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Dawn, that's an absolutely awesome entry, it's not often that I hear so much happiness in a blog. I see so many similarities with myself. I truly feel the same way about the anti-trans pills....ugh horrible thought ! I was also 55 when I ditched my shame, and started to become myself, and there's no way on earth that I'm going back to be male, female is ssoooo much better, like coming out of a monochrome world and entering a technocolour world. Hugs Eve x

Now that the great MichFest has seen another year come and gone, it's femi-nazi leader has come forward to make a few demands of her own. Vogel has repeatedly played word games with people as if everyone is so stupid as to not be able to read between her lines, insisting that she/the festival does not bar transwomen from MichFest, it's just that the MichFest is intended only for "womyn born womyn." Now, unless I really am just as stupid as she thinks many of us are, I fail to see the difference between 'this space is for only those born female,' and 'sorry, Charlie, we don't let your kind in.' Yeah, the pun was intended. Vogel has now turned to arguing that transwomen did not grow up under the oppression of a patriarchal and misogynist society as females. What she apparently prefers not to realize is that transwomen are treated the same as cisgender women...and in many (if not all) cases - WORSE. Right here in these forums are posts by women relating their experiences with having lost male priveledge (whether they enjoyed it or not), and became "just another oppressed female," so-to-speak, in this society. So it's not like transwomen are competely ignorant of the experience of being female - doesn't matter if they learned it at 7 or if they learned it at 37. Experience can be gained at any point in one's life. Learning is a lifelong process. You stop learning, you stop living. However, personally, I couldn't give a good flip who the MichFest allows or doesn't allow through their almighty gates. The only heartburn I've ever had with that festival is that, while they wouldn't allow transwomen, they did* allow transmen, though I fail to understand why any transman would have wanted to attend. In my mind, this drove home the point that people like Vogel just don't believe in transpeople. MichFest is just a festival. It's not an employer. It's not a hospital or insurance company. It's not a business that caters to the public. No one needs MichFest for their living, so it's not like anyone will get turned down for employment because s/he is trans, or get fired when it's disclosed or discovered. It's not a hospital where a transperson might or might not get treated, or his/her treatment might not be covered by insurance. It's not a restaurant or store, where a transperson has to worry about whether or not someone will be monitoring which restroom s/he goes in, and then worry if they'll get the mud stomped out of them once in the restroom. Attending that festival is not a right nor a right denied. There are private clubs and organizations everywhere that require certain criteria for one to become a member or in order to participate. Therefore, I don't quite understand why transwomen should want to get into the festival so badly, knowing they are no longer wanted by so many. I think it's a waste of time for the various organization who've jumped on the bandwagon this year, to try to convince Vogel and her bunch to change their attitudes. Don't get me totally wrong however, I think it's funnier than a giggling drunk on a merry-go-round that these entities are taking on the festival's policy (that "policy" that Vogel insists doesn't exist), and causing the public in general to see the bigotry and hatred harboured by Vogel and those who stand by her and her views. Perhaps some women should get together and create a National WOMEN'S Festival... welcoming of ALL women, regardless of cis-/trans status, sexual orientation, political affiliation, religious beliefs, race, colour, national origin, social status, etc., etc., etc. *I recently read a comment below an article or op-ed that MichFest no longer allows transmen in the festival, but I have found nothing yet to corroborate this. Maybe it's another one of those "non-existent policies." Michfest Has a Few Demands Of Its Own

What I said was if there was "anti-trans" pill , when this all started for me last year I would have taken it in a heartbeat. But today there's noway you could make to take one. There is no way you could force it down my throat. Hugs, Dawn

Christie, The following speaks volumes. One must come to accept themselves as their true gender before others will accept your gender and as you said, that is critical in the early stages. I'm actually starting to visually see myself as female, so I'm better able to accept that internally as well. That's where I think the importance of "passing" comes in at this early stage.

