

    Charlotte,
    Good luck with your efforts! Very worthwhile. Is it a 2 year wait for anything specific, or is that for any medical transitioning?
    That is a long wait - on the other hand, it seems like it's probably more available than it is in the US to many. I'm not trying to one-up you, just to say that it seems neither country is quite getting it right yet. 
    Chrissy
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