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About Chrissy

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    Advanced Member
  • Birthday 07/23/1966

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    Tennis, movies, theatre, all things French...and shopping, definitely shopping. Did I mention shopping? And shopping now is sooo much more fun than when I was shopping for the male who occupied my body for too long.

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  1. Christy and Monica, Just an addition - depending on the type of group, making friends isn't necessarily the main consideration. If it's an actual therapy group there are usually rules against socializing outside of the group (which are necessary to achieve the therapy goals), if it's a support group then there aren't usually those same restrictions, but still the main purpose is to have a safe space to share experiences. It doesn't sound like that was happening, but there are groups out there that do it. It depends very much on the particular members - I've done one group that really did not work out, it was smaller and had a couple of toxic personalities. As facilitator you try to screen that out during the orientation process, but sometimes it doesn't come through that quickly. Another group I recently did went really really well - the members were truly supportive of each other and over time became "self-correcting" (so if one member started in on something inappropriate for the group others would jump in and correct it, but still in a very supportive manner). I also wouldn't focus too much on the "why" people or groups are the way they are - people are complex, certainly insecurity drives a lot of maladaptive behavior, but then there's the question of why a particular person might be insecure, and we often have no way of knowing that (even working one-on-one with people in therapy it can take time to get to those answers). I don't know how many options are available to you in your area - but if you're looking for a safe space to share then I think the best option would be to find a closed rather than an open group - a closed group is one that typically screens in members, and members are expected to attend each week for a certain number of weeks. Open groups will usually happen weekly and anyone can show up whenever they want. In a closed group you have the best chance for group bonding to happen. xoxo Chrissy
  2. Christy, I'm curious, you said you had been to this group before, had the experience been very different? I'm wondering if something was just off at this particular session? Having said that, it was clearly VERY off and I can see what it would be so disturbing. I've facilitated several trans support groups over the past year and I would never introduce political topics - if they come up we let them happen, just reminding people to "speak from the I" to avoid people feeling targeted. I did attend an "open" trans group in NYC several years ago and had a bad experience with that - it was 35-40 people, and there was a lot of aggression going on there. In that case the person running the group was taking a very hands-off approach. I never went back to it (that was what prompted me to look into facilitating groups myself). I agree with Emma's idea though, see if you can gather some people for a less formal "group" - Meetup is a great resource for that. xoxo Chrissy
  3. Chrissy

    Having doubts.....

    Christy, It seems like you have a sense of some things that might be generating these feelings, which is awesome (not the feelings, but the awareness). I think it's also important to keep in mind that this isn't always a linear process - you'll try some things, have some doubts, maybe overcome the doubts and move forward or maybe start moving in a different direction. It's confusing, and can be scary, but in the end it's worth it to see where it goes. I also noticed that you said expectations might have been high in Orlando - is it also possible that being somewhere different had an impact? I'm not sure if you go there often or if it was a first time, but being in less familiar surroundings can also play into insecurities. I hope you're feeling better now! xoxo Chrissy
  4. Chrissy

    Pics from a recent lunch

    Hi everyone! I haven't posted in awhile, but I recently had these pics sent to me and wanted to share them - also to observe that I do want to share them! That's been one of the more amazing parts of transitioning, before that I didn't want my picture taken, if it was I didn't want to see it, and I certainly wouldn't have shared it. These were taken at a lunch that we had after the completion of a recent round of supervision with the volunteer organization I belong to. The person taking them is one of the group members and was just taking lots of pictures, so I had largely forgotten that he was even doing it :-) (clearly I also didn't realize that he was occasionally zooming-in, as in the first picture).
  5. Chrissy