Eve, are you joking? (I hope so!) Do anti-trans pills exist? What kind of doctor would prescribe them? Think they should lose their medical license, if you are serious! Monica

Dear Christie, In my opinion, you are a Straight woman, as your inner gender is female and your sexual orientation as it relates to your inner gender is heterosexual. Have sensitive "gaydar," and you come across as 100% heterosexual. Your friend, Monica

I went to my therapist today. Scheduled an appointment for June 18th in five weeks. I told her how things were going and the progress that I've made. It was more of an update and encouragement. She did provide me a signed copy of a safety letter. I am going to scan it and make copies. One thing we talked about is my wife. Saturday night, she asked me what I was doing, that me transitioning was affecting her psychologically and that she was having difficulty focusing and burying herself in her volunteer work. Gave her an update and she said that this is a rollercoaster ride she doesn't want to be on. That she didn't signup for this. I told her that I know, that I didn't expect her to stay with me and that I loved her. She said that she doesn't want to be married to a woman. I totally understand that. But it doesn't sound good. Later she said that she wants me to be happy and that we will figure it out. I also approached her about dressing in front of her. She called it a nail in the coffin of our marriage. I glad she is honest with me and speaks her mind. But I walked away thinking that we are pretty much done. At this point, I will move forward but it will be about not making her angry so that we can work together.

I sometimes think that somethings get lost between the boards of US and UK English, but just for the record, I do know that magic isn't real, and that magic pills don't exist Maybe this is why I had difficulty when I had my first computer, and I was totally lost, trying to comprehend what Windows 95 menus actually meant in reality? However the gaps between the planks seem to be getting narrower as time passes............... Hugs from within the tower of babel, Eve

LOL, yes Monica, of course I was joking, Dawn referred to a magic pill that could un-trans her! Eve x

Happy Friday everyone! I made several fairly significant steps this week. In terms of "presentation" there was only one day that I was wearing typically male clothing (and the reason for that has now passed, so it doesn't need to happen again). In addition to the mascara and lip gloss that I was already doing, I wore nail polish all week (including a very noticeable red on Wednesday). And I'm getting better at curling my hair to match what the hair stylist did, so my hair style is decidedly more feminine. I'm actually at the point that when I look in the mirror I even think I look more female! I also just spoke with a student about it. I work with 2 large student groups, and this was one of the lead students for one of them. Since I know that I'm getting more and more obvious, there's a possibility of students talking, so I wanted him to know what was going on and that it was fine to tell them if it does come up. I limited the information I told him, but it's enough (I just said I'm trans, still fairly early in my transition, but it's happening and will likely continue...words to that effect). But the biggest thing happened yesterday while I was proctoring a 3 hour exam. That gave me plenty of time to think, so I was thinking about how recently (the last few months) I've noticed that I really am not attracted to gay men, but am seemingly only attracted to straight men. In terms of my sexual orientation I currently just say that I'm attracted to me, rather than saying that I'm a "gay male" or "straight female." I went over this so many times trying to figure out what I thought the difference was and why I'd be attracted specifically to straight men. Anything I thought of as far as characteristics I had to quickly dismiss knowing that anything I thought of could be found in either group (or even women for that matter!) Then it hit me, and when it did I felt a little stupid for not realizing it earlier. The ONE difference between gay and straight men (and my apologies for being so binary, but it's easier for now) is that straight men are attracted to women and gay men are attracted to men (I know, "DUH!!!!"). So, I'm attracted to straight men because they're attracted to women, and I'm a woman. The most important take-away from that to me is that it's probably the first time I've spontaneously thought of myself as a woman - out loud at least. I need to live with the thought for a little, but it seems like a likely tipping point for me. It certainly explains the attraction issue. I think it might have happened because, as I mentioned above, I'm actually starting to visually see myself as female, so I'm better able to accept that internally as well. That's where I think the importance of "passing" comes in at this early stage. Later on I hopefully won't care as much, but right now to help me work through things I need to be seen - and see myself - as female. Well, time to get back to work! Hope everyone has a great weekend! xoxo Christie

Eve, I beg you, please do not self-medicate with prescription medications. Am glad you found a doctor you could trust and get a proper prescription and medical follow-up. Hope that you wife can keep an open mind and learn as much as she can. Monica

Go for it Christie, you're correct about worrying about passing, I worry less and less and I don't mind if people know whether I'm Trans or not. I've just learned to be myself and I seem to fit in with society at large. Can't really wish for much more than that, ..............can I? other than that you also get to do the same. Cheers, Eve x

