All Activity
- Today
-
crmmaster changed their profile photo -
UsernameOptional changed their profile photo - Last week
-
Rupa joined the community -
stacik joined the community - Earlier
-
bobbieenfemme joined the community -
Was working as a poll worker, wore unisex clothing, for the election and most of of my co-poll-workers and voters called me mam the entire night. When I corrected them I got replies of disbelief all night, as well as one of my coworkers saying I was "too beautiful" (to be a man) As well as one saying I looked so "thin and fit" (feminine looking). I would have rather have not let anyone know I was transgender - as always I just want to blend in.
-
FABULOUS news Dee!!! As Michael said, your eyes are full of happiness as well as your face and smile. I love your hair! I am sorry to hear that you're unemployed. I hope you'll get past that very soon. So great to see you, Emma
-
Life Update
UsernameOptional commented on ScottishDeeDee's blog entry in More of my Flowing thoughts
Hi Dee. Your entry made me smile. And I can see the happiness in your eyes. I dunno what else to say... except I hope all the best for you. You deserve it. -Michael -
Well I did it. I was offered a paid sabbatical from work to transition for the sake of my mental health and I took it. I had finally reached the point of knowing that if I stayed where I was much longer I may never make it. I was worried that it was just a way for them to shunt me out quietly as there was no guarantee of a position afterwards, which turned out to be a valid concern - but it was 100% worth it. The Pros: I am now living full time as myself - and it is awesome! Name, Passport, Drivers licence, education certificates, bank, rental agreements, NHS number, utility bills - you name it they are all in my name - the only thing I cant change is my pension paperwork because I need a gender recognition certificate, and I am saving up the paperwork evidence to get that next summer. Then I can sort out that and my pension. Smiling is easier, laughing is now natural, the friends I have kept and the people I have met are fantastic. No more stressing over whether or not the door will ring or if someone will see me, I can put the recycling out, pop to the shops, go for coffee, walk the dog and just exist without worrying about how I look, or what I say. I took a chance last year to dip into the online dating pool, the Pan label fit best and so I wasn't sure who I wanted to date, but have found myself falling head over heels for someone. I opened up a new FB account and migrated only those who I knew were allies or would be fine and can share pictures and conversations and all the things I was so careful not to do before. The Cons: I am unemployed and looking for work - getting rejected for the vocation I have trained and qualified for with, "thanks but we are going with someone we feel is more compatible" hurts. Made worse by jumping through hoops to get Job Seekers Allowance and have to prove how destitute I am, also being advised to ignore the degree I worked for years for and just apply for entry level jobs like I did when I left school feels like a kick in the teeth. Switching health boards did not go smoothly, I was transferred to the wrong clinic, which took 6 months to find out, then, when they sent me to the right clinic I was told it will be 3 years before someone can see me. So my electrolysis, my prescription wigs have all stopped - thankfully my E Patches are supplied via GP Prescription so that has carried on, but now if I move for work I will get stuck in the loop of going to the bottom of the transfer lists to be seen. At this rate I may never get to surgery. Shaving is still the bane of my existence. My kids haven't quite navigated the dad/mum/parent problem yet - we use parent to describe my relationship with them but it mentally trips them up, especially when the optician talks about "mum" when I am at appointments with them, but it isn't a huge deal. Whenever I go somewhere new I seem to find yet another thing where I have to out myself and it gets annoying. Every time I think I am done something else pops up and I have to explain that I transitioned and send my deed poll and passport as ID proof, only now instead of being scared I just get irritated at the bureaucracy of it all.. Life will always be a mixed bag, but living as me is so much better than living in fear. I used to dream about living full time as my real self, but seeing it from the other side I wish I had the courage to transition earlier. The stress is worth it, I have gained a level of peace I didn't realise I had never fully known. I am more confident in who I am. I know the people around me know and like me for who I am and not just what I can give them. I still have moments where I get down because I moved to an area where I did not know anyone, but it was worth it. When I am out and about no one cares, I have the same constant danger radar as every woman around me, but so far the worst thing I have experienced is some teens yelling out of a passing car - which also happened before I came out because, teens... I have also had complete strangers come up to me and compliment me on my hair, or traded compliments with someone about what we are wearing. This is me, it has always been me. It just took me a while to get comfortable with who I am.
-
Nikkimc63 joined the community -
melanie66 joined the community -
I’ve been trying to form a smile today, but I don’t have the physical ability to do it. It’s been decades since the last time I actually smiled. It’s not that I choose not to. But I’ve always had my face in a blank expression, or an angry one. I honestly don’t know how to make that happen anymore. I don’t smile because I usually just don’t. I’m numb as it is, but I didn’t know a person could lose this kind of ability.