    As the Pink Fog Clears

    That is indeed what it's all about :-) When you mentioned not wearing foundation every day anymore I thought about my decision last July to stop wearing wigs - it was such a liberating experience. I don't regret having worn them, I think it's what I needed to get where I was going. But more broadly I like the idea of not everything being about gender - lately more of my activities at school have centered around criminal justice reform, which is a more important issue to me (not that gender isn't important of course), and I like that fact that I get to do those things and feel comfortable doing them as myself - things that I wouldn't have even considered doing back pre-transition
  6. I'm a little troubled by the title though in relation to the video - it still seems like she might be saying that Gender Dysphoria is a "mental illness." GD is very likely on its way to being included as a medical diagnosis and removed from the DSM entirely, which would be awesome (it has to be in 1 or the other in order for insurance to cover medical transition costs). The DSM is also problematic because it makes it seem like it's all about internal distress, when so much of the issue for most people is the external distress - the bigotry and rejection that we face as a result of our gender identity.
  7. Chrissy

    On Coming Out

    Congrats :-) It's funny, I came out to my therapist first too - well, I came out to myself first, then the next day to my therapist. We were talking about that in the support group that I facilitate, the idea of coming out in concentric circles to people - starting with those closer, and who you feel will be supportive, and then moving outward from there. So far my sister is the only relationship "casualty" that I've experienced. xoxo Chrissy
  8. Hi Christy! I offer this with the qualification that this was my experience, things will vary from person-to-person, including based on the surgeon that you use. I'm now over a year past surgery and there is nothing that I have to do on a daily basis, the only thing left relating to the GCS is that I have to dilate once a week (that will be forever). Dilation schedule varies based on the surgeon - my schedule was 4x/day for the first month, 3x/day for the following 2 months, 2x/day for the next 3 months, 1x/day for 6 months, and then 1x/week after that - it was 20 minutes per session.
  9. Chrissy


    Was your friend bothered by any of this?
  10. Chrissy

    And away we go!

    I think we need to clarify a point here though - being trans does not mean that one was "born" a different gender. I was not born a male, I was born a female with some wrong parts. There are differences of opinion on that fact, but I think it's generally safer not to suggest that trans people were born one gender and "changed" into another.
  11. Chrissy

    I Don't Care Much for Myself Tonight

    it'it's definitely true that transitioning doesn't fix everything that might have been "wrong" before, but I think it's also true that living authentically can make it a lot easier to work through those things. I thought back over 2017 myself and realized that where before I just felt "not right" I can now see more clearly what things I need to work on, and also to recognize my strengths, all of which makes me more confident in my ability to grow as a woman and as a person ☺ Happy new year!!!! Xoxo Chrissy
  12. Chrissy

    I Don't Care Much for Myself Tonight

    Emma, I'm sorry you're feeling down 😞 I certainly don't think you have anything to feel guilty about, moderator or not. Hopefully sharing helped a little, and it will no doubt help others to see the full range of experiences that we go through in transitioning (and life in general!). Having a divorce finalized is tough - I went through that awhile back too. In my case the divorce was prompted by my coming out as a gay male, it left me with a lot of guilty feelings. I hope you're doing ok! Xoxo Chrissy
  13. From what I understand, pretty soon GD is going to be added medical diagnostic manuals and it will likely be removed from the DSM at that point, which I think is the way to go. That way, doctors can work with trans-identified people who want to pursue medical transitioning. On the mental health side we would then deal with the depression, anxiety, etc. that comes along with it for the individual. Those things are all caused by a host of issues, GD is one of the only ones that gets separated out which adds to the stigmatization. They also separate depression that is caused by substance use and by other health issues, but they don't individually break them out (for example, if you are depressed because you have cancer, it's depression linked to a medical condition, NOT depression linked to cancer).
  14. Looks like a good resource - though they do the same thing with Gender Dysphoria that the mental health profession loves to do so much, which is to disregard the impact of discrimination. They frame it as if the depression, anxiety and other effects are all caused by the internal dissonance when it's how you'll be received if you mess with traditional gender norms that causes so much of the problem.
  15. Chrissy

    Karma DOES Indeed SUCK!

    That was the most entertaining drivers license application story ever 😛 Possibly also the only one I've ever heard, but still!!! Well told! Bummer about the full name part though 😞 I hated my middle name growing up too, ironically it's now my first name.