Hi, I thought I'd just jot down a few things that i didn't see coming before transitioning.............I'd love to know if others found some of the same issues. So here thay are; After about 2 years or so on oestrogen I find I need to pee a lot more often than I used to - especially just before leaving the front door. I now have a greater understanding of a womans need to pee!I don't drink as much alcohol as I used to (still drink too much though!), & I eat less food too.My taste buds appear to have changed, gone has my previous obsession for chilli and hot spices, and now I like the previously unliked chocolate, I now like Chardonnay (previously avoided by me) and other white wines slightly more than even Cider, I don't like most beers anymore. I now eat prawns, and love salads that I used to often dodge if I could get away with doing so. God I'm even starting to like coffee..............but still like green tea.I now have a great sense of colour and dress co-ordination, many females have commented on this.Although my deepest innerself is much the same, I am a lot more relaxed, forgiving, emotional, & easier to get along with, I guess my persona has softened a lot at the previously crusty edges!I don't rush around trying to get everything done as quickly as possible anymore as I used to do as a male. (Anglo-Saxon work ethic).I'm a lot tidier and don't mind cleaning as much (I used to dislike it).Obviously I don't have the sex drive that I used to have as a male, this is especially true after testosterone blockers (last 4months).I've noticed that previously greasy or oily areas of my face are a lot less greasy now.As a male I had male pattern baldness, I have been on Finasteride for almost 2 years, this started hair regrowth, with the T blockers as well, my hair regrowth has accelerated.Of course I'm pleased with the things that I did see coming notably the more ovious physical changes, such as boobs and hairy chest not being hairy anymore (thank God), my skin is softer than it used to be and muscle wastage. I can absolutely say that I much prefer being female to male, and that there is no way on Earth that I'd go back. Hugs, Eve x

Fuchsia is also my favourite colour goes well well shades of purple or pink too. But no I didn't have any dress or colour co-ordination as a male and as can be deduced in my .pptx presentation i started hormones very early. In fact as a male I just wore jeans and tee or sweat shirts, I always hated wearing dressed up male clothes. Maybe it is 3-4 years of experience I don't know, but early tastes of leather mini's etc are very rarely worn as I've progressed. If I hadn't of had the hormones would I have progressed at all? Who knows you might be right, but I've only been full-time femme for 5 months. So happy for your recent progress Christie, you've got a lot to look forward to. American Transgenders show some real determination with no NHS to support them like we have here in the UK , you and the other T Girls in the US have my utmost respect. Cheers, Eve x

I'm not exactly sure what to say word-wise, but I can only express that I am excited for you that you're starting to see your true self in the mirror, and it's coming from within.

Eve, I love hearing people's stories of what happens post-transition! I know that everyone responds differently, but it's nice to see the possibilities. As far as the sense of color and dress coordination I'd suspect that's more practice than hormones I know that, for example, a year ago I could have told you that fuchsia is a color, but (1) I wouldn't have know what color it was, (2) I wouldn't know that it works really well with teal, and (3) I wouldn't know that fuchsia and teal would become one of my favorite color combinations! xoxo Christie

Karen we have (or used to have) a TV show in the UK called Trinney and Susannah who used to give women a make over and clothes advice. They have written a book called what not to wear, this is a book showing what sort of clothes to avoid and what to wear for various different body shapes. "what not to wear" by Trinney Woodall& Susannah Constantine ISBN 0 297 84331 1 published by Weidenfeld & Nicolson It may e out of print now but should be available from a second hand book seller. Cheers, Eve x