-
Bobbi68 changed their profile photo -
Bobbi68 joined the community
-
Erlina joined the community -
PetraMarjorie joined the community -
debbiem joined the community -
Sarah69 changed their profile photo -
On Saturday I gathered the courage and showed my daughter Markita. I knew she was ok with it because she told me she was, but wow I didn't expect how welcoming my daughter was toward me as Markita. After she gave me a huge stamp of approval, we chatted about how long it takes to become Markita, what type of clothing do I like. My daughter even had me model my entire wardrobe of woman's cloths. Just glad that right now I don't have many - else I would still be modeling them for her. She wanted to see all my wigs and the bob-cut gray haired wig is her favorite, but funny it's my least favorite. We both agreed on the should length brown wig I have and I wore that for most of the day with her. After I was done modeling for her, we just sat down and did our usual stuff we do every time she visits me just like nothing was different. I got to say when I had to change back into Mark, she got upset because she did not want to see Markita go. Once I changed back into my male clothes and went back downstairs to be with my daughter she jokingly said, "Dad where have you been? You missed seeing Markita". That brought out a good laugh for me and for my kiddo.
Then Sunday night I had the talk with the girlfriend and it was decided to not go any further with our relationship. She is a strict catholic and believes that whatever sex you were borne is the sex you should stay. She asked that if I was to fully transition would I like guys or women and I said I more than likely will like women. She then said she could not deal with that because she is straight and could not be with another woman. Honestly I am not sure how I feel. On one hand I do feel relived that we talked and came to a conclusion; however, on the other I am upset because I caused my significant other heartbreak (as she put it)and I am fairly sure I will be doing the same to others who are not able to accept that I am trans.
About an hour after ending the relationship with the GF I got a call from my very good friend and he asked me if I had a secret about cross-dressing and I am not sure how he found out because I never told him and this is the only web site I post as Markita and I am sure he does not visit this web site. He in passing did mention a video where I went away but then came back as Markita but I cannot find this video anywhere and if I did make one, i am pretty sure I would remember it so for now it is a mystery how he figured it out.
I didn't lie to him in fact I said yes I do and he said that he was ok with it. To be honest he was one of my friends who I thought for sure would not be able to handle it and would want to break off our friendship but to find out he really doesn't care was the lift I needed after breaking up with my GF.
After carrying this secret of mine around for so long and finding people who are alright with it, is giving me the courage to tell others even though they may feel more like my Ex-GF rather than my daughter and very good friend. All in all... not a bad weekend.
-
-
1
-
- Report
-
curioushertsdani joined the community -
Markita changed their profile photo -
I just bought my first make-up kit (I have always worn a female mask) and realized... I have no idea what so ever on how to apply any of it.
-
Ellie changed their profile photo -
Hello Miss Bonnie! LTNS. So glad to see you visiting. Hope all is well with you.
-Michael
-
-
1
-
- Report
-
Hello Bonnie - how are you doing? Would love to catch up. Dawn
-
gitefetichistes changed their profile photo -
maxorido168 changed their profile photo -
I bruised my left lung about a week ago. The pain is so extreme that I wouldn’t wish it on my worst enemy. Breathing is excruciating. Moving is excruciating. I have to sleep sitting upright because if I lay down the pain in trying to get up is so severe that all I can do is scream and fall back down on the bed. So I’m going to be sleeping on the couch for the foreseeable future. Extra Strength acetaminophen has pretty much become like candy. My doctor is sending a scrip to the pharmacy. This pain is at the level of wishing for death. If I have to go check into the hospital, I don’t care what it costs. I’m going to fight them to make them put me in a medically induced coma. Or throw me off the roof.
-
kannha466 changed their profile photo -
romanmills08 changed their profile photo -
Thanks! Me too! I once asked a therapist if my mother's sexual abuse during my childhood might have anything to do with my desire to be female. She said: "Mothers actions are frequently blamed for our psychology, but that's usually not the cause" . All I can think , then, is I was just born this way.
-
Over 50,000 views almost 60,000 - I do wonder what people are liking on my pages. My photos or my comments? I thought I had posted the latest experience I had at a Walmart and a Lowe's. (But looks like it might not have loaded) I was looking for an stand alone air conditioner unit to help with the home cooling and I stopped and asked a store clerk to help, she knew the department rep who was with two other sales clerks and asked him to help me. "Can you help this lady" The male sales person then helped me find the unit I was needed. I know he was reading me as female so he helped me load it in my shopping cart. Then after I had purchased it I was in the parking lot trying to put it in the car and I could not lift it. It was really too heavy for me and a man pulled up beside me and asked to help. Rather than do a two person lift with me he just picked it up and put it in my car. Boy did I feel feminine with his masculine strength showing to me. I said thank you. I know years ago I could have lifted the box but I am definitely much weaker and softer now. I was dressed unisex but I guess my femininity was mostly noticed. I then had a short stop at Walmart and the bag boy said to me have a good day mam. (One of my latest photos below with my new Minnie Run Disney Jogging outfit)