Hi Lisa, I had to go through all of that WAIT - no - We (my wife and I) had to go through all of that, and skipping the middle to now, we are together and very strong in our commitment to each other keepig our marriage strong. Ok the begining and the middle bits; I took up courage to tell her about my cross dressing 4-5 years ago, we were both pleasantly drunk, and she said oh that's great we can go shopping together in London you can be my mate, great I thought. The next 2-3 days was however like living in Siberia, she had obviously had time to wonder why I needed to do this, and thought that perhaps she wasn't adequate enough to meet my needs (which wasn't the case). I had another wardrobe purge, she also didn't aprove of my doing that either. several months later I purchased more clothes, and she was ok about it. Several months later I developed gynecomastia (it's a moot point whether this happened naturally or due to phyto-oestrogens - tea tree oil, lavender, and puerarai mirifica - my take on it is it's the latter), this was diagnosed by docters. at the same time by, coincidence a couple who were very dear and close friends also came out to us as he was part time Trans. This seemed to brighten my wifes perspective on my Transness. We arranged a photo-shoot at our house, but my friend was a lot less tranny tart than I was, and also a lot more convincing, anyway we had a fun evening together. A couple of weeks later whilst we were out together (the 4 of us) my wife suggested us going out to a local Trans meeting at a LGBT bar in Birmingham, so she was strating to get properly on-board with the idea of the new me. She was ok about my going out as Eve on our holidays, I did this in Berlin and the following year in Munich. She was happy enough that I was part-time. However as many others have found out the genie is out of the bottle and expanding. I got prescribed to oestrogen aftert surreptitiously self medicating with Premarin. We had by this time a fair few Trans friends some of which were full-time. I had to go to Charing Cross Gender Identity Clinic (CHX GIC) in London for appointments, but kept the fact from my wife as I didn't want her to worry and at the same time started to dress en femme more and more incrementally. She had time to adjust to my increasingly female appearance, eventually I told her about CHX, she said she thought it a little dishonest of me even though I told her why. I then asked if she wanted to split up with me, she said no. At that time GRS was not on the front burner for me, and and I said so. I was still part time trans, I went out with her as Steve. Eventually due to Austerity measures in the UK and my working for Local Government, my job appeared to be a risk, and she said play the Trans card if it happens, but they already know about my part time trans, so the only forward is to be full-time with name changes etc, amazingly she said yes OK do it! I didn't waste any time. I did all the document changes myself to avoid her any extra worries and second thoughts. Now I was full-time trans with an acquired female gender, I started to feel the need for GRS. We had a friend around a couple of months ago who just had her GRS nad I was questioning her about rather intensley, the next day my wife asked me if I wanted it and I admitted it to her, more mixed feelings resulted, but she accepted it. She had asked me this before I was full-time when I answered that it would remove a bulge in my trousers, but wasn't on the front burner, so I guess she'd already thought about it. With the awful UK election result, my wife wants to move to the Ardenne in Belgium before any UK referendum on EEU membership, she asked would I have had my GRS before then, because otherwise it will be an expense that we might not be able to afford, she has been fully on-board with me as a female after our recent Dutch Holiday where me being Trans did not detract at all from our enjoying our holiday. Sorry to give you my potted transition history, but I have given it to you to show that by transitioning slowly and incrementally, it gave my wife time to adjust and realise the my inner core is still as it was, plus I'm less argumental, more loving and forgiving, and can understand women so much better than Steve was ever capable of. Of course you might ask, but would the end result have been the same if I had transitioned faster (which I would have loved to do), who knows, but I seriously doubt it. I hope my long and laborish text helps you, in your troubled state. Hugs, Eve x

Dear Warren, Oh man, I'm glad you wrote this. Sure, I hate it that your mom is such a jerk to you, and that you're so miserable. All I can say is that I do understand, I think, how you're feeling. I hope that helps at least in a small way. I'm also glad that you haven't cut for 2-3 weeks even though it doesn't seem to scar. If it helps I can tell you that I also get very sad, frustrated, and short tempered. And when I do I just want to withdraw into my shell. When I meet people I'm on edge for fear they will see the real me: flawed, sad, and screwed up. So it's safer to withdraw and hide. Hmm. But that's no solution. Is there a "cure"? I don't know. I think the thing we need to do is to try to make habits of doing the things that make us feel good and okay about ourselves. You know, like when sometimes you're surprised to find that for the past few moments or minutes you felt okay? The alternative, which I am so freaking familiar with, is to dwell on the crap, which feeds on itself and brings me right down into the dumps. Yeah, this is all much easier said than done. One idea that I came across last night: for the next 100 days, try to remember to take one photo per day at a time when you're feeling good. Then you can look at those photos and bring back those good feelings. So this morning I took a photo of the Palace of Fine Arts in SF. I had my coffee and the morning was brisk, and I was, for some damned reason, feeling good. I need to try to remember to take another photo tomorrow, and the next 98 days, maybe more. If I forget, that's cool. At least it's something I can do that is easy and, who knows, maybe it will help. Let's try it together. Emma

I think you're completely justified in your hurt feelings and stress.

Dear Michael, I, for one, refuse to attend the MichFest. It is another sad example of people who were victimized by the predominant culture, only, to turn around and, instead of helping those behind them, trash them. There are other Lesbian organizations who also exhibit transphobia, and I rejoice that the leading TLGB organizations are calling them on it. Not that long ago, because I was one of the few Lesbians working for a TLGB Hotline (the Lesbian hotline failed due to lack of interest in the Lesbian community), I was the victim of a hate campaign by the local Lesbian community. I followed my mother's advice, may God rest her soul, "be kind and civil to everyone, but choose your friends carefully." I thank the Gaymale and Transgender community for being there for me and being my friend. Yours truly, Monica

OR....Hear me out, We could just have a big anti-Gender binary Music festival